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Olivia had to hand it to Mac. The entire way home, the other woman never once asked what Jake had done to make her so upset.
When she pulled into Olivia’s driveway less than an hour later, she put the car in park and turned to her. When Mac started talking, Olivia realized she hadn’t asked, because she already knew.
“I’ve never been one to meddle in other people’s business, but I will say this. With my job, I understand exactly why Jake and your brother kept this from you all these years. I also know what it’s like to be betrayed by those closest to you. So, if you ever need to talk, about Jake or anything else, I’m here. And you don’t have to worry about me running off and telling the boss anything you say, either. I don’t play like that. Okay?”
Olivia nodded and smiled as best she could. Her tears had finally dried up, but Mac’s offer of friendship brought them precariously close to the surface again.
“Thank you, Mac. I’ll be fine. I just need some time to sort everything out.” Olivia exited the car, grabbing her bags from the back seat.
She started toward her house when Mac hollered to her from the car. Olivia turned back around to see that Mac standing half-in and half-out of her car.
“I’ll say this, and then, I’ll be on my way. What Jake did, he had a good reason to do. Yeah, he’s a man, and Lord knows they can all be idiots at times”—she rolled her eyes and paused—“but, here’s the thing. Trust isn’t something I give easily, Olivia. Especially when it comes to men. I trust Jake. And that man is head over ass for you. He’d do anything to keep you safe. So, whatever happens...whatever you decide, I hope you believe that. Because that’s one truth I’m certain of.”
Not knowing how to respond, Olivia simply thanked Mac again before climbing up her porch steps and going inside. Feeling both physically and emotionally exhausted, she locked her doors and set her alarm before heading for a long, hot shower.
Half way through rinsing the shampoo from her hair, she broke down again. Her body was wracked with hard, gut-wrenching sobs, which continued until the water had cooled.
She haphazardly dried off, not caring that her skin was still damp when she threw on a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt.
Olivia turned her phone off, shutting out the world, and fell into bed. Then, she cried herself to sleep.
****
Three days. It had been three very long, very fucked up days since Olivia had walked out Jake’s door, taking the best part of him with her.
Desperate to numb the pain, he’d gotten completely shitfaced that first night. Later, when he laid down in his bed, the void there hit him instantly.
The bed was suddenly much too big. And too fucking empty. The worst part? Jake could smell her on his sheets.
Three days later, he still couldn’t bring himself to wash the damn things.
Since then, he’d steered clear of the booze, but Jake hadn’t found anything to ease the pain in his chest where his heart used to be.
In the end, by protecting Olivia, Jake may have lost her, forever.
Respecting her wishes, he hadn’t called her. God, he wanted to. Actually, he wanted to jump in his truck, drive to her house, and knock her damn door down. Then, he wanted to kiss her until she finally agreed to forgive him.
Jake hadn’t done any of those things. Liv had asked for time, so he was giving it to her. But goddamn, being apart from her was killing him.
He missed the hell out of her. And he was worried. She’d been through so much in such a short period of time.
Experience told him that she was probably still too pissed to talk to him right now, but she might be willing to talk with someone else.
Pulling out his phone, Jake tapped the second name on his favorites list.
“Hey, Jake,” Trevor answered. “What’s up?”
“I need a favor.”
The last time he’d said those words to his teammates, they’d all travelled to Venezuela to take out Cetro and his men. Jake was well aware that what he was asking of his friend this time could be just as dangerous. Maybe even more so.
****
Work. It was exactly what Olivia needed. For two days, her existence had consisted of moping, crying, and sleeping. Wash, rinse, repeat.
She refused to do it for a third, so Olivia called the hospital and practically begged to return from leave early. Thankfully, they were busy and had an open mid-shift, so her boss agreed to let her come in.
After dressing in her light purple scrubs, Olivia threw her hair up in an unimpressive ponytail and glanced at her bedside clock. It was eleven o’clock, which meant she had two hours before her shift began.
Two hours would give her too much time to think, so she’d go in early. There was always something to do in an ER.
