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CHAPTER 5

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Not long after the Rite of Passage Ceremony, everyone began seeing seeds of entitlement, privilege, and superiority in Idris.  Those traits also began to sow discord between him and Ben, as well as some of the other boys he was growing up with.   Given her own humble upbringing, Hailey was not used to Idris’ behavior and wondered if she could ask if she and Idris could move into one of the privately owned cabins on the Steele property and if Idris could work part-time with John, caring for the sheep.  Beth and her husband moved to Pennsylvania a few months past, and since Savannah had all but abdicated motherhood to Hailey, she took a chance and approached Asa and Savannah with the idea.  Asa wasn’t happy, particularly about the move, but eventually saw it was probably best for Idris, especially because he’d also noticed the change in the boy.  Savannah didn’t protest at all, but agreed it should be done.  So, after Idris turned fourteen, he and Hailey moved into one of the cabin houses.

One summer morning, a few months after Hailey and Idris moved into the cabin, Savannah walked out of her bathroom with a towel draped around her wet body.  Asa, stepping out of his dressing closet stopped in his tracks, staring at his wife’s full breasts.  Just as he was headed toward her, Savannah side swiped him and stepped away from his outstretched hands.  “Asa, no.” Savannah said firmly.  “Not again and not now.  You’re going to make me late.  You know I’m meeting Raquel and Sophia.”  She walked toward her own dressing closet.

Asa stared after her swaying, full hips and shook himself out of his stupor when she disappeared in the closet.  “You’re looking so luscious lately, Savannah.  I can’t help myself.”  He almost followed her into the closet, but, glanced down at his watch, frowned and instead, went to put on his shoes.  “What time are the girls picking you up?”

“They’ll be here in thirty minutes.” Savannah called from her closet trying to close her bra over her breasts.  I’m going to need to go to the department store today and buy new bras.  She frowned.  This one is too tight, too.

“OK, gorgeous.”  Asa called from the bedroom, “I’ll see you tonight.”  Wanting to get another look at his wife, but knowing it would only lead to further frustration, Asa called out an “I love you,” and left.

*****

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“SAVANNAH, YOU SHOULD have looked for a new blouse,” Sophia said over her salad, pointing her fork in the direction of sister’s shirt.  After a morning of shopping, the ladies were having lunch in one of Raquel’s favorite restaurants. 

Savannah, fork full of quinoa, looked down at the straining buttons of her blouse.  Hunching her shoulders together, she tried to pull the fabric together, but gave up with a shrug and put the fork in her mouth. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Raquel took a sip of her wine, but she could clearly see her sister’s black, lace bra.

“I was going to buy some new bras when we finished with lunch,” Savannah said, spearing a grape tomato.  “Mine are too tight.”

Raquel and Sophia shared a quick glance, but Savannah still caught it, “What?”

“Nothing,” they said at the same time, quickly diverting attention back to their individual lunches.  Raquel signaled the waiter for another glass of wine.

“What?” Savannah asked again, slowly chewing a grape tomato and looking back and forth at both women sitting across from her.

Sophia paused, “could you be pregnant?”

“Ha!”  Savannah barked out a laugh, covered her mouth, and looked around quickly when she noticed she drew attention from a nearby table.  “I mean, no.” She said definitively, reaching into the bread basket in the middle of the table.

“Are you sure, Vannah?”  Raquel asked seriously.

“Just because my bras are too tight?”  Savannah tore a piece off of the baguette, looking from sister to sister. 

“Well,” Sophia began.  “Didn’t you order quinoa instead of the steak you wanted because you said you have been having heartburn lately?”

“So?”

“And you also said you’ve been tired lately,” Raquel added.

“Again.  So?”

“Tell me the truth, Savannah,” Raquel started.  “Are your breasts just bigger or sore and tender, too?”

Savannah swallowed and looked at her sisters.  She sat, still holding onto her hunk of bread, unable to admit the truth in that statement.  “But, what about morning sickness?  I’ve not been sick, not really...”

“Not really?”  They both asked, leaning forward.

“I’ve had to take some antacid tablets a few times.  I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Raquel and Sophia put their forks down, folded their hands in their lap, and smiled softly at their sister.  Savannah, however, pursed her lips, shook her head firmly and dipped the baguette hunk into the seasoned olive oil. 

