Step Four
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Jesus said, “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? . . . First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5).
Step Four
Facing the Sadness
Bible Reading: Nehemiah 8:7-10
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Most of us falter at the prospect of making an honest personal inventory. The rationalizations and excuses abound for avoiding this step. The bottom line is, we know that there is an enormous amount of sadness awaiting us. And we fear the pain that facing the sadness will bring.
The Jewish exiles who returned to Jerusalem after captivity in Babylon had lost touch with God. During the exile, they hadn’t been taught his laws; so naturally, they hadn’t practiced them either. After rebuilding the city walls and the temple, the priests gathered the people together to read the Book of the Law. The people were overwhelmed with grief and began sobbing, because their lives in no way measured up. The priests said to them, “Don’t mourn or weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the LORD your God. . . . Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared . . . for the joy of the LORD is your strength!” (Nehemiah 8:9-10).
That day marked the beginning of the Festival of Tabernacles, a required Jewish feast which celebrated their escape from bondage in Egypt and God’s care for them while they wandered in the wilderness.
When we set out to face the pain and sadness of making a moral inventory, we will need the “joy of the Lord” to give us strength. This joy comes from recognizing, even celebrating, God’s ability to bring us out of bondage and to care for us as we pass through the sadness toward a new way of life.
Our joy in the Lord helps us to face the sadness within ourselves.
Step Four
God’s Standard
Bible Reading: James 1:21-25
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
When making an inventory, some kind of list is usually used to help take stock of what’s on hand. If we’ve lived our lives with dysfunctional influences, our idea of what’s “normal” probably won’t be a very good measuring stick for evaluating our lives. We’ll need another standard to help us take account of where we are.
The Jewish exiles who returned to Jerusalem had grown up in captivity. They started their inventory by finding a new standard. “They remained standing in place for three hours while the Book of the Law of the LORD their God was read aloud to them. Then for three more hours they confessed their sins” (Nehemiah 9:3).
The apostle Paul ridiculed the idea that we could measure our lives by the people around us. He said this of the Corinthian believers: “They are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant! . . . We will boast only about what has happened within the boundaries of the work God has given us” (2 Corinthians 10:12-13).
James wrote, “Humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. . . . But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it” (James 1:21, 25).
In doing our moral inventory, we will get better results if we use God’s Word as a measuring stick. This should give us the perspective we need as we seek to sort out our lives.
Our recovery involves coming to terms with ourselves as we really are.
Step Four
Confession
Bible Reading: Nehemiah 9:1-3
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
The heart of our moral inventory will probably deal with our destructive habits, defects of character, the wrongs we’ve done, the consequences that we now live with, and the hurt we’ve caused others. It’s like sifting through all the garbage. This part is painful, but a necessary part of throwing away those rotten habits and behaviors that are spoiling the rest of our lives.
The returned Jewish exiles “confessed their own sins” (Nehemiah 9:2); this phrase speaks volumes. The word confess means “to bemoan something by wringing of the hands” and also “to throw away.” The word sins means “offenses and their occasions”; it can also refer to habitual sinfulness and the consequences of such behavior.
This can serve as a model for us to follow. We can list the occasions of our offenses, our destructive habits, and the consequences we’ve brought into our lives and the lives of others. Let’s also look at what was done as they “confessed their own sins.” They owned each part; they bemoaned each part; and then they threw it all away. Their inventory was a time of cleaning out the garbage. After this they were better able to make a new start.
In dealing with the garbage in our lives we can “own” it by taking personal responsibility for our choices and actions. We can “bemoan” it by allowing ourselves to grieve. We can “throw it away” by leaving it behind and turning toward the future.
Our time of confession should be a time of celebration.
Step Four
Family Influence
Bible Reading: Nehemiah 9:34-38
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Our family of origin has had an influence on who we are today. Some of us want to pretend that our families were, or are, nearly perfect. Others of us may tend to avoid responsibility for our actions by blaming our families. Whatever the case, when we think about our own lives, we also need to deal with our families and the effects they have had on who we are today.
