By the end of the next day, Rosalind was hot, achy, sweaty and exhausted. She seriously began to doubt she ever could keep up with the Indian women, who worked tirelessly from dawn until dusk. First, Rosalind had worked in the garden. Then she had helped clean and stretch deer hides. After that, she had received instructions on the making of moccasins. A good hide should yield four pairs, never any fewer, or the hide was not being used to its full advantage, the women had told her.
She had not seen Shadow all day, for he, just as the other men, had spent the day either hunting or fishing. It was the men’s duty to provide the food, and the women’s duty to do just about everything else.
Rosalind was determined to cool off with a bath in the river, but she did not wish to bathe in the area where everyone else did. Privacy still was important to her, even though it did not seem to be to anyone else in the village. It was not unusual to see women bared to the waist, walking around as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps to them it was nothing, Rosalind thought, but to her, it was immoral, and no matter how long she lived amongst these people, she was certain her opinion still would not change.
There still was at least an hour of daylight remaining as Rosalind followed a path through the forest along the river until she came to a secluded area, far from the eyes of anyone. The riverbank gently sloped into the water, which formed a small pool in an inlet that was surrounded by oak and birch. The water, so clear she could see the smooth rocks and sand at the bottom, looked so inviting to her, she quickly stripped off her skirt, belt, top and moccasins, and waded into it.
The water was much colder than she had anticipated, and for a moment, the shock of it against her hot skin caused her breath to catch in her throat. She eased her body into the water, then floated on her back. The icy water caressed her, making her feel refreshed and revived. She stood and waded back into the shallower water, then reached down to the bottom of the pool and grasped a handful of sand. She used it to scrub her skin and remove the layers of dirt that had clung to her sticky, bear-greased skin during the long hours of working outdoors.
Rosalind could not help but notice that her arms and legs already were several shades darker than when she first had arrived at the village. Her first day out in the sun had turned them and her face red and painful, but Corn Woman had told her to slather herself in bear grease to halt the burning. The redness since had turned to a bronze color, which Rosalind thought gave her usually pale skin (due to the countless hours she had spent indoors while serving as Abigail Cowrin’s companion) a healthy glow.
She dunked her head in the water and again used sand to scrub the grease from it, then rinsed it out. For the first time since arriving at the village, she felt renewed. The only thing that disturbed her was her clothing. She had worn the same garments since Corn Woman had given them to her, and they had endured hours of perspiration and bear grease. She did not wish to don soiled garments when her body was scrubbed clean, yet she had no choice, unless she wished to wear the clothes she had brought with her from Eastwell, with their many-layered skirts, high necklines and long sleeves. She wondered how many garments each woman in the tribe possessed. Many? Only one? And how did they clean them? She was no expert on the matter, but she suspected that animal hides were not something that easily could be washed with soap and water as her linen garments could.
Rosalind waded out of the water and back onto the banking. Her stomach made a rumbling noise, telling her it was time to eat. Corn woman had promised her a venison stew for the night’s meal, so she was eager to taste it. Also, Corn Woman had invited Shadow to join them for the meal, which Rosalind was looking forward to, especially now that she looked and felt fresher.
Shaking the water from her hair and running her hands through it, she walked over to pick up her skirt. Her eyes grew wide and she froze where she stood.
Her garments were not there!
Rosalind’s heart began to pound and she held her breath. I am not alone! And someone wants me to remain naked!
She dared not move from her spot on the banking. She moved only her eyes, scanning the area. Slowly, she crossed her right arm over her breasts as her left hand dropped to cover her crotch.
“Who is there?” she managed to utter, her voice sounding higher than usual. “Please, show yourself to me.”
Frantically she prayed that Shadow would appear, smiling and teasing her with her garments in his hand. After all, she reasoned, he kept a good eye on her at all times, so he likely might have spied her leaving the safety of the circle and heading down the path to the river.
A rustling in the bushes caused Rosalind to snap her head in that direction. A figure then emerged.
“I could not have asked for a better way to find you,” the male voice said.
Lord, no! It cannot be! Not here – not like this!
“Nathaniel,” Rosalind said, struggling to sound much calmer than she felt. The chill of the water and the sight of the man she recently had jilted, instantly turned her blood to ice. Unconsciously, she shivered.
Nathaniel moved closer to her so she could see him more clearly. He looked as if he had spent the past several days, the days since she had left him, living in the forest. His light-brown hair was matted and dirty, his clothes stained, and his face was covered with a straggly growth of beard. His hazel eyes were what drew her gaze, however. They looked wild, evil…frightening. It was difficult for Rosalind to recall how handsome, impeccably dressed and dashing he had been just one short week ago.