“Savannah,” Raquel said.

“I’m fifty, Quel.” Savannah took a deep breath, not able to look at either sister, but opted instead to concentrate on letting the excess oil drip from her bread.  “Besides, I haven’t had a period in about two months.”  Savannah said eating her bread.  After chewing and wiping her fingers on the napkin in her lap, “I figured with that, the weight gain, and the fatigue it was just...”  Savannah swallowed, cleared her throat and tried again, “I figured it was just menopause.”  She finished quietly reaching for her water glass.

Sophia reached across the table and squeezed Savannah’s forearm, “Savannah,” she said softly.

“Savannah.  Either way,” Raquel said, “you need to see your doctor.” 

“I can’t, Quel,” Savannah said, setting her glass down.  “Just let me go quietly into this new phase of my life without some official declaration or diagnosis of what I already know to be true.”

“Then let’s do a home pregnancy test,” Sophia suggested brightly.

Savannah sighed in frustration, picked up her fork, and picked through her meal.

“We can do it right now.”  Sophia continued undeterred.  “We’re closest to my house, so we can just stop off at the pharmacy and knock it out right now.”

Raquel was shaking her head.  “It’s not accurate, Sophia.”

“What do you mean?”  Sophia exclaimed.  “I’ve taken a home pregnancy test with both my girls and it was accurate.”

“Yes, but the reality was, you weren’t also premenopausal.”  Raquel nodded softly over at her big sister, “Savannah, is at a menopausal age and that being the case; a home pregnancy test could show positive results, only for it to not be positive result when an actual blood test is taken.”

“How?”  Sophia continued to push.

“I don’t know, Soph, something about levels. If levels of some chemical,” Raquel searched her mind, “...I can’t remember the acronym, but if certain levels are low, then that’s what it’s supposed to be with menopause, but if it’s high, then it’s a baby.  I think that’s how it goes.” 

Savannah took a deep breath and just shook her head.  She reached for the other piece of bread and dipped it into the oil.

“Then, go see Dr. Halper, Savannah,” Sophia said looking back at her sister, almost begging her.  When Savannah didn’t answer, but continued to watch the bread soak the olive oil, Sophia continued to push.  “I just have a feeling about this.  I’ll go with you if you want.”

“Sophia. Stop...” Raquel began.

“OK.  I’ll go.”  Savannah shocked the women by saying, abandoning the bread.

“You will?” Raquel asked.

“Yes.”  Savannah said.  “I want to put it to rest.  If it’s menopause or...the other,” Savannah said, unable to say baby, “but either way, I want to finally close the door on this whole thing.”  Honestly, I think menopause would be a relief, Savannah thought, too scared to speak it out loud.

“OK, then,” Sophia said with a small, encouraging smile and a raised glass to her sisters.  Raquel’s expression was a bit more apprehensive, but she lifted her glass.  Both waited for Savannah who needed a moment more before she reached for her water goblet, slowly raised it, and finally applied a soft clink to her sisters’ glasses.

*****

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SAVANNAH RECLINED ON the chaise on the balcony off her bedroom, stroking an old, but still precious Julia, who, as usual, was asleep.  Her phone lay on the side of her thigh, still warm from her conversation with Dr. Halper; she was in shock.  The test results proved what she feared, what she’d hoped...she was pregnant.  This was actually the second conversation she’d had with Dr. Halper because she’d asked him to repeat the test in order to ensure the results were accurate. 

Asa will be sixty years old when this child is born, Savannah thought, looking down at her still flat abdomen, and, if Dr. Halper’s calculations were correct, I’ll give birth just before I turn fifty-one.  She chuckled, waking Julia who sniffed into the air and curled more snugly into Savannah’s lap.  I guess it was that last egg that did it, huh?  She said stroking Julia’s wrinkles.  No, she thought with a deep breath, looking up to the darkening night’s sky, it was the Lord who finally did it.  A tear escaped her eye and she let it fall.  As her chin began to tremble, she thought about all the doubts, the cursing, the fear, disbelief, and finally the quiet resignation that she and Asa would never have a baby.  Another tear left her eye. 