We’re told that the returned Jewish exiles “confessed their own sins and the sins of their ancestors” (Nehemiah 9:2). They blamed their ancestors for their captivity and the difficult situation they were facing. They said, “They [our ancestors] refused to turn from their wickedness. So now today we are slaves in the land of plenty that you gave our ancestors for their enjoyment! . . . We serve them [conquering kings] at their pleasure, and we are in great misery” (Nehemiah 9:35-37).
It’s all right to admit the truth about what brought us into bondage. This might very well involve the wrongs committed by our parents and family. It’s all right to express our anger and regret over what’s been done to us. We have a right to hold others accountable and grieve over the negative effects they’ve had on our lives. That is part of the real picture. It’s not all right to use this as an excuse for our wrong choices or for staying in bondage. They may be partly responsible for bringing us to this place. We’re responsible for moving on to a better place for ourselves and our children.
Past generations helped create our present circumstances; our confessions can free us for a better future.
Step Four
Constructive Sorrow
Bible Reading: 2 Corinthians 7:8-11
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We all have to deal with sorrow. We may try to stuff it down and ignore it. We may try to drown it or avoid feeling it by intellectualizing. But sorrow doesn’t go away. We need to accept the sorrow that will be a part of the inventory process.
Not all sorrow is bad for us. The apostle Paul had written a letter to the church in Corinth. It made them very sad because Paul was confronting them about something that they were doing wrong. At first he was sorry that he had hurt them. But later he said, “Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have. . . . For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. . . . Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, . . . such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong” (2 Corinthians 7:9-11).
Jeremiah said, “Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow” (Lamentations 3:32-33).
This grief was good, for it came from honest self-evaluation, not morbid self-condemnation. We can learn to accept our sorrow as a positive part of our recovery, not just as punishment.
Honest self-examination can lead us to a sorrow that inspires our growth.
Step Four
Coming out of Hiding
Bible Reading: Genesis 3:6-13
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Many of us have spent our lives in a state of hiding, ashamed of who we are inside. We may hide by living double lives, using our drug of choice to make us feel like someone else, or by self-righteously setting ourselves above others. Step Four involves uncovering the things we’ve been hiding, even from ourselves.
After Adam and Eve disobeyed God, “They suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. . . . The LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He replied, ‘I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked’” (Genesis 3:7-10). Human beings have been covering up and hiding ever since!
Jesus consistently confronted the religious leaders for their hypocrisy. The word hypocrite describes a person who pretends to have virtues or qualities that he really doesn’t have. One time Jesus said to them, “Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! . . . First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too” (Matthew 23:25-26).
When the real person inside comes out of hiding, we’ll have to deal with some dirt! Making this inventory is a good way to “wash the inside”; and some of that washing may involve bathing our lives with tears. It is only by uncovering the hidden parts of ourselves that we’ll be able to change the outer person, including our addictive/compulsive behaviors.
Confessing our hidden parts brings healing and restoration.
Step Four
Finger-Pointing
Bible Reading: Matthew 7:1-5
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
There have probably been times when we’ve avoided our own wrongs and problems by pointing the finger at someone else. We may be out of touch with our internal affairs because we are still blaming others for our moral choices. Or perhaps we avoid examining ourselves by making moral inventory of the people all around us.
When God asked Adam and Eve about their sin, they both pointed the finger at someone else. “‘Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?’ The man replied, ‘It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.’ Then the LORD God asked the woman, ‘What have you done?’ ‘The serpent deceived me,’ she replied” (Genesis 3:11-13). It seems to be human nature to blame others as our first line of defense.
We also may avoid our own problems by evaluating and criticizing the lives of others. Jesus tells us, “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? . . . Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5).
While doing this step, we must constantly remind ourselves that this is a season of self-examination. We must guard against drifting off into blaming and examining the lives of others. There will be time in the future for helping others after we’ve taken responsibility for our own lives.
Our inventory should turn our focus from what others have done to what we can do.
Step Four
Love Overcomes Fear
Bible Reading: 1 John 4:16-19
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
The thought of making a fearless moral inventory may sound like an impossible task. Looking at our lives on a moral basis can be very frightening. How can we get to the place where the word fearless can actually describe the moral inventory we make?
