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The spring ended and the summer began, and with it, Asa felt as if they were in a race to conception. On the night of Savannah’s party, he may as well have heard the starter pistol go off because from that moment, it was a non-stop flurry of doctor’s appointments, counseling sessions, research, and trials.
As the summer began to wind down, though, Asa, Savannah and Hailey found themselves in Dr. Halper’s office discussing the latest results of another attempt at fertilization. Asa and Savannah sat in the two chairs facing the doctor’s desk, while Hailey opted to sit on the couch on the far side of the room. The news, up until then, had been disappointing. Previously failed attempts left the threesome discouraged, but Dr. Halper’s smile, as he closed the file on top of his desk, gave them a glimmer of hope that this time it might be different.
“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Steele,” Dr. Halper began, “and of course Hailey,” he said looking around Savannah to Hailey sitting in the back of the room. “It was a success.” To Savannah’s shocked expression, Dr. Halper confirmed what she’d been waiting to hear, “You’re going to have a baby.”
Asa, with mixed emotions, looked quickly at Savannah. Savannah, excited to hear the words she’d only heard in dreams and fantasies for almost fifteen years, could only laugh with delight. “What are we having, a boy or a girl?” She asked.
“Well,” Dr. Halper laughed, clasping his hands together on top of his desk, “It’s a bit too early to determine that, but so far, everything looks really good.”
“Oh, my God, Asa,” Savannah said, grabbing her husband’s hand. “We’re going to have a baby.”
When Savannah said that, Asa Steele finally felt a surge of pride. Just the thought that his seed was growing into his child, formed a lump in his throat. He couldn’t speak, so he grabbed Savannah’s hand and placed a kiss on top of it.
Dr. Halper turned to his computer, “I have a series of do’s and don’ts that I give out to all mommy and daddy’s to be. Anna,” he said, referring to his nurse, “will give them to you and, barring any changes or issues, she’ll also set up your next appointment.”
“Issues?” Savannah asked, slightly concerned.
“Oh, no. There’s nothing to worry about, Mrs. Steele. With what we know now, I’m not seeing any reason to be concerned.”
“When do you think we can expect the baby’s arrival, doctor?” Asa asked, lacing his fingers with Savannah’s.
Dr. Halper consulted his computer again, “Based off of the last procedure, conception took place thirty days ago, the first of August, so with that, I think you will have a happy baby somewhere around the first week in May.”
“A May baby, Asa,” Savannah said, looking at her husband. “What if he’s born on the fifth, my birthday?” she exclaimed with excitement
“He?” Asa laughed. “We don’t know what it is yet, honey.”
“I know, but I just feel like we’re going to have a boy.”
Dr. Halper could see they were excited about the gender, as most parents were. “When you come in for the mid-pregnancy ultrasound,” he said, “which is typically between sixteen and twenty weeks or four to five months, we should be able to tell the sex.” Laughing, “That is if the little guy or gal cooperates with the tech and we can get a peek,” he said with another chuckle.
“Wow,” Savannah said, thinking about the baby shower, color patterns for the nursery, and names.
“Well, that’s all I have, unless you have any questions for me,” Dr. Halper said.
“No,” Savannah said quickly; ready to get home to start planning.
Asa shook his head and said he didn’t have any questions either. Dr. Halper stood and started to reach out to shake Asa’s hand, but noticed Hailey sitting in the back of the room. “Hailey,” Dr. Halper said, standing straight again. Asa having stood to receive Dr. Halper’s hand, turned to look back at Hailey, too. “Do you have any questions?” Dr. Halper asked.
Hailey, after the doctor announced the news that they’d finally conceived and she would be done with the prodding and poking, at least for a little while, had put in her ear buds and was listening to the latest Sean Paul song while she surfed CSU undergraduate programs.
“Hailey?” Dr. Halper said a little louder.
Startled to hear her name, Hailey glanced up and quickly pulled her ear buds out.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Savannah, still seated, twisted around in her seat and looked back at Hailey. Ashamed, she realized she’d actually forgot the girl was there, but when she saw Hailey pull out her earbuds, she frowned slightly, curious about the girl’s action.
“Do you have any questions?”
“Ah, no.”
Now, Savannah’s curiosity was really piqued.
“This is your first child, Hailey. You must be scared or at least nervous?” Dr. Halper prodded.
Hailey swallowed. She wasn’t nervous before, but now, with all three of them looking down at her, she thought maybe she should have been paying attention and waited until she was back in the car to do her research. “No, not really. I’ve, ah, seen it before.”
At that comment, Asa and Dr. Halper’s head twisted slightly, similar to a dog’s look of “’Huh?” Savannah, who’d only twisted in her chair before, turned fully, and looked blinkingly at the girl.
“I mean,” Hailey started, looking between the three of them, “a couple girls in my high school dropped out to get married because they were having babies and I was there when my cousin had her baby.” Hailey shrugged.
“Well, it’s a little different when you have your own, but,” Dr. Halper smiled at her, “if you don’t have any questions now, there’s plenty of time if you have some later. Don’t hesitate to ask, OK?”
“Ah, sure.” Hailey said. She wanted to put both ear buds back in, but decided to only put in one, in case they sprung something else at her later.
Dr. Halper looked back at Asa and extended his hand again, “Make sure you see Anna on your way out and she’ll give you all the details you’ll need as we move forward.”
Savannah stood and Dr. Halper reached out to shake Savannah’s hand, “Congratulations, Savannah.” He said, nodding at the couple.
Savannah reached down to grab her purse; she wanted to send a group text to her sisters, but stopped when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Asa walk over to Hailey. He reached for her hand to help her stand and Savannah could see that before he let it go, he gave it a quick squeeze. He let it go and stepped aside to allow both Savannah and Hailey to proceed him out of the office.
*****
MID-DECEMBER IN COLORADO Springs and Savannah planned a Saturday afternoon lunch in the family dining room for her Fab-Five. The women were just leaving the nursery and, even though the couple was convinced they were having a boy, when she and Asa started decorating, they chose a soft violet instead of blue, in the event it turned out to be a girl. Baby cartoon animal decals decorated the borders and waist high, stuffed animals were in the four corners of the room. The women headed downstairs to the family dining room for lunch and to make plans for the baby shower.