Even making beds or stocking supply carts would be better than sulking around her empty house.
Before Jake had come back, she’d gotten pretty good at spending time alone. Sort of. But now, everywhere she looked there seemed to be a new memory of the two of them together.
Mikey’s little speech about how she should try to understand and forgive Jake’s betrayal played on a continuous loop in her head, making it impossible to think about anything else. Hopefully, work would be the welcome distraction she desperately needed.
The sound of her doorbell startled her. On reflex, she started to get her gun, but stopped. The danger was over. Her stalker was dead, and Cetro and the others were all in jail.
Determined to live a normal life again, Olivia left her gun in her bedroom and went to the door. She looked through the peephole, surprised at who she saw on the other side.
Unable to keep her anxiety at bay, she entered her alarm code and unlocked the door in record time.
“Trevor? W-what are you doing here? Has something happened?” She hated how her voice shook.
Trevor’s eyes went wide as he raised his hands, palms up, as if to surrender. “Whoa. Nothing’s wrong. Jake’s fine, I promise.”
Olivia could feel the stress leaving her body and her shoulders relax. “Oh.” She swallowed and nodded with a small smile. “That’s good.”
She absolutely would not think about how worried she gotten for the man who’d ripped her heart out.
He wrinkled his brow a bit. “Sorry. I guess I should have called first, but...”
“No,” she said quickly, embarrassed by her reaction. “It’s fine. Um, would you like to come in?”
Trevor nodded. “Thanks. I won’t take up much of your time.”
Olivia stepped aside to give Trevor enough space to step past her. At war with her thoughts, she ignored the disappointment she felt that it hadn’t been Jake at her door.
It wasn’t fair, given that she had told him to stay away. Still, part of her felt that if Jake truly loved her like he said he did, then he should be here, fighting for her. Fighting for them.
It was totally hypocritical and made absolutely no sense. Then again, love rarely did.
Shaking her head at her unreasonable thoughts, Olivia asked Trevor, “Would you like something to drink?”
Trevor smiled. “No, thank you. Actually, I was hoping”—he turned toward the couch—“could we sit and talk for a minute?”
Okay. Now he was starting to make her nervous. “Of course.”
Olivia led them over to the couch where they both sat down. Glancing over at Trevor, she realized he almost looked uncomfortable, as if he were nervous, too.
Crap. This can’t be good.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here.”
She smiled teasingly. “You missed my adorable face?”
Trevor chuckled. “Well, there is that.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped together between them. “Okay, look. I know this is none of my business, and you have every right to say that, and then kick me out. But...I’m hoping you’ll at least listen to what I have to say before you do.”
He was her friend. The guy had risked his life—along with his team—to try to save her and Jake, and he’d taken a bullet to the chest while trying to protect her. She’d listen to anything he had to say.
“Okay. I’m listening.”
The look of relief in his eyes was immediate, as was his tight smile. Trevor really was one of the good guys.
Even though she was still furious with Jake for what he’d done, Olivia couldn’t help but be thankful he had a friend like Trevor watching his back.
Trevor filled his lungs before starting. “What went down between you and Jake is absolutely none of my business. I know that, but I was just hoping that maybe I could help you to understand why he did what he did.”
“I already know why.” Olivia tried not to sound too bitter. “He was protecting my brother.”
Trevor nodded in agreement. “Yes, he was. But most importantly, Jake kept his knowledge about your brother a secret to protect you.”
Jake and Mikey had both given her the same song and dance, but that didn’t make her feel any better. Olivia gave Jake everything she had to offer, and he’d lied to her about Mikey. She didn’t know how to get past that.
Shaking her head, Olivia said, “You don’t understand, Trevor. This wasn’t a little white lie that somebody tells someone they love like, ‘No, honey, those pants don’t make you look fat’.”
Her obvious sarcasm had the corner of Trevor’s mouth curving up slightly as he tried to contain his smile. Olivia wasn’t smiling.
“This was my brother, Trevor. I thought he was dead.” Her voice broke, but she kept on. “Jake knew how much pain that caused me, yet he still kept this from me for ten years. How do I even start to forgive something like that?”