I basically said, ‘forget you,’ God because that’s what I thought You’d said to me;  I thought You’d forgotten me.  So, I do what I do; I take charge and make things happen. A tear escaped Savannah’s eye.   I’ve been so self-centered, Lord. Everything was about me.  Savannah shook her head and mocked herself.  Ha! Some women’s rights’ activist I turned out to be.  I encourage women to help one another, to be their best selves, to not give into self-doubt or societal pressures.  Savannah shook her head at herself.  What a joke. I let my own low self esteem and pride rule me.  I bullied both Hailey and Asa into this.  And, God, Savannah thought, closing her eyes, I don’t even know Idris.  Another tear fell. 

But, Savannah thought with a deep breath, You didn’t forget me, Lord, the tears flowing freely now.  And there’s no doubt that this, Savannah placed a hand over her stomach, is a miracle.  At my age and with my history of failed fertilization attempts...You remembered me and I’m so sorry that I...Savannah wiped a tear away, that I didn’t believe You, Savannah prayed, blinking up to the sky.  I-I honestly...Savannah swallowed.  I honestly don’t think I ever did, not even when Asa told me about his dream.  I figured having a baby was a given; so, why would I need You for it?  Savannah thought, sniffing. 

I’m so sorry.  I don’t...Savannah took a deep breath, I don’t deserve this. Savannah sniffed again and looked down at her stomach.   I wanted it, still want it, she corrected, and took a deep breath.  But, in the beginning, I didn’t think I needed you because Asa and I were young, so we’d just have a baby; then, I thought you were punishing me.  I don’t know why I thought it was a punishment; I guess I was just grasping at straws...trying to find a reason or someone to blame.  But then, Savannah let her head fall back onto the chaise and closed her eyes, when it looked like menopause hit, I just didn’t think You could.  I didn’t think You were able to do it anymore, she admitted on a quiet sob.  I’m so sorry; for all of it.

Savannah heard Asa walking through the bedroom door.  She wiped the back of her hand against her tear-streaked face.  Mascara clumping, lipstick smeared, she sniffed and curled Julia more snugly into her and waited for Asa.

“Savannah,” Asa called out, walking onto the balcony.  Seeing her face, Asa quickly fell to his knees beside her chair.

Before he could speak, Savannah touched her hand to his cheek, “I have something to tell you,” she said with a small, humbled smile.

*****

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THE DAY BABY IAN CAME home, Manny had the servants line either side of the foyer entrance leading upstairs to the new nursery.  Asa stood by the back door of the SUV, tears glistening in his eyes, while Savannah unbuckled their baby boy from his car seat.  When Savannah had Ian in her arms, she turned to the beaming support of her parents first, and then to Asa’s parents next to them.  After her parents welcomed Ian home, Asa’s mother, seated in her wheelchair, gestured for Savannah to lean the baby over for a soft kiss. 

She and Asa walked through the line of well wishers and the room started to applaud, but then Ian started fussing, so Asa laughed and held up a hand for a more hushed greeting.  Asa wrapped an arm around Savannah, looked up, and noticed Manny near the back of the crowd.  He acknowledged the older man’s nod with an affirming nod of his own and with a hand on the small of Savannah’s back, escorted her toward the winding staircase where her sisters all waited at the bottom of the steps to take her and the baby up to the nursery. 

Hailey and Idris happened to find themselves just between the last of the servants and Savannah’s sisters.  Idris, about to turn 15 in a few weeks, was becoming increasingly bold and was still a bit of a hot head.  He glanced behind him and saw Savannah’s sisters.  He then looked ahead at the line of servants.  Being slightly taller than his mother’s 5’5” inch frame, he looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  From the corner of her eye, Hailey noticed her son’s questioning glance, but ignored it.  Her nerves had been frayed since the announcement the Steele’s would finally have a baby of their own. 

When Savannah reached her sisters, she grinned at their silent laughter and soft clapping.   The three women then surrounded Savannah with a group cooing and ahhing at the baby in her arm.   Just as she was about to turn to take the first step up to the nursery, Asa touched her arm and pulled Idris close to his side.  “Idris,” Asa looked down at his son, “meet your baby brother, Ian.” Asa smiled at both boys.  The women stopped their cooing and looked from Savannah to Idris and waited patiently. 