“That is the cutest room, Savannah,” Kate said, walking into the dining room.
“Oh, yes,” Sophia said, walking toward the buffet table where Ms. Kyle had lunch laid out for the ladies. A variety of breads and rolls, cheeses, choice of chicken or tuna salad, roast beef or turkey slices, a lettuce and tomato salad, and an assortment of carved fruit, juices, and bottled water. “I love the Noah’s Ark theme.”
“Me, too,” Savannah said. Taking a seat at the head of the table, she let the ladies serve themselves while she pulled out her tablet. “The baby is due the first week in May,” she said, pulling up her calendar. “So, I was thinking we could have the shower one weekend in March. My board doesn’t have any major events in February or April and with the weather typically in the early 50s, I think it will work.”
Felicity brought her plate over to the chair immediately to the right of Savannah, but looked over her shoulder at the calendar before she sat down. “That could work. What month of pregnancy will that be?” She asked, taking her seat.
“If we plan it right, it’ll just be the start of the eighth month,” Savannah said. “A little more time for the little guy to finish cooking,” she said with a smile.
“So, you guys know for sure it’s a boy?” Raquel asked, sitting to Savannah’s left, and opening a bottle of water.
“Yes. We found out last week. I wanted to surprise you guys today.” Savannah grinned at her sister.
“OK. So, we agree on March, but where?” Sophia asked, she sat to Felicity’s right and started pouring salad dressing on her salad.
Paris had followed Sophia and took the chair to Sophia’s right, but had been noticeably quiet most of the day. Savannah looked at her now, but she seemed particularly interested in slathering mayonnaise on her roast beef sandwich.
Savannah looked away from Paris and addressed her sister, “I thought we’d just have it here. Something small and intimate, plus, I know a few of the members of ‘She’s My Sister’ really want to see the nursery.”
“What’s that?” Felicity asked. “A church ministry or a new committee your board established?”
“Oh,” Savannah began, “It’s a ministry at church that I’m a member of.”
“What?” Kate teased. Sitting to Raquel’s left, she speared a pineapple chunk. “There’s actually a board or group that you are not in charge of, Vannah?”
“Ha-Ha, very funny, Katie.” Savannah shook her head smiling at her sister, but looked back at Felicity. “You know, Macey, right?” At Felicity’s nod, she continued. “She started the group last year. It’s about 25 women, and a few men, who are sensitive to the plight of women caught in human trafficking. Our current effort is to find an apartment building or brownstone we could lease where they could go when they’re ready to get off the streets.”
“That’s awesome,” Felicity said. “Hopefully, it’s not listed.”
“Oh, no, of course not. We can’t have them found. Macey’s vision is that they stay up to three years to give them a chance to get counseling, a job, and just get on their feet. I’ve been searching my network to see how we can bring regular medical care to the facility or to a safe, but private location for them to receive it, plus the transportation to get them there without drawing attention to women coming and going. It’s challenging, but we’ll crack it.” Savannah said, reaching over to grab a grape off of Raquel’s plate.
“Savannah,” Sophia said. “I love that.”
“It’s hard work for everyone, but it’s worth it.”
“Awesome. So,” Raquel said, getting them back on topic. “It’ll be March and here, right?”
“Yes,” Savannah said, looking back down at her tablet.
As the women continued chatting, planning, and eating lunch, Savannah noticed Paris, seated at the furthest end of an eight chair pedestal dining table, still didn’t appear to contribute much to their plans. It was bothersome because, in addition to being a sorority sister, Paris was the first person Savannah met in college and the two had been close friends ever since freshman orientation. Besides her sisters, Paris was Savannah’s oldest friend.
As their lunch started to wind down, Hailey walked into the dining room to clear the lunch dishes. Collectively, the conversation stopped when the ladies noticed her rounded belly. This was the first they’d all seen Hailey and, although no one had ever gave it voice, it was an odd concept that she was carrying Asa’s child. Not knowing quite how to address the young woman, the ladies fell into an awkward silence while the dishes were cleared; none really sure how to respond in such a very new and different situation for all of them. After Hailey left, Sophia wiped her mouth with her linen napkin and cleared her throat. “Hailey looks good, Savannah. How’s she adjusting?”
“We’re all adjusting fine,” Savannah said quickly. She was aware of the awkwardness in the moment. “Asa is really excited.”
“I’m sure,” Kate said, smiling warmly at Savannah. “It’s his first child.” After the words left her mouth, Kate blinked rapidly thinking Savannah might interpret the comment to be a slight against her; that it was Asa’s first child, but not hers. Kate glanced quickly to Raquel on her right. Raquel shook her head just slightly, as if to tell her that she was fine and that she was sure Savannah would not think that. Kate sat back in her chair, grateful for Raquel’s support, but still unsure. Ever since Savannah confided in them that this was the path she thought was right for her and Asa, the three younger women decided to do what they could to ensure they gave Savannah what she needed in this uncharted territory.
Savannah, although she didn’t notice the exchange between Kate and Raquel, had heard Kate’s comment. She knew more than anyone how excited Asa truly was. He tried to curb it sometimes, but Savannah saw his enthusiasm the few times she was unable to make a doctor’s appointment and he offered to take Hailey alone. He’d come home with a new ultrasound picture and although it was interesting to see the progression, Savannah wasn’t willing to admit to anyone, even to herself, the shame she felt that she wasn’t as moved as he was.
Hailey came back in, rolling out the dessert and coffee cart. However, when she sat a cup in front of Paris, the woman asked her directly, “So, Hailey, how are you adjusting to...” Paris hesitated, she was about to say motherhood, but changed it, “to pregnancy?” She said instead.
Hailey glanced quickly at Savannah before answering. “I’m fine, ma’am.”
“You are at, what? Five months?” Paris continued. “That’s a really nice baby bump you’ve got there,” she said as Hailey poured her coffee.
“Ah, thank you, ma’am.”
“So, Savannah,” Raquel said, noticing Savannah had not taken her eyes off of the exchange between Hailey and Paris. “Did you say Asa’s parents would be able to come to the shower?”
“Ah, no,” Savannah said. “I mean, I’m not sure yet.” Savannah could not stop watching Paris as she chatted with Hailey while she served coffee to the rest of the ladies.
