Katie and Seán explained to Múinteoir Emer that SIMON THE STICK INSECT was no longer in his tank and they wanted to know if any of us had any information on his whereabouts, as he was a totally RARE species and the star of their breeding programme.

Then I started to feel all nervous because I realised that the stick I was holding in my hand had started to MOVE and, in fact, might not be a stick after all …

Once I had handed Simon the Stick Insect over and explained that I totally did not mean to ABDUCT the animal, and after Múinteoir Emer begged Katie and Seán not to press charges, we all got back on the road to head for home. Fred was shaking his head and muttering under his breath because we were now a full 17 minutes behind his scheduled plan and he was going to be late for his afternoon pilates class.

The next day in school was NOT a good one.

Múinteoir Emer was upset because Mr Manley refused to replace the designer hat that she had paid good money for and only got to wear once.

Mr Manley was upset because somehow word had got back to the Department of Education about the stolen stick insect, the gassy giraffe, the butterfly breakout and the traumatised peacock, and, as a result, the awarding of Scoil Eoin’s Green Flag had been deferred. Although he had his suspicions that it was ‘that lot down in St Gobnait’s National School’ who were behind telling the department, Mr Manley said we all knew who was really to blame for the flagpole remaining empty for another year. (I’m glad he figured out whose fault it was because I was afraid that people might blame ME.)

But even Mam had to agree when Gloria Jones suggested that it was probably safer for me to be excused from any other school trips that involved ANIMALS. This meant that I couldn’t go to a farm or a petting zoo, and, even if our school managed to make it off the PROHIBITED list, I could definitely not, under any circumstances, ever go back to Fota Wildlife Park.

But I didn’t mind because, on the bright side, our bee meadow was THRIVING, and I had just had a totally AMAZING idea for next year’s school climate project. We could build a huge, GINORMOUS magnifying glass and train it on the roof of the school. Then, when it’s a sunny day, we could raise it up at an angle to catch the sunshine. The light shining through the glass would heat up the roof and the school would be lovely and COSY and WARM. I imagine Mr Manley would be thrilled with no more heating bills. Really, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it earlier, it’s such a fantastic idea.