ALEX PATTED BETTY on the neck as they rode away from Halloran’s Meadow. Much as he hated to admit it, riding horses and spending time on a ranch was pretty cool.
“Let’s go faster, slowpokes,” DeeDee called, passing him.
He and Morgan made faces at each other. Oops, DeeDee had looked back and was sticking out her tongue.
Sometimes it was a pain to have a ten-year-old tagging along. Maybe when Keri got to Montana, the two of them could hang out together and let him and Morgan spend time with Sandy.
It was rad having a sister his own age, although once in a while he’d caught DeeDee looking at him funny, especially when he tried to talk to Morgan privately.
By the time they got back to the ranch, he was starving.
“Are we staying long?” he whispered to his mother. “I’m real hungry.”
“No, Grams is expecting us at six.”
They’d eaten at Jackson and Morgan’s house for a couple of nights, so she’d decided they should spend an evening with her grandparents.
Morgan winked as they left—a signal to remind him about messaging her later. In the car he checked his phone and saw a message from Sandy saying her parents had finally gotten it together, so she and Keri were flying to Montana in two days.
When they came into the house, Grandma handed him and DeeDee plates piled with minipizzas. “I knew you’d be hungry and dinner will be later than planned. Your grandfather got tied up helping an old client.”
“Yummalicious,” DeeDee said.
Elizabeth smiled. “Thank you. Why don’t you watch the baseball game?”
In the family room, DeeDee plopped down on the couch, grabbed the remote and put on the game.
Alex shoved a bite of cheese pizza into his mouth. It tasted great, but he missed pepperoni. When he got back to Seattle he might have to start eating meat, no matter what jokes Brant and Dad made.
After a while DeeDee got quiet, and Alex didn’t think it was because the Mariners were getting their butts kicked by the White Sox. It made him nervous.
“Okay, what gives?” he asked during the seventh-inning stretch. “You’re acting all wacky, looking at me sideways and stuff.”
“Nothing.”
“As if I buy that. Your face looks the way it did the time you took my bike without asking and mashed up the front wheel. So?”
“I just... Did you feel left out when...” She stopped and chewed her bottom lip. “Did you feel left out when you found out Dad had adopted you?”
Alex shrugged. “Not exactly. He already didn’t have any time for me and only cares about Brant.”
“Yeah. Same here. Maybe you’re lucky to have Jackson.”
He stared and wondered what bug she’d gotten in her brain this time.
The Mariners almost managed to pull the game out of the trash can but finally lost in the bottom of the ninth. DeeDee still had the remote and put on a cartoon Alex didn’t care about, so he went to find his mom.
“Something up?” she asked.
“Yeah...no. I mean...could we go for a walk?”
Her eyebrows rose. “Sure,” she agreed, exchanging a look with Grandma. “Not a long one, though. Dinner is almost ready.”
* * *
KAYLA SET OFF with Alex and waited for him to say something.
“Mom, DeeDee just asked me something strange,” he said after they’d walked several blocks. “She wanted to know if I felt left out when I found out about being adopted.”
“Did you?” she asked.
“No, I was mostly mad because no one told me. DeeDee says maybe I’m lucky to have Jackson, but I don’t feel lucky.”
“You might, someday.”
“I dunno, but I thought you should know about DeeDee. Something’s bugging her.” Alex turned and watched a passing truck, his face more grown-up and sad than she’d ever seen it. “I miss the way we used to be, back before Dad split.”
Kayla let out a painful breath, wishing there was some way to make things easier. “So do I. There’s no going back, but that doesn’t mean the future can’t also be good.”
“I guess not.”
They returned to the Garrison house in silence while Kayla fretted about her daughter. DeeDee was the one who usually charged ahead, with less introspection. She cared, but she moved so fast she didn’t always slow down to think things through. But what she’d said to her brother made Kayla want to kick herself. She’d worried so much about Alex and her mixed feelings about Jackson that she might have missed something with DeeDee.
After dinner, she went up to the attic bedroom and sat on the bed with her daughter. “Alex told me you asked about how he felt about your dad adopting him.”
DeeDee rolled onto her stomach. “I just wondered.”
“Any special reason?”
“Nah, just curious.”
“Maybe it’s more than that. How are you feeling about everything here in Montana? I mean, we’ve gone to a family picnic where Alex met his birth father’s parents. We spend time at the ranch where he has a sister who isn’t directly related to you. And tomorrow afternoon we’re having a gathering where he’ll meet aunts and uncles and other family.”
DeeDee squirmed around to kick off her sneakers and scratch her toe. Kayla waited. It was unusual for her daughter to think first and talk second, but both her kids had been doing unusual things lately.