Just as Hailey was about to leave, “Hailey, why don’t you join us?” Paris asked.
All eyes flew to Paris.
“I mean, you’re part of the reason why we’re here, right?” Paris asked looking around at everyone.
When Hailey still hesitated, Paris stood and took her by the waist, escorting her to the vacant seat at the far end of the table, opposite Savannah at the head, and near where Paris was already sitting. Paris then pushed her coffee cup in front of Hailey and poured herself another from the cart; all to the stunned silence in the room.
While Paris chatted gaily with Hailey, asking gentle, but open ended questions of the young girl, encouraging her to respond freely, Raquel, Sophia, Kate and Felicity made attempts to distract Savannah from the spectacle taking place at the far end of the table. Savannah was only half listening, however. She’d leaned back in her chair and put both hands in her lap, as her focus continued to swing toward Hailey and Paris. Raquel, thinking it was a good idea to continue to redirect, engaged Savannah in conversation about baby shower plans and newest baby clothes designs. Kate picked up on Raquel’s line of reasoning and introduced opportunities for the baby and Savannah to interact with other mothers and their babies at the library for story time or visits to the park. At the moment, though, Savannah had very little interest in ‘Mommy and Me Dates’ because she noticed a subtle shift in Hailey’s posture; the girl was becoming more relaxed in her conversation with Paris, asking questions of her own, resting on the back of the chair, and even taking a few sips of the coffee in front of her.
When Hailey laughed outright at something Paris said, Savannah had had enough. “Hailey, please clear the table. We’re just about finished in here.”
Hailey, just starting to feel comfortable under Paris’ protective and inclusive conversation, looked down the table at Savannah and then back at Paris, who had the decency to look away. It was only then that Hailey stood, picked up hers and Paris’ coffee cups, and left the dining room. At Hailey’s departure, Savannah found herself breathing a bit harder than usual, but looked down the table at Paris, who unabashedly returned her gaze.
“Well, I’d better be going,” Felicity said, starting to rise. “I’ve got to get home and relieve Donald; he has the girls this afternoon.”
At the same time the ladies all began coming to the same conclusion, Hailey strolled through the door of the kitchen and encountered the perceptive and irritated eye of Manny. “What do you think you’re doing?” He asked point blank.
Shrugging, Hailey walked over to the sink and set down the two china cups. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, Hailey. What were you doing sitting with Mrs. Steele and her guests?”
“I was invited.”
“Girl,” Ms. Kyle said, combining ricotta and parmesan cheeses in a glass bowl for a lasagna dinner, “You don’t have any better sense than that?”
“They asked me to sit down,” Hailey said again.
“They?” Ms. Kyle asked, glancing up from her bowl.
“Well, Ms. Paris did,” Hailey corrected.
“You said right,” Ms. Kyle said. “Ms. Paris.” Ms. Kyle emphasized. She cracked a large egg into the mixture, “not Paris, not Felicity, and certainly not Savannah.” She started mixing the cheeses with a wooden spoon. “You had no business setting your feet under that woman’s dining room table.”
“I think this baby makes it my business,” Hailey whispered, but both Ms. Kyle and Manny both still heard her. Manny closed his eyes and shook his head.
“You really have lost your mind,” Ms. Kyle clucked, having paused in her stirring to look at Hailey. Shaking her head, she went back to blending the cheese mixture.
“Hailey,” Manny tried a different approach. “You are in a very,” he searched for the words, “unique situation that will require a certain level of sensitivity and respect.”
“Respect?” Hailey said. “What about my respect?”
“What are you talking about, girl?” Ms. Kyle asked exasperated, dicing fresh basil.
“From day one, everything has been about her. ‘What Savannah wants for the baby, what Savannah wants for the nursery, what Savannah wants for the baby shower...’ Nobody ever asks me what I want.”
“Are you kidding me? You got what you want.” Ms. Kyle had been shaking a hand full of basil into the cheese mixture, but threw the rest into the bowl and looked over at Hailey. “Are you or are you not waiting on an acceptance memo for enrollment in the summer semester at Colorado State?” Ms. Kyle asked incredulously and then pointed at Hailey. “You’re getting what you want, Hailey.” She then pointed at the door separating the kitchen from the family dining room, “and she’s getting what she wants. That is not your baby.”
Ms. Kyle wiped her hands on a dish towel, tossed it on the counter, and started ticking off her finger: “So, what she wants for the baby, what she wants for the nursery, and what she wants for the shower,” Ms. Kyle paused and pointed at Hailey again, “does not matter to you.” Ms. Kyle shook her head, covered her bowl with plastic wrap, picked it up, and walked over to put it into the refrigerator before starting on the sauce.
“Well, I’m carrying it,” Hailey said, glaring at Ms. Kyle. “That makes it matter to me... and it makes it mine.” Feeling confident after her conversation with one of the Fab-Five, Hailey rinsed out the cups and opened the dishwasher. “Mine and Asa’s” she added quietly.
“What?!” Ms. Kyle screamed-hissed, slamming the refrigerator door closed. “Now I know you’ve completely lost your mind.” Ms. Kyle said. Throwing her hands up in the air, she walked toward the pantry in the back of the kitchen. “You talk some sense into her, Manny,” Ms. Kyle mumbled, leaving the kitchen. “I’ve had just about enough of these young girls thinking...” she trailed off.
“Hailey,” Manny said, walking over to the girl. He put both of his hands on her shoulders and turned her from the dishwasher. “I need for you to hear me.” He paused for a moment to ensure he had her attention. “This is not your baby. And the direction of your thoughts and actions is very dangerous. I know this situation is peculiar, but you have got to rise above it and see it for what it is.”
“And what is it? If it’s not me and Asa...Mr. Steele,” she corrected, rolling her eyes at Manny’s hard glare, “having a baby,” she asked.
It’s a mess, Manny thought. And totally in opposition to what God wanted for this family. “It’s an opportunity for you to be a blessing to a woman who wants very much to be a mother and for you to go to college. That was the original and agreed upon objectives, remember?”
Hailey just stared defiantly up at Manny.
Manny, knowing this was not over, but could very well be the beginning of disaster, sighed and slightly pulled Hailey in for a kiss on her forehead. With that, he turned to leave the kitchen. He could hear Ms. Kyle still mumbling in the pantry, but for the moment, there was clearly nothing more that could be said.
