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Jake was numb. He stood there with his hands resting low on his hips as he stared at those closed doors.
The last few days with Liv had been as close to perfect as he’d ever had. Just the two of them, talking and laughing. Making love for hours on end. Now, he’d be lucky if she ever spoke to him again.
Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he pictured the way she’d looked at him when she realized he’d known about Mike all along. The betrayal she felt was a living, breathing thing.
For the first time in his life, Olivia had looked at him as if he was a stranger. The love they’d finally allowed themselves to embrace had been damaged, most likely beyond repair. He’d done that, and God, it hurt.
Jake rubbed his chest, pressing above his aching heart but found no relief. He closed his eyes and hung his head, his shoulders sagging as he continued to stand there, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
He’d done this to himself. To them, and he didn’t know how to fix it. He’d find a way, though. He had to.
Maybe Olivia just needed some time to truly understand why he did what he did.
When Jake opened his eyes again, he saw a fist coming straight at him. Pain exploded in his jaw as Mike’s blow struck, snapping his head to the side and nearly toppling him over. He grabbed the back of the couch to keep from falling on his ass.
“What the hell was that for?” Jake asked as he rubbed his tender jaw.
“That’s for sleeping with my sister and, then, making her cry.”
Mike punched him again. “And that’s for keeping me in the dark about the two of you.”
Jake righted himself and readjusted his jaw. He took several deep, heaving breaths and glared at his friend.
“Feel better now?”
Mike said nothing, at first. He just kept scowling at Jake as if he wanted to hit him again. Their staring contest finally ended when Mike’s eyes softened, and surprisingly, the corner of his lips rose slightly.
“Actually, I do.”
“Good,” Jake said, his jaw throbbing, now. “I’ll give you those two. Next time, I’m hitting back.”
Mike chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, well...what kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t deck the man boinking my little sister?”
Despite their age and the fact that Mike had been noticeably absent from Liv’s life for several years, Jake actually felt a little embarrassed that his buddy knew what he’d been doing with the guy’s sister. To his sister.
Memories assaulted him, and that ache from before morphed into a sharp, searing pain.
“There was more to it than that, Mike. A hell of a lot more.”
“I know,” Mike said solemnly. “It’s the only reason you’re still standing.” He came over and squeezed one of Jake’s shoulders. “I always figured you two would end up together. Truth be told, there’s no one else I’d rather have by my sister’s side than you.”
Jake reared back in shock. “Really?”
“Yeah, man. You think I never noticed the way you’d look at her when you thought no one else was paying attention? Why the hell do you think I asked you to be the one to watch out for her? And shit, that girl’s been in love with you since she was old enough to know what love was. So, fuck, yeah, I always knew you were the guy for her. To be honest, I’m surprised it’s taken you two this long to figure it out for yourselves.”
Jake was speechless. All those years he’d kept his hands to himself, even before Mike’s sudden ‘death’. All that time wasted.
Well, shit.
“I’m pretty sure I just lost my chance with her, so—”
Mike actually chuckled. “Don’t worry, brother. I’ll go talk to her. She’ll come around. Although, I’m almost certain you’ll have to do a fuck-ton of groveling before it’s all said and done.”
Without another word, Jake watched Mike turn and head down the hallway toward his bedroom. He prayed his friend was right.
Because if Olivia decided she could never forgive him, Jake honestly didn’t know how he’d move on from that.
****
Olivia sat on the edge of Jake’s bed, her bags packed and sitting by the door.
She kept trying—with no success—to get her emotions under control. To make sense of what had just happened.
Her brother was alive. All this time, he’s been alive. And Jake knew.
My brother’s alive.
She was still struggling to wrap her mind around it all when someone knocked on the bedroom door. Not waiting for her response, the door slowly opened, and Mikey was standing there, looking at her with uncertainty.
Mikey’s here. And he’s alive.
“I come in peace,” he said, smiling.
Olivia couldn’t help it. She smiled back.
Mikey shut the door behind him and walked over to her. The mattress dipped as he took a seat beside her.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Olivia stared at him. She couldn’t help it. He smirked and...God, she’d missed him.
His brows turned in. “What?”
She shook her head. “So many times I’ve wished I could see you again. Just one more time to talk to you and hug you and...tell you that I love you. And now, here you are and I...” Her eyes welled up again, and her throat became tight.
He took her hand in his. It was much bigger and rougher than she remembered. A man’s hand.
“I really am sorry, Olivia. I know things haven’t been easy for you. If it makes you feel any better, I do know how you felt. When I got word that Pops had died, it broke my heart. I hated not being able to go to his funeral. And then, when I saw on the news that you’d been killed, I...I lost it.”