Savannah stopped her ascent and turned back.  At one glance, she took in Hailey standing behind Idris and Asa’s arm wrapped around the boy’s shoulder.  Surprised, Savannah realized she’d not thought about either of them since she went into delivery three days ago, so seeing the two of them standing there now, sort of shocked her.  She looked at Idris, and for the first time, saw very real similarities between him and Asa.  They were about the same height for one thing and same complexion, but even with that, Savannah noticed for the first time that they had the same nose and lips. 

A pang of possessiveness, toward both Ian and Asa, hit her all at once.  Savannah remembered when she’d first considered surrogacy, she knew height and complexion were traits Asa’s son would probably share with him, but seeing it on Idris, coupled with such strong facial similarities like his nose and lips, made her hug Ian a little tighter. 

She and Hailey had come to an unspoken acceptance a long time ago.  Just as Savannah’s excitement about surrogacy dulled and her attention drifted away from Idris and back to work, so too did Hailey’s excitement about college dull in light of an unexpected surge of maternal instincts. The two of them simply fell into a cordial understanding.

Noticing Asa’s proud smile as he beamed between his two sons, Savannah realized that she even felt a twinge of what had to be jealousy.  As much as she didn’t want to identify with these emotions, she couldn’t help their sudden appearance, nor could she deny that it was dampening the joy she’d felt just a moment ago.  But, with all eyes on her, she swallowed down a cacophony of emotions and moved toward Idris and Hailey, tilting Ian toward the teenager so he could see his baby brother.

Idris, not particularly overjoyed himself about now sharing his father’s attention, looked over at the baby and started to move the blanket back for a closer look.  As he raised his hand to move the blanket back, both he and Savannah noticed, at the same time, that his fingernails were dirty, yet again, from riding.  Idris saw the difference between his rough, callous hands and the soft, creamy light brown skin of his soft, clean brother and snatched his hand back. 

Savannah, also seeing Idris’ fingernails, moved the blanket back over Ian and straightened up.  “Asa, it’s been a long morning and we should get him into the nursery.” Turning back to her sisters, the women made their way up the steps.

Asa, oblivious to the exchange, as well as his wife’s and first born son’s thoughts, looked up at Savannah and infant son with pride as she disappeared down the balcony hallway toward the nursery.  Idris, however, had not told either of his parents about the fears that plagued him since Mrs. Steele’s pregnancy.  Watching his father’s expression as he looked up at his wife and newborn son, Idris looked over at his mother, shook his head, and rolled his eyes.  He’d expected his father to shift his attention and love toward his new son and seeing his dad now, the young boy thought his fears had come to life. 

Shrugging out of his father’s embrace, Idris stalked out of the room.  Surprised at Idris’ sudden and abrupt departure, Asa watched him as he rounded the corner.  He glanced up again at the stairway, torn as to which son needed him most.  He surmised Savannah and her sisters had things well in hand with Ian, so he dismissed the staff, got his and Savannah’s parents settled, and went in search of Idris.

*****

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IAN’S FIRST YEAR BROUGHT a tremendous amount of joy to the Steele household.  Ian was quickly moving from a healthy newborn, to an amazing toddler; every change an exciting and humbling experience for Savannah and Asa.  The first time baby Ian actually smiled at his parents, you would have thought was Christmas day, they were so excited.  When they could see he was actually responding to their smiles, it felt like it was his first real communication with them and they knew Ian would always fill their home with laughter.  Savannah nearly had a heart attack one morning, though, when Ian almost rolled off of his changing table.  His ability to roll was a new and unexpected development, but thankfully, Felicity was visiting and caught him in mid roll. 

After little Ian realized he could roll, it seemed he was constantly on the move.  From his roll, he quickly picked up crawling, to finally, he was pulling himself up on any hard surface he could find.  He just would not be stopped and he easily kept Savannah and Asa on their toes every minute of his waking day.  But, they loved it.  Loved watching his development, loved each new joy he brought into their lives. 

The entire household was enthralled with the new Steele addition, as well.  One morning, Manny walked into the family dining room to find little Ian feeding not only himself, but his papa, his O-shaped cereal.  It was amusing, and a delight, to see Asa, in full business suit, with mouth agape and head inclined as Ian dropped cereal into his mouth.   

Walking through the connecting door, Manny was still chuckling to himself as he entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.  Ms. Kyle, guessing what had him in such a good mood as usual, was preparing a pound cake for the evening’s dessert, “He’s a sweetie-pie, isn’t he?” she asked with a smile of her own.  “This right here will be his first taste of my famous sour cream pound cake.” She said with a wink.  “He’s going to love me forever with one taste.”

