Author’s Note
1. Roots Run Deep
2. A GORE-TEX Primer
3. Produce Man
4. Cricket Hill
5. Monsters
6. The Pregnant Pause
7. Purgatory
8. The Whirling Dervish and Her Magic Meatball Sideshow
9. Operation Redecoration
10. Dos and Don’ts and Don’ts
11. Bras on Fire
12. It Comes Down to Blood
13. The Art of Conversation
14. Puttin’ Up a Fight
15. Blame It on the Cossacks
16. The Hex Upon Us
17. Power Equipment + Bed = Sexy
18. The Vanishing Penis and the Reason I Have a Therapy Fund Set Aside for My Unborn Child
19. Going in Reverse
20. The Muck and the Mire
21. Dream Crusher
22. Sandman Rising
23. Battle on Cervix Hill
24. Helter Skelter Swelter
25. The Man behind the Curtain
26. A Low Guttural Howl
27. Take Me Home
28. Meltdown
29. The County Fair
30. Gumption
31. Calypso
32. Courage and Cremation
33. Jeeps and Rabbits
34. A Shit Farm in Paradise
35. Settled, but Not Really
36. The Fibroids Ate My Baby
37. After Birth
38. Mother
Acknowledgments