She blinked quickly, determined not to cry. She’d shed enough tears over the past few months to last a lifetime.
All traces of his smile faded from his face, and Olivia got the feeling that whatever he was about to say wasn’t going to be pleasant.
“One of the last ops I went on with Delta ended very badly.”
Olivia wondered where he was going with his little trip down memory lane, but from his pained expression, she thought it best to just let the man talk.
“It was a joint operation between the CIA and the military. There was an agent assigned to our team. A woman named Lisa. She went on missions with us. Debriefed with us. As the Agency received vital intel, Lisa was the one who would relay it to our team. She also gave us access to two of her most important assets. She wasn’t officially Delta, but by the end of the op, she was considered one of us.”
He smiled sadly. “Lisa and I hit it off from damn near day one. We grew close, and I...I cared about her.”
Olivia saw a strange sense of sadness mixed with regret when he spoke more about the woman. Clearly, this story had anything but a happy ending.
“What happened to her, Trevor?”
“Intel from one of the assets led us to the man we’d been after for almost a year. He was a member of a major terrorist organization responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocent people. The asset somehow managed to find out where he and some other key players were hiding. It was an abandoned shack built against the side of a mountain in Syria. The night before the op, Jake came down with the flu, putting me in charge. I was the one who made the call to go in.”
Trevor stood and walked over to her living room window. Looking out over her front yard, he went on.
“It was all a set-up. The asset was actually working for the man we were trying to take down. He led us into a trap.”
“Like a double-agent?” Olivia asked quietly.
Jake nodded. “Lisa trusted him, and we got screwed.” He took a deep breath and turned to face her. “Two of our men went in first. They said the place was clear and called for Lisa and her asset to come inside. Said they needed her to decipher something they’d found.”
Over his shoulder, Trevor explained, “Lisa could speak and read several languages. It wasn’t uncommon for her to translate documents for us during an op.” Looking back to her window, he continued, “Per protocol for this mission, I stayed back with our other teammates, keeping an eye out for any incoming threats. I watched Lisa and her asset walk inside. Two minutes later, the building exploded.”
“Oh, God, Trevor. I’m so sorry.”
He turned back to her. “That wasn’t even the worst of it. When we went through the rubble, we only found the two men from our team who’d entered the building first. They’d both been shot in the head.”
“What about Lisa and her asset?”
“There was a tunnel built into the mountain behind the shack that led to a bunker. Our people didn’t know it existed.”
“Lisa?”
“She was taken into the bunker and through a second tunnel. There was a hidden exit at the end of that one. By the time our guys discovered it, she was long gone.”
Trevor paused, his face hardening. “A video was sent to the CIA two days later. It was of Lisa. She was tied to a chair, and had been beaten. They received a new video every day for the next five days. I’ll spare you the details, but by the fifth day, when we received confirmation she was dead, we were relieved. For her sake.”
Olivia didn’t even want to imagine what had been done to the poor woman. “I’m so sorry. You and your team must have been devastated.”
Trevor nodded. “We were. And for a long time, I blamed myself.”
“Why? You were only going off of the information Lisa’s asset gave you, right?”
“Right. Except I didn’t trust the asset. There was just something...off about the guy. I voiced my concerns multiple times to our commander and to Lisa. She always defended the man. Said he’d never steered her wrong. And the powers that be wouldn’t listen to me because they were too focused on getting our target. No matter the cost.”
Trevor walked over to the couch and sat down. “Instead of listening to my gut, I made the call to move forward with the op. I gave the go-ahead for Lisa to enter that building, and she died a horrific death because of it.”
Olivia reached for his hand. “Trevor, what happened to Lisa was awful, and I can’t imagine what you and your team went through. But it wasn’t your fault.”
He stared back at her, the sadness in his eyes heartbreaking. “I went through the pointless cycle of what-ifs. What if I had just waited a few more days until Jake was better? Maybe we would have learned about the tunnel and been more prepared? What if I’d listened to my instincts and demanded the CIA do a more thorough look into the asset’s history and known associates? What if I had pushed the higher-ups harder? It went on and on.”