“Uh...” DeeDee said finally. “It’s like...Alex has a whole new chance to have a dad who cares about him instead of our dad, who’s a jerk a bunch of the time.”
A jerk? Kayla flinched. She’d suspected DeeDee was angry with her father but had never heard her call him names. “Is that how you think of your father?”
“Sometimes.” The word was mumbled. “He spends all his time with Brant, the way he did with Rosa and Willie before that. He only cares about us when he doesn’t have someone new around.”
After she spoke, DeeDee buried her face in her pillow.
Kayla’s throat ached with suppressed emotion. She couldn’t deny that Curtis was a troubled person. Lately she’d begun wondering if it was because of his years as a foster child. He’d been one of those kids who regularly got moved from place to place. At each new home he would court the new family, trying to ingratiate himself so this time he wouldn’t be sent away. Maybe after a while it had become a game. He’d expected to leave after a certain amount of time and had started anticipating what he would need to do at the next place to make them like him. That kind of childhood wouldn’t prepare anyone for staying in a long-term relationship.
“Your dad loves you, DeeDee,” she assured gently. “He just gets easily distracted by problems that have nothing to do with you or Alex.”
DeeDee looked unhappy for a moment, then shrugged as if she’d tucked the feeling away. “Okay.”
“So what about everything here in Montana? How do you feel about that?”
“Uh...well, Morgan is awesome, but I’m just the little kid who tags along. And even though the McGregors are nice to me, it’s Alex they want to know. Maybe Jackson’s family will think I shouldn’t be at the party tomorrow night.”
Hell. Belatedly Kayla realized she should have expected something of the sort. Her daughter was strong and bold, but no one was invulnerable.
“I think the McGregors will be happy you’re there,” she said. “They’re a nice family and probably want to meet the people Alex cares about.”
“I guess.”
“And as for Morgan and Alex, you know I never had any brothers or sisters. But I’m sure older kids do enjoy spending time on their own, the same way you sometimes enjoy being with Keri and not having Alex around, right?”
“Keri says her big sister is always calling her a squirt—just like Alex calls me—and tells her to get lost.”
“That doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other,” Kayla pointed out. “And I’ll bet her sister would love to see Montana, but Keri gets to come because you’re friends.”
DeeDee brightened as she nodded in agreement. Kayla tugged the end of her daughter’s thick braid. “There’s always give-and-take in a family. You’ve been very understanding about everything going on here in Montana, but Alex cares about you, too. That’s why he told me you might be upset about something.”
Alex stuck his head through the door. “Yeah, you may be a squirt, but you’re my squirt.”
“Alex, you shouldn’t be eavesdropping,” Kayla scolded him mildly.
“I just got here, so I didn’t hear that much.”
“It’s okay,” DeeDee said.
“You can be a pain,” Alex told her, “but you’ll always be my ‘oldest’ sister.”
DeeDee giggled.
Kayla smiled at her daughter. “If you don’t want to go to the family gathering tomorrow evening, we can—”
“I want her to come,” Alex interrupted quickly. “Okay, DeeDee?”
DeeDee grinned. “Sure.”
* * *
MORGAN OPENED THE Facebook message from Alex. He said that DeeDee was worried people thought she was in the way.
She knew how DeeDee felt. It was crummy to feel as if someone wished you weren’t there.
Grabbing her cell phone, she texted DeeDee and asked if she and Alex wanted to go on a ride before the grown-ups got there and outnumbered the kids. She didn’t want DeeDee to feel bad or left out.
DeeDee texted back: Can we go 2 HMdow?
Yes. CU.
One of the things Morgan liked about DeeDee was how much she loved Halloran’s Meadow. Alex thought it was fun, but Morgan didn’t think he understood how she felt when she sat and listened to the water falling and the breeze rustling through the quaking aspens.
The first time they’d gone to the meadow together, she’d gotten out of the pool and sat staring at a wildflower, feeling mellow in the sun and wondering if the door to another world could be nearby...maybe behind her, or to the left or right. And if she stepped through the door, there was a chance she might find hobbits or elves or unicorns.
After a few minutes, DeeDee had dropped down next to her and whispered, “I like it this way, but I wish I could come sometime in the rain. It’s the kind of place where fairies might wash their hair.”
Morgan had opened her eyes wide. Could DeeDee have read her mind?
“It’s great in the rain,” she’d whispered back.
Then DeeDee had looked embarrassed. “Don’t tell Alex I said something about fairies. He might tease.”
Morgan knew how DeeDee had felt. Alex was a geek who loved Star Trek, but he was still a guy, and guys didn’t always understand. Besides, it would feel silly talking about fairies and unicorns out loud—she sure couldn’t tell any of her new buddies from the past year about the things she imagined. They’d laugh their heads off.