Chuckling still, “I already love you for your famous sour cream pound cake,” he said.

“Bah,” she waved a hand in his direction, “You’re too old.  I need young love, now.  I want those pudgy little cheeks full of this sweet goodness.  You all might eat it, but I’m baking it just for him.”  She said, putting her Bundt pan into the oven.  Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hailey sitting at the island bench, peeling potatoes for the evening meal.  “And what’s wrong with you?” she asked the woman.

Hailey had been returned to household duties right after recovering from Idris’ birth, Savannah’s ire having dissipated almost as quickly as it’d come.  Because Idris’ birth brought both women to shifts in their emotions and priorities, Hailey was also afforded the unexpected opportunity and joy of primary caregiver.  That was fine with her because she found that she loved her son, so she decided to go to school part time and online in order to be more available to Idris.  In eight years, instead of four, she earned her degree in social work and, after taking a few years off, was now pursuing an online Master’s degree.  It was actually fun for her and Idris to sit down and do their homework together; he was so easily distracted, he needed a study buddy.

Manny and Ms. Kyle both knew Hailey was in school again, but unbeknownst to all, including Idris, after she received her Master’s degree, and Idris graduated from high school, she planned to quit and leave the Steele household for good.  But, she was biding her time; scheduling her departure with care.  Idris needed another few years of high school and she wanted to save as much money as she could.

Everything needed to be perfectly aligned when they left; Idris’ graduation from high school, her Master’s degree in hand, enough money to put a down payment on a modest home in Durango, and full-time employment somewhere in that area.  She needed things to go smoothly for them when they made their official exit.  The Steele’s baby boy, though, put a spark of fear in her because it was so unexpected and, given Mrs. Steele’s history of impulsive behavior, Hailey had to admit, she’d felt anxiety with Ian’s home coming and was worried her timetable could be derailed.

“Nothing,” she responded to Ms. Kyle.

“Hmmm, I know a something in a ‘nothing’ when I hear it,” Ms. Kyle said, setting the timer on the oven.  “What’s wrong?”

That caught Manny’s attention, so he sat back to hear what Hailey would say.  He was also aware of Savannah’s past struggles with insecurity and was himself, on edge regarding how Mrs. Steele would handle the new family dynamics of her home.  So far, everything seemed to be fine and everyone appeared to be holding steady in their pre-Ian positions and responsibilities. 

“It’s nothing, Ms. Kyle,” Hailey insisted.

Turning from the oven, Ms. Kyle looked over at Hailey for a moment, then glanced over at Manny.  She nodded softly in Hailey’s direction, “OK.”

Manny sighed and took a sip of his coffee.  What would be, would be, soon enough.

*****

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THE SUMMER AFTER LITTLE Ian’s second birthday, Savannah was holding his hand while the two walked down the path to watch for Asa’s return from a morning horseback ride with Idris.  Idris, seventeen now, and soon to enter his senior year of high school, already favored Asa in looks, but now, even his mannerisms were like his father’s.  He was now almost half a foot taller than Asa, much to his father’s pride and delight, but he was also analytical like his dad, too; always questioning the why of a matter. 

A strong boy, and still more outdoors than in, he could easily be found hunting with his friends and tramping through the woods in search of some other sort of mischief.  Savannah knew, though, that even though Asa was more comfortable in a business suit than jeans, he was still inwardly proud of the type of man the boy was becoming.  He didn’t approve of his reckless tendencies, but Savannah could tell he loved the independence and the freedom that poured off the boy in droves every day.

Asa and Idris were still mounted and headed up the path, cooling down their steeds by walking them at a slow pace.  Savannah could see the ease of companionship between the two.  They were in deep conversation, but as they got closer, Asa bellowed out a laugh to Idris’ shy grin.  When the boy lowered his head in what looked like teenage embarrassment, Asa reached over and clapped him on the back of his shoulder and shook him slightly.  That brought a small laugh out of the boy, too. 

