Step Five
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
“If we confess our sins to him [God], he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9).
Step Five
Freedom through Confession
Bible Reading: Romans 2:14-15
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
All of us struggle with our conscience, trying to make peace within ourselves. We may try to deny what we’ve done, find excuses, try to squirm out from beneath the full weight of our conduct. We may work hard to be “good,” trying to counteract our wrongs. We do everything we can to even out the internal score. In order to put the past to rest, we must stop rationalizing and admit the truth.
We are all born with a built-in buzzer that alerts us to what is wrong. God holds everyone accountable. “They know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right” (Romans 2:14-15).
Part of Step Five is to stop this internal struggle and admit that wrong is wrong. It’s a time to agree with God and our own conscience about our cover-up and the exact nature of our wrongs. We’re like people who have been accused of crimes which they actually committed. We may have spent years constructing alibis, coming up with excuses, and trying to plea-bargain. It’s time to come clean. It’s time to admit what we know deep down inside to be true: “Yes, I’m guilty as charged.”
There is no real freedom without confession. What a relief it is to finally give up the weight of our lies and excuses. When we do confess, we will find the internal peace that we lost so long ago. We will also be one step closer to full recovery.
Admitting our failures is an essential step to forgiveness and healing.
Step Five
God, Our Friend
Bible Reading: Hebrews 4:14-16
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Going to God can be scary. We may associate God with a condemning judge, a brutal father, or some other frightful image. Before we will be able to admit our wrongs to God, we’ll need to feel confident that he is on our side.
In ancient times, people could not approach God on their own. The high priest would offer a sacrifice to cover their sin and then bring them before God. The high priest was on their side, even though he had to acknowledge and deal with their sins. We have someone on our side, too. “Since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most” (Hebrews 4:14-16). “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested” (Hebrews 2:18).
We don’t have to fear admitting our wrongs to God. In him we have a friend who understands our struggles and our suffering. When we go to him we won’t have to flee from his condemnation. We will be welcome to stay at the throne of God to receive mercy. He will give us the grace we need in our struggle to recover.
When we face our wrongs, God understands and is able to help us.
Step Five
Overcoming Denial
Bible Reading: Genesis 38:1-30
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Admitting our wrongs to ourselves can be the most difficult part of Step Five. Denial can be blinding! How can we be expected to admit to ourselves those things we are blind to? Here’s a clue that can help us. We will often condemn in others the wrongs most deeply hidden within ourselves.
According to ancient Jewish law, a widow was entitled to marry the surviving brother of her husband in order to produce children. Tamar had been married successively to two brothers who died without giving her children. Her father-in-law, Judah, promised to give her his younger son also, but he never did. This left her alone and destitute. In an effort to protect herself, she disguised herself as a prostitute and became pregnant by Judah himself. And she kept his identification seal (Genesis 38:1-23).
When Judah heard that Tamar was pregnant and unmarried, he demanded her execution. “But as they were taking her out to kill her, she sent this message to her father-in-law: ‘The man who owns these things made me pregnant. . . . Whose seal and cord and walking stick are these?’ Judah recognized them immediately and said, ‘She is more righteous than I am’” (Genesis 38:25-26).
It won’t be easy to be honest with ourselves. “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). However, we can look at those things we condemn in others as a clue to what may be lurking within ourselves.
It takes great courage to be honest with ourselves about ourselves.
Step Five
Healing through Confession
Bible Reading: James 5:16-18
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Most of us resist the thought of admitting our wrongs to another person. We may think, Isn’t it enough to admit my faults to myself and to God? Why should I humiliate myself before another person who is no better than I am?
It seems that there is healing power in the act of telling another person. James wrote, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results” (James 5:16). The apostle Paul also commented on this: “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself” (Galatians 6:2-3).
We may laugh at the thought of finding a “righteous person” to confide in. We needn’t worry; the word James uses doesn’t mean self-righteous. He is referring to someone who is right in fulfilling duties both with God and man. This kind of person will be just and without prejudice, already made right with God through personal confession. Someone with this kind of righteousness won’t be prejudiced against us.
When we find someone who has already dealt honestly with his struggle, our burden can be made lighter by sharing our own. Our confessor will also be able to pray for us in an understanding way. Such prayer can really make a positive impact on our recovery.
Confessing our faults opens up our lives to God’s healing power.