*****
SAVANNAH, HAVING SAID goodbye to her sisters and Felicity, found herself alone with Paris in the foyer. She closed the door behind her last sister’s departure and turned to face her friend, “What was that about, Paris?”
Paris pursed her lips and swung her designer handbag over her shoulder. “Savannah, I just wanted to show you that this farce is going to blow up in your face.”
Savannah rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and blew it out while looking up at the ceiling. “Why are you so opposed to this?” Looking at Paris in frustration, she rested her hands on her hips.
“Look, everyone knows I have my own opinions regarding adoption, so we won’t go into that again.”
“Yes, please spare me,” Savannah interrupted.
Paris ignored that and continued, “And although I, by right, have my own opinions,” Paris couldn’t help but defend herself, “I really have serious pause for this. And,” she added before Savannah could say something, “in addition to that, you have given another woman a position of power in your own household, Savannah,” Paris said.
“That’s ridiculous. We have a contract and besides, you gave her the power position when you invited her to sit at my table.” Savannah countered. The women were silent, facing each other. Shaking her head, Savannah looked at Paris, “Why can’t you just support me? This is my life and my choice.”
“I know it’s your life, but mark my words, Savannah,” Paris said, “This is a mistake for you.”
“It’s Asa’s child. How could you say it will be a mistake?” Savannah asked. Hurt, she looked into the eyes of her oldest friend.
Paris reached over and took both of Savannah’s hands in hers. “No. That’s not what I said; a living, breathing child is never a mistake.” Paris said firmly. When Savannah remained quiet, she squeezed her hands and added, “A zygote is never a mistake.” Savannah finally smiled softly, so she continued. “But, I know you, Vannah. This,” she emphasized and nodded in the direction of the kitchen, “is not what you want; not really. It’s just a smokescreen...a substitute.”
At Savannah’s saddened expression, Paris continued, “Remember when we first met; on that bench outside of the cafeteria during freshman orientation? You made it clear you were at school to find the father of your child,” Paris said with a smile. “And that you were going to make babies and make the world beautiful. What happened to that promise?”
“That was the promise of a child, Paris. I’m a grown woman and I can admit when something is not working and when it’s time to start something else.”
Paris sighed and pulled Savannah down to the welcome bench that sat just to the left of the front door. “The other morning, I was listening to that talk radio program that I love so much and a completely different topic was being discussed, but the radio host gave an illustration that really resonated with me.” Paris sat her purse on the bench between them and settled into her story.
“He told a story about a group of missionary men and women, standing on a big hill looking down into a raging river. There were people in that river, drowning, as they were being dragged down stream. Arms flailing, bobbing up and down...they were going down fast. Well, a few of the missionaries started yelling to them, ‘use your arms, use your legs’ and they mimicked to them how to swim. A few of the people in the river heard them, and actually started swimming and were able to make it safely to the river bank. But there were still more and more people that were flailing downstream. So, a few other missionaries realized teaching them to swim wasn’t working for all of them so they ran down the hill and waded into the river, and started snatching out a few that were close enough to touch; they physically got in and pulled them to safety.”
Savannah, although she was listening, couldn’t see where Paris was going with this story. She sighed, crossed her legs, and rested on the back of the bench.
Paris, unperturbed by Savannah, continued her story. “Then there were yet still more missionaries who saw that, although teaching them to swim, as well as getting directly into the water to pull them out, was working for a few more, there were still many others who were coming downstream and they thought, ‘where are all these people coming from? Why are they even in the river?’ So, they headed further up the hill and saw a bridge, and on the bridge, right in the middle, were men who were tossing people over the rail and into the raging river.
With that twist in the story, Savannah’s interest was piqued.
Paris continued, “So, the missionaries ran up onto the bridge and some of them started engaging in battle with the men who were tossing people over the bridge.” Paris said. “And while some of those missionaries engaged in hand to hand combat with the men who were tossing people into the river to stop them, the last of the missionaries noticed that there were yet still people walking onto the bridge.”
Not realizing she had gotten interested in Paris’ crazy story, Savannah sat up a bit straighter.
“Those last few missionaries thought, ‘we’ve got to find a way to convince people to not come on this bridge. We’ve got to stop them from walking this path to begin with.’ So, they ran ahead to the opening of the bridge and started re-directing people saying, ‘don’t go that way. Don’t get on this bridge; trust me; it’s a bad idea to go that way. There’s danger on that path because they are tossing people over the bridge and into the raging river. Go this way instead.’ And they started pointing to a better path.”
Paris sat for a moment and let Savannah absorb the illustration. “Savannah,” she said, taking one of her hands. “I’ve known you for a long time. I’ve seen your passion; wanting women to reach their best potential. And I’ve seen that you are the type of ‘missionary,’ Paris said smiling with air quotes, attempting to show Savannah she has a place in the illustration, “who is either doing hand to hand combat with the enemy or pointing them toward a better path.”
Savannah just sat and looked at her friend.
“I’ve seen you go to bat with congressmen to change the laws that are hurting people; I’ve seen you tell women to take or choose a better path; to not get caught up in something that is waiting to suck them under. I’ve been at rallies where you’ve tried to point women in a direction that could save them before they got caught in something that was destructive.”
Paris squeezed her hand, “what I don’t see, is you jumping into the river to snatch them out.” At Savannah’s quizzical expression, she continued, “That’s how I see adoption. I see it as jumping into the river and snatching people out of what has them drowning. And although that is awesome and definitely needed, I don’t see you as one of the missionaries who ran down the hill toward the river, but I see you as the missionary who ran up the hill to see how you can block it from even getting to the point of drowning.”
“Even Asa,” Paris continued, “His scholarship program for underprivileged kids is him saying ‘use your arms, use your legs.’ He’s giving them education as a way out, but even he’s not one of the missionaries who ran down to the water’s edge to wade in and snatch them out because he’s not tutoring them; he’s providing a way for them to learn to swim, so to speak.”
Savannah closed her eyes and breathed deeply, listening to her oldest friend; the one she confided things she couldn’t tell her sisters because she was the oldest and she knew they looked up to her.
“But, I’m not adopting, Paris,” Savannah tried to counter even though Paris’ words were ringing really close to home.