He blinked quickly, and Olivia realized he was fighting back tears. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her brother cry, and despite the fact that she was still angry, she also felt badly for him.
Yes, it had been his choice to leave, but she knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. She hated that he’d had to experience that all alone, without family or friends there to comfort him.
“I nearly blew my cover, and I didn’t even care. I wanted to come home sooner, but I’m still under Uncle Sam’s fucking thumb. My contract isn’t up yet, and if I break it before it expires, I’ll be stuck in Leavenworth. Or worse.”
She tried to sound understanding. “I-I know whatever you’ve been doing had to be important for you to leave us like you did. It’s just that...damn it, Mikey, we were important, too.”
“I know, Junebug. I know. And if I had it to do over again—”
She chuckled halfheartedly. “You’d do the exact same thing.”
Her brother gave her a lopsided grin. “Probably. What I’ve been able to do has helped so many people, Olivia. We’ve saved countless lives. There’s so much evil in the world, so many men and organizations out there, plotting against us. The people in this country have no idea, but I do. And the men and women I work with...we do everything we can to stop them.”
Olivia squeezed his hand. “You’re a good soldier, Mikey. A good man. You always were.”
Mike raised an eyebrow. “You know who else is a good man?”
Olivia stood, immediately missing the contact with her beloved sibling. “Mikey, don’t—”
“No, Olivia. You need to hear this. The only reason Jake knew about me all this time was because about a month after I ‘died’”— he used air quotes for emphasis—“Jake and a group of soldiers he was with were sent on a new mission. Their intercepted mine, and we ran into each other. It was fucking crazy odds.”
He waited a beat and went on to explain. “We were in this remote, hole-in-the-wall place that wasn’t even a blip on the fucking map, and I look up, and there he was. Staring right back at me. And he was pissed, Olivia. I’ve never seen him that mad before, not at me or anyone else. After he took me out back and beat the shit out me, he said he was leaving to call you.”
At that, Olivia’s ears perked up, and she tried to tell if he was lying. Which was ridiculous, given his entire adult life was based on nothing but lies.
As if reading her thoughts, Mikey said, “It’s no bullshit, Olivia. Jake was determined to tell you I was still alive. He knew what my death had done to you and Pops, and it killed him to see you that way.”
“If he was so determined, then why didn’t he tell me?”
Mikey shrugged a shoulder. “I made him swear to me that he wouldn’t.”
Olivia’s fists went to her hips as she stood there, her eyes shooting daggers into his.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Mikey! You were two adults. How in the hell did you make him not tell me? What did you do, threaten not to be his best friend anymore if he did?”
Olivia knew her sarcasm probably wasn’t helping, but damn it, this wasn’t a joke. This was her life.
“No,” he said, his expression deadly serious. “It wasn’t the threat of losing my friendship that convinced him not to tell you. Would you like to know what did?”
“Not that it’ll matter, but sure. Go ahead. Enlighten me,” she snapped, then immediately felt bad, which pissed her off even more.
Of all the people in this house who should feel badly, it sure as hell should not be her.
“It was the threat to your safety that clenched it.”
Olivia’s forehead creased, her hands falling to her side. “What threat?”
Mikey shrugged that damn shoulder again. “I played the ‘Keep Olivia Safe Card’. I knew Jake could never go against that.”
“I’m sorry, the what?”
Mikey held out his hand to her, and surprising even herself, Olivia took it. He guided her back to the bed, and she sat down, again. Her brother looked at her with the sweet, loving eyes she’d remembered.
“I knew Jake’s feelings for you went beyond a simple childhood friendship. So, I told him that if you knew about me and accidently said the wrong thing to the wrong person, then it would make you vulnerable. A target.”
Olivia opened her mouth, but Mikey didn’t let her talk. “You gotta understand, Sis. If any of the bastards I’ve helped put away ever found out who I really was, and that you existed...they’d use you to get to me in a heartbeat.” He looked away for just a second before turning back to her. “It would have crushed me if that ever happened, but Jake? Something like that would fucking destroy him. I knew that, so I used it. I used his need to protect you, and his feelings for you against him to ensure his silence.”
Olivia stared at him, letting the meaning of his words sink in. “But we weren’t...until recently Jake and I had never even—”
“It didn’t matter.” Mikey cut her off with a headshake. “I knew how he felt. And for the record, the only reason he’d kept his hands off you when we were younger, was because in high school, I told him I’d kill him if he ever touched you.”
Olivia’s eyes widened. “You did not.”
He looked unapologetic. “I was your big brother. It’s what we do.” He glanced away before looking back at her again, his expression serious. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Jake and I, we never wanted you touched by our world. I didn’t want you to know about the things we’ve been forced to do. Didn’t want you to ever truly know the evil that exists out there.”
