She tried to make a coffee in the kitchen, but her hands were shaking too much. Rex came in and took the coffee pot from her. Why is everyone against me?
‘What’s going on, honey? I saw you running down the driveway. Are you OK?’
‘You won’t believe it! I just caught Daniel giving Charlie driving lessons – driving lessons. Jesus sweet Christ – while she’s carrying MY BABY!’ She was close to tears. ‘What on earth got into him; why would he do something like that?’
‘Our baby.’ Rex smiled, calmly.
‘Don’t you think that’s outrageous, Rex?’
‘Look…’ He walked past her and opened the cupboard, pulled out a couple of mugs, placed them on the counter and pressed his thumb and forefinger onto his forehead. ‘It’s not ideal, I agree, but if you’re so stressed with her we might lose the baby anyway, Suzie. I’m a bit shocked she’s learning to drive – you’re right – but it’s quite understandable. You’ve paired her up with a bloke who can teach her to drive – it must have crossed her mind straight away. Don’t scare her off, darling.’ Rex walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
‘How can you be so calm?’
‘Listen, don’t forget she’s the legal parent until we sign the Parental Order – that’s what the lady at the clinic told you, yes? You could simply freak her out, Suzie. You are very highly strung right now, especially as you’re not working—’
‘It wasn’t my fault!’
‘I’m not saying it was—’ she could see how much Rex had to concentrate to keep calm ‘—but honestly – she’s carrying our last frozen embryo; you don’t want to blow it, do you? We both want this baby, you know, darling.’
‘You wouldn’t think so sometimes. You spend more time on that bloody bike than you do with me.’ She couldn’t help herself. She felt extremely rattled. Everyone seemed be getting in the way of them having this baby.
A little twitch started on his cheek as he stared at her. Then something snapped as he strode out of the kitchen and slammed the door.
Suzie stood, motionless, in their perfect kitchen with its perfect gleaming silverware. She knew that her only chance of having a baby lay with chaotic Charlie. A woman she’d just screamed at. A woman she wanted to protect so much because of the precious baby she was carrying. She worried she’d gone too far – with her and Rex. What was happening to her?
Since leaving work she had become worse. She’d even started to stick her fingers down her throat again the odd time after lunch. She liked that feeling. It was healing; it was good to know the food wasn’t going to contaminate her. She didn’t need it now anyway, did she? There was no baby to support in her womb, was there?
Her baby. Shaking, she sat down at her desk and clicked on her favourite website, babykins.com to make herself feel better while she could hear the garage door being yanked open as Rex got his bike out.
She was determined to be positive – she decided to concentrate on looking at colours for the nursery. Yellow – maybe with sunny daffodils. Don’t think about Charlie driving. She focused on the cheery yellow floral faces on a set of blinds, then quickly slammed the lid of her laptop shut in exasperation. Why were blinds so expensive?
She wandered upstairs to take a nap while Rex was out, presumably doing his usual time-consuming twenty kilometre cycle. But she couldn’t sleep properly: she dozed as images of cars and Charlie and little Babygros lying across the back seat kept flashing across her brain.
About an hour later, she heard Pixie barking furiously downstairs. That blasted dog needed to be brought under control! She sat up, grabbed her dressing gown and marched back to the kitchen.
‘Ramone! Ramone! Can you take that wretched dog and do something with him!’
Ramone appeared in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his head.
‘Mister Suzie, I am washing my hair!’
‘Hard cheese, Ramone! Please sort that dog out!’
‘Cheese? Pixie need el queso? No, I don’t zink dogs eat queso. I zink all he needs iz some attention and love!’ he said frowning.
‘Well give him some!’ she said opening the fridge door, then slamming it shut again, realising she shouldn’t eat any more – she’d used up all her calorie allowance with that stupid lemon pie she’d let herself have last night.
Ramone scooped Pixie up. ‘I cannot stand this, how you say?’ Pixie licked his face happily. ‘You so loose!’ he said shaking his head.
Suzie turned around from the fridge. ‘What, Ramone?’
‘No, no, sorry, I mean tight. Yeez, I have it wrong way round. You very, very uptight, Meez Suzie,’ he said shaking his head. ‘I know you want zis baby – but, please, eets not my fault – or Pixie!’
Just then there was a ping on Suzie’s phone.
Listen, Suzie, I realise I should have told you about the driving lessons. I’m very sorry. All this paranoia is making me feel sick. If you want me to have this baby, give me some space. Don’t forget I could always miscarry if I get stressed out. I know you’re paying me, but I’m only human. C
Suzie clutched the side of the sofa, then slumped down heavily onto the floor, staring out of the window. Miscarry. Our last chance – becoming nothing more than a clot of blood soaking through Charlie’s clothes… Suzie leant against the base of the sofa; she couldn’t bear it. She was right. She must make sure Charlie had everything she needed not to be stressed. That stupid man, Daniel. She would send him a curt text ending their agreement, just in case he had any other ideas. She hugged her knees to her chest. Suddenly, with all the money issues and all this driving business, she did feel very, very uptight indeed.