Paris took a deep breath, “That’s true,” she said. “You got to the top of the hill and realized the bridge to you and Asa having your own child wasn’t working, so you pointed to the path where Asa and Hailey could have a child.”
Ouch, Savannah thought.
Savannah closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. “I just,” she started, “I just have to do something, Paris.” She ended quietly, opening her eyes and looking over at her friend.
Paris pulled Savannah into a warm hug, “I know, honey. I know.” Paris said rubbing her back. “I love you. You know that.” Paris pulled back from the embrace. “And I would never say or do anything that deliberately hurt you, but I just don’t think this is what you are truly looking for and I don’t think it will truly make you happy.”
Paris looked at Savannah for a few moments, kissed her cheek, and squeezed her hands before she smiled sadly at her friend, picked up her purse, and left. Savannah watched her leave, wondering, for the first time, if she’d made the right decision.
*****
THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY passed a little differently this year for the Steeles. Asa appeared pretty much the same, focused on work and his philanthropic responsibilities, but on the inside he was torn; excited about the birth of his child, but still wishing it were with Savannah, not to mention the persistent nagging question of whether or not this was where God wanted them or if he’d possibly veered off somewhere. Despite the troublesome thoughts that crept up from time to time, he pushed away his conflicting and lingering doubts because Savannah seemed happy.
The weekend between Christmas and the New Year was one of their favorite times of the year; Asa’s annual holiday celebration which acknowledged his three partners and the year’s top five performing employees. Although employees and supervisors enjoyed the annual Christmas party at work, the end of the fiscal year wasn’t just about the tally of the year’s gross accomplishments, but it always brought the anticipation of who would make the top five and get the coveted invitation to Asa Steele’s personal holiday dinner. It was a fun night and Asa and Savannah enjoyed welcoming them and their spouses into their home; it gave Asa an opportunity to thank them personally for another successful year.
The Steeles and their guests were in the formal dining room; a massive room that included an eighteen chair table setting, a formal chandelier, and marble flooring. The dinner party was in full swing with Asa and Savannah sitting at either heads of the table. Asa’s three partners and their spouses, as well as one employee with his wife, were to his left. The remaining four employees, and their spouses, were seated on the opposite side of the table, on Asa’s right. One of the Steele’s massive Christmas trees stood in the far corner behind Savannah. This particular tree, almost eight feet in height, was decorated with silver and gold balls, accented with white lights.
Five glass hurricane candle holders, lit with thick green, pine scented candles, lined the center of the table. A string of cranberry beads, interwoven between each vase, also cascaded down the center of the table. Green bows were tied around the back of each white, linen, straight back chair and big, full poinsettias sat on the buffet tables that outlined the perimeter of the room. The wall mirrors, above the buffet tables, casted a reflection that gave the room a feeling of fullness and shimmer. Finally, instrumental Christmas music played softly from the room’s internal speakers.
“Mrs. Steele, your home is beautiful,” Eric Bell’s wife Jessica said, placing a hand on Savannah’s arm to get her attention. Savannah had just finished another conversation with Maggie Smoke, one of Asa’s senior executives. Jessica grabbed Savannah’s attention when Maggie’s husband, Bryce, drew her attention away, holding out his fork to her so she could have a taste of the dessert he’d chosen.
“Thank you, Jessica,” Savannah said. “There’s something about Christmas that just makes everything beautiful. Don’t you think?”
“Oh, yes,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Do you and Mr. Steele have plans to celebrate the New Year?”
“No, not really,” Savannah said. “We typically bring in the New Year at church and that’s what we’ll do again this year.”
“That’s nice,” she said, raising her coffee cup to her lips. “And I imagine it’s too soon for the baby’s arrival?” She asked hesitantly.
“Yes,” Savannah said, looking at her directly. This is the first time the Bells have been to one of our personal parties, Savannah noticed. “Asa and I don’t expect the little one until the first week in May.”
“Well, that’s just lovely,” Jessica said. “I don’t know why more women don’t have surrogate births, especially if we could all continue to look as gorgeous as you,” Jessica said with a laugh.
Savannah was having a difficult time gauging the woman’s sincerity, but before she could say or do anything further than smile, Hailey chose that very moment to enter the dining room. She appeared to be assessing the guests’ needs, but at nearing six months, there was clearly an appearance of a belly, especially in her uniform. Savannah noticed the conversations in the room dimmed just a bit.
“Oh,” Jessica whispered, half to herself, “is that her?”
Savannah decided to take the high road and chalk it up to the woman’s curiosity and not rudeness, “Yes, that’s Hailey.” To Savannah, it appeared the young girl’s movements seemed to highlight her belly.
“Ah, Asa,” Carter Michal, Asa’s oldest partner said. He’s always had a booming, cheerful disposition. “Is this your girl?”
At that question, Savannah reached for her glass of wine because something akin to white lightning shot through her.
Asa, having had too many cocktails throughout the meal, smiled, patted Carter on the shoulder, and nodded, “Yes, that’s Hailey.”
“Well then, my good man,” Carter continued merrily, “introduce us to the mother of your child.”
The lightning was then accompanied by thunder in Savannah’s brain. With heart pounding, Savannah looked at Hailey over the rim of her glass. Trying desperately to maintain an expression of ease in front of her guests, Savannah set her glass down, swallowed her wine, and placed her hands in her lap.
The men at the table laughed, but half the women either looked down at their desserts or at Savannah. Feeling their glances, Savannah could do little more than breathe evenly and tell herself to unclench her jaw. She stared daggers at an ignorant Asa, though, as he gestured for Hailey to stop picking up empty dessert plates and come to his head of the table.
Savannah watched as Hailey raised her head, turned, and walked with a suspiciously enhanced swaddle toward Asa’s outstretched hand. Asa lightly took Hailey’s forearm and introduced her to Carter, and to Savannah’s horror, Carter stood up, reached past Asa to take Hailey’s hand from him, and placed a kiss on the back of it. There was no doubt now; Hailey exuded an air of smugness when she smiled slowly and turned her head in dramatic and deliberate fashion down the table toward Savannah, who, began to rub her middle finger and thumb together.
