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No. Fuck that. Liv was a fighter, and Jake would not let her give up, now.
“Olivia!” Jake’s raised voice was gravelly, and he didn’t even bother to hide the tears falling down his face. “Open your eyes.” Jake gently shook her bare shoulders.
No response.
“Olivia!”
He didn’t care how desperate he sounded. His entire world was bleeding out on the ground before him. He could practically see the life draining out of her, one agonizing heartbeat at a time.
Jake couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not after all they’d been through. She would make it through this. He refused to entertain any other outcome.
While Jake kept trying to wake her, Trevor verbally assessed her injuries. “From what I can actually see, the cut on her arm is the worst. My guess is, her brachial artery’s been nicked. She obviously has severe bruising, and, of course, multiple lacerations on her back.” He clenched his jaw, pausing to reign in his anger.
“It looks like a bullet grazed her left shoulder, but the wound is superficial. Her knees are scraped up, too. We won’t know about internal injuries until we get her to the hospital.” Trevor leaned over toward the side Jake was sitting on. “Ah, shit, Jake. The bastard broke her wrist.”
Jake’s eyes flew down to the wrist closest to him. He’d been so worried about getting her cut down and making sure she was breathing, he hadn’t noticed how swollen and misshapen it was.
A tortured sound escaped his throat as he thought about her hanging from it. God, the pain she must have suffered.
He looked back up to her beautiful, battered face, wishing he’d made Javier Cetro suffer more.
He used that rage to push forward, refusing to let the bastard win. “Damn it, Liv. Wake up!”
Moving his attention back to her left arm, Trevor began to treat and put pressure on the deep wound there. A soft moan slipped out from between her lips and a surge of hope exploded inside Jake’s chest.
“Liv? Baby, it’s Jake. Can you open your eyes?”
For one long, excruciating second nothing changed. Then, her eyelids began to flutter.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Let me see those gorgeous eyes.”
Slowly, Olivia’s eyes began to open. Her left one was so swollen, it only revealed a small slit. The other opened wider, and stared directly into his.
Jake hated the pain and fear he saw there.
“Jake?” she barely whispered his name.
He started to reach for the hand closest to him, pulling back at the last second, remembering it was broken. Instead, he gently began brushing some hair away from her forehead.
“Yeah, baby,” his voice cracked. “I’m right here.” More tears marked his face, but he made no movement to wipe them away.
Olivia closed her eyes, again, the movement sending her own silver streams down her temples. “Found...me,” she rasped out.
It took a few tries before Jake could speak again. “Of course I did, sweetheart. I’ll always find you.”
Sounds from the approaching chopper quickly filled the air, but he didn’t turn away from her.
She opened her one good eye. “C-Cetro?”
“Dead. I made sure of it this time. He will never hurt you again.”
Olivia’s lid fell shut, and her bottom lip quivered. “S-sorry, Never...should h-have...l-left...you. Under...stand—”
Jake reached across her torso and grabbed her uninjured hand. “No, baby. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
The noise from the chopper cut off anything else he wanted to say. Jake and Trevor both arched their bodies over Liv’s to protect her from the blades’ powerful wind.
When it was somewhat calm, again, Trevor stood, jogging to the medics making their way across the grass.
Jake remained glued to Olivia’s side, whispering comforting words. Loving words.
He kissed her forehead. “It’s okay, now. You’re going to be okay.”
“H-hurts,” she rasped, and Jake’s nose burned as he tried to stave off the newest onslaught of tears.
“I know it does, baby. I know. But the medics are here now, and they’re going to take you to the hospital. You’ll be good as new before you know it.”
Jake looked away from her for the first time since carrying her outside. He recognized Burns, one of Ryker’s medics. Experience told him the guy knew his stuff.
Following closely behind Burns was taller, lanky man. One that looked too damn young.
As if reading his mind, Burns said, “This is Santos. He’s good, McQueen. You can trust him.”
Jake nodded and turned his attention back to Olivia, whose eyes had closed again.
The two men hurried to them. Jake scooted over to give the younger man room to work, but refused to completely leave her side. Burns looked at him knowingly.
“Trevor updated us on her known injuries, Jake. We’ll take good care of her.”
With swift, methodical movements, Burns and the other man took her vitals and started an IV.
Jake continued to smooth the hair on the top of her head, his touch a gentle reminder to her that he was still there.
Burns looked over at him sympathetically. “We need to move her. I’m not gonna lie; it’s gonna hurt.”