Olivia understood completely. She’d played the what-if game ever since the day she’d been taken and her friends had been ruthlessly killed.
He blinked, and his glossy eyes found Olivia’s again. “I blamed myself for a long time. The guilt ate at me. Watching those videos, seeing someone I cared about being tortured like that, and knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it.” He shook his head slowly. “I’ve never felt so...”
“Helpless,” she whispered for him, her face wet from tears she hadn’t even realized had fallen.
Trevor’s expression changed instantly. He squeezed her hand and looked at her apologetically.
“Damn, Olivia. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. After what you went through”—he released her hand to run his fingers through his hair—“Jesus, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Olivia promised, sniffing as she wiped the tears away with her hands. “That’s exactly how I felt about what happened my group. I blamed myself for all of it, but Jake helped me see that there really wasn’t anything I could have done to save them.” She drew in a cleansing breath. “In my head, I know he’s right, but my heart still hasn’t fully caught up, yet. So, although our situations are quite different, I think I sort of understand where you’re coming from.”
His brows went together. “Yeah, I guess you probably do.”
“What I don’t understand,” Olivia said softly. “Is what any of this has to do with me and Jake.”
His look was piercing. “I didn’t push Lisa into looking more closely into her asset. Every time I brought it up, it caused an argument. Same thing happened when I brought it up to the guys sitting behind their desks in Washington. So, I did the easy thing. I went against my better judgment, and I let it go.”
“What I’m trying to say, Olivia, is that I don’t know if it would have made a damn bit of difference if we’d waited. But if there was even a chance that waiting could have kept Lisa from being tortured to death and kept my men alive...I should have waited. No matter what the consequences were, personal or professional.”
He let that sink in for a minute before asking, “Do you understand what I’m saying? I should have done whatever it took to keep her and the others safe. Even if that something would have ruined our chances at catching the bastard we were after. It was our job as a team to protect Lisa on our ops. Her safety should have trumped our objective, hands-down. No matter the cost.”
Now, she understood. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Trevor. I really do, but it’s not the same thing.”
Trevor shifted his weight so that he was facing her more directly. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, honey. You, Lisa...it’s exactly the same. Jake and I are the same. So are Coop and Derek, and hell, even Grant. Guys like us, we’re cut from the same cloth. Willing to protect the people we care about using any means necessary. I cared for Lisa, a lot, and I’ll never forget her, but you? You mean a hell of a lot more than that to Jake.”
Trevor waited, giving her the opportunity to speak, but Olivia didn’t really know what to say, so he kept on.
“Honey, he did what he did because he was in love with you. Even way back then. He couldn’t take the chance of something happening to you. Jake knew if you ever found out the truth about your brother it would probably ruin your friendship forever, but he still took that risk because he loves you, and the thought of something happening to you because he talked was unbearable.”
When Olivia shook her head in disagreement, Trevor raised his voice slightly. “Look, Olivia. Jake had two choices. He could risk your being hurt or, God forbid, killed, or risk you hating him for the rest of your life. He chose the latter, because at least you’d be alive to hate him. Do you honestly think it was easy for him? That lying to you about something he knew cut you so deeply was a choice Jake made lightly?”
Olivia suddenly found herself on the defensive. Lifting her chin, she said, “Honestly? I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” he said without pause. “And, so do I.”
Trevor released her hand and stood. He walked toward the living room window, again, before turning and facing her. His hands rested low on his hips, his handsome face was dead serious.
“It takes a lot to scare me, Olivia, and I’ve got to tell ya. The night Jake heard you’d been killed...he scared the shit out of me.” His words made Olivia wince, but Trevor didn’t stop. “I’ve been by his side through thick and thin, but I have never seen him hurting as badly as he was the night he thought he’d lost you.”
Trevor moved toward her again, stopping to crouch down in front of her. Taking her hands in his, he said, “When Jake heard you were dead, it was like someone flipped a switch. Any light he had inside of him was just...gone. And honestly, I didn’t think he’d ever get it back.”