They sobered, somewhat, as they got closer to Savannah and Ian.  Savannah reached down to pick up Ian and put him on her hip to await their arrival.  Idris’ expression turned cautious as he noticed Savannah’s curious, almost assessing stance.  He looked over at Asa, said something to his father, and kicked his horse into a gallop toward the stables.  Asa watched his exit, then climbed down, grabbed the reins, and walked his horse over to greet Savannah and Ian on the other side of the wooden rail gate. 

Asa kissed his wife and then laughed when Ian reached for him, “No, son.”  He chuckled.  “Daddy is filthy,” he said, reaching across the fence to nuzzle the boy’s neck instead. 

“Guess you and Idris are just two filthy peas in a pod,” Savannah said, scrunching her eyes and shielding them with one hand due to the sun’s glare.

“Huh?”  Asa said, kissing Ian’s nose.

“Nothing,” Savannah mumbled.  “We were looking for you this morning, Asa.  I didn’t know you were going riding today.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” he said, taking a glove off and playing high five with Ian.  “I thought I told you last night.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Asa, still playing with Ian, didn’t see Savannah roll her eyes and shift the boy higher on her hip.

“Asa,” Savannah began, “I’m sure Ian would like to spend the morning with his father sometime.  You have so few mornings away from the office; maybe you could spare a few for your son.”

Asa, blowing kisses on Ian’s hand, “What do you mean?  With Ian?” He asked, laughing at Ian laughing at his kisses.

“Yes.  Asa,” Savannah said with an impatient sigh.  “With Ian.  He’s your son, too, you know...our son.”  She added.

Asa looked quickly at Savannah.  “Ah, is something wrong?” Asa lightly held Ian’s hand and gave Savannah his full attention.

“No.” Savanna said.  “Yes,” she corrected impatiently.  “You need to spend more time building a bond with Ian, Asa,” Savannah said, looking toward the stables, then back at Asa.  “Your son needs you.”

“Well, I can’t very well take a two year old horseback riding, Vannah,” Asa said, “so why shouldn’t I still go out with Idris?” 

“Well,” Savannah searched for an answer, “I’m sure there are other things you and Ian can do to build a relationship.  These are impressionable years.” 

Asa frowned, weighing his two sons’ impressionable years in his mind.  The conversation he’d just had with Idris regarding his desire to take his relationship with his girlfriend ‘to the next level’ seemed to be more of an impressionable position than anything that could be going on with Ian.  He looked over at his son; Ian released Asa’s hand, plopped his thumb into his mouth, and rested his head in the crook of Savannah’s neck.  Ian took his thumb out of his mouth to give his father a full baby wave and then stuck it back into his mouth again.

“He looks happy to me, Savannah,” Asa said, waving back at Ian.

“Well, he needs more of your time,” Savannah said, looking back at the stables, slightly shaking her head.

“OK.” Asa lurched forward slightly when his horse neighed him in the back.  “I’d better get Iron settled,” Asa said, suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation.

“OK,” Savannah said, holding Ian up over the fence so Asa could give him a kiss.  Asa stayed pressed toward the fence, preparing to kiss Savannah as well, but she’d already turned with Ian in her arms and walked back toward the house.

Asa watched the two of them walk off before he clucked his tongue to Iron and led the horse to the stables.

*****

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THE REST OF THE SUMMER passed with little drama.  Idris started his senior year in the fall and since this was his last year in high school, he and Asa seemed to have repeated arguments throughout the holidays because Idris appeared to show no interest in attending college.  He’d half-heartedly submitted applications and showed no excitement at all in the process.  This put a strain on holiday festivities because Asa was so preoccupied with Idris’ future; he feared the direction his son was going by not taking college seriously. 

Asa did, however, take Savannah’s advice and made a point of creating routines with Ian.  He made sure he was home most nights to give the boy his bath and put him to bed. 

Savannah, pleased Ian and Asa were enjoying their nightly rituals, was unfortunately agitated and annoyed that Idris still consumed so much of his attention. She thought the boy should have been more responsible by now, but in the evenings, when Asa finished putting Ian to bed, he’d talk constantly about Idris’ lack of motivation and would worry about what Idris’ future could be if he didn’t go to school.  Savannah listened and offered suggestions, but it seemed every night was a conversation about Idris.  So, with Asa and Hailey both worrying over Idris, Savannah figured it was up to her to carve out the time needed to plan Ian’s third birthday party. 