Step Five
Escaping Self-Deception
Bible Reading: Galatians 6:7-10
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may fool ourselves into believing that we can simply bury our wrongs and go on, without ever having to admit them. In time, we all discover that those deeds we thought were buried once and for all were actually seeds. They grow and bear fruit. Eventually we have to deal with a crop of consequences and face the fact that self-deception doesn’t work to our advantage.
“You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit” (Galatians 6:7-8). “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him [God], he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:8-9).
Step Five says good-bye to self-deception and hello to forgiveness and cleansing. We should note that there is cleansing from every wrong, not from “wrongdoing” in a general sense. Admitting the exact nature of our wrongs includes giving an account in exact and specific terms. It is only when we get specific that we will no longer be able to fool ourselves about the nature of our wrongs. Since we can’t ignore God and get away with it anyway, we might as well come clean and be forgiven.
In recovery, planting our confessions will yield a harvest of forgiveness.
Step Five
Fear of Rejection
Bible Reading: Hebrews 4:12-16
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
The thought of being totally honest about the exact nature of our wrongs causes us to hesitate for fear of rejection. How many times have we thought to ourselves, If anyone ever knew the real me they wouldn’t love me; they would probably leave me?
Whether we like it or not, the Bible tells us that everyone will have to give an account of his life before God. “Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God” (Romans 14:12). But, we don’t have to worry about surprising him with any of the hidden details. “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable” (Hebrews 4:13).
This can be encouraging if we think about it. The very fact that he already knows all about us and still requires us to give an account must mean that there is some value for us in the experience. Since he already knows every detail of our thoughts and actions and hasn’t rejected us, we don’t have to fear his rejection. “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness” (1 John 1:9).
We don’t go through the process of admitting our wrongs to God for his information, but for our transformation. Once we find the courage to work through this step with God, we will find more courage to help us risk telling another human being.
God knows all our secrets, but he lovingly waits for us to reveal them to him.
Step Five
Feelings of Shame
Bible Reading: John 8:3-11
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Shame has kept many of us in hiding. The thought of revealing ourselves to another human being stirs up feelings of shame and the fear of being publicly exposed.
“The teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. ‘Teacher,’ they said to Jesus, . . . ‘The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?’ . . . Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, ‘All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!’ Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one . . . until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman” (John 8:3-9).
Many believe that it was Jesus’ writing in the dust that caused the accusers to leave. Perhaps he was listing the secret sins of the Jewish leaders. If this is true, it gives us a beautiful picture of the kind of person Jesus is—a person with whom we can safely expose our secrets. Our confessor needs to be someone who is not surprised by sin and will not be waiting to condemn us. Such a person needs to take private note of our wrongs, writing them in the soft dust, not etching them in stone and posting them in public. Since shame can be a trigger for addictive behavior, we need to be careful about whom we choose.
With God’s help we can accept his forgiveness and be released from our shame.
Step Five
Restoring Relationships
Bible Reading: Matthew 18:15-18
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
When we’re grappling with addictions in our family, we are likely to draw away from people and from honest communication about our problems. Step Five is the place where we can return to the relationships that will help us face the truth. Paul spoke of the value of honesty, saying, “So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body” (Ephesians 4:25).
Jesus even laid out specific instructions for dealing with people who have done wrong but are persisting in denial. He said, “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
Accountability and honesty in our relationships are essential to successful recovery. When we make ourselves accountable to others, the caring influence of the group can help to keep us on the right track. They can provide us with an objective perspective, helping us to admit the truth. We often find ourselves isolated as a result of our shame or our fear that we will be rejected if we ever reveal who we really are. Admitting our wrongs to a trustworthy person always helps to break down the isolation.
Lies destroy our relationships; the truth restores them.
Step Five
Relief from Dishonesty
Bible Reading: Psalm 32:1-6
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Living a lie is miserable. Perhaps we carry the heavy burden of hiding our secret lives. Maybe we’re avoiding God and withdrawing from people because of our fear of being found out.
Moses understood the price to be paid for trying to live a lie. He prayed, “We wither beneath your anger; we are overwhelmed by your fury. You spread out our sins before you—our secret sins—and you see them all. We live our lives beneath your wrath, ending our years with a groan” (Psalm 90:7-9). David showed us the other side. “Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven! . . . What joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment” (Psalm 32:1-6).