The apostle John said, “As we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (1 John 4:17-18).
Love is the key. God, who is the final judge of all morality, loves us perfectly. He doesn’t just love us if we’re perfect. Perhaps we’ve had people withhold love and shame us for our faults and failures. If we’ve only known love to be conditional, it only makes sense that admitting our faults causes us to be afraid of losing the love and acceptance we all need.
To eliminate the fear, we need to surround ourselves with unconditional love from God and other people. Only unconditional love will cover our shame and give us confidence that no matter what we find when we look at ourselves, we will always be loved. The apostle Peter affirmed this by saying, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
Our moral inventory needs a constant review from the perspective of God’s love.
Step Four
A Searching Examination
Bible Reading: 2 Timothy 1:9-11
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Searching is more than just casually looking around; it implies an intense desire to discover what we’re looking for. What could motivate us to make a searching moral inventory, especially since we know we’ll be uncovering our inadequacies?
God is not looking for people good enough to deserve his love. Instead, God wants to find people who will identify their inadequacies as a place for his love and kindness to fit into their lives. If this is true, why shouldn’t we be enthusiastic about searching, even for our failures? Every deficiency, every need, every shortcoming can make room for the love of God to be displayed prominently in our lives. The apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, saying, “God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 1:9).
If we approach our inventory with the intention of looking for places in our lives where God’s mercy and love have the chance to make up for our failings, we can be enthusiastic about both the good and bad that we find there. Jude tells us, “Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life” (Jude 1:21, NKJV, emphasis added). Knowing that God is looking for places to display his love in our lives, we can make an intense, yet fearless, search.
Our fearless internal search brings to light areas of our lives desperate for God’s love and mercy.
Step Four
God’s Mercy
Bible Reading: Revelation 20:11-15
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We may wish we could avoid making a moral inventory; it’s normal to want to hide from examination. But in our hearts, we probably sense that a day will come when we’ll have to look carefully at our lives.
The Bible tells us there’s a day coming when an inventory will be made of every life. No one will be able to hide. In John’s vision he saw “a great white throne and the one sitting on it. The earth and sky fled from his presence, but they found no place to hide. I saw the dead, both great and small, standing before God’s throne. And the books were opened, including the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. . . . And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire” (Revelation 20:11-12, 15).
It’s best to do our own moral inventory now to make sure we’re ready for the one to come. Anyone whose name is in the Book of Life is saved. This includes all whose sins have been atoned for by the death of Jesus. Those who refuse God’s offer of mercy are left to be judged on the basis of their own deeds recorded in “the books.” No one will pass that test! Perhaps now is a good time to make sure our names are in the right book. And when we know our lives are covered with God’s forgiveness, we will be able to examine them fearlessly.
We can be fearless in our inventory because we have been loved and accepted by God.
Step Four
Understanding the Past
Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 3:10-15
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Our addictions may already have destroyed everything we’ve worked for—our family, friendships, finances—everything may be lost. Beginning recovery is like starting back at the foundation and building a whole new life. Making an inventory should help us consider what caused our losses in the first place. That way, we’ll be able to rebuild with materials that will hold up under fire.
The apostle Paul wrote, “But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. . . . Fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames (1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 13-15).
Even though Paul was referring to the final judgment, this also applies to recovery. We know that what we used in building our old way of life didn’t hold up. By doing our inventory, we can make sure that we don’t experience further loss by repeating our past patterns, which are vulnerable to destruction. When future tests come, the lasting effects of our recovery and the rewards of our new way of life will be evident to all.
Since we have turned our lives over to God, he is the foundation on whom we must build.
Step Four
Wonderfully Made
Bible Reading: Psalm 139:13-18
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Growing up, we may have been led to believe that we just weren’t “good enough.” We probably tried to become “good enough” by doing, since we weren’t acceptable just as we were. We need to be careful as we make a moral inventory not to replay in our own minds all the old lies about our lack of value as human beings. This is not the purpose of the inventory! Using it this way can be detrimental to our recovery.