After Asa and Savannah celebrated a modest Valentines’ Day, she was in her office looking at purple and green dinosaur decorations in preparation for Ian’s birthday party when Manny knocked on the door frame, requesting entrance. 

Looking up, “Come in Immanuel, please.”

“Good morning, ma’am,” Manny pulled out his infamous electronic organizer and took a seat on the opposite side of Savannah’s desk.

“Good morning,” swiveling the laptop around, she pointed to the images on the screen.  “Look at these life size dinosaurs, Immanuel,” Savannah said smiling at the screen.  “We could have our own ‘Jurassic Park’ out in the gardens.”

Genuinely charmed by the screen, Manny smiled.  “It would indeed look like the land before time, ma’am,” Manny said, settling back in his chair and crossing a leg over his knee.  “We definitely still have time to add those to the list, if you’d like.”  Manny checked his organizer.  “I know that vendor; it should not be a problem.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Savannah said, swiveling the screen back toward her.  “But, let’s stick to the baby herbivores,” Savannah said with a chuckle. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Manny said with a smile. “Prepared to copy,..”

“Please order the...” Savannah peered at the screen, “Stegosaurus, a Leptoceratops, a...oh, definitely an Ultrasaurus, and a Triceratops,” Savannah concluded with a satisfied grin. 

“Very good, ma’am,” Manny said, pressing send on his email.  “Hailey should receive the request momentarily and put in the order.”

“Hailey?”  Savannah asked, surprised.

“Ah,” Manny looked up with a raised eyebrow, “Yes, ma’am,” he said slowly.  “I assigned her lead on executing young Ian’s party.”

“I see,” Savannah said.  Sitting back in her chair and folding her hands in front of her.  “I wasn’t aware of that.  I thought she was working in the kitchen with Ms. Kyle.”

“She is ma’am, but she’s shown a great deal of aptitude for organization and detail, so I asked her to assist me.  There are no current issues, ma’am.”  Manny said, checking his organizer.  “We’re right on target for all of the plans and she is really quite good with event planning.”

Not speaking for a moment, Savannah nodded.  “OK.  It was just a surprise; I’d just assumed you were handling it.  But, if you trust her, that’s fine.”  Savannah tried to figure out why it bothered her that Hailey was planning her son’s party. On the one hand, it was fantastic to know that Hailey had matured into an intelligent and capable woman.  Savannah had actually lost sight of her and Idris after they’d moved out of the main house and into their private cabin.  Then, when Ian was born, most of Savannah’s thoughts shifted to his care.  “Of, course it’s no problem, Immanuel.  It’s just that this party is really important to me.”

“Of course, ma’am,” Manny said giving her his full attention.

“Ian has shown so much independence from me these past two-and-a half years and I really want to celebrate that progress and development.”  Savannah continued.  “It’s just a few months away and I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

“No, ma’am,” Manny said.  “I am still completely engaged in the process, as well.  There will be nothing to worry about.”

Possessive feelings started to creep up on Savannah and she looked down to see she’d involuntarily started rubbing her middle finger against the pad of her thumb.  She already has Idris, which means she has a piece of Asa, too.  Savannah thought to herself.  So, not only is she and Asa working toward Idris’ future, she is also planning my son’s party.  Savannah frowned and let out a deep, aggravated breath. 

“If there’s nothing else, ma’am?” Manny interrupted the course of her thoughts, leaning forward, ready to stand.

“No, that’s all.  Thank you, Immanuel.”

*****

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THE DAY OF IAN’S THIRD birthday party, the fifteenth of May, was a bright, sunny high of 70 degrees.  There were at least 25 children, of varying ages, playing on the lawn.  A few of his younger cousins, the ones who were in their early to mid twenties, were able to attend.  Of course, all of Savannah’s sisters’ children were a lot older than Ian, but it was sweet of them to give their baby cousin one of their Saturdays. 

Ian and his new puppy, Max, a rambunctious, but sweet, German shepherd, as well as several other toddlers from Savannah’s church, were chasing bubbles around the garden.  There were other age appropriate activities taking place in various sections of the lawn.  Savannah was adamant that there would be games for all ages:  a group of nine-year-olds were playing a limbo game to music and the tweens were playing a ‘Quack, Quack, Who’s There’ game with chairs and a blindfold.  Sophia snuck over to that group and seemed to be having a ball with them; they were teasing the poor boy that currently had on the blindfold.  The teenagers didn’t need much help; they were engaged in a competitive bean bag toss with the adult men.