Why should we live with the weight of dishonesty when relief is available to us? God already knows our secret sins anyway. Why continue to suffer needless agony when we can be relieved?
God wants to forgive; it has always been a part of his loving nature.
Step Five
Both Good and Bad
Bible Reading: Romans 3:10-12
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may see ourselves as different from other people—either much worse or much better. We may look down on ourselves and continually compare ourselves with “good” people. Or perhaps our addiction is more socially acceptable. We may console ourselves by placing ourselves above others whose sins seem worse than ours.
“As the Scriptures say, ‘No one is righteous—not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one’” (Romans 3:10-12).
The first chapter of Romans is often used to condemn sexual sins, or sexual addictions. People often skip over the last few verses, which condemn the more acceptable sins such as backstabbing, disobedience to parents, or being a proud braggart. Right after this chapter, the apostle Paul speaks to people who see themselves as better than others: “You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things” (Romans 2:1).
Every one of us is made of the same stuff, both good and bad. We may act out in different ways; but in God’s eyes, we’re the same. When we focus on admitting our wrongs, it helps us remember that we’re not so different from others after all.
We are all sinful, but we are also loved by God and valuable in his eyes.
Step Five
Good Counselors
Bible Reading: Proverbs 15:22-33
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
In recovery, we learn new ways of seeing things, new ways of responding, and new guidelines for making decisions. Our old patterns of thinking and living didn’t work very well. Now that we’re establishing new patterns, we’ll need counselors. They will supply the support we need and will listen as we share our story.
King Solomon gives this advice: “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success” (Proverbs 15:22). “There is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:14). King David looked to God’s word for counsel, saying, “Your laws please me; they give me wise advice” (Psalm 119:24). Isaiah prophesied of the Messiah (Jesus), saying, “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).
When we surround ourselves with dependable counselors, we are developing a safety net. Good counsel can come from the Bible and from people. When we admit our wrongs to other people they can also become a source of counsel for our lives. They may be professionals who understand addiction and recovery. They might be people who know us and measure their advice by godly wisdom. Or perhaps they are people who have experienced what we’re now going through. Find someone!
We need the help of those who can enlarge our vision and broaden our perspective.
Step Five
Unending Love
Bible Reading: Hosea 11:8-11
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may be sorely aware of the deep shame, trouble, and pain inflicted on our families because someone (ourselves or someone we love) is acting out his addictions. We may be afraid of admitting the exact nature of our wrongs, because we don’t understand how God could love someone who is so bad.
Hosea was a prophet to the rebellious nation of Israel. God used his life to demonstrate God’s unconditional love for us. The Lord told Hosea to marry a prostitute. He married her, loved her, and devoted himself to her. She relapsed into her old ways, broke Hosea’s heart, and brought shame on their family. She ended up falling into slavery. God then baffled Hosea by telling him, “Go and love your wife again, even though she commits adultery with another lover. This will illustrate that the LORD still loves Israel, even though the people have turned to other gods” (Hosea 3:1).
We may be asking, How could God (or anyone) still love me? But God asks, “Oh, how can I give you up? . . . How can I let you go? How can I destroy you? . . . My heart is torn within me, and my compassion overflows. . . . For I am God and not a mere mortal. I am the Holy One living among you, and I will not come to destroy” (Hosea 11:8-9). There is absolutely nothing we can do or admit that would cause God to stop loving us! (See Romans 8:38-39.)
God is committed to us and our recovery even when we want to quit and run away.
Step Five
Facing Consequences
Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 15:10-23
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Part of admitting our wrongs involves having to consider and to accept the consequences of our actions. We may want to deny our wrongs and try to justify them. We may feel wrongly accused and defensive as we try to escape the accountability we must surely face some day.
Saul was the first king of Israel. At his coronation the people were told, “Now if you fear and worship the LORD and listen to his voice, and if you do not rebel against the LORD’s commands, then both you and your king will show that you recognize the LORD as your God” (1 Samuel 12:14). But Saul disobeyed the Lord. “Then the LORD said to Samuel, ‘I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, for he has not been loyal to me and has refused to obey my command’” (15:10-11). When Samuel confronted Saul, he denied doing any wrong and put up his defenses. So Samuel replied, “Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the LORD, he has rejected you as king” (15:23). Saul then led his entire family and country into years of civil war, as he fought to remain king. He finally died at his own hand, surrounded by enemy troops. His three sons died with him.
