Step One
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15).
Step One
Like Little Children
Bible Reading: Mark 10:13-16
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
For many of us in recovery, memories of childhood are memories of the terrors associated with being powerless. If we were raised in families that were out of control, where we were neglected, abused, or exposed to domestic violence and family dysfunction, the thought of being powerless might be unreasonably frightening. We may have silently vowed never again to feel as vulnerable as we did when we were children.
Jesus tells us that the first step into the Kingdom of God is to become like a little child, and this involves being powerless. He said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15).
In any society, children are the most dependent members. They have no inherent power for self-protection; no means to insure that their lives will be safe, comfortable, or fulfilling. Little children are singularly reliant on the love, care, and nurture of others for their most basic needs. They must cry out even though they may not know exactly what they need. They must trust their lives to someone who is more powerful than they, and hopefully, they will be heard and lovingly cared for.
We, too, must dare to admit that we are truly powerless if our lives are to become healthy. This doesn’t mean we have to become victims again. Admitting our powerlessness is an honest appraisal of our situation in life and a positive step toward recovery.
Discovering our powerlessness is the first step toward wholeness.
Step One
A Humble Beginning
Bible Reading: 2 Kings 5:1-15
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
It can be very humiliating to admit that we are powerless, especially if we are used to being in control. We may be powerful in some areas of our lives, but out of control in terms of our addictive/compulsive behaviors. If we refuse to admit our powerlessness, we may lose everything. That one unmanageable part of our lives may infect and soon destroy everything else.
The experiences of a man named Naaman illustrate how this is true (2 Kings 5:1-15). He was a powerful military and political figure, a man of wealth, position, and power. He also had leprosy, which promised to bring about the loss of everything he held dear. Lepers were made outcasts from their families and society. Ultimately, they faced a slow, painful, and disgraceful death.
Naaman heard that there was a prophet in Israel who could heal him. He found the prophet and was told that in order to be healed he needed to dip himself seven times in the Jordan River. He went away outraged, having expected his power to buy him an instant and easy cure. In the end, however, he acknowledged his powerlessness, followed the instructions, and recovered completely.
Our “disease” is as life threatening as the leprosy in Naaman’s day. It slowly separates us from our families and leads toward the destruction of everything important to us. There is no instant or easy cure. The only answer is to admit our powerlessness, humble ourselves, and submit to the process that will eventually bring us recovery.
We must let go in order to hold on to the things dear to us.
Step One
A Haunting Weakness
Bible Reading: Romans 7:15-20
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
A key to recovery is breaking through our denial and admitting our powerlessness. We may want to pretend that all of our struggles are in the past, especially after we begin to “understand the problem.” If we are going to maintain our sobriety, however, we need to continually work the first step, remembering that powerlessness is a part of the human condition.
The apostle Paul expressed some thoughts that probably sound like something we might have written ourselves. He says, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it” (Romans 7:15-20).
The apostle Paul spoke in the present tense about his own condition. And he spoke for all of us. We will never escape the struggle of being human and susceptible to the pull of our lower nature. Admitting this is the first step toward wholeness.
Powerlessness is part of what it means to be human.
Step One
Dangerous Self-Deception
Bible Reading: Judges 16:1-31
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
When we refuse to admit our powerlessness we are only deceiving ourselves. The lies we tell ourselves and others are familiar: “I could stop any time I want to.” “I’m in control; this one won’t hurt anything.” And all the while, we are inching closer to disaster.
Samson was one of Israel’s judges. As a child, he had been dedicated to God, and God had gifted him with supernatural strength. But Samson had a lifelong weakness; it had to do with the way he related to women. Samson was especially blinded to the dangers he faced in his relationship with Delilah. His enemies were paying her to discover the secret of his strength. Three times she begged him to let her in on his secret. Each time she set him up and tried to hand him over to the enemy. Three times Samson lied to her and was able to escape. But each time he got closer to telling her the truth. In the end, Samson revealed his secret, was taken captive, and died a slave in enemy hands (Judges 14–16).
Samson’s real problem can be found in the lies he told himself. By not admitting his powerlessness, he remained blind to the obvious danger his addiction was leading him into. This caused him to gradually inch his way toward an untimely death.