Trevor’s image blurred behind her unshed tears.
“Then, we found you alive, and suddenly, that light was burning brighter than I’ve ever seen it.”
“Trevor—” Olivia tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t let her talk.
“Jake loves you more than anyone or anything on this earth, and there is nothing”—he squeezed her hands harder—“nothing he wouldn’t do to protect you. That includes risking any chance he may have had with you by lying about your brother.”
Olivia broke away from his grasp to wipe her eyes. Mikey had already told her that Jake lied to protect her, but for some reason, the way Trevor explained it seemed to have made more of an impact.
She hated it. Still wasn’t ready to forgive Jake, yet, but the wall that had been erected the moment she’d seen her dead brother standing in Jake’s living room began to crack slightly.
Olivia understood what Trevor was saying, but she still couldn’t ignore the betrayal she felt.
She must have been silent for longer than she’d realized, because Trevor stood and began to walk to the door before she’d made any kind of response.
“I’ll get out of your way.” He turned and nodded to her scrubs. “I don’t want to keep you.”
Olivia had nearly forgotten about work. She stood and wiped her face with her palms as she followed him.
“Yeah, the hospital’s short staffed, so I offered to cover the mid-shift today.” She glanced down at her watch. “I don’t have to be there until two, but thought I’d go in a little early.” They stood in awkward silence before she said, “Thanks for stopping by, Trevor.” She gently squeezed his rock solid bicep. “And thank you for telling me about Lisa. I can tell that isn’t an easy topic for you to talk about.”
His dark, tormented eyes stared down at her. “Definitely, not a story I tend to share.”
Olivia didn’t know what to say. Honored didn’t seem like the right word for what she was feeling, but that’s how she felt.
“Thank you for caring enough to share it with me.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I didn’t just do this for you. I love Jake like a brother, and I want to see him happy. I know you’re still angry, but...you’re a fool if you let him go. There’s no better man out there. Definitely none who would love you more.”
Olivia bit her bottom lip, unsure of the proper response to such a strong statement.
Seeming to sense her uncertainty, Trevor gave it one last shot.
“Just promise me you’ll talk to Jake soon. At least give him a chance to explain his side of things.”
She hesitated for a second, but finally agreed. “Okay.”
He raised his eyebrows and dropped his chin, waiting for more. He reminded her so much of Jake, she actually chuckled and rolled her eyes.
“I promise I will talk to him.”
Trevor smiled triumphantly. “That’s all I ask. Thank you.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “See ya.”
Trevor made his way down her porch steps and was almost to his truck when Olivia yelled out, “Hey, Trev?”
He stopped and turned around. “Yeah?”
“Did you know? About Mikey, I mean.”
Looking guilty but resolved, he said, “I did. I know you’re probably sick of hearing it, but it was for your protection, as well as your brother’s. I’d say I’m sorry, but the truth is, I’m not. I went against my gut once, and it cost me three friends. I wasn’t going to lose another one.”
Without another word, he got into his truck and started it up.
Knowing he was referring to her, Olivia stood at her door with a sad smile and a heavy heart. She watched as Trevor drove away, and thought about everything he’d said.
She thought about Jake, and wondered if it possible for them to recover from something like this.
Part of her wanted to say yes, but when she thought of all the times she’d cried on his shoulder—both literally and figuratively—the pain she still felt overpowered everything else.
Deciding to deal with it all later, she focused on getting ready for work. She quickly put on her tennis shoes and was headed back to her bedroom to grab her cell phone when her doorbell rang.
Given that she almost never had unannounced visitors, she assumed Trevor had returned to reiterate his point one last time. Olivia started talking before she’d fully opened the door.
“You do realize you’ve got to actually give me time to talk to Jake, right Trev?”
She said this in a teasing voice, but when she glanced up, Trevor’s eyes weren’t the ones staring back at her.
“I’m sorry, Miss Bradshaw. I’m afraid your time is up.”