Another message came from Alex; he’d forgotten to tell her Sandy was coming in a couple of days. Morgan didn’t know what to think about that. It had been nice having him and DeeDee to herself.
They wouldn’t be in Montana for much longer, then they were going home. Morgan didn’t want to think about it.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING Morgan got back from her run and slumped into a chair in the kitchen. How could Kayla do it alone every day? It was much more fun running with her.
Her dad came in from the ranch office. He was looking at some papers but set them aside when he saw her at the table.
“Still running, I see,” he said.
“Yeah,” she mumbled.
“You took Cory?”
“As if I could stop him from coming.”
His jaw tightened. “Morgan, can’t you talk to me like a normal person?”
“Jeez, sorry for disappointing you.”
“I didn’t say you disappointed me.”
“That’s what you meant,” she muttered.
Her dad rubbed his forehead. “Morgan, do you miss your mom? Is that the reason for this attitude? Tell you what, I’ll call her and ask her to come for a visit.”
The last thing Morgan wanted was her mother coming to Schuyler. “No.”
He closed his eyes the way he did when he was angry or didn’t want her know what he was thinking. “Do you want to visit her in New York?”
“No, I don’t,” she almost yelled, the misery swelling up terribly all at once. “I just want someone to be glad I’m around.”
Then, afraid of what she’d said, Morgan lunged up and ran outside to the barn. It usually made her feel better to spend time with the Black, but she wasn’t sure anything would help now.
* * *
JACKSON WATCHED HIS daughter’s fast disappearing figure in shock. She wanted someone to be glad she was there?
Hell.
Kayla might be right that Morgan felt unwanted.
In quiet moments he had replayed their discussion over and over in his head, regretting his reaction. He’d asked for Kayla’s opinion only to snap like a bad-tempered sidewinder when she’d given it to him. After all, Morgan had to question whether her mom really wanted her.
But Kayla had thought Marcy wasn’t the problem.
Moodily he stared out the window. Perhaps he should discuss it with Kayla again. After yesterday she might not be very friendly, but he’d have to take his chances.
Her Volvo arrived midmorning. Alex and DeeDee tumbled from the car and dashed into the house.
“Alex, DeeDee,” Kayla called. “You knock and wait.”
Jackson looked into the foyer and saw her hovering at the open door.
“Why don’t we say that from now on, Alex and DeeDee have open-door privileges,” he suggested, not wanting to point out that his own son shouldn’t have to knock. “I think Morgan is in the barn, guys.”
“Is it okay if we go for a ride?” DeeDee asked equally of Jackson and her mother.
“Kayla?” Jackson asked. He wanted a chance to talk but didn’t want to sound eager for the kids to be gone.
“Sure.”
“Check with Flora, DeeDee,” he suggested. “She should have trail mix and other snacks. Water, too.”
DeeDee ran into the kitchen, Alex following more slowly. A few minutes later they came out with a sack.
“Have a good time,” Jackson told them. “Oh, wait, I’ll get a satellite phone for you.” He got it from the office and handed it Alex, who smiled more naturally than usual.
“Thanks, Jackson.”
Once they were gone, Jackson looked at Kayla. “How about a drive? There’s something I’d like to discuss.”
Her lips tightened, then she shrugged. “Okay.”
He drove his pickup to a favorite viewpoint and sat staring at the landscape.
“I don’t want to talk about yesterday, if that’s what you have in mind,” Kayla said, breaking the silence.
He shook his head. “Let’s just treat what happened as an anomaly.”
“Anomaly? Thanks for the compliment.”
“I can’t seem to stop putting my foot in my mouth, can I?”
Kayla shrugged. “Maybe it was an anomaly. Coming to Montana has been a huge shake-up and I’m still sorting myself out. And you obviously haven’t had one of your casual dates for a while.”
“What do you know about my dating habits, casual or not?”
“Are you kidding?” she asked with a laugh. “Between my grandmother, who hears gossip at the local beauty parlor, and what I’ve heard in town myself, you’ve made quite a name for yourself.”
Perplexed, Jackson stared at her. “I didn’t know I had a reputation any longer.”
“Everyone has a reputation—good, bad or indifferent. But is this really what you came out here to discuss?”
“No. Something happened and I wanted to see what you thought about it.” He hesitated. “The thing is, you may be right about Morgan feeling that she’s not wanted.”
He expected Kayla to crow and tell him she’d told him so, but Morgan mattered more than his pride.
Kayla just shook her head. “That poor kid.”
“This morning Morgan actually said she wanted someone to be glad she’s around. I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on it sooner.”
“We all miss things. Last night I discovered DeeDee is worried Alex’s new relationships might leave her out. She doesn’t know how she fits in here. I should have guessed she’d have mixed feelings about what’s happened, but I was too focused on Alex to see it.”