We need to replace the misconceptions about our self-worth with the truth. David reflected on God’s view of us when he wrote: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!” (Psalm 139:13-18).
David’s glimpse of the high value God places on our lives, even before we are born, shows that our value precedes doing. By faith we need to accept this foundational truth about our basic value as human beings. We must accept that our lives are worth the pain of working through recovery.
Aspects of God’s perfect character are reflected in the lives of each and every person.
Step Four
God’s Likeness
Bible Reading: Genesis 1:25-31
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
For most of us who have lived in bondage to our addictions, it’s probably very easy for us to see the bad lurking within. It’s much harder to see the qualities we have that are good or excellent. We may tend to see life in terms of all or nothing, good or bad. But we need to recognize that along with our shortcomings, we have also been made with an incredible potential for good.
At the end of the fifth day of creation, God had made everything except man and woman. “And God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:25). Then God created man and woman. “In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals.’ . . . Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!” (Genesis 1:27-28, 31).
God made a distinction between his estimation of mankind and the rest of creation. He saw us as very good! We were made in the image of God, with capacities far beyond mere animals. God was, and is, excited about us! He gave us abilities and responsibilities to reflect his own nature in all of creation.
Although we have a sin nature that came after the Fall, we are still created in the likeness of God. In doing our inventory, we need to see the good as well as the bad. Let’s remind ourselves of the goodness and dignity inherent in being human as we honestly look at those things which miss the mark.
We are made to be like God and therefore share many of his characteristics and feelings.
Step Four
Discovering Wisdom
Bible Reading: Proverbs 2:6-22
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
In recovery we come to realize that we’re influenced by the people we’re around. We welcome the support of those who are farther along on the road to recovery. We may rely heavily on the encouragement of our sponsor or others who are supportive of our new way of life. We will also come to see the negative influence of associating with people who are still living the kind of life from which we’re trying to escape. Part of our inventory may include considering whom we choose to spend our time with and whether these decisions contribute to our recovery.
In Proverbs we are told, “Wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted. These men turn from the right way to walk down dark paths. They take pleasure in doing wrong, and they enjoy the twisted ways of evil” (Proverbs 2:10-14). We are encouraged to “follow the steps of good men instead, and stay on the paths of the righteous. For only the godly will live in the land, and those with integrity will remain in it. But the wicked will be removed from the land, and the treacherous will be uprooted” (Proverbs 2:20-22).
Are we exercising wisdom by following the steps of those who are living the kind of life we truly desire? If we do this, we will find our lives to be filled with joy. We will also be spared the loss and destruction that await those who do not enter into recovery and continue down darkened pathways.
Even if we’ve made bad choices in the past, we can reclaim the lost parts of our lives by turning to choose the good.
Step Four
Recognizing Strengths
Bible Reading: Judges 6:1-16
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
For those of us who have lived in bondage to addictive/compulsive behaviors, loss of self-respect is a familiar feeling. It is easy to begin to see ourselves as chronically weak, small, even hopeless. We often fall into the rut of believing we’re destined to bondage, poverty, and failure. When this view of ourselves and our lives persists, we give up the possibility of change. We settle for just trying to survive. We live in fear and shame, filling up with resentment as our lives remain in the pit. As we make our inventory, we should take time to test these kinds of assumptions about ourselves.
When we first meet Gideon, he is discouraged; he’s a young man with little self-respect. His family was the poorest in a small tribe, and he was the least in his family. We first see him threshing wheat in a winepress, to hide the wheat from the enemy who would steal what little food he had. An angel appeared and called to him, “Mighty hero, the LORD is with you!” (Judges 6:12). Gideon didn’t look or feel like a mighty soldier, but God could see his potential. By the end of the story, Gideon had become the deliverer of his people (Judges 6–8). His first step toward success was to see himself as God saw him—as a “mighty hero.” Then he was able to hope in the possibility of freedom.
We can use our inventory to help us see ourselves in a new light and summon up the hope for a better life. Then, as God gives us the strength, we can pursue freedom from the bondage that surrounds us and our families.
We need to discover our special gifts and learn to focus them on the problems we face.