Carter’s wife Helen, familiar with her husband’s gaiety and over indulgence in the spirits around the holidays, as well as his all around general lack of social etiquette, reached up and snatched at his elbow and forced him back into his seat. Carter, falling ungraciously back to his chair, laughed off the clatter of his dishes and reached for his wine glass. “Lovely young lady, isn’t she dear?” he asked Helen.
Helen, ignoring her husband, looked down the table at Savannah and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
Savannah shook her bangs out of her eyes and smiled graciously, “Hailey, please continue clearing the table.”
Hailey held Savannah’s gaze three seconds too long before she blinked slowly, picked up only Asa’s coffee cup, and left the room.
*****
“YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING about that girl, Asa,” Savannah exclaimed over her shoulder as she and Asa entered their bedroom after the last of their guests left. Asa closed the door behind him and followed his wife into their room.
“What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about?” Savannah stopped mid stride, turned and looked incredulously at her husband, “Are you serious?”
At Asa’s blank stare, she continued. “Hailey, Asa. You need to do something about Hailey,” she said, kicking her high heels into the air and turning toward her bureau.
Asa bent down to collect the shoes Savannah sent flying, tossed them toward her side of the room, and walked into his dressing closet. “What needs to be done about Hailey, Savannah?”
“Asa, are you kidding me? Did you see the way she looked at me tonight?” Savannah asked, shaking her head at her reflection, removing her earrings. “That girl is out of control.”
“I didn’t see anything.”
Savannah gasped, turned from her bureau and marched over to Asa’s closet, “So, you’re telling me, you didn’t see her gloating and smirking at me the whole evening?” Savannah asked, hands on her hips, staring at Asa as he disrobed in his closet. “You didn’t see her flaunting her big belly in my face- in front of our friends and employees?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Rolling her eyes, Savannah walked away, “Honestly, Asa,” she mumbled. She reached up under her skirt and rolled down her thigh-high stockings, balled them up, and tossed them across the room toward her shoes. “It’s your fault anyway,” she said, unzipping and removing her leather skirt.
“My fault?” Asa peeked out of the closet. “What’s my fault? And where is all of this coming from?” he asked, going back into his dressing closet.
Savannah could feel herself slipping into irrational thought and action and knew it wasn’t fair to blame Asa, but she couldn’t get Paris’ story out of her mind, plus she knew, without a doubt that Hailey’s attitude had become increasingly smug ever since she started showing. Savannah knew Asa and Hailey had only done what she wanted, but it just seemed as if things were not going according to how she’d imagined and it was pulling the worse traits out of her.
“Asa, ever since she got pregnant, you’ve been treating her better than the other house servants; giving her extra time off, asking her how she’s feeling. Everybody sees it and she thinks she’s better than everyone else.” Savannah said. But what she thought was, better than me. She thinks she’s better than me because she was able to give you something in 4 months that I haven’t been able to give you in fourteen years. With disgust and self-loathing, Savannah snatched her silk shirt over her head and tossed it, and her bra, onto the growing pile and slipped on her nightgown.
“Savannah,” Asa walked out of the closet wearing his pajamas, “of course I ask her how she’s feeling,” he lifted the sheet of his side of the bed, “she’s carrying my...our child,” Asa corrected, feeling Savannah’s gaze on him.
Sliding under the covers, Asa let out a long sigh. He was starting to lose patience because he’d drank way too much and Savannah’s confusing behavior was adding to a headache. “Savannah, you and Manny hired her and you wanted this, so she’s your responsibility. If she’s not doing something right or looking at you funny,” he rolled his eyes while snatching the covers over himself, “then handle it however you want.” Asa reached for his light and turned it out. “Good night,” he said, pounding his pillow and turning his back on his wife.
Savannah stood quietly fuming at Asa’s back. And, truth be told, at herself, too; she knew this entire plan was her idea and that was a hard pill to swallow. She walked over and climbed into bed, but she was up for a long while wondering what she should do.
*****
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Savannah was in the family dining room having a cup of tea when Manny walked through to get to the kitchen. “Afternoon, ma’am. How are you this beautiful Sunday?”
“I’m well, Immanuel. Thank you.” Savannah took a sip of her tea and continued to flip through her parenting magazine.
“Very good, ma’am.” Manny started to push through the dining room door to enter the kitchen.
“Oh, Immanuel,” Savannah said, turning a page, “I’d like to shift some household responsibilities. As of today, please make arrangements to have Hailey train with Stephen.”
“Ah, yes, ma’am,” Manny said, pausing before entering the kitchen. “As you wish, of course.” Manny stood blinking down at Savannah.
Savannah stopped flipping through her magazine and glanced up at Manny. “Is there a problem, Immanuel? I’m assuming there are no immediate certification requirements for simply checking the visitor’s log at the main gate and allowing entry onto the grounds is there?”
“No, ma’am. I will ensure her training does not compromise the safety of the property.”
“Good.” Savannah said, returning to her magazine.
“Yes, ma’am. It will be done.” Manny said, pushing through to the kitchen.
*****
“BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR!”
“I told you to stay out of her way,” Ms. Kyle said, turning on the stand mixer to blend the ingredients for her German chocolate cake.
Manny breathed a deep sigh and frowned at Ms. Kyle.
“What?” Ms. Kyle frowned back at Manny. “You and I both saw this coming.”
“I don’t know anything about security or that crazy looking panel Steve monitors in that booth,” Hailey reached both hands behind her and rubbed her lower back.
“For now, you wouldn’t have to do anything with the security monitors, Hailey. Besides, I’m sure Steve won’t leave you in the booth by yourself.” Manny said pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes closed. “But, Mr. Steele often hosts business meetings in his home office, so, being assigned to the main gate’s entry booth, you will need to familiarize yourself with the visitor’s logs, check identification before anyone is allowed to enter the property, and note the time of departure in the back up manual.” Manny sat heavily in one of the kitchen chairs and stretched his long legs out in front of him.
Ms. Kyle shook her head, turned off the mixer and lifted a finger to the raised beaters to taste the batter. “You brought this on yourself, Hailey.”
“How? What did I do?”
“You know what you did. You flaunted that belly in front of Mrs. Steele, started calling her husband by his first name...” Ms. Kyle added a splash more vanilla to the batter.
“I never called him Asa to his face!”
“And,” Ms. Kyle continued, “You made that woman feel like she had to compete in her own home,” she said, turning the mixer back on.
