Chapter 27

	The Soul selects her own Society—
	Then—shuts the Door—
	On her divine Majority—
	Obtrude no more—
	EMILY DICKINSON

Miss Herpitude was no ordinary librarian. She did not regard it as her sacred task to protect her precious volumes from the clutches of the villainous defacing mob. Instead it was her faith that the proper destiny for any book in her car was to lie open upon the lap of a reader, whether he were taking notes soberly in school or simply holding his place with a buttery finger while he ate lunch at his own table.

Mary looked at Miss Herpitude with awe and wonder. That admirable woman was using a razor blade to cut a map out of a history book so that a boy doing his homework could hold it up to the window and trace it. When he was through with it Mary knew that Miss Herpitude would spend half an hour pasting the map back in. Her maxim was, and Mary subscribed to it with all her heart, that the books were there to be used and the librarians were there to be useful.

Be useful. Here came someone who was obviously in need of help. A stranger was goggling around at the pale watchers on the balcony, Ephraim Bull and Judge Hoar and Branson Alcott and Louisa May. Then he goggled at Mary and came right over. When he opened his mouth his speech was one of the cruder forms of British English, with an absurd affected accent thrown in for good measure. Poor wretch. His posture was miserable, his chest was caved in, his legs were bowed like a cockney cowboy’s. His eyes stared and stared at her, fixed and unblinking.

“Can I help you?” said Mary.

“Oi hev something to show yew,” he said. His eyebrows and his hair, thick wiry stuff combed forward over his forehead, were a dull black like lampblack. He wore glasses with round celluloid frames. If he had stood up straight he might have been about as tall as she was, but his posture was dreadful, and his long neck thrust forward so that his Adam’s apple hung down over his collar. His collar was dirty, with a black line around the edge. But all of these details were as nothing beside the awful facts of his complexion. The poor fellow had a ghastly case of acne, and its prominences were superimposed on the shallow depressions and pits of old smallpox scars like the mountains and craters of the Moon. Mary had to stare very hard at his googly eyes in order not to be caught making a clinical examination of his pimples. As an unnecessary final flourish, his jaw suffered from malocclusion and two yellow buck teeth rested on his lower lip. Mary felt some anguish for him. But then her sympathy vanished as it became more and more apparent that he considered himself as sexually appealing as Tarzan the Ape-man.

There was a sheaf of grubby typed pages in his hand. All his own work. He laid it on the desk and ran his finger along the lines, reading aloud. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Philosophy of Life, by Roland Granville-Galsworthy, Oxford University.

What a charlatan. Mary nodded as though she believed it, and then Roland Granville-Galsworthy asked for the complete works of Emmanuel Kant. In German. “I’m afraid we have it only in English,” said Mary.

“Thet’s quoite all roight. Thet will dew,” said Granville-Galsworthy. What a show-off. Mary bet he couldn’t read German anyway, the way he had pronounced Kant. She found him a watered-down version of the Critique of Pure Reason, and settled him down in the reference room. As she went out she could feel his eyes on her back like two dirty greyish-white balls. For the rest of the afternoon he kept coming to the doorway and staring at her, or going to the Men’s Room, gaping at her over his shoulder. He went to the Men’s Room twice, getting the key from her and returning it with his damp hand. Before he left he thrust his opus on Mary, writing on it graciously, “With the compliments of Arthur.” Mary showed it to Alice Herpitude.

“But it’s cribbed straight from that book by Claridge,” said Miss Herpitude. “What an incredible man.”

Mary started to laugh. “When I was in the sixth grade we had a health play, and I was supposed to be ‘Malnutrition, First Cousin to Death.’ I tried to make myself look just like that, with that same droopy posture and big lipstick pimples. I was a smash hit, too. I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on the poor fellow. He probably can’t help being a wretch, a dolt and a fool.”

“But surely,” said Miss Herpitude, “he should have medical advice. I feel truly sorry for the poor man.”