Jake spoke through his teeth. “Can’t you give her something more for the pain?”
The older man shook his head. “Not without knowing the full extent of her injuries.”
The thought of her enduring even more pain cut Jake to the quick. “She’s hurting, goddamn it!”
Jake knew the man. Hell, Burns had even treated him a few times after he’d been injured on the job. That didn’t keep Jake from wanting to rip the guy’s head off, just then.
He started to protest some more, but a soft touch to his arm stopped him.
“S’okay, Jake.” Olivia’s eyes were still closed, but she’d definitely spoken to him.
“I can’t stand to see you hurting, sweetheart.” It was one hell of an understatement.
“I know”—she opened her good eye—“h-heart rate...already...s-slow. Pain meds could...m-make...worse. Probably p-pass out...anyway. Be...okay.”
She closed her eye again, the effort behind her choppy words simply too great for her to bear.
Olivia had been beaten within an inch of her life, was barely able to even speak, and yet, she was trying to comfort him. Jesus, he was gut-shot.
More tears escaped the corners of his eyes. “I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.” Jake leaned down and gently kissed her swollen lips. “You hang on, okay? This thing between us isn’t finished. Not even close. So, you have to hang on, even if it’s just so you can kick my ass later. You hear me, Liv? You. Hang. On.”
“’K.”
He could have sworn she tried to smile, but then, they were rolling her to her side and sliding the backboard beneath her.
Olivia’s agonizing cry of pain gutted him. It was a sound he’d never forget.
As predicted, she lost consciousness. Jake was actually relieved that, at least for the moment, she’d found a short respite from the pain.
He and Trevor helped load her into the chopper, then Jake climbed in after. Trevor lifted his chin to the road where two black, heavily tinted, non-descript SUV’s were pulling up.
Yelling over the chopper’s growing roar, Trevor said, “There’s Ryker. I’ll handle things with him and meet you at the clinic.”
Because these were Ryker’s guys, Jake and his team knew Olivia wouldn’t be going to a public hospital.
Homeland used a private healthcare facility located on the outskirts of Dallas, which only a select few knew about. The staff included some of the most brilliant doctors and nurses in the country.
Jake nodded and turned his attention back to Olivia as the younger medic slid the bird’s door shut. Burns wasted no time getting them off the ground.
While he flew, Santos began checking her vitals again. She lay on her back, quiet and still, until Santos began wrapping a splint around her broken wrist.
Olivia groaned, her brows turning inward with pain.
“Jake?”
She spoke so softly, Jake would have missed it had he not seen her lips move.
He leaned down closer, speaking loudly so she could hear him over the chopper’s loud humming.
“I’m right here, baby.”
Liv was quiet for so long he thought she’d gone back under. Then, he saw her lips move again.
He got even closer, his ear tilted just above her mouth. “What, sweetheart? I couldn’t hear you.”
“L-love...y-you.”
Her words were broken from exhaustion and pain, but they were still the sweetest, most important ones he’d ever heard. Words he thought he’d never hear her say again.
Her image blurred behind his unshed tears. The stinging in his nose was back, and his throat closed up so quickly he had to swallow three times before he could actually speak.
“God, Olivia. I love you, baby. So much.”
Once her mind was clear and she remembered what he’d done to her, she’d probably try to walk away again. This time he wasn’t letting her go.
Jake blinked quickly, not because they weren’t alone, but because he wanted to see her more clearly. He leaned over her and kissed her forehead and lips before Santos placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth.
Her fingers squeezed his before going limp again. She actually looked at peace for the first time since finding her in that barn.
Sitting back in his seat more, Jake kept hold of her hand. Just as his shoulders began to relax, alarms started blaring all around them.
Santos sprang into action, checking her pulse and then immediately starting chest compressions. Jake nearly lost it.
Unable to do anything else, he got into her face and ordered her to be okay.
“Don’t do this, Liv! Don’t you do this! You fight, goddammit. You fight!”
For the umpteenth time that day, Jake felt as if his soul was being torn from his chest. Santos stopped the compressions to check for a pulse.
When he began rhythmically pressing down onto her chest again, Jake knew he hadn’t found one.
Please don’t take her. I can’t lose her!
Jake panicked like never before. “You are not dying, Olivia! Do you hear me? You live!” His voice broke, but he kept going, “You fucking live! For me...for us!”
Santos paused and checked again. He was about to start compressions again when the guy huffed out a huge sigh of relief. He spoke to Burns in his headset. “Got her back, but pulse is weak.”