We need to be careful not to fall into the same trap. As we learn to acknowledge our powerlessness over our addictive/compulsive tendencies on a daily basis, we will become more aware of behaviors that will likely lead to our downfall.
When we lie to ourselves, a dangerous blindness begins to grow within us.
Step One
The Paradox of Powerlessness
Bible Reading: 2 Corinthians 4:7-10
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
We may be afraid to admit that we are powerless and that our lives are unmanageable. If we admit that we are powerless, won’t we be tempted to give up completely in the struggle against our addiction? It doesn’t seem to make sense that we can admit powerlessness and still find the power to go on. This paradox will be dealt with as we go on to Steps Two and Three.
Life is full of paradoxes. The apostle Paul tells us, “We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair” (2 Corinthians 4:7-8).
The picture here presents a contrast between a precious treasure and the simple clay jar in which the treasure is stored. The living power poured into our lives from above is the treasure. Our human lives, with all the everyday pressures and problems, are represented by the clay jar, an earthen container. As human beings, we have inherent weaknesses.
Once we recognize the paradox of powerlessness it can be quite a relief. We don’t have to always be strong or pretend to be perfect. We can live a real life, with daily struggles, in a human body beset with weakness, and still find the power from above to keep going without being crushed and broken.
Our powerlessness displays the magnificent power of God.
Step One
Difficult Losses
Bible Reading: John 15:1-8
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Some of us have seen everything we have produced in life go up in smoke because of our addictions. If it hasn’t happened to us, surely we’ve seen others who have lost all that they have worked for: home, career, family, health, finances, and friendships. During the times when life becomes unmanageable, we are faced with the fact that we are not self-sufficient. Sometimes our losses (or even potential losses) can act to spur us on toward taking the first step on the road to recovery.
All of us have times of weakness; none of us are self-sufficient. Jesus recognized this when he said, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned” (John 15:5-6).
Some of us have already lost many of the good things our lives produced. For us it is a matter of facing the losses, admitting that we can’t make it on our own, and starting to grow again. For others of us, things may still look rewarding, but if we don’t deal honestly with the effects of our addictions we risk seeing the fruits of our lives burned up. It’s hard to give up our pride and admit that on our own we “can do nothing.” Perhaps, by considering the possible losses and the value of our previous investments, we will be able to “hit bottom” before we lose everything.
Apart from God, our efforts cannot bear fruit.
Step One
The End of Ourselves
Bible Reading: Psalm 116:1-19
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
For some of us, we have to stare death in the face before we can admit our need for help. We may experience a crisis where we literally come close to death. Or we may be overwhelmed by depression, suicidal tendencies, and self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes it is our hopelessness and despair that act as a springboard, driving us into recovery. When we realize that we are at the end of ourselves, we may find the humility to reach out and accept the help we need.
King David, whom God loved dearly, felt this way, too. He once said, “The pains of death surrounded me, and the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me; I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the LORD: ‘O Lord, I implore You, deliver my soul!’ . . . What shall I render to the LORD for all His benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD” (Psalm 116:3-4, 12-13, NKJV). David had hit bottom. He had finally come to the point of realizing that he had nothing to offer except an empty cup, a life in need of salvation. What did he have left to offer? All he had was “a sacrifice of thanksgiving” (vs. 17).
When we have reached our darkest hour and feel that all hope is lost, we may be closer to the help we need than ever before. When death stares us in the face and we realize that our cup is empty, we can lift up our empty cup by admitting our powerlessness, and thus, open up to salvation. In time, we, too, will be able to be thankful once again.
Staring death in the face can be a starting point for recovery.
Step One
No-Win Situations
Bible Reading: Genesis 16:1-15
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Sometimes we are powerless because of our station in life. We may be in a situation where other people have power over our lives. We may feel that we’re trapped by the demands of others, and that there’s no way to please them all. It’s a double bind: to please one is to disappoint another. Sometimes when we feel stuck and frustrated with our relationships, we look for a measure of control by escaping through our addictive behaviors.