Step Four
Seeking Truth
Bible Reading: Philippians 3:12-14
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Those of us in recovery all struggle to move out of a difficult past and into a healthier future. We can’t change our past, yet it’s hard to accept the truth about it. It’s hard to face the things that others have done to us and all the mistakes we have made. Our energy can easily be spent trying to rewrite the past, a task at which we can never succeed. In Step Four we are simply trying to honestly evaluate our lives, including everything in our past.
Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). The path to freedom always leads through the truth, even the truth about our past. The apostle Paul once wrote to young Timothy: “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm, but the Lord will judge him” (2 Timothy 4:14). Paul states the truth about someone who had hurt him but leaves the matter in God’s hands. We, too, should honestly accept what has been done to us and then let it go, leaving it in God’s hands.
Elsewhere, Paul examined his past, making an honest review of his earthly accomplishments, his wrongs, his mistakes, his family, his gains, and his losses. It was from this broad perspective that he could write these words: “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me” (Philippians 3:12). When we face the truth about our past, we can finally let go of it. Then we can journey on into a healthier future.
We can be fearless in our inventory, knowing that the truth can only set us free.
Step Four
Buried Pain
Bible Reading: Philippians 4:10-14
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Some of us have never accepted the hurtful circumstances of our lives. We may be living in denial to avoid the pain. We continue to struggle against the painful realities, to rebel against who we are or what has happened to us. There are others of us who have accepted the bad, even to the point where it feels normal and comfortable. Therefore, we repeat cycles of behavior that are destructive; but we can’t receive the good.
The apostle Paul wrote, “I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little” (Philippians 4:11-12). When Paul wrote these words he was in a Roman prison waiting to hear if he would be executed. And yet, we hear no whining or complaining. Instead, he learned to accept the circumstances he could not change.
Working Step Four should be a time of learning to find serenity while also accepting ourselves and our lives as they are. Life isn’t fair. It isn’t predictable or controllable. It can be wonderfully rich in some ways and terribly difficult in others. We must be willing to face the hurt in our lives and consider how we have reacted to it. Then our discomfort can lead us to break the destructive cycles. And then we can learn to be content with the things we cannot change.
Contentment lies in knowing and accepting ourselves, while also trusting in Christ and his power.
Step Four
Filling the Gaps
Bible Reading: Judges 4:1-21
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
There are times when chaos reigns in our lives because others are not willing or able to fulfill the role they should play. When this happens we may suffer from the lack of leadership and protection.
The time of the judges was a time of confusion for Israel. Each person did what was right in his own eyes instead of obeying the law. They were oppressed by tyrants, one of whom was General Sisera, who “ruthlessly oppressed the Israelites for twenty years” (Judges 4:3). At this time God chose Deborah to be a judge. Her job was to decide the disputes of the people.
One day Deborah summoned a man named Barak and told him that God would use him to defeat the army of Sisera. “Barak told her, ‘I will go, but only if you go with me’” (Judges 4:8). So, Deborah agreed to go along, but she said, “You will receive no honor in this venture, for the LORD’s victory over Sisera will be at the hands of a woman.” (4:9). Barak lacked the faith to take on the responsibilities God had chosen him for. In the end, General Sisera did die at the hands of a woman. In the victory song, Deborah was honored. They sang, “There were few people left in the villages of Israel—until Deborah arose as a mother for Israel” (5:7).
When others don’t fulfill their rightful duty and role, we have the option of finding a way to cope, with God’s help. Deborah compensated for Barak’s lack of faith. We don’t have to endure the ongoing effects of other people’s limitations. And we don’t have to accept the painful circumstances that their weaknesses create.
Staying in daily contact with God will help eliminate some of the painful circumstances we might otherwise create.
Step Four
Healthy Acceptance
Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 25:1-34
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
When other people put us at risk or cause us pain, we may feel like there’s nothing we can do. We may feel very comfortable in the role of victim and give in to our feelings of helplessness.