“Rosalind,” he responded, his eyes sweeping over her, mocking her. “You look well.”
“I am,” she said, wondering how long they were going to exchange pleasantries before he told her why he was there and what his intent was. “And you?”
His laugh was bitter. “Oh, I am just fine. I have lost the respect of everyone in Eastwell and was ordered by my father to leave town and never return or he would be forced to uphold the law and send me to the gallows. So now I, once wealthy and envied, am left with nothing and must attempt to start a new life elsewhere, far from the family I cherish – far from my ailing mother, whose health, by the way, has waned since you so selfishly deserted her.” He paused to narrow his eyes at her. His glare was so cold, it caused goose flesh to cover Rosalind’s body. “Essentially, my life has become a living hell. And, my dear, sweet Rosalind, I have you to thank for it all.”
“I fear that most of your woes are of your own doing,” she said, her voice still containing some semblance of calm despite the feeling of absolute terror that was gripping her. “Have you so soon forgotten that you lied and blackmailed me to force me to wed you? Had you not done so, you still would have the life and comforts of which you speak.”
“Pardon me for believing I loved you,” he said.
Rosalind could not stifle her laugh. “Love? You know not the meaning of the word! I was naught more than a challenge to you, a prize to be won for the sole purpose of further feeding your already inflated opinion of yourself!”
Immediately she regretted uttering the words. Nathaniel was not someone to be mocked or insulted, for it served little other than to ignite his temper. And unfortunately she had witnessed the violence that resulted from his temper on more than one occasion.
“Aye, you were my greatest challenge,” he said, his voice so calm, it served only to increase Rosalind’s heartbeat. “And now I suspect you are wondering why I have followed you here. I have come to bid you a final farewell, ere I disappear from your life forever.” He smirked at her. “And I also intend to claim that prize of which I so richly deserve.”
Rosalind felt as if her throat had begun to close. She was unable to breathe, unable to utter a sound.
“Do you recall that night but a week ago?” Nathaniel continued. “The night you pretended to seduce me and lured me into your bedchamber? Remember how you told me you wished to lose your maidenhead ere our wedding so you could enjoy the day’s events without any apprehension about our wedding night? And remember how you nearly bit my tongue in half and then screamed so my father would come rushing into your chamber and find me in a most indecent position? Well, in all fairness, my dear lady, considering everything I have lost due to that night, I feel I still am entitled to what you promised me.”
“You are too late,” Rosalind said evenly, her chin rising. “Shadow already has claimed the prize of which you seek…even before that night you came to my bedchamber.”
Nathaniel’s lips clamped together and his nostrils flared. For a moment, Rosalind considered leaping back into the water and allowing the current to carry her downstream, away from this nightmare. She knew that Nathaniel, however, was a strong swimmer and easily could overtake her in the water.
“’Twill be dark soon and your band of savages will be searching for you, I suspect,” Nathaniel said, “so let us quickly get this over with and I shall be on my way. I have not tracked you here to leave without knowing you in the same intimate manner in which your Indian lover does.”
Rosalind stared at him in disbelief. “Do you honestly believe I am just going to lie here and allow you have your way with me? That I would not scream or attempt to fight you?”
“Nay, I do not believe that for a moment,” he said. He reached behind him and withdrew a pistol from the waist of his breeches, then pointed it at her chest and slowly cocked it. “That is why I have brought this. If you do not do exactly as I wish, then I shall kill you. ‘Tis as simple as that.” He shrugged. “’Tis your choice.”
Rosalind’s arms dropped to her sides and her knees went weak. She held no doubt whatsoever that Nathaniel would be true to his word and murder her without a second thought. She would have to be blind not to see the pure hatred he felt for her. She dared not consider what lay ahead or what vile acts he would force her to do in his quest for revenge. She only could pray for the strength to endure – and live through – whatever was about to occur.
With his left hand, Nathaniel reached down and undid his breeches, pulled them down, stepped out of them and kicked them aside. His erection sprang forth, large and thick. Rosalind clamped her eyes shut as he approached. She soon felt the heat of him against her chilled body, his arousal against the flat plane of her bare stomach.
“I have thought about this moment every day since you ran off,” he said, “and the moment when I finally would point this pistol at you and make you do as I wished. I never imagined, however, that when I did find you, I would be so fortunate to find you all alone…and already naked. I thought for certain your savage would be with you, as he always seems to be, and I would have to kill him to get to you.”