Hagar is a picture of powerlessness. She had no rights. As a girl, she was a slave to Sarai and Abram. When they were upset because Sarai could not bear children, she was given to Abram as a surrogate. When she did become pregnant, as they had wanted, Sarai was so jealous that she beat the girl and she ran away. All alone, out in the wilderness, she was met by an angel who told her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority. . . . I will give you more descendants than you can count. . . . You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress” (Genesis 16:9-11).
When we are caught in no-win situations, it’s tempting to run away through our addictive/compulsive escape hatches. At times like these, God is there and he is listening to our woes. We need to learn to express our pain to God, instead of just trying to escape. He hears our woes and is willing to give us hope for the future.
It is wise to turn and face our problems, accepting God’s promise of help.
Step One
Promises for Children
Bible Reading: Genesis 21:1-21
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There is a special kind of powerlessness experienced when we’re unable to take care of the needs of our children or others who are dependent on us. For those of us raised in dysfunctional families, there are grief and fear associated with watching our children suffer, as the effects of our own past fall upon them.
With God’s help, Hagar had faced her life with Abraham and Sarah. When Sarah was finally able to give birth to her own son, she demanded that Hagar and Ishmael be thrown out of the family. In response, Abraham “got up early the next morning, prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba. When the water was gone, she put the boy in the shade of a bush. Then she went and sat down by herself about a hundred yards away. ‘I don’t want to watch the boy die,’ she said, as she burst into tears. But God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, ‘Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.’ Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink” (Genesis 21:14-19).
God doesn’t forget his promises toward us or our children. When we are powerless to help them, God is listening to their cries and ours. We can expect God’s help when we are powerless to help our children. He loves them even more than we do.
Our problems won’t seem so impossible if we let God handle them.
Step One
Hope amidst Suffering
Bible Reading: Job 6:2-13
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are times when we are so confused and overwhelmed by the pain in our lives that we wish we could die. No matter what we do, we are powerless to change things for the better. The weight of the sadness seems too heavy to bear. We can’t see why our heart just doesn’t break and allow death to free us.
Job felt that way. He’d lost everything, even though he had always done what was right. His ten children were dead. He had lost his business, his riches, and his health. And all this happened in a matter of days! He was left with a sharp-tongued wife and three friends who blamed him for his own misfortune. Job cried out, “If my misery could be weighed and my troubles be put on the scales. . . . Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant my desire. I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me.. . . . I don’t have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for. Do I have the strength of a stone? Is my body made of bronze? No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success” (Job 6:2, 8-9, 11-13).
Job didn’t know that the end of his life would be even better than it had been at the beginning. God restored everything he had lost, and then some. “Then he died, an old man who had lived a long, full life” (Job 42:17). Even when we’re pressed to the point of death, there is still hope that our lives will change. Our recovery could be so complete that the final line written about us might read: “Then they died, having lived long, full lives.” We must remember: life can be good again!
Trusting God in difficult times will stretch our faith.
Step One
A Time to Choose
Bible Reading: Acts 9:1-9
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are important moments in life that can bring about changes in our very destiny. These are often times when we are confronted with how powerless we really are over our own lives. These moments can either destroy us or forever set the course of our lives in a much better direction.
Saul had such a moment. After Jesus’ ascension, Saul took it upon himself to rid the world of Christians. As he took off on his quest, “a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, ‘Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me? . . . I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.’ . . . When he opened his eyes he was blind. So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus. He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink” (Acts 9:3-6, 8-9).
Paul—as he was called later—was suddenly confronted with the fact that his life wasn’t as perfect as he thought. Self-righteousness had been his trademark. By letting go of his illusions of power, however, he soon became one of the most powerful men ever: the apostle Paul. When we’re confronted with the fact that our lives aren’t in our control, we have a choice. We can continue in denial and self-righteousness, or we can face the fact that we have been blind to some important issues. If we become willing to be led into recovery and a whole new way of life, we will find true power.
Moments of crisis present us with opportunities for great change.
Step One
Desperate for Love
Bible Reading: Genesis 29:16-35
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
We’ll do almost anything to gain the love we need (which may have been denied us as children or in our marriage). Maybe the pain and sadness over our powerlessness to attract the love we desperately need drive us to find a way to deaden the pain.