Jackson smiled grimly. “It may not be possible for parents to think of everything, but that isn’t much comfort when your child is ready to self-destruct.”
* * *
KAYLA FELT BAD for Jackson. He was so proud, it would have taken a lot to make him confide in her.
“What did Morgan say when you talked at Yellowstone?” he asked. “Any specifics would help.”
“It was mostly an impression—little bits of things that reminded me of how I felt knowing my mom didn’t want me around a lot of the time, except when she needed to show me to the welfare people.”
“Marcy hasn’t been much of a mother, but I couldn’t imagine my life without Morgan.”
Kayla shifted in the seat. “Have you ever talked about her mom already being pregnant when you got married?”
“She knows, but it hardly seems necessary to discuss it further.”
“Jackson, if you do anything, learn from what I did wrong with Alex. Talk to Morgan about what happened with her mother.”
Jackson scowled. “We’ve had the discussion about safe sex. I didn’t enjoy it, but we covered the subject.”
A grin pulled at Kayla’s mouth. “I don’t mean the birds-and-the-bees lecture. Tell Morgan you love her, and that even if you made mistakes, you’ve never regretted her being born. That’s what I’ve been doing with Alex.”
Jackson’s scowl deepened. “You think Morgan believes Marcy and me having to get married means she wasn’t wanted?”
“I don’t know, but she may have gotten the idea somewhere. Frankly, if Morgan feeling unwanted isn’t about Marcy being an absentee mother, it most likely has something to do with you.”
His fingers drummed the steering wheel. “I suppose even if something else is bothering Morgan, talking about it might help her open up.”
Kayla nodded and they fell silent. For the first time, she paid attention to the view. They’d parked on a rise and she looked down over a green landscape with a breathtaking blue sky arching overhead, a few puffy clouds accentuating the color.
“I always liked Montana,” she murmured. “When I first came, I couldn’t believe how beautiful it is here.”
From the corner of her eyes, she could see Jackson was watching her, not the terrain outside the vehicle.
“You remember my old truck?” he questioned, his voice rough.
“Sure.” The close confines of the cab became even more uncomfortable as she thought about the nights when they’d thoroughly steamed the windows of his ancient Chevy pickup. Making the mistake of looking at him, Kayla felt warmth in her stomach that had nothing to do with nostalgia.
He reached out a hand and softly traced the line of her cheek. “You have the most beautiful skin, and your eyes are Montana blue.”
Kayla didn’t resist when he pulled her into a kiss. She’d dreamed about his caresses the night before, but reality was so much more satisfying. Sliding her fingers through his crisp dark hair, she pulled him even closer. At the moment she didn’t care if they were in a truck or a bed. His hands were exploring under her shirt when he groaned and pulled away.
“I don’t have a condom with me,” Jackson grumbled.
Aching with both unsatisfied need and anger at her weakness a second day in a row, Kayla jerked her clothing into place.
* * *
AS THE TRUCK bounced over the rough road toward home, Jackson was still gripped by the passion he couldn’t seem to contain around Kayla. It couldn’t just be the influence of heated memories. He had plenty of memories of sex with Marcy, but he felt nothing during the rare times they saw each other. Marcy had even tried to get something going on her last visit, saying she missed his stamina in bed. He’d declined as politely as possible, not wanting her to get angry and retaliate against Morgan.
The irony couldn’t be escaped. He’d married the girl next door, the nice girl his parents would have chosen for him, even if they hadn’t appreciated the timing. Yet Marcy had proved as unreliable as a wisp of paper in the wind. Kayla, who’d grown up in some of the worst circumstances possible, had worked hard and never given up, even when she’d been let down by the man she’d loved.
His arousal still pressed painfully against the zipper on his jeans, and he groaned when one wheel dropped into a particularly deep rut in the track.
“A little snug there?” Kayla guessed with a knowing glance. “That’ll teach you not to start something you weren’t prepared to finish.”
“At least you know I didn’t bring you out here with ulterior motives.”
“There are pluses and minuses to everything, but it looks as if you could do with a little less plus.”
A pained laugh escaped Jackson.
Kayla had never been coy about sex, but thinking back, he realized she hadn’t been experienced, either, which made his teenage accusations about her sleeping around even more offensive.
What would his life have been like if he’d married Kayla instead of Marcy all those years ago?
Jackson firmly dismissed the thought. It probably wouldn’t have worked any better with Kayla—they still would have been too young, with too much responsibility. He’d liked Kayla best—her sense of humor and different ideas had fascinated him—but they hadn’t been in love. Then again, she’d gone on to marry someone she did genuinely love, and that had still ended badly.
It was all just the luck of the draw.