Abigail is a good example of someone who didn’t give in to helplessness but had the wisdom to know what she could and couldn’t change. Her husband, Nabal (which means “fool”), was “crude and mean in all his dealings” (1 Samuel 25:3). Before David became king, Nabal insulted his troops to the point that David and his men were on their way to kill him and anyone who got in their way. Through some fast thinking and some even faster talking, Abigail protected her family. She convinced David not to take vengeance into his own hands. A few weeks later Nabal was dead of natural, or perhaps supernatural, causes and Abigail became David’s wife.
As part of our inventory, we might examine how we deal with other people who endanger us. Do we fall into the victim role and do nothing to protect ourselves from the results of their actions? Do we accept that we can’t change them, or just resolve to try harder in our crusade? Acceptance of another’s addiction or personality doesn’t mean that we have to accept being the victim of their wrongs. We can give up our crusade to change them, without giving up our right to be treated with dignity.
We can improve our circumstances in life without demanding radical changes in the people close to us.
Step Four
All or Nothing
Bible Reading: 1 Kings 19:3-18
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Perfectionists see the world in black and white. We may feel like we’re superhuman, able to take on anything, until we discover a flaw. Then we come crashing down and consider ourselves to be worthless failures.
The prophet Elijah is one of the great heroes of the Bible. If anyone had reason to feel superhuman, it was he. He could pray and stop the rain for years. He commanded fire to come down from heaven and destroy his enemies. But even he could have a bad day. Let’s consider his reaction after being threatened by Queen Jezebel. “‘I have had enough, LORD,’ he said. ‘Take my life. . . . I have zealously served the LORD God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too’” (1 Kings 19:4, 10). The Lord replied, “Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal” (19:18).
Like Elijah, if we’re perfectionists, we may think of ourselves as being above everyone else. We work very hard to please God and other people. But we can grow dangerously discouraged if it doesn’t seem to work. This “all or nothing” way of thinking is something to watch for while working Step Four. If we don’t allow ourselves to be less than perfect, we may find ourselves at great risk during the times when life reminds us that we are only human after all.
Often periods of failure follow our successes; we need to humbly recognize our limitations.
Step Four
No Other Gods
Bible Reading: Exodus 20:1-17
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Even if we don’t practice a particular religion, we do worship something. Our hearts, souls, and minds can’t exist in a vacuum. We’re all under allegiance to some set of beliefs. Our love and need to be loved drive us to the feet of some god. Part of our inventory needs to include looking to see who or what brings us to our knees.
The first commandment God gave says, “You must not have any other god but me” (Exodus 20:3). He repeated the same command after the children of Israel had wandered forty years in the wilderness, adding some explanations: “I am the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me” (Deuteronomy 5:6-7). Once when Jesus was talking with some people, “An expert in religious law tried to trap him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?’ Jesus replied, ‘“You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment’” (Matthew 22:35-38).
If we want to reorder our lives according to God’s design, it is helpful to start with the standard he set up—the Ten Commandments. He begins by simply asking that we recognize him as God. Are we willing to admit that our Creator and Rescuer is fully deserving of our wholehearted love and commitment? Are we willing to turn away from our other gods to worship him alone?
If we give God the proper place in our lives, all of his commandments should follow naturally.
Step Four
False Images
Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 10:12-14
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We may find that our imaginations are held captive by an image or ideal that makes demands of us. We may be focused on the image of “the perfect body” and find ourselves swept into compulsive eating disorders, depression, or sexual addictions. We may be focused on the image of “the good life” and find ourselves swept into workaholism, stealing, or lying to try to appease the image we worship. We may have an image of ourselves as “the black sheep of the family” and slavishly live our lives playing out that role.
We don’t talk much about idol worship in our culture, except perhaps when we talk of celebrities. Idolatry can be defined as image worship; it may involve becoming a slave to the ideas an image represents. This is the second commandment: “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods” (Exodus 20:4-5). The apostle Paul warned, “So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols” (1 Corinthians 10:14).
In his protective love, God warns us not to let devotion to an image enslave our lives. The images we worship are more likely to come through television or other media than from an idol carved from stone. But we need to ask ourselves, What are the images and ideas that drive our compulsive behaviors?
Taking inventory of the things we consider important may alert us to the false gods in our lives.