Leah was a plain girl with a beautiful younger sister and a scheming father. Her father tricked Jacob into marrying Leah. He then allowed Jacob also to have her sister, Rachel. “So Jacob slept with Rachel, too, and he loved her much more than Leah. . . . When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive. So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, ‘The LORD has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.’ She soon became pregnant again and gave birth to another son. She named him Simeon, for she said, ‘The LORD heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.’ Then she became pregnant a third time and gave birth to another son. She named him Levi, for she said, ‘Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!’” (Genesis 29:30-34).
We may be powerless to make someone love us, spending our lives trying to produce something to make us worthy of their love. This need might gnaw away at us and lead to relapse when the pain becomes overwhelming. When people won’t love us, we can learn to draw upon the love of God. He loves us as we are.
Drawing on God’s unconditional love and grace can fill our need to be wanted.
Step One
Emotional Time Bombs
Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 13:1-24
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are times when we become deeply upset by the injustices of life, the abuses kept as family secrets, the feelings buried alive, and our vows to get even. In such times, we often become powerless over the strength of our inner turmoil. All we can feel is the resolve to act out our hatred. We can’t control feelings.
Absalom became powerless over his hatred and rage. It ultimately controlled his life to the point that he fought to overthrow his father’s rule. He was outraged when his half brother raped his sister, Tamar. When King David did nothing to avenge his daughter, Absalom vowed revenge in his heart. He waited until the time was right and murdered the guilty brother. This sequence of abuse, family secrecy, denial, unprocessed feelings, and revenge destroyed Absalom’s relationship with his father. He never forgave David and died in a military rebellion against him (2 Samuel 13:1–18:33).
We may use our addictive/compulsive behaviors to distract us from the deep, unresolved family issues that cut us to the heart. There may be so many strong emotions, which we don’t know how to process appropriately, that we simply try to stuff them down inside. Eventually these feelings are expressed in some way. We need to confront the family secrets, express our feelings, convict the guilty, and work through forgiveness. If we try to ignore them, we will be controlled by these explosive hidden emotions.
Hatred leads to disaster; accepting our powerlessness leads to recovery and wholeness.
Step One
Destructive Pride
Bible Reading: Acts 8:9-23
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
For many of us, personal power is used as the foundation for our self-esteem. We become used to getting things our way, through whatever influences we have at our disposal (money, power, sex, love, etc.). It can be very unsettling to arrive at a place in life where we can’t buy the power we need. For those of us who use power to bolster our self-esteem, admitting powerlessness will require a foundational change.
“A man named Simon had been a sorcerer. . . . Everyone, from the least to the greatest, often spoke of him as ‘the Great One—the Power of God.’ . . . Then Simon himself believed [that Jesus was the Messiah]. . . . When Simon saw that the Spirit was given when the apostles laid their hands on people, he offered them money to buy this power. . . . But Peter replied, ‘May your money be destroyed with you for thinking God’s gift can be bought! You can have no part in this, for your heart is not right with God. Repent of your wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive your evil thoughts, for I can see that you are full of bitter jealousy and are held captive by sin’” (Acts 8:9-10, 13, 18-23).
Simon realized he was powerless in this situation. He admitted his pride and powerlessness and was able to change. We need to be aware of how pride can hinder us. We can’t buy our way out of addiction. No matter how “powerful” we are in worldly terms, our recovery will come by working a program, day by day.
Our recovery can only begin as we “give up” our efforts and our pride.
Step One
Serenity despite Powerlessness
Bible Reading: Luke 1:26-56
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are times in life when we are powerless over the circumstances around us. We’re not in the driver’s seat. We have to do things someone else’s way. And often, the whole experience is uncomfortable and frightening. During these times we can find hope and serenity in the promises of God.
Mary was in her early teens when destiny took her by the hand. She was greeted by an angel who announced that she had been chosen by God to be the mother of the Messiah. She found herself pregnant, much to the confusion of her fiancé, family, friends, and neighbors. After the angel returned to visit her fiancé, he believed Mary’s story and married her. When the time came to give birth, she and Joseph were required to travel the long, difficult journey to Bethlehem. There, in a smelly stable carved out of the side of a rocky hill, she delivered the baby. No one but her husband was there to attend Jesus’ birth (Luke 1:26–2:20).