Olivia couldn’t help it. She laughed, thinking of everything she’d been through and how it had absolutely nothing to do with his or Jake’s professions.
“Hell of a lot of good that did, huh?”
Mikey smiled back. “Trouble always did seem to find you. Looks like some things never change.” His smile faded. “You know, I used to think there’d never be a guy good enough for you, but Jake loves you, Junebug. I know you’re pissed, but that man out there would do anything in the world for you. Even risk everything you two have by lying to you, if that’s what it took to keep you safe. He loves you that much.”
She shook her head. “He couldn’t love me and lie to me. Not about you.”
“Damn it, woman! You are still as stubborn as a fucking mule. Did you not hear a word I just said? He lied to you to protect you, Sis.” He put his other hand on top of hers. “Take it from someone who’s missed out on that part of life. I’ve seen the way Jake looks when he talks about you. The way he was looking at you when you walked in here and slammed the door like a little brat.”
Olivia’s mouth dropped open. “I am not a brat!”
Mikey smirked again, but continued on, “The poor guy looked like he’d just lost his entire world. Almost made me feel bad for clocking him like I did.”
Her mouth opened even wider. “You hit him?”
“I’m your big brother, and I’d just found out he was boinking you. What was I supposed to do?”
She slapped his upper arm. “Boinking? Really? And you didn’t have to hit him. I’m a grown ass woman and can sleep with whomever I want. You don’t see me going around and bitch slapping all of the women you’ve—” She cut herself off.
With an understanding smile, Mike simply waited.
“Right. Never mind.”
Olivia couldn’t believe how easily it was for them to fall back into the playful sibling rivalry they’d always had, even after all these years. It was...weird. And wonderful.
Her heart was so conflicted. Happy, yet broken, all at the same time.
“Look, Liv. All I’m saying, is you need to forgive him. Try to understand that Jake did what he did, because he loves you more than anything in the world. He’d die to protect you.”
Not ready to even consider hopping on the forgiveness train, yet, Olivia abruptly changed the subject.
“When do you have to go back?”
Mike checked his watch and sighed. “Soon.”
“Well, then. I guess we should make the most of our time. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
Mike put his arm around Olivia’s shoulders and pulled her to him. He kissed the top of her head. “That we do.”
Olivia turned and wrapped her arms around her brother’s wide chest, pulling him in for a hug.
“I’ve missed you so much. God, I love you. You big jerk.”
Her bottom lip quivered as she cherished the feel of her brother’s embrace. She didn’t even try not to cry.
“Ah, I love you, too, Junebug,” Mike said, squeezing her back. “Not a single day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you.”
“Me, neither,” Olivia choked out, her tears soaking the front of his shirt.
They eventually pulled away from each other, Olivia and Mike both wiping tears from their eyes. They sat on Jake’s bed and talked, using the next hour to try to catch up on ten years’ worth of lost time.
Olivia filled him in on the cliff-notes version of her adult life, highlighting the most important parts, and Mike shared what he could, which wasn’t a lot.
When he talked, he mainly used vague, non-specifics, but she got the gist. While she’d gone to college and become a nurse, her brother had been out saving the world.
Unable to put it off any longer, Mike stood and held out his hand.
“I hate to do this, but I really have to get back. If I’m gone too long, I’ll compromise my cover.”
Olivia tried, and failed, to squelch the sudden fear she had for her brother’s safety. What he was doing was dangerous, and damn it, she’d just gotten him back. To lose him again...
No. She wouldn’t go there. Life was too short, and she was going to enjoy the fact that, though she was still hurt from his deception, her brother was alive and well.
“When will I see you again?”
“Soon,” he promised. “This is my last job. When it’s over, I’m done. There are a lot of things I’ll have to iron out, but I’ll be back in your life, one way or another.”
Olivia didn’t ask how he’d pull that off because it didn’t matter. “Promise?”
He smiled. “I promise, Junebug.”
She pulled him in for one more hug. “Be careful, Mikey. I just got you back, so don’t go doing anything stupid like getting yourself killed for real.”
He chuckled against her. “I won’t.” Mikey pulled back and gave her a look that reminded her of their dad. “And don’t you forget what I said about Jake. I trust him with your life. You need to do the same.”
“I do.”
And she did. It was trusting him with her heart that worried her.
“I love you, Sis. I’ll see you soon.”
“I love you, too, Mikey.”
With that, her brother turned and walked out of Jake’s bedroom. Before she could close the door, Olivia caught a glimpse of Jake walking toward Mikey.