Panic gripped Rosalind so tightly, she could not exhale. She prayed Shadow would not come in search of her and walk through the bushes at that moment, for she knew Nathaniel would not hesitate to shoot him.
“At first,” Nathaniel continued, “I thought I would make you get down on all fours, so I could take you from behind – grasping your hair with one hand and holding the pistol to the back of your head with the other. But now I have decided I want to see your face…and I want you to see mine. And although I did briefly consider torturing you, which would have given me great satisfaction, I have decided not to leave any marks on you. I want only you and I to know what occurred here – with no clues for anyone else to see.” His lips curled into a smile. “’Twill be our little secret.”
Rosalind kept her eyes closed. She did not wish to see his face, for she knew it would fill her nightmares for years to come. There was no denying what was about to occur next, and she knew she was helpless to prevent it.
Be brave like the Indian women! When he takes you, do not cry out, do not show pain! Endure it and live! Then you will be rid of Nathaniel forever!
“Get down on your knees!” Nathaniel commanded her.
Slowly, Rosalind dropped to her knees.
He grasped her by the hair and forced her face into his groin. “Now take me into your mouth!”
Rosalind could not believe her ears. Never had she heard anything so repulsive, so disgusting. Before she could prevent herself from doing so, she yanked her head back from his grasp and said, through gritted teeth, “If you force me to do this, I swear to you I will bite it off before you have time to kill me! Then I at least shall die with the satisfaction of knowing you never will be able to do this to another woman!”
Her words seemed to momentarily stun Nathaniel, who remained silent, his brows drawn together. She seized the opportunity to add, “You have witnessed what I did to your tongue? I shall not hesitate to do the same elsewhere.”
“Fine,” he said, “have it your way, then. Had you wet me with your mouth, it may have caused you less pain, for I know you certainly are not wet for me.”
His words caused Rosalind to recall the night Shadow had taken her virginity. He had incited her passion with licking, touching and kissing beforehand. By the time he entered her, she had been wet, very wet – and yet, she still had felt a good deal of pain. She did not even wish to imagine how it would feel without any preparation whatsoever.
Nathaniel’s laugh held no humor as he added, “But why should I be concerned about your pain? Truth be told, I wish to inflict as much as possible. Now lie on your back!” He released his grip on her hair and shoved her head back. Rosalind obeyed and stretched out on her back on the ground.
“Now bend your legs at the knees,” he demanded.
Again, she obeyed.
“Grasp your legs behind your knees and pull your knees back until they rest upon your breasts…and hold them there.”
Rosalind hesitated as she envisioned the position he was demanding her to assume. She would be spread wide open to him, providing him with a full view of her most intimate parts – and making it easy for him to enter her.
“Now!” he snapped, pointing the pistol at her forehead.
Rosalind complied, pulling her knees back until they flattened her breasts. Never had she experienced such feelings of shame, degradation and helplessness.
She felt it then – a burning, knifelike pain, as Nathaniel plunged into her. She was certain he had torn her apart, shredded her internal walls. He entered her again and again, completely withdrawing from her and making a new, forceful entry each time, plunging to the very depths of her until his pelvis smacked against her upturned crotch.
“Look at me!” he demanded.
She opened her eyes. Nathaniel’s face was contorted with anger, his teeth bared, his nostrils wide. This was no act of lust, Rosalind realized. It was an act of pure rage.
She lay there for what seemed like years, as Nathaniel continued his assault, buffeting her body back and forth with each thrust. Her back ached and she could feel the rocks on the ground beneath her digging into it, and her legs were beginning to cramp from being held in such an unnatural position. Her insides felt as if they had been sliced with a knife and then scraped with rough tree bark. She endured the pain, the revulsion, telling herself that soon it would be over and she would emerge alive…that is, if Nathaniel did not still choose to kill her.
Nathaniel could not contain his feeling of victory as he pounded into the beautiful blonde beneath him. For two months, when she had lived in his house, he had endured her taunting, her tempting, her subtle ways of allowing him to catch glimpses of her in her nightdress. He had ached for her, ached to possess her in every sense of the word. And now, he finally was able to relieve that ache, because she was his to do with as he pleased. He glanced down between her legs. She was so tight, so small, he could see he had stuffed her to the ripping point. He noticed a small tear that was bleeding at the rim of her vaginal opening and it excited him. He wanted her to bleed even more – to hurt even more, so she would feel pain equal to the one she had caused him. He wanted to rip her apart so she never would be able to walk again. He vowed to make her never forget him…or what she had done to him that had driven him to this moment. He noticed she was staring up at him, but with unseeing, glassy eyes, her face contorted in pain. He slammed into her with renewed energy, forcing the air to expel from her lungs as he did.