What power did she have over her circumstances? She was powerless under the will of God, the decree of the state, the limitations of their financial poverty, and the demands of her body. And yet, by holding on to the promises God had given her, she found serenity in her powerlessness and gave birth to the Savior. When we are powerless, we can find serenity by holding on to the promises of God. When we do this, we will find new life and salvation being born again into our lives.
No matter what our circumstances, God meets us there with his grace.
Step One
Self-Control versus Willpower
Bible Reading: Galatians 5:16-23
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There’s a struggle going on inside of us—a fight for control. Our willpower fails us repeatedly. Where can we turn when we realize that we can’t control ourselves?
The apostle Paul says, “Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. . . . But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:16-17, 22-23).
Self-control is not willpower. It’s not something we get by gritting our teeth and forcing ourselves to “just say no.” Self-control is called a fruit. Fruit doesn’t instantly pop out on the tree. As the tree grows and seasons pass, the fruit naturally develops. As we continue to follow God’s guidance, taking one step at a time, our self-control will naturally grow. Our job is to stay connected to God. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to produce the fruit of self-control.
As God takes control of our lives, self-control will be the natural result.
Step One
Victim or Victor?
Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 17:20-49
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There will be times in life when right and wrong stand in stark contrast. Even when we know what’s right and how things should be changed, the power may seem to be on the wrong side. We may feel powerless even though we know we are standing for what is right. But even when this is true, we still shouldn’t give up. Sometimes situations where we feel powerless can prompt action that changes everything for the better.
David observed as “Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, came out from the Philistine ranks. Then David heard him shout his usual taunt to the army of Israel. As soon as the Israelite army saw him, they began to run away in fright. ‘Have you seen the giant?’ the men asked. ‘He comes out each day to defy Israel.’” David convinced the king to let him fight the giant his own way. He shouted to Goliath, “‘You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of Heaven’s Armies—the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Today the LORD will conquer you’” (1 Samuel 17:23-25, 45-46).
The army saw themselves as helpless victims. Their powerlessness paralyzed them so they just stood there and took the abuse. David took courageous action to recover their dignity. There are times when we need courage and God’s help to fight against the tendency to remain a victim. We need to stand up for our human dignity and respond in new ways if we are to claim our recovery.
With God by our side there is no need to wait; we can move forward into our recovery.
Step One
Painful Abandonment
Bible Reading: Isaiah 54:1-8
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Many of us know the deep sorrow and shame that come from being abandoned. Those we should have been able to depend on weren’t there for us. We may have lost them through an untimely death; or perhaps they were there in body but out of our reach emotionally because of their own addictions. We know the deep, unspeakable fear that can reach up and grab hold of us at any moment. We may have used our own compulsive behaviors to find comfort and distance from our feelings of abandonment.
Here’s the Lord’s message to those who have experienced the loss of an important relationship: “Sing, O childless woman! . . . For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband! . . . Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. For the LORD has called you back from your grief” (Isaiah 54:1, 4-6).
God wants to give us such confidence in our relationship with him that we can be free of the fear of abandonment and overcome its scars. He can make up to us all that we have missed in our past relationships. He can fill the shoes of the one who isn’t there for us. There is a season for grieving the losses, but the Lord can call us back from grief and give us renewed joy.
God delivers us from shame and abandonment, welcoming us to the joy of recovery.
Step One
God’s Power
Bible Reading: Isaiah 42:21-25
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Many of us believe that God’s law is good and that it provides helpful moral standards. We may try hard to be perfect, but find ourselves frustrated. Some of us may be troubled by this, and we probably avoid thinking about it. We try not to feel the shame and guilt that come with violating these values that we’ve taken as our own. We may pretend that everything is fine with us and focus on another person’s addiction to avoid our own inner conflict.
Isaiah tells us, “Because he is righteous, the LORD has exalted his glorious law. But his own people have been robbed and plundered, enslaved, imprisoned, and trapped. They are fair game for anyone. . . . The people would not walk in his path, nor would they obey his law” (Isaiah 42:21-22, 24). The words translated obey literally mean “take it to heart.” God wanted his people to take his law to the depth of their being. This is the part of us where we feel, think, and choose.