There was a pause and then to Jake he ordered, “Sit back. We’re getting ready to land.”
Jake nodded, his eyes never leaving Liv’s face. His movements became automatic as he slid back into his seat and buckled himself in.
How many more times would he have to live through thinking he was going to lose her?
For the next few minutes, he just sat there, emotionless and numb. Somewhere in the back of his muddled mind, Jake knew he was shutting down.
He’d thought he lost her once before and, up to now, thought that was the worst thing he could ever experience. He was wrong.
Witnessing the love of his life’s heart stop before his very eyes had broken something inside him.
His mind and emotions became blanketed with just one thought—Olivia could still die today, and there wasn’t a fucking thing he could do about it.
After they landed, the group of doctors and nurses Ryker had waiting for them on the roof whisked Olivia away. They pushed her into a large elevator, the doctor in charge shouting out orders as they went.
Jake jogged next to the gurney until he was literally pushed aside so they had more room to work. When the elevator doors shut, he found himself still standing on the roof with Burns and Santos, having no idea what he was supposed to do next.
When he refused to go into the surgical waiting room, the two medics took him to the hallway just outside the OR where Olivia was being worked on.
He mumbled a thanks to them both. They wished him luck, and went on their way.
For who knows how long—could have been hours—Jake simply stood there, staring at the OR doors. Wishing like hell he could go in.
A hand on his shoulder caused him to start. He was so keyed up, his arm swung around before he’d even given it any thought.
“Whoa! Easy there, boss,” a familiar voice said. “It’s just me.”
Jake blinked and stopped his fist mid-swing when he saw Coop standing in front of him. He lowered his hand without speaking.
“Everyone else is already in the waiting room, but I wanted check in with you and see how she’s doing.”
No one had come back out of those damn doors. Not even to give him an update on her status. Olivia could be gone for all he knew, but—
No. He couldn’t think like that. He had to stay positive. For Liv.
Jake opened his mouth to tell him what had gone down in the chopper when both men heard footfalls. They turned to see Trevor walking down the hallway.
“How is she? Have they told you anything?”
Worry and guilt were written all over Trevor’s face. Jake knew what he was thinking, because, hell, he’d thought it, too.
If Trevor had stayed just a little longer, he’d have been with Olivia when Jake got the call from Ryker. He would have stayed there until Jake could get to her, most likely deterring Cetro from making his move.
None of what had happened was Trevor’s fault, but Jake knew his friend was shouldering some of the blame anyway. A part of Jake wanted to comfort him. As Trevor’s boss—and more importantly, his friend—he knew he should say something to ease the other man’s guilt.
Jake simply couldn’t form the words. He couldn’t find any words, for that matter.
All he could think about, all he kept seeing was Olivia lying lifeless in that chopper. He could still hear the alarms. Could see Santos frantically pumping her chest.
And Jake still felt as though he’d just lost the love of his life forever.
She was his soul mate. His other half. Against all odds, they’d found their way to each other.
Then, because he’d been a complete chicken shit and hadn’t had the balls to come clean about her brother sooner, there was a good chance he’d lose her forever.
Jake’s chest suddenly felt tight, like a giant vice had grabbed hold of his heart and was squeezing the life out of him. He rubbed at the skin there, and tried to force air into his lungs, but couldn’t seem to get in more than a tiny breath at a time.
Overwhelming panic was spreading through every cell in his body, and he couldn’t seem to stop it.
“Jake?”
Coop sounded worried, but Jake could barely hear him over the sound of blood surging past his ears. More voices travelled from down the hall.
“Boss, I’m so sorry.” This came from Mac. “What can we do?”
“Hey, boss. How is she?” Derek asked anxiously. “She’s gonna be okay, right?”
The whole team was here, now, practically talking over each other, with the exception of Grant. He remained stoically quiet, his big arms crossed in front of his chest.
Jake couldn’t hear any of them. Jesus, what was happening to him? Was he having a heart attack? Is this what that felt like?
He was losing the last bit of control he had, and needed to move, before he completely lost it in front of his entire team.
“Hey, man. You okay?” Coop asked warily.
“I...” Was that his voice? “I need to...”
Christ, he couldn’t even form a coherent thought. Desperate, he looked around for a place to go. Somewhere to hide because, sure as shit, he couldn’t let them see the breakdown he knew was coming.
There!
At the other end of the hallway were two doors. One with the universal symbol for ‘Men’s Room’ on it.