Step Four
Integrity
Bible Reading: Matthew 5:33-37
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
When we live in a world where we need to pretend in order to cope, it’s hard to maintain integrity. We learn to lie to cover up our shameful circumstances. We may lie to ourselves by escaping into another world through our addictions. When we don’t feel sure of ourselves, some of us even hide behind religious words and experiences. We might say things like “The Lord told me this . . .” or “I swear to God . . .” in order to validate our actions.
The third commandment says, “You must not misuse the name of the LORD your God. The LORD will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name” (Exodus 20:7; see also Deuteronomy 5:11). Jesus went further: “Our ancestors were told, ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the LORD.’ But I say, do not make any vows! . . . Do not even say, ‘By my head!’ for you can’t turn one hair white or black. Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one” (Matthew 5:33-34, 36-37).
Integrity is a key issue to consider while making our inventory. We need to ask ourselves where we are still in hiding. If we are making renewed vows, saying God ordained a specific course, perhaps we would do well to ask ourselves why we need all the extra endorsements.
Integrity will be the natural result of making an honest inventory of ourselves.
Step Four
Being, Not Doing
Bible Reading: Exodus 20:8-11
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Some of us become addicted to our work and our accomplishments. It’s not that we’re just hardworking people; we use our activities to help us feel worthwhile. It’s as though we believe deep inside that we are worthless, so we work and take care of others to earn the right to be loved. When our work is at the heart of our self-esteem, we have a hard time stopping whatever it is that gives us a feeling of value. We become slaves to what we do and can never do enough.
The fourth commandment says, “Remember to observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the LORD your God. On that day no one in your household may do any work. This includes you, your sons and daughters, your male and female servants, your livestock, and any foreigners living among you. For in six days the LORD made the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and set it apart as holy” (Exodus 20:8-11).
God gave the Hebrews this command when he brought them out of Egypt after four hundred years of slavery. The only value they had known had been measured by constant work. God reminds us with this command that he cares about who we are as well as about what we do.
God’s command that we spend a day resting is clear evidence that he loves us.
Step Four
Honoring Our Parents
Bible Reading: Deuteronomy 5:16
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We may feel a confusion of emotions as we relate to our parents. This is true especially if we’ve been abused during our childhood and bear the scars of that abuse. We may have been taught that failing to honor our parents is a sin. This raises some disturbing questions. How can we honor someone whose actions have been anything but honorable? Does this mean that we stay under their control and yield to their manipulations in order to please God?
The Bible does say, “Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Deuteronomy 5:16). The word honor comes from a root word meaning “heavy”; it implies fixing weighty value on the relationship. We are to place high value on our parents’ role in our lives.
This does not mean, however, that they have the right to destroy our lives just because they brought us into the world. Even Jesus said, “I have come to set a man against his father, [and] a daughter against her mother. . . . Your enemies will be right in your own household!” (Matthew 10:35-36).
As we evaluate our lives, we can honor our parents by realizing the heavy impact they have had on us. We don’t have to let them manipulate and abuse us in order to please God. But we can still choose to love them, even though we may need to set up boundaries in the relationship.
We can best honor our parents by the way we live our lives.
Step Four
A Debt of Love
Bible Reading: Romans 13:8-10
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
While under the influence of an addiction, we end up hurting ourselves, others we don’t know, and those we love the most. We may be horrified at how we could have done such things to the people we love. Does that mean we don’t love them? Or how could the people we love have done such things to us? Does that mean that they don’t love us? What conclusions are we to draw from the sin that stabs at our lives?
“Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. For the commandments say, ‘You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet.’ These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law” (Romans 13:8-10).
At first glance we may conclude from this passage that anyone who practices the evils warned against in the Ten Commandments couldn’t have love for others. But it may actually show us that when we hurt the ones we love, maybe we are loving them the way we love ourselves—very poorly. May God help us to love ourselves, so that we may learn to love others also.
It is our calling in life to love others and ourselves as God has loved us.