The law of God is designed to magnify God’s righteousness, not ours! “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). When we are powerless over sin to the point where we become enslaved and unprotected, God wants us to “take it to heart.” When we allow ourselves to feel and think and choose in response to our own powerlessness, we are on our way to finding God’s power, the only power that leads to freedom.
Our powerlessness leads us directly to God’s power.
Step One
Our Limitations
Bible Reading: Galatians 3:19-26
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Many of us begin our recovery by seeing that we’ve been powerless to measure up to God’s laws. Some of us, however, expect that once we’re well on the road to recovery we’ll start keeping the laws of God. And we hope that this will guarantee our standing with God on the basis of our good works. We start with a recognition of our powerlessness, but hope for the day when we will no longer be powerless. Surely our standing before God must be somewhat dependent upon our keeping of the law! Otherwise, why would he have given us his laws in the first place?
The apostle Paul answers by saying, “Why, then, was the law given? It was given alongside the promise [of salvation through faith] to show people their sins. . . . If the law could give us new life, we could be made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ. . . . The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith” (Galatians 3:19, 21-22, 24).
The law of God is an eternal reminder of our true powerlessness—our ongoing need for a Savior and for the power of God. Our failures should point us back to the only one able to help us recover.
God sets us free from our failures and places us on the path toward recovery.
Step One
Powerless and Abused
Bible Reading: Judges 19:12-30
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
There are societal forces beyond our control. We live in times when sexual abuse is commonplace and security in relationships is hard to find. We may know the agony of being sexually abused or bear the shame of allowing someone else to be victimized when we were in a position to protect them. A deep sense of powerlessness is experienced in this kind of situation.
Before Israel had a king, there was no law and order; “all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes” (Judges 21:25). A horrifying story is told of a young woman who was brutally gang-raped. Her husband had allowed her to be taken by a group of men who had been trying to attack and rape him. He “took hold of his concubine and pushed her out the door. The men of the town abused her all night. . . . When her husband opened the door to leave, there lay his concubine with her hands on the threshold” (Judges 19:25-27). The girl died there on the doorstep. Her death became a rallying cry for reform, but she had been lost. Her husband was left with terrible shame and guilt. The man and his young wife were both victims, suffering the pain of powerlessness in a crime-filled society.
If we have been victims of sexual abuse, we must begin by acknowledging that we were powerless. Although we suffered the abuse, we were not the cause of it. This realization is an important key to our recovery.
Recovery from being a victim begins by recognizing our powerlessness.
Step One
Secure Love
Bible Reading: Song of Solomon 5:1-8
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
The search for love and permanent security in relationships is deep within all of us. Even though we may be in a relationship where we are loved, we may deeply fear the loss of that love. This is especially true if we’ve been abandoned in the past or had our love betrayed.
The Song of Solomon is a love poem dedicated to the girl Solomon loved. He describes a nightmare she had: “I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. . . . Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem—If you find my lover, tell him I am weak with love” (Song of Solomon 5:6, 8). The fear of separation darkened the girl’s joy at being deeply loved. At the end of the poem she says, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave” (Song of Solomon 8:6).
We are all haunted by a deep need for a “permanent betrothal,” a secure love that won’t escape us. When we lose a close and intimate relationship, we become lovesick. We feel powerless over the forces driving us in search of permanent and true love. No matter how much a person loves us, our needs seem deeper. Perfect love that never leaves can only be found in the one who is Love. When we are powerless over the forces of love or over our own obsessions, we need to look to God to satisfy our deepest longings so that fear and dissatisfaction don’t become a trap.
God can—and will—satisfy our deepest longings.
Step One
Breaking the Cycle
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 1:1-18
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Human existence consists of a series of patterns. Our world goes around the sun in an unending orbit; it spins on its axis with tireless regularity. Dysfunctional family patterns seem to resurface generation after generation in a wearying march of repetitious pain. We may grow tired and wonder if there’s really any escape from the merry-go-round of addictive behavior and suffering.
King Solomon examined life and was discouraged by some of his observations. “Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles. Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers. . . . Everything is wearisome beyond description. . . . No matter how much we hear, we are not content” (Ecclesiastes 1:4-8).