Rosalind felt Nathaniel’s body stiffen and his hot seed spurt into her as he emitted a low, guttural, growl.
Relief flooded through her violated body. Thank God it is over! I could not have withstood one minute more of this torture!
Finally, he withdrew from her and remained on his knees as he gazed down at her. His breathing was labored and his face and shirt were soaked with perspiration.
Rosalind immediately lowered her legs and crossed them.
“You will find your garments on a rock behind that cluster of pines,” he said, nodding to his left. He stood and bent to pick up his breeches, but did not put them on. “Thank you, sweet Rosalind, for a most enjoyable time. I shall forever remember it – as I hope you also shall.”
And then he was gone.
Rosalind lay on the ground for several minutes, her mind racing. Was he truly gone or would he return for a second assault once he caught his breath? And should she confess to Shadow what just had occurred? If she did, she held no doubt he would track down Nathaniel, even if it took him a lifetime, and kill him – that is, if Nathaniel did not first turn his pistol on him. Also, she wondered, would Shadow ever be able to make love to her again with the same passion, love and respect they previously had shared, or would everything change because he would be unable to erase the vision of Nathaniel raping her?
I shall make no mention of this! I shall put it out of my mind and go on with my life! I want nothing to change because of this. I am blessed to still be alive and to have the love of a wonderful man. I shall count all of my blessings and dwell only on those.
Rosalind finally rose to her feet and tried to walk back into the water to wash away all traces of Nathaniel. Her legs buckled beneath her and a searing pain shot up from between them all the way into her stomach. She dropped to her knees and crawled into the water. The coldness helped to numb her pain, so she lingered in it. The moon already was beginning to rise and she knew Corn Woman would be awaiting her, as would Shadow, considering he had been invited to share a meal with them that night.
Still, she was reluctant to leave the soothing water. Unfortunately, the longer she remained, the more time she had to think…and to relive what had just occurred. No longer did she care about being brave or concealing her feelings. She had just experienced the most painful and terrifying assault imaginable. She knew that because of it, her life forever would be changed…and that no amount of convincing herself to count her blessings and not dwell upon it would make her forget. She allowed the tears to flow freely until she was sobbing so hard, she could not catch her breath.
‘Tis my own fault this occurred! I drove Nathaniel to this behavior when I plotted my foolish scheme to rid myself of him. I shall never forgive myself!
She thought she heard the sound of a twig cracking. Abruptly she stopped sobbing, her eyes growing wide. Someone was approaching! Her mind began to race and her heart pounded. A part of her feared it was Nathaniel, returning to violate her again, but a bigger part sensed it was Shadow, searching for her. She did not wish to see him yet. I am not ready! I need more time! She then did the only thing she could think of that might delay her from having to face whatever was about to occur. She floated face down in the water, as if she were drowning.
She heard splashing in the water coming toward her and then felt two powerful arms lift her, carry her onto the shore and lay her down. She remained unmoving, feigning unconsciousness.
“Rosalind!” It was Shadow’s voice. He rolled her onto her side and hit her sharply several times between her shoulder blades. She coughed, hoping it sounded convincing, and spit out the mouthful of water she had intentionally gulped just as he had lifted her from the water. She hoped that if Shadow thought she nearly had drowned, then there would be no need of an explanation if she acted withdrawn, unduly distressed or in pain that evening.
“Shadow?” she whispered, her naked body suddenly overcome with bone-rattling shaking.
He pulled her against him and she felt that he also was trembling. “Why have you come here alone, telling no one?” he asked her. “Had I not come along when I did, you would have died! When I went to Corn Woman’s and she informed me she had not seen you, I became concerned and asked everyone if they had spied you anywhere. It was my good fortune that one of the women had caught a glimpse of you as you disappeared down the path to the river. Had she not, I never would have found you!”
Rosalind wrapped her arms around him and sobbed. “I am so sorry, Shadow! I just wished to have some privacy while I bathed, so I did not inform anyone. I do not know what occurred. One moment I was bathing, enjoying the coolness of the water on my aching muscles, and the next, the current pulled me under and out into the middle of the river. I swam against it for what seemed like hours until I finally made it back to this inlet – and then my body just gave out.”
“Calm yourself,” he said softly, stroking her wet hair. “You are safe now.” His eyes searched the banking. “Where are your garments?”