“Manny?” Hailey whined, trying to appeal to the older man.
Manny held up his hand to stop her whining. “Hailey, it’s not ideal, but it won’t kill you, either. I’m certain, when the baby is close to delivery, she will soften and your duties will change again. She just needs to, I don’t know, gain some ground, I think.”
Ms. Kyle shook her head again and mumbled under her breath about young girls biting the hand that fed them.
“This isn’t fair,” Hailey said again.
“Life will never be fair, young Hailey.” Manny said quietly. “Best you learn that lesson now.”
“But this was all her idea!”
“Yes,” Manny sighed. “It was.”
“Then why be mean to me?”
“You had it coming,” Ms. Kyle said, pouring batter into her greased pans.
Hailey sagged into a nearby chair and sniffed back tears. Manny frowned at Ms. Kyle again. “Hailey, none of this is your fault...” Manny started.
“Ha.” Ms. Kyle harrumphed, scraping batter from the bowl with a rubber spatula.
“Yes,” Manny said to Ms. Kyle’s objection, “You could have, you should have,” he emphasized, “behaved with more grace and respect toward Mrs. Steele.”
Ms. Kyle shook her pans slightly and looked for air bubbles in the batter. “Mrs. Steele might be a powerhouse when she goes to work, but anyone with half a brain can see that her inability to have a child all these years has dealt a blow to her self-esteem.”
Manny sighed and thought out loud, “This entire situation, in my opinion, is not the road this family should have taken.”
“Really?” Hailey perked up.
“That’s all I’m going to say about that,” Manny said with a raised hand, “but my point is, regardless of the situations wherein we find ourselves, we have a responsibility to always respond with grace, patience and respect toward others.”
Hailey sat looking miserable. Ms. Kyle continued to twist her lips and mumble to herself as she put her cake pans into the oven.
“It’ll be fine.” Manny said. “All of this will somehow work together and turn into something good in the end. You’ll see.”
*****
WITH THE START OF THE New Year, the Steele household went from the scents of pine and adornments of poinsettias to the fragrance of roses and sweet chocolates. Asa, sensitive to Savannah’s mood swings, made continuous efforts to assuage his wife’s continued agitation with Hailey’s pregnancy. Nothing, however, seemed to please Savannah, but in fact, had the opposite reaction.
On one particularly brisk February afternoon, Beth was dusting the nursery and caught Manny walking past the door. She called to him and shared her concern that the cleaning products they were currently using would be too harsh when the baby arrives. He made a note of it and turned to leave, but, just before he walked out the door, “Manny is that Hailey out there?” Beth said, staring out the nursery window.
Manny turned back into the room and looked through the nursery window in the direction Beth was indicating. Sure enough, Hailey was carrying a bag and had slid into the back of a taxi cab. At that moment, his cell phone rang. Still staring down at Hailey, he reached down, “Steve, what am I looking at?” He asked into the phone.
“Sorry, Manny. You know I would have called you before the cab came through the gate, but Hailey logged it herself, so it was cleared to come up to the house. Harold is on post at the gate now and thought it was strange, so he called me.”
Manny sighed. “OK. I’ll handle it.” Manny said about to click off.
“Do you want me to radio Harold and tell him to hold the cab before they exit?”
“No,” Manny said, shaking his head at Beth who was about to object. “I have an idea where she’s going. I’ll catch up to her.” Manny clicked off with a deep breath and clenched jaw.
“Beth, I’ll be back. No need to alarm Mr. or Mrs. Steele until I find out what’s going on.” He said, exiting the room.
*****
HAILEY SAT AT THE BUS terminal trying to decide where she should go. She found a bench near the terminal’s center attraction, a large, indoor water fountain, enclosed with a circular, stoned sitting wall. A few children sat along the edge tossing in pennies or reaching down to play in the water when their parents weren’t watching. Hailey watched people rush by her to either catch a bus or run into the arms of someone picking them up. A young man sat playing with his phone on a nearby bench; a laundry bag at his feet. He looks like he’s headed back to school, Hailey thought. Maybe his mom did his laundry for him before he left.
An older woman, maybe someone’s grandmother, Hailey thought, was across from her knitting a purple...looks like that could become a scarf, Hailey supposed. The older lady would look up from time to time from her task, in the direction of the entrance. At one time, the woman caught Hailey staring at her and smiled warmly. Hailey smiled back, but quickly pulled her bag around her swollen middle and shoved her left hand into her coat pocket.
“Thought I’d find you here,” a deep, familiar voice said from behind her.
“How’d you know I was here?” Hailey asked Manny, not bothering to look over at him as he took the seat next to her, stretched out his long legs, and crossed them at the ankles.
“I had a feeling,” he said with a shrug.
When Hailey said nothing else, “I saw you leaving the house. Where are you headed?”
It was Hailey’s turn to shrug.
“What happened?” Manny asked, clasping his fingers together in front of him.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Manny playfully nudged Hailey’s arm with his elbow. “Come on. Give.”
After a few blinks and a sniff, “My additional duties now include perimeter checks.” She said quietly.
“Come again?” Manny said, sitting up and inclining his head toward Hailey.
“Perimeter checks,” Hailey repeated. “Harold handed me a radio yesterday and told me that today I will start my new training phase and it includes ensuring the gates are secure at two hour intervals.”
Manny sat staring off for a moment, “Does Steve know about this?” He asked her.
Hailey shrugged again. “I guess so.”
“No, I don’t think so,” Manny said aloud to himself. He’s kept me abreast of all of her training and I know he would have told me about this. Savannah, what are you doing? Manny thought shaking his head.
“And she said if I don’t do it, I can forget the scholarship,” Hailey said quietly.
“What?” Manny asked. “She told you she was taking your scholarship?”
When the girl sat saying nothing, “Hailey,” Manny prodded.
“She didn’t say it to me, but,” Hailey said sniffing, “I overheard her on the phone.”
Manny waited for her to continue.
“She was talking to someone about training and then she said something I couldn’t hear, but then I heard her say something about modifying the conditions of a contract; I just guessed she was talking about me.” Hailey shrugged again.