Step Four
Handling Anger
Bible Reading: Matthew 5:20-22
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Some of us realize that all that’s kept us from committing murder was the lack of opportunity at the moment we were in touch with the depth of our rage. Maybe we can stuff our ugly emotions down deep most of the time, only venting them when we’re caught off guard or under the influence.
The law of Moses clearly says, “You must not murder” (Exodus 20:13). Moses went on to explain, “If someone hates another person and pushes him or throws a dangerous object at him and he dies, it is murder. Or if someone hates another person and hits him with a fist and he dies, it is murder. . . . But suppose someone pushes another person without having shown previous hostility, or throws something that unintentionally hits another person, or accidentally drops a huge stone on someone, though they were not enemies, and the person dies. If this should happen, the community must follow these regulations in making a judgment” (Numbers 35:20-24). Jesus taught, “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment” (Matthew 5:21-22).
If we took the time to think about it, we may realize that we’re still in danger because of the rage burning beneath the surface. In order for our recovery to be complete, we must dig up the anger, vent it appropriately, and let it go. This is a vital part of our recovery process, which we dare not neglect.
Unresolved anger becomes a violation of God’s command to love.
Step Four
Sexual Inventory
Bible Reading: Matthew 5:27-30
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We’re all sexual beings. For some of us sex becomes an addiction, used to medicate our pain. Instead of staying within the committed safety of marriage, as God prescribes, we overdose on sex, emotionally or physically. Any time the marriage bond is violated, deep wounds are created which damage our sense of security. This is true whether the damaged marriage involves our parents, ourselves, or both. Dealing properly with our sexuality is a vital part of our recovery.
Jesus taught us, “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28). One day, a group of lawyers brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery to Jesus and asked him to pass judgment. Jesus told them that they could stone her to death in accordance with the law, but only if a person without sin threw the first stone. “[The Jewish leaders] slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, ‘Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’ ‘No, Lord,’ she said. And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I. Go and sin no more’” (John 8:9-11).
The point of making an inventory of our sexuality is not to bring condemnation upon ourselves or others. It is to see where the wounds are and to move toward healing the devastation.
Left unchecked, wrong desires lead to wrong actions, which will lead us away from God and from our recovery.
Step Four
Facing Loss
Bible Reading: John 10:1-13
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Addiction and stealing usually go hand in hand. Stealing is one way to fill our desperate needs when we have no other ways of getting them met. We may have been robbed ourselves and we feel violated, left with a deficit of our own. Somehow, in either case, we have to get to the point of being filled up. Both stealing and feeling ripped off are signs of a need that should be addressed.
Jesus told a story describing himself as a shepherd who has great love for us, his sheep. He also said, “I am the gate for the sheep. All who came before me were thieves and robbers. . . . The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:7-8, 10). The apostle Paul warned, “If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need” (Ephesians 4:28).
In our inventory we will easily spot the obvious things we’ve stolen or had stolen from us. But we also need to look further. We need to look deeply to find the areas where we feel deprived. We need to discover the places where we want more than what others might consider our fair share. We need to uncover the empty places carved out by our previous losses. As we inventory our deficits, we can bring all of the sins and the deprivations beneath them to Jesus so that he can fill them. It will be out of this sense of fullness that we can begin to give.
Our inventory will uncover the empty places in our lives so God can fill them with his love and care.
Step Four
Overcoming Envy
Bible Reading: Hebrews 13:5-6
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
A major part of recovery deals with our tendency to create and live in a fantasy world. We escape the painful realities of our lives momentarily and trade them in for experiences that feel good. The pathway that leads to our addiction is paved with desires for the things, relationships, and experiences that we see in the lives of others and don’t have ourselves.
One of the lesser known of the Ten Commandments says, “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17; see also Deuteronomy 5:21). Jesus also warned, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own” (Luke 12:15). The writer of Hebrews said, “Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you’” (Hebrews 13:5).
Modern society and commercial advertising are designed to breed discontent. This is a threat to our recovery because it leads us into an emotional fantasy world. We need to make an inventory of the greed and covetousness lodged in our hearts and minds. Then we must treat these problems like a poison that will hurt us if allowed to remain in our lives.
Since only God can meet all our needs, true contentment can only be found in him.