Jake his rusty throat. “I just need...a minute.”
Ignoring the worried looks of his team, Jake practically ran to the bathroom, thankful no one followed him. He pushed the door open with such force it slammed into the wall behind it.
Jake was heaving into one of the three toilets, before the door had closed completely.
Every lurch of his stomach brought with it a new memory of Olivia. A new fear that he’d be forced to live without her, for real this time.
This went on until well after his stomach was empty. Then, all he managed to accomplish was a series of wretchedly painful dry-heaves.
Several minutes later, the convulsing stopped. Woodenly, Jake reached up, flushed the toilet, and made his way to the sink to wash up.
He washed blood from his hands, which he’d forgotten was even there, and rinsed out his mouth.
As he wiped the water from his face, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hands were clean, with the exception of some blood still beneath his short fingernails, but his shirt and the top half of his pants were covered in blood. Olivia’s blood.
The sight brought forth all of the emotions he’d been holding back, for Olivia’s sake. Anger toward Cetro and himself.
Guilt over the whole situation with Mike, and for not protecting her like he’d sworn he always would.
Emotions as they slammed into him with a vengeance, and Jake could do nothing to stop them.
His fist shattered the mirror, shards smeared with his own blood clanged down into the porcelain sink below. It wasn’t enough.
Lifting the large, metal trash can with ease and swung it around into the nearest stall, its side caving in as if it were an aluminum soda can. Used paper towels flew out, littering the cold, tiled floor, but it still wasn’t enough.
Making a noise that didn’t even sound human, Jake ripped the plastic paper towel dispenser from the wall and threw it across the small room.
A large patch of drywall tore away from the wall where it had hung. It cracked open as it smashed against the far wall.
Still. Not. Enough.
Jake looked around for something else to destroy. The only things feasible were the two sinks, their backs attached to the wall behind them. They’d have to do.
He grabbed onto the sides of the cold, smooth surface and growled as he pulled with all his might. The sink didn’t budge, which only pissed him off even more. Jake yelled out as he tried again, but his efforts were in vain.
It became a challenge, then. A task he could focus on instead of thinking about the fact that Olivia was in that operating room, this very second, fighting for her life. And mine.
Jake gave another tug. A tiny spark of satisfaction crept in when he noticed the clear calking on the back of the sink begin to crack. Just a few more tries and he knew he could get the fucker loose.
He’d just started pulling again when he heard Hill’s deep voice.
“Is that helping?”
Jake froze but didn’t look up. He just stood there, staring down at the sink, his chest rising and falling with each heaving breath.
“Don’t stop on my account,” Grant added.
Jake swiveled his head around and gave the man a look that said he needed to shut the fuck up, and get the fuck out. Of course, the guy would pick today to become Chatty Cathy.
“What? You want to hit me?” Grant shrugged one shoulder and took a step closer. “Go ahead. Hit me.”
Jake finally found his voice, though he didn’t recognize it. “Get out.”
Instead of leaving, Hill took another step closer. “Or what? You’ll quit taking your frustration out on the bathroom and start fighting something that can hit back?”
Jake let go of the sink and in one long stride was toe-to-toe with his teammate. “Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
“No.”
For just a second, Grant’s eyes flashed with what looked like sympathy or some shit like that. Whatever it was, Jake didn’t need it. He sure as hell didn’t want it.
His fists filled with the front of Grant’s t-shirt. Jake pushed against the guy’s chest until his back was against the same wall the door slammed into earlier.
“Godammit, Hill. I’m your boss, and I said to get out. That’s a fucking order!”
“Well, it’s a good thing I’m in here as your friend and not your employee. Besides, what are you going to do, fire me because I won’t leave you alone to vandalize a fucking bathroom? Like I said, you wanna hit something...Hit. Me.”
Jake’s nostrils flared, and his jaw clenched tight. The two stood that way for a full thirty seconds before Jake shoved against Grant’s chest with a grunt, releasing his hold.
Stumbling backward, Jake shook his head as if he were trying to convince himself this was all a bad dream, instead of the real-life fucking nightmare that it was.
“I lost her, man.”
Grant’s eyes grew. “What? I...I thought she was still in surgery.”
Realizing how his choice of words sounded, Jake explained.
“She is,” he said quickly. “I mean on the chopper. One minute she was talking to me, the next, her heart’s not beating.”
Jake wiped a hand down his face and grabbed the back of his neck. “Some medic half my age was doing chest compressions on her, and all I could do was sit there with my head up my ass and watch.”