She pointed toward the cluster of trees where Nathaniel had indicated he had placed them. She prayed he had not been lying about their whereabouts. Shadow stood and ran toward the trees, then returned with her clothing.
“Here,” he said, handing them to her and helping her to her feet. “Put these on. They will help ease your chill.”
Rosalind’s hands were so shaky, she fumbled with the skirt, unable to wrap it around herself. Shadow took the skirt from her and put it on her, then fastened it with her belt. He pulled her shirt on over her head and then had her lean on him and lift one foot at a time as he slipped the moccasins onto her feet.
He held her solidly around the waist and said, “Lean on me for support. Do you think you can make it back to Corn Woman’s?”
She tested her legs. They felt stronger. “Aye, I think I shall be able to.”
Together, they slowly walked toward Corn Woman’s. Rosalind did not speak, for she feared her words would reveal the feelings of panic, revulsion and guilt that currently were coursing through her. How, she wondered, could she ever look Shadow in the eye again? Their relationship had been built on faith and trust, and now she was hiding a terrible secret from him – one that could change everything between them.
“Stop!” she suddenly cried out.
Shadow halted abruptly and Rosalind broke away from him to retch into the bushes. The pain in her stomach had grown to a fire within her, burning all the way into her throat.
“You swallowed much water,” Shadow said, moving to hold back her hair as she retched again. Rosalind was grateful the night had grown too dark for him to see that it was the contents of her stomach she was vomiting, not water. Never had she felt so ill, both emotionally and physically. The mere thought of what she just had endured with Nathaniel made her want to retch until she felt completely purged of him.
When at last they entered Corn Woman’s wigwam, Rosalind collapsed onto the pile of furs and laid her arm across her eyes. She felt a desperate need to shut out everybody and everything.
“What happened?” Corn Woman asked Shadow, her voice filled with concern as she moved to look more closely at Rosalind.
“She went down to the river to bathe and the current pulled her under,” Shadow said. “When I arrived, she was floating face down in the water. I do not even wish to consider what might have occurred had I arrived even a moment later.”
He seated himself on a mat near Rosalind and ran a trembling hand through his long hair. “I came so close to losing her, it has left me shaken. I cannot ever remember feeling so frightened.”
Rosalind struggled to hold back her tears as a wave of guilt flooded through her. She hated herself for not being honest with him, but she knew that as upset as he was at that moment, he would be feeling much worse if he knew what truly had happened.
“Do you crave some food? Water?” Corn Woman asked her.
Rosalind shook her head, her arm still covering her eyes. “I crave nothing but some rest, thank you.”
Shadow took her other hand into his and gently rubbed it. “Do you mind if I remain here with you for a while?”
Yes, I mind! I cannot bear to face you! I just want to be left alone to deal with my pain. I want to fall asleep and wake up to discover that none of the hell I just endured was real!!
“Nay, I do not mind if you stay,” she whispered.
“Let me get you a bowl of stew,” Corn Woman said. “You should eat something…both of you.”
“Please try to eat,” Shadow said to Rosalind. “It will help you gain your strength.”
Rosalind could not think of putting anything into her stomach when it still pained her so – and she still was battling an overwhelming urge to vomit. But she wished to please Shadow. “I shall try,” she said.
She dropped her arm and slowly sat up. Shadow moved to slip his arm around her. “Lean against me,” he said.
Rosalind rested her head against his bare chest and closed her eyes. She wanted to think of nothing other than how safe she felt with him holding her.
Corn Woman delivered a large, carved wooden bowl of stew to Shadow and a much smaller one to Rosalind. She then handed wooden spoons to each of them. Rosalind took a bite of the stew and forced herself to swallow it. It was hot and flavorful with a thick, meaty broth that contained some kind of green herbs, and actually seemed to relieve the burning in her stomach. She took another bite.
“I never want to feel that kind of fear again,” Shadow said to her as he ate his stew. “When I emerged into the clearing and saw you floating, lifeless, in the river, I swear my heart ceased to beat.”
“Well, I am fine now,” Rosalind said, forcing a smile.
But I am not fine! I am sick at heart and I fear I am about to lose my mind! I wish to never leave this wigwam again – to never have to face anyone again.
“Once again, Shadow,” she added, “you have saved my life. I am hoping it shall not become a habit.”
“Just promise me you will never go off anywhere again without first telling someone,” he said. “’Tis not just drowning I am concerned about, there are animals roaming about, and true savages, from other tribes, who would love nothing more than to capture a white woman.”
None nearly as savage as Nathaniel, she thought.
“I promise you I shan’t go off alone again.”