There’s no escaping the consequences of our actions. But, when we admit our wrongs and face the consequences, we may spare ourselves and our loved ones years of additional pain.
Though we may not escape the consequences of our actions, we can experience God’s forgiveness.
Step Five
Denial Leads to Bondage
Bible Reading: John 8:30-36
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Living in denial is living dishonestly. How many times have we lied to ourselves and others, saying, “I can stop any time I want!” Or “I have the right to choose how I live my own life!” Or “My behavior doesn’t affect anyone but me!” Ironically, as we asserted our freedom to live as we chose, we soon lost the freedom to choose anything other than our addiction; we became enslaved to it.
Jesus said to some would-be disciples, “‘You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free’. . . . ‘A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free’. . . . ‘Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me! For you are the children of your father the devil. . . . He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies’” (John 8:31-36, 43-44).
Spiritual forces swaying our lives have their roots in either truth or deceit. Truth leads to freedom; deceit to bondage and death. Denial is a lie that keeps us in slavery. When we’re slaves to our addictions we lose the right to choose any other way of life. It’s only when we break the denial, when we become brutally honest about our bondage, that there’s any chance for real freedom.
Denial keeps us in bondage to our vices; confession leads us to recovery and freedom.
Step Five
Aiming at Truth
Bible Reading: Ephesians 4:12-16
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We probably grew up believing lies about life, about ourselves, about our families. We may still experience confusion and uncertainty because we don’t have a strong sense of what’s true. The lies we believe about ourselves can play into our addictive ways. So we need to reexamine our lives in the light of what’s true.
The apostle Paul talked about how the people who believed in Christ were to function like a single body. Each member is to be “measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13), offering the gifts they have to help the whole body grow up into maturity. Since Jesus described himself as “the truth” (John 14:6), and we are to be filled with him, our recovery process involves becoming “truth-full.” Paul continued, “Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:14-15).
Recovery can be like growing up all over again. As we grow, we need to continue to aim ourselves in the direction of what is true. In the past we measured truth against whatever sounded right to us at the time. Now we can have the sure measurement of God’s Word and Jesus Christ himself. From this perspective we need to reevaluate our beliefs. What is true about God? What is true about me? What is right? What is wrong?
Commitment to the truth involves both our words and our actions.
Step Five
Cleaning the Inside
Bible Reading: Luke 11:39-44
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We often protect ourselves by focusing our attention on other people and their behaviors. That way we don’t have to examine our own. We often stay in relationships where we seem powerless, for in doing so, we maintain built-in excuses for failure. We may also spend time looking down on others who are “worse” than we are, thus avoiding an examination of our own corruption. But in doing these things, we fail to take responsibility for our own recovery by honest self-examination.
Jesus confronted the Pharisees, saying, “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and wickedness!” (Luke 11:39). Can you imagine polishing the outside of a cup, which is moldy on the inside, and then drinking from it? Of course not! But we do this in a spiritual sense because it’s hard to deal with the “filth” inside our hearts.
Step Five is all about cleaning the inside of our cup. We must begin by turning our eyes away from everyone else around us. This may include those we blame for our condition in life or those we condemn to make our wrongs seem less in comparison. Then we can get back to looking within ourselves. Every one of us has some residue of wrongdoing in our lives. When we admit this to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, we will experience the cleansing of humility and forgiveness. Then we’ll have lives that can bring refreshment to others.
Our recovery not only requires that we look inward; it also demands that we confess what we find inside.
Step Five
Receiving Forgiveness
Bible Reading: Acts 26:12-18
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
As we work our recovery program, we go through a process of accepting the truth about our lives and the consequences of our choices. We may feel like we have to earn forgiveness instead of just receiving it. We may find it easier to forgive others who have hurt us than to forgive ourselves for the hurt we have caused.
When Jesus confronted the apostle Paul, he gave him this mission: “Now get to your feet! For I have appeared to you to appoint you as my servant and witness. . . . Yes, I am sending you to the Gentiles to open their eyes, so they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God. Then they will receive forgiveness for their sins and be given a place among God’s people, who are set apart by faith in me” (Acts 26:16-18).