Life can seem like one meaningless, wearying cycle after another. Solomon observed that our lives can be spent without ever going anywhere. He also wrote these instructions: “Follow the steps of good men instead, and stay on the paths of the righteous” (Proverbs 2:20). Throughout the Bible we see that life can be linear, leading somewhere. Even though we are powerless to stop all the destructive cycles around us, we can take our own steps in the direction of recovery and a new way of life.
Our efforts just add to the destructive cycles in life; only God can break them.
Step One
Starting with Ourselves
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 3:15–4:3
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Some of us avoid or cope with our own pain by trying to fix the world. We try to right every wrong, heal every wound, point out every injustice. We spend our time demanding that the world system reform. We may also dedicate ourselves to rescuing and reforming those we love. Our zealousness to set the world aright can be a means of denying that we are powerless to do so.
Solomon said, “I also noticed that under the sun there is evil in the courtroom. Yes, even the courts of law are corrupt! I said to myself, ‘In due season God will judge everyone, both good and bad, for all their deeds.’ . . . I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun. I saw the tears of the oppressed, with no one to comfort them. The oppressors have great power” (Ecclesiastes 3:16-17; 4:1). He saw that the world was not as it should be. He also recognized that it was God’s job to judge and overcome the injustices in our world.
When we set out to save the world we err by taking on a role that belongs to God. What we gain by taking on such a massive task is the guarantee that we’ll always be busy. Then we’ll never have the time or energy to face our own issues. The Bible makes it clear that the world will never be right until Jesus Christ returns to make it so. We need to accept the fact that we are powerless to do his job. However, when we focus on our own recovery, fixing ourselves instead of everyone else, we will then be able to be more effective in helping others, too.
If we try to fix the world before fixing ourselves, we’ll do both badly.
Step One
Magical Thinking
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 5:10-12
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
This is one of the rules that governs a dysfunctional family: Always blame someone or something whenever things get out of control. We might say, “If only I weren’t poor, then I could handle life.” We might dream of how all our problems would be resolved if only we were rich. But by blaming our lack of wealth, we fail to take responsibility for coping with life.
Solomon was one of the richest men who ever lived. He had this to say on the subject: “Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth—except perhaps to watch it slip through your fingers! People who work hard sleep well, whether they eat little or much. But the rich seldom get a good night’s sleep” (Ecclesiastes 5:10-12).
Solomon, along with many affluent people of our day, is living proof that riches don’t solve our problems or guarantee happiness. Wealthy people are just as powerless over their lives and addictions as poor people. Accepting this reality can help us to face the fact that it is not anything external that keeps us from recovery. We don’t need to wait until we have more money to begin coping with our lives and our compulsive behaviors. The sooner we stop all the blaming and begin to acknowledge the true powerlessness of the human condition, the sooner we’ll recover.
No matter how much or how little we have, it will never be “enough.”
Step One
Chasing the Wind
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 2:1-11
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
We may have gotten involved in our addictive behavior on an experimental basis at first. We wanted to taste life’s pleasures and find the fun and excitement. For a while the “partying” makes us feel good; but when we pull back to look at our lives we realize that we’re not really getting any closer to fulfillment.
Solomon set out to taste all of life’s pleasures, and he had the means to do so without limit. He writes, “I said to myself, ‘Come on, let’s try pleasure. Let’s look for the “good things” in life.’ But I found that this, too, was meaningless. So I said, ‘Laughter is silly. What good does it do to seek pleasure?’” Solomon systematically explored drinking, looking for wisdom, toying with folly, trying to find fulfillment through public works projects and empire building, collecting slaves, silver and gold, enhancing his sense of power, involvement in the cultural arts and vast sexual exploits. He then explains, “Anything I wanted, I would take. I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere” (Ecclesiastes 2:1-2, 10-11).
Like Solomon, we, too, may be chasing the wind and getting nowhere. The futility of being driven to excess in our “chasing around,” whether in work or play, can cause us to miss the true purpose of our existence and the fulfillment we seek.
Our addictions are like the wind: we may feel them as they pass, but we can never hold on to them.
Step One
A Balanced Life
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 7:14-17
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
For those of us raised in chaotic situations our response may be to try to maintain control of something . . . anything! We may become rigid and controlling of our children, or insist on having control in our homes or work relationships. Perhaps we focus on our eating habits or develop rituals for living that give us the feeling of being in control of our own lives.