He moved his hands to his hips and paced back and forth, full of nervous energy. “And she’s in there right now, fighting for her fucking life because I wasn’t there to protect her.”
“You know that’s not true.”
He stopped moving and faced Grant, yelling so loudly they could probably hear him in the operating room.
“She’s mine! I damn well should have kept her safe!”
Jake waited for Hill to tell him it wasn’t his fault again. How there was nothing he could have done to prevent what happened.
However, as the two men continued to stand there, Jake realized those things weren’t coming. The guy wasn’t even looking at him with the pity and sorrow he expected.
Instead, the big guy looked him square in the eye and asked, “What do you need?”
Jake stared at him for a few seconds. He was offering to help Jake, however he could. Too bad the one thing he truly needed, Grant couldn’t give.
“I need to be able to do something instead of just waiting for someone to tell me what’s going on.”
Hill gave a slight nod. “The waiting’s the worst. The waiting, the not knowing.”
He pushed off of the wall and took a couple steps closer to Jake, but his eyes said he’d gone to a totally different place altogether.
“The fact that we are out there risking our asses to save strangers’ lives almost every fucking day, yet the one person who matters most to you in the world, someone you’d die to protect, needs help in a way that you can’t give.”
Grant’s forehead creased, and he shook his head. He blinked quickly and looked back up at his boss, almost surprised to see him there.
Jake knew where Hill had gone. He’d read what had happened in his file, but this was the first time the man had willingly shared something personal with anyone on the team. Even Jake.
“Your mom?” Jake asked quietly.
Hill nodded. “She died when I was nineteen. Cancer.” One corner of his mouth twitched. “Of course, I’m sure you already knew that.”
“I did, but thanks for sharing it anyway. And, I’m sorry. About your mom.”
Shrugging, Grant mumbled, “It was a long time ago.”
The room silent for a few seconds before Jake asked, “So, what did you do...when you lost her, I mean. How did you...cope?”
Though the other man never smiled, Jake could have sworn he wanted to. “I joined the military and started blowing shit up.”
Barking out a surprised laugh, Jake said, “Yeah. That sounds like you.”
Squeezing Jake’s shoulder, Grant said, “Come on, man. I think you’ve done all the damage you can do in here.”
Jake glanced around at his destruction. “Yeah. I’ll let Ryker pick up the tab.”
Grant nearly did smile, then. “Hell, yeah. Come on.” He dropped his hand and reached for the door. “Let’s go see about your girl.”
Jake started to pass, but stopped just before the hallway. Of all the people he thought might come into that bathroom to try to save him from himself, Grant would have been the very last one he would have expected.
He turned to his employee. His teammate. And yeah, his friend. “Thanks, man.”
Grant just nodded with a short grunt, and Jake wanted to smile. The Hill they all knew and loved was back.
The rest of the team was still waiting at the end of the hallway, and their eyes wary when they saw him.
“You okay, boss?” Mac asked almost hesitantly and lifted her chin toward the direction of the bathroom. “It sounded like a war zone in there.”
Jake opened his mouth to talk, but Grant beat him to it. “He’s fine. Now give the man some space. He doesn’t need everyone smothering him for Christ’s sake.” He turned to Jake and said, “I’m gonna go find some coffee. You want some?”
“Sure,” Jake said, surprised at the offer. “Thanks.”
In another unexpected move, Hill turned to the rest of the team. “Anyone else?”
“You’re offering to buy us coffee?” Coop asked.
Before Grant could take back the offer, Derek stood from where he’d been camped out on the tiled floor. “I’ll go. My ass is numb. I need to move around anyway.”
Grant and Derek made their way down the long hallway, disappearing around the corner.
“What the hell was that all about?” Coop asked.
“Yeah. He actually, you know, talked. Like a person.” Mac sounded genuinely surprised.
“Lay off Hill,” Jake said, even though he understood exactly why they were shocked. “He’s not a bad guy.”
“I’m not saying he’s bad. I mean, he’s one of us, so of course he’s badass, but I never thought he was bad. The guy just never talks. Then, he’s with you in the bathroom, of all places, and comes out offering to buy everyone coffee. It’s just...weird.”
Mac was worried. Normally, she stayed pretty quiet herself, but she was rambling now, and Jake knew it was because she was concerned for Liv. They all were.
And though he still felt like it was his life on the line, Jake was suddenly glad they were all together.
