We’re in Joe’s Diner, across the road from the dentist. It’s been a particularly hard shift. Derek, our boss, wanted a ‘proper clean’ as the inspectors are due in tomorrow. I’m not sure whether to tell my cleaning partner, Gloria, about my plan, about the email I sent this morning. I think she will be horrified.
‘Bloody cheek,’ says Gloria, taking a bite of her bacon sandwich. ‘Every time we clean it’s a “proper clean” – dunno what he was on about.’ She wipes some tomato sauce from her mouth.
‘I’m knackered.’ I yawn and try to cover my mouth. My feet ache, my legs ache, my arms ache and my wrist still hurts from Paul’s ‘visit’.
‘Oh well, there’s an extra tenner in it. We should be grateful, I suppose.’ She slips a pound coin onto the table to leave for a tip.
‘Tell me a bit more about what happened with that idiot, Paul. Wish I’d never introduced you two. I see him sometimes, round the estate, looking like he’s God’s gift – bloody shark. I heard that he’s been charging four-figure interest rates—’
‘Gloria, I had it coming.’
She is appalled when I tell her the full story and I don’t even mention the exact interest rates Paul’s charging me – or how long I’m taking to pay him back.
‘What did you do?’
‘Told a fib. I told them I was pregnant – it was all I could think of. That stopped him in his tracks.’
Gloria stares at me.
‘Poor Tyler. He had to witness it. He was pretty brave – he turned around ready to hit Paul, to defend me and got whacked himself. Afterwards though, he stormed off upstairs – I could hear music in his room way past midnight.’
‘He’s a good boy, Charlie. I know he can give you a hard time, but it’s all in there. He loves his mum.’ She smiles at me. ‘He just won’t always show it – he is seventeen.’ She reaches out to put a hand on my shoulder and I wince. ‘Sorry, darlin’, did I hurt you?’ Gloria leans forward. ‘Charlie?’
‘It’s fine,’ I mumble, as a shooting pain travels across my left shoulder. I shrug. ‘It’s my fault, I’ve been putting Paul off. He suggested I… I…’
Gloria looks up, brows knitted. ‘What?’
I choose not to answer her last question and shiver remembering how Paul’s gold tooth had glinted when his finger made its way across my chest.
With that my phone rings.
‘Got to take this!’ I stand up and put on my coat, excitement rising when I see who’s calling.
*
It’s Saturday. I have a short shift at the dentist’s and then I’m off to use my free pass at the gym.
‘You look ridiculous!’ Tyler frowns at me from the sofa. ‘Where you going in all that gear?’ The theme tune of EastEnders fills the lounge. I don’t see the cat, trip over him and clutch the side of the table.
‘Damn!’
‘Mum! What are you doing? You are so clumsy!’ He laughs and presses the remote to pause the TV. (I must ask him to record that. Can’t miss an episode.)
‘Why aren’t you in your cleaning stuff?’ He looks me up and down again. ‘When are you back?’
He pushes all my buttons sometimes… and yet… poor boy, I can’t just forget how it all happened, the heartache, and then…
‘Mum, I said when will you be back?’
‘I don’t know, hey, remember to record that episode for me…’ I ruffle his hair.
‘Gerrrof!’ He looks up at me. ‘We haven’t any food in the fridge, for God’s sake, Mum. You should be shopping, not swanning around in,’ he glances at me again, ‘tight leggings.’
‘Look, I was given this pass by Terry at the gym, as a thank you for all my hard work.’ Go on, Charlie, you deserve it, Employee of the Month! My boss Terry had beamed when he handed it over, so unlike Derek from the dentist’s, the bastard.
‘I’m doing my cleaning first, and then going to the gym. I won’t be long.’
‘All right. By the way, another bloke, one of Paul’s crew was round again – forgot to tell you earlier.’ His large brown eyes are fixed on me. ‘He shouted through the letter box that if we don’t have the money by next week he’s going to start taking the furniture ’n’ stuff.’
I’m rooted to the spot. Not bloody again. Not for the first time did I wish I’d never gone into that pub that night, but Gloria had assured me he was OK, had persuaded me to come along to that stupid Elvis tribute night. Normally I avoid that pub – I know it’s trouble. Right on the edge of the estate, its paint peeling and dodgy dealings inside. But I’d been so fed up, so fucked off with my life that ‘one drink’ had suddenly turned into more, especially when Paul had started buying them when my money had run out. He’d leered over and winked at me. I should have run a mile then, but I didn’t; in fact, I’d smiled at him…
God, no, I must have been so drunk, and then he’d put his hand round my waist and I’d let it stay there, let him tell me that money was no problem, that I’d come to the right man. And because I was so horribly broke – am always horribly broke – I listened to him. I thought I’d found a solution. If only I’d known what I’d be subjecting myself – and Tyler – to for all these years.
‘Mum!’
‘Sorry, Tyler, OK, let me think about what to do.’
What kind of creep keeps racking on interest to a single mum who’s a part-time cleaner? What kind of person does that? Someone who doesn’t give a fuck, that’s who – I shove my umbrella into my bag and sigh – someone who’s been a loan shark for years and saw me walk right into his arms. Desperate. Needy. Drunk.
*
By 9 a.m. Gloria and I are busy scrubbing floors and emptying bins.
‘Charlie, you goose, what are you doing!’ Gloria is leaning on her mop, smirking at me as we both watch the bucket of water topple over while I jig about trying to remove dental floss from my gloved hands. Thank God for Gloria. I really couldn’t do this if it wasn’t for her.
‘All done, Charlie, pet?’ Gloria trills as she wafts past in a cloud of Dettol. I don’t know how she does it – she must be pushing sixty-five, but won’t tell me her age. I look up to see where she’s gone – you can roughly tell if you listen to where the warbling is coming from. Gloria has her Walkman from the eighties firmly attached to her ears at all times and carries it in a money belt.
Trouble with these dental studios is that they’re full of mirrors. Glancing at my reflection, I notice that I look exhausted. Hardly surprising. I yank on my hair and try to flatten it down, and wipe away some mascara that’s under my eyes. I stare at myself in the mirror: I can’t seem to shake that feeling of dread. I hope my plan works.
‘C’mon, duck! You must be finished now?’ Gloria waltzes into the room with her headphones around her neck.
‘In a minute.’ I rinse out a cloth in the sink.
Suddenly she stops mid-song and looks over at me. ‘Hey, watcha looking all forlorn for, pet?’
‘Nothing, Gloria.’ I shrug. ‘You know, life.’
Gloria comes up to me and takes the cloth from my hand. ‘You’re so pretty, pet,’ she says, touching my cheek and winking. ‘And young… too young to be a cleaner in a dingy place like this. Let’s go to the shops on the way home. Cheer you up a bit.’
‘Only got a tenner to last till Friday, Gloria. Maybe another time.’
‘C’mon, thing will change,’ she chides.
‘Things would have to change quite a lot. Tyler’s talking about going to college, photography, which is great – but I have no idea how to pay that bill. I don’t want to stop him, but it also means no money from him if he gives up his job at the chippy. And he’s just so tricky to read at the moment…’
‘He’s a teenager, Charlie, remember?’ She tips her head sideways at me. ‘Go on, love, I just mean the charity shop. We can try on some evening dresses, have a laugh!’ She puts her arm round me and wiggles her hips. It’s hard not to smile. Gloria feels like the aunt and mum I never had rolled into one.