King Solomon tells us, “Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life. I have seen everything in this meaningless life, including the death of good young people and the long life of wicked people. . . . For there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble. Indeed, how can people avoid what they don’t know is going to happen?” (Ecclesiastes 7:14-15; 8:6-7).
It’s understandable that we would want to develop a security system to protect our lives in response to our past powerlessness and the pain it brought. Maintaining control can serve to make us feel safer in an uncertain world. However, it can also pose a trap for us, if we must always have control in order to cope. We need to balance our understanding of life to realize that life is uncertain. We will not always be in situations where we have the power and control we need to make us feel safe. This balance can keep us on track, even when an unexpected loss of power occurs.
If we must always be in control, we’re out of control.
Step One
Powerless over Death
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 7:1-4
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
From the moment of birth, we all are living under the sentence of death. For some of us there is the added burden of knowing we are going to die as the result of previous risky behavior related to our addictions. Others of us realize that our addictions could kill us if they are not brought under control. We are all powerless over death. The understanding of this can actually be beneficial for us.
King Solomon wisely noted, “The day you die is better than the day you are born. Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies—so the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time. . . . None of us can hold back our spirit from departing. None of us has the power to prevent the day of our death. There is no escaping that obligation, that dark battle” (Ecclesiastes 7:1-4; 8:8).
Realizing that we are powerless over the inevitable approach of death should have a sobering effect on us all. Death has a way of revealing our powerlessness and uncovering hidden sorrow as nothing else can. Thinking about the end of life, however, should also help us realize how precious each day of life actually is. The sorrow of approaching death can help us by revealing what is really important in life and by strengthening our commitment to recovery.
We all live under the sentence of death; we should make the most of each and every day.
Step One
When Heroes Lose
Bible Reading: Ecclesiastes 9:11-12
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
Some of us who grew up in dysfunctional families vowed to escape their downward pull. We may have become the “family hero,” the one who “was going to make it.” We set out believing in some formula for success, maybe even based on scriptural principles. We have told ourselves, “If I only do thus and such, I will have to be successful.” It feels very safe as long as our beliefs match with our experience.
Solomon relates, “I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. . . . It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a trap, people are caught by sudden tragedy” (Ecclesiastes 9:11-12).
Life doesn’t always follow our rules or any other set of rules that might help us predict how things will happen. Even the truth of the Bible leaves room for a struggle between the forces of good and evil. There are times when we do our best, try our hardest to be good, and apply ourselves completely. But life still doesn’t work out the way we think it should. Our lives are interwoven with the lives of others in a world that isn’t always fair. Regardless of how hard we try, we cannot predict with certainty or guarantee the exact journey we will take through life.
This world grants only one guarantee—our powerlessness.
Step One
Powerless to Understand
Bible Reading: Lamentations 5:7-22
We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies and that our lives had become unmanageable.
When the bottom falls out of our world, we grapple with confusion. We try to understand what is happening and why it’s happening to us. Is it our fault? What did we do wrong? We look for someone to blame. We search for meaning in the madness. We stagger in our attempt to make some sense of it all.
After the destruction of Jerusalem the prophet Jeremiah poured out his heart to God. He described the horrifying conditions that fell upon the people he loved. He cried out, “Our ancestors sinned, but they have died—and we are suffering the punishment they deserved! . . . The garlands have fallen from our heads. . . . But LORD, you remain the same forever! Your throne continues from generation to generation. Why do you continue to forget us? Why have you abandoned us for so long? Restore us, O LORD, and bring us back to you again! Give us back the joys we once had! Or have you utterly rejected us? Are you angry with us still?” (Lamentations 5:7, 16, 19-22).
Even this great prophet of God was often powerless to understand the meaning of the troubling events in his life. Whose fault was it? Why did this have to happen to us and our loved ones? When we are powerless to understand, it is wise to follow Jeremiah’s example and turn to God. God is always there. He understands when we can’t. He has promised that “he will listen to the prayers of the destitute” (Psalm 102:17).
Though we can’t always understand the events of life, we can know that God does.