He looked at her, his face wrenched with pain. She quickly looked away before shutting the door.
Leaning back against it, Olivia sighed. She needed to clear her head and think about everything.
A ball of emotions, she realized the only way she could do that would be to have some time alone. Away from everyone else, especially Jake.
If she stayed here, Olivia knew he’d eventually break down her defenses. She’d end up forgiving him before she even knew whether or not she really wanted to.
Olivia went to her purse and pulled out her phone. She hated to bother her new friend, especially after totally botching their shopping trip, but somehow Olivia knew Mac would help her with what she needed.
After a long, cleansing breath, she tapped on Mac’s name in her contact list and waited for the other woman to answer.
An hour later, Olivia was still hiding out in the bedroom when she heard the doorbell ring, followed by the door opening and Jake’s muffled voice.
She grabbed her suitcase, shopping bags, and purse and lifted her chin before exiting the room. She didn’t look back, not wanting to remember the wonderful nights, and mornings, she’d shared with Jake in his bed.
As expected, she found Jake and Mac standing by the front door. He was scowling at Mac, who looked completely unaffected by it. The other woman smiled at her, but Olivia didn’t miss the pity in Mac’s eyes.
She hadn’t told her the details of what had happened. She’d never compromise her brother’s safety like that—something both Jake and Mikey should have known.
It was one of the reasons she was so pissed off about being kept out of the loop. Olivia would have never said a word to anyone about Mikey still being alive. Too bad he and Jake hadn’t trusted her enough to realize that.
When she called Mac, Olivia simply told her that she and Jake had fought, and that she needed to get back to her house so she’d have some time to think. It wasn’t a total lie.
“You’re leaving?”
Jake asked, his eyes locked on hers. He somehow managed to look like a hurt little puppy and a pissed-off pit bull all wrapped into one.
Ignoring the little voice inside her head telling her she should stay, Olivia said, “I need some time alone, Jake. To think about everything.”
“Uh, I’ll just...take these,” Mac said as she reached for Olivia’s suitcase and bags. To Olivia she said, “I’ll meet you in the car.”
Olivia just stood there awkwardly, looking everywhere but at Jake.
“Olivia, look at me.” After a few seconds, he added a sincere, “Please.”
Hesitantly, Olivia’s eyes found his, and she saw what Mike had been talking about. Jake did look like he’d lost his whole world.
She felt the same way. The only difference was, good intentions or not, Jake had brought this on himself.
His voice was low and overflowing with anguish. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.”
“I know.”
Olivia’s whispered response surprised her, mainly because it was true. Jake wasn’t a vicious person. She knew he cared about her and wouldn’t intentionally hurt her.
Except she was hurt, and like it or not, he was the cause.
He lifted his hand tentatively, but Olivia stepped out of his reach. If he touched her, she’d never have the strength to walk away.
Jake’s eyes started to glisten as he lowered his hand back to his side. He hung his head, and Olivia felt his pain clear through her own battered soul.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.”
His whispered words were so soft, she almost missed them. Olivia forced herself to ignore the hitch in his voice, but when Jake raised his head and those beautiful, sad eyes found hers once again...
God, were those tears trailing down his cheeks?
No, no, no.
She had to get out of here before she did something stupid, like grab hold of his shirt, pull him to her, and never let him go.
“Goodbye, Jake.”
The words felt as though they were being ripped straight from her heart. They were words Olivia never thought she’d say. Not like this.
She turned to leave, and this time, Jake did touch her. His hand flew out to gently grabbed her wrist.
“Liv, wait!” He sounded as desperate as she felt.
“I can’t.” She shook her head and felt her own cheeks becoming wet.
“I’ll make this up to you, Olivia. I swear to God I will. I love you so much. Just...just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
Olivia looked up at his blurred image and said, “You can let me go.”
She knew her words held a double meaning, and they tore her heart in two.
Jake let her wrist go, but pleaded, “Baby, please. Don’t go. Not like this.”
She wiped her eyes, barely managing to say, “I have to, Jake.” She sniffed. “And you have to let me. I need some time to deal with...everything. Cetro. Carlos Hernandez. My brother. You. I need some space, and you need to give it to me. So, please don’t call me, and don’t come by. When I’m ready”—her throat worked its way past the giant lump there as she swiped at her tears—“if I want to talk, I’ll come to you. Until then, I just...I need to be left alone.”
Olivia turned and walked out the door, afraid that if she stayed there one more second, Jake would start begging again. She wasn’t strong enough to tell him goodbye twice.
Even with her vision blurred, Olivia found her way to Mac’s car. She buckled herself in.
When Mac asked if she was okay, Olivia’s only response was to softly whisper, “Please. Just drive.”