Manny sighed. He knew Savannah had become increasingly agitated over the course of the pregnancy and he also knew Hailey’s youth and immaturity had antagonized and perpetuated that agitation. He shook his head. A new arrival was an emotional time in any home, but this situation was going to need better navigation. Emotions were running high in the Steele household and the two women at the center had been in silent battle with each other and making it unbearable for everyone.
Manny unclasped his hands and put an arm around her. “Hailey,” pulling the girl to his side in a hug, “come on back, honey. You can’t be out here by yourself, especially not with the little one due in just two months.”
“Two and a half,” Hailey mumbled quietly into his coat.
“OK,” Manny said with a small smile, “two and a half,” he said kissing the top of her head. Shaking his head again, Manny noticed a little boy in a red baseball cap sitting at the fountain. The boy kept sneaking glances at his mother, who was distracted on the phone. He’d been sitting right next to her when Manny first sat next to Hailey, but had subtly inched further away as he got more aggressive playing in the water. “This is a challenging situation, but not impossible,” Manny said, watching the boy.
“Yea, I guess,” Hailey said. On a deep breath, she rested the back of her head on his shoulder and noticed the grandmother had left. “I guess I did get a little carried away,” she said, thinking back on her deliberate attempts to goad Mrs. Steele.
“Maybe a little,” Manny said, raising his hand and demonstrating a small space between his thumb and pointer finger.
Shaking her head and swiping at her eye, “I just felt...I don’t know” Hailey started. “I think I felt a little...like her.” She finished on a whisper.
“You’re going to have to explain that.”
“I know. It sounds crazy and stupid now, but knowing I was actually having her husband’s baby because she couldn’t give him one...I know,” she repeated when she felt Manny lean back and look at her. “But, this baby made me feel like...like I could be her; do what she does, have what she has. I felt like I was beautiful, with a rich husband who checks on me, asks me if I’m OK, takes me to my doctor appointments. I thought, maybe after I have the baby and get my degree, maybe he might...”
Hailey could feel Manny shaking his head this time.
“I know. Stupid.” Hailey said, “I don’t need to hear you say it, too.”
“I wasn’t going to say it was stupid. I was going to say that emotions are already high when a baby is coming and this arrangement just may have made it confusing for you. You’re still very young.”
“Yea, young and stupid,” she said.
“You’re not stupid. Stop saying that.”
“I don’t even really think about Mr. Steele like that. Not really, well...” she admitted. “Not anymore.”
Manny waited for her to finish.
“I guess it was just the first time a real man, not some boy, really cared about how I was doing. And he’s so rich,”
“Yeah,” Manny said, “You said that.”
Hailey shook her head. “I’ve never had anything. Did you know I used to wear my brother’s hand-me down flannel shirts? I made it look pretty and wore earrings with it, but it was still their shirts. And I guess I thought that if this baby was my ticket to college, maybe he could be my ticket to...more.” She admitted quietly.
“And now?” Manny prodded.
“Now, I’m just tired.”
Manny nodded his head and gave her shoulder a squeeze.
“A son,” Manny mused.
“Yes,” Hailey whispered.
“Maybe the Steele’s would let you help name him.”
“Ha.” She barked. “Have you heard a word I’ve said? I highly doubt they’re going to let me do that.”
“I don’t know,” Manny said. “Mr. Steele is a good man; fair and decent.”
“Yea, but, Mrs. Steele would never go for it.”
“No, probably not.” Manny said with a soft chuckle. “But, if you ever caught them both at a moment when they might be open to consider it, and before you handed him over to them... maybe you could leave him with a private legacy and give him your father’s name.”
“Idris?” Hailey said, leaning up from his embrace. “And if by some miracle they liked the name, why would I do that?”
“Because,” he said, “I might be one of the few people, and by few, I mean you and me,” he pointed a finger between the two of them, “who knows the one person you want proud of you most is your father.”
“Yea,” Hailey sniffed bitterly looking away, “knocked up with a married man’s kid, whose wife hates me, barely holding on to my job, no education...oh yea, daddy will be real proud.”
“Hailey,” Manny said, placing a gentle finger under her chin and guiding her to look at him, “deep down, I know you want your father to be proud of you. You left home to forge your own life, outside of what he thought was best for you. Yes, I think you want him to be proud of your choices and the motivations behind them. I’d risk saying, most of us want that.”
“You too?”
“Of course,” Manny said with a smile. “I strive to please my father every day. To be a man he is proud to call his son.”
“Really? Your dad is still alive?” Hailey asked, wondering how old he would have to be to have a son as old as Manny.
“I’m not that old, young lady,” Manny said with a laugh and a playful tug of one of her locks. “But, yes, my father is alive and doing well, thank you for asking,” Manny added sarcastically with a smile.
“Well,” Hailey thought about her father. She’d always harbored a small desire to do better than her brothers who just stayed in Texas and did what their father wanted. “Maybe...”
“I know he’s going to be a handful,” Manny said, looking at the boy in the baseball cap. His mother finally glanced up from her phone call and noticed he’d inched himself a good five feet from her. Lowering her phone, she yelled for him, but he gave her an impish grin over his shoulder and swung his feet over the rim and into the water. She threw her phone in her bag, and lunged for him, but the boy laughed at her and ran toward the middle of the fountain. Jumping up and down, he raised his hands in glee. The spray of water completely drenched him as his red baseball cap was lost forever to the fountain.
“Who? The baby? Why do you say that?”
“Because his mother is a handful, of course.” Manny said, chuckling at the scene in front of him.
“Hey!” Hailey looked over at Manny.
“Oh, yes, he’s going to be a wild child.” Manny watched the mother kick off her shoes and wade in after him. Still chuckling, Manny ticked off some of Hailey’s traits, similar to the little boy in front of him. “Wild, independent, undisciplined, stubborn, contrary...”
“Manny,” Hailey whined, starting to feel dejected again.
“Strong, confident, brave, and adventurous.” He finished with a smile in her direction.
Smiling herself, Hailey blushed and lowered her eyes.
Manny gently lifted her chin again, “Come on back home, Hailey. It’ll be OK.”
Hailey stared into Manny’s gentle eyes, “You always see me, Manny; even when you first found me at the diner in Durango. You always look after me. Thank you,” Hailey said softly and threw her arms around his neck.
Manny patted her back, “Of course, I see you, Hailey. I see you.”