Everything was going beautifully.  Savannah glanced at her watch and noticed it was the appointed time, so she asked for the cake and started drawing everyone in to sing happy birthday to Ian.  She caught the boy in mid-stride before he took another lap with Max and walked him over to the cake table and his special birthday chair; a purple throne that was so big, the boy’s little legs stretched out in front of him.  He clapped his little hands on the large arm rests as Savannah placed his purple and gold Happy Birthday cowboy hat on his head and secured the band around his chin.

Once she saw Ian was ready, Savannah led the charge in the singing.  The garden rang out with cheers and smiles when everyone began singing the traditional birthday song to Ian, who was so excited, he started singing right along.  Laughing at Ian’s cuteness, Savannah looked up to make sure Asa was recording this moment and she happened to see Idris in the back of the circle with his friends; local boys from his high school, who Asa had given permission to attend.  Seeing them huddled together quieted Savannah’s singing a bit, but when she was just about to look away, she noticed Idris say something to one of his friends, nudge the boy in the ribs, and point in Ian’s direction.  All four of them hooted with laughter and turned away from the singing to go back to their bean bag toss game.

“Savannah.  Savannah,” Sophia called louder. 

“What?”  Savannah said.  Startled, she looked over and saw Sophia was holding out the cake knife.

“I said,” she repeated, “are you going to make the first cut in the cake or is Asa?”

“No,” Savannah said sharply, tearing narrowed eyes away from the direction of Idris and his friends.  “I’ll do it, myself.”  She snatched the knife from her sister’s hand, but seeing Sophia’s expression of surprise, Savannah softened her features, “I’m sorry.  Thanks Soph.”

*****

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AFTER THE PARTY THAT evening, Asa was sitting on the side of Ian’s bed, singing softly off key with him, while rubbing oil on his back, chest and arms.  Savannah walked into the room and stood by Ian’s bed.  “It’s time for her and her son to go, Asa.”

Although her voice was low, there was such sharpness in it, that Ian still caught it.  Both he and Asa stopped singing and looked up at her.  Ian quickly stuck his thumb in his mouth and with a worried look, stared up at his mother. Savannah quickly put on a smile, reached down, and rubbed his cheek. 

Asa didn’t respond, but returned to his task and pulled Ian’s pajama shirt over his head, maneuvering around his thumb.

“I mean it, Asa.”

Sighing, Asa lay Ian down and rubbed oil on his legs before he started to pull on his pajama bottoms. 

“Asa!” Savannah hissed quietly, but sharply, folding her arms over her chest.

“I heard you, Savannah,” Asa said.

Wanting Asa to say something, but getting angrier by the second that he wasn’t, “Ian is your son too, and it’s time he got the same individual time and attention you gave to Idris.”

“Well, Idris didn’t have another brother, it was just him.  So, of course he got my time and attention, Savannah,” Asa said rubbing oil on Ian’s toes.

“Yes, but you don’t divide your time equally between the two.  You are always with Idris.”  Savannah rubbed her temples.  “This whole situation is making me crazy, Asa.  It’s just too much confusion and competition in this house with them here.”

“Confusion?  Competition?  What are you talking about, Savannah?” Asa asked looking over his shoulder and up at her.  “The boys are different ages.  I give them both the time and attention they need for their age.” Asa pulled socks on Ian’s feet.  “And if there is any confusion or competition in this situation,” Asa emphasized, “Need I remind you...”

“No, you needn’t,” Savannah interrupted quickly to stop him from completing the sentence.  She knew she was the one who created the situation by introducing and insisting on the dynamics of their family. And she was not yet willing to let Asa say, or even allow herself to admit, the competition was not between the boys, but a self induced, internal competition she was having in her own mind. 

Not allowing that admission, though, gave Savannah license to give in to her raw, unchecked and impulsive instincts.  “Just do it, Asa,” she said, stepping in front of him to finish tucking in their son.  “And do it tomorrow.”

Asa, clearly nudged out of his nightly ritual with his son, looked down at Ian’s rapidly closing eyes.  He stood from the bed, leaned over Savannah, kissed Ian’s forehead, and quietly left the room.