God’s goal in sending his Word to us is that we may receive forgiveness and a place among his people, like anyone else who turns to him. The process involves first opening our eyes to our true condition, which happens in Steps One, Two, and Four. This allows us the opportunity to repent, changing our minds so that we’re in agreement with God and ready to admit our wrongs. God wants us to receive immediate forgiveness, based on the finished work of Christ. We’re not second-class citizens in the Kingdom of God. We don’t have to work the rest of the Twelve Steps as a form of penance. Forgiveness awaits us right now, if we will only receive it.
We all share equally in God’s promise of forgiveness as we confess our wrongs before him.
Step Five
The Plumb Line
Bible Reading: Amos 7:7-8
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
The kind of instrument we use to measure our lives will often determine the kinds of problems we uncover. If we use a faulty guideline, we won’t be able to make an accurate assessment. We may wonder why we aren’t progressing in our recovery programs. It may be that we need to look closely at the measuring stick we are using to uncover our problem areas.
The prophet Amos recorded this vision: “I saw the Lord standing beside a wall that had been built using a plumb line. He was using a plumb line to see if it was still straight. And the LORD said, . . . ‘I will test my people with this plumb line’” (Amos 7:7-8).
A plumb line is a length of string that has a weight tied to one end. When you hold the string up, letting the weighted end hang down, gravity ensures that the string is perfectly vertical. When held next to a building structure, the plumb line provides something sure by which to check whether the building is “in line” with the physical universe or not. If a building is built in line with the plumb line, the structure will be sturdy and function well.
The same holds true in the spiritual realm. God’s Word is our spiritual plumb line. Just as we can’t argue with the law of gravity, we can’t change the spiritual laws revealed in the Bible. It is to our advantage to measure our lives by that divine plumb line. And when things don’t measure up, it is important that we admit there is a problem and start rebuilding accordingly.
God’s Word is our plumb line, keeping us in line with his loving plans for us.
Step Five
Admitting Hypocrisy
Bible Reading: Amos 5:21-24
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Many of us live two lives, one ruled by our addictions and passions, the other governed by the laws of religion or social respectability. We probably know the pain of living in both worlds and the fear of being found out.
During a period of peace and prosperity, Israel’s upper class was living in luxury. Much of their wealth, however, was gained by exploiting the poor. They violated God’s laws and worshiped idols, while still keeping up their “proper” religious duties. God said to them, “I hate all your show and pretense—the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t even notice all your choice peace offerings. . . . I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living” (Amos 5:21-22, 24).
God sees through the external images we present and looks upon the heart. He understands the pain and bondage of living in hiding; he hates the pretending. Step Five is the time to face our hypocrisy. We need to stop trying to make up for the darkness inside by going overboard with religious displays. Let’s stop singing louder to drown out the cry of our guilty conscience. We need to let God’s justice convict us of every sin and let Jesus’ blood cover it. Then we’ll be able to honestly sing praises, move toward a whole, integrated life, and be free from pretending.
God wants us to have honest hearts, willing to show others who we really are.
Step Five
Marking Off Boundaries
Bible Reading: Ephesians 4:17-19
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may feel that we are somehow above the rules everyone else needs to live by. We may have grown so proud of ourselves and our power to “handle” our addiction that we’ve completely lost sight of right and wrong. At this point we have become slaves to our lusts. This is a time of great danger.
The apostle Paul warned, “Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him. They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity” (Ephesians 4:17-19).
The Lord spoke through the prophet Amos: “Can horses gallop over boulders? Can oxen be used to plow them? But that’s how foolish you are when . . . . You boast, ‘Didn’t we take Karnaim by our own strength?’ ‘O people of Israel, I am about to bring an enemy nation against you’” (Amos 6:12-14).
We may be deluded into believing that we can break all the rules and make a mockery out of what God says is right and good, but this isn’t true. If this is what we believe, we may need the help of someone else to even determine what is wrong. Then we will be able to turn from it and be protected from the consequences.
We discover true freedom when we seek to become what God has designed us to be.
Step Five
Filling the Empty Places
Bible Reading: 2 Timothy 3:14-17
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may feel like we have to live with a deficiency. It seems that somehow something inside is missing, something we really needed in order to be complete. This feeling of being “less than” others can fuel our need for our addictions, to make us feel good or “normal.”
The apostle Paul said, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
God has a plan to deal with that sense of lack in our lives. He wants to fill up that “something” that is missing that makes us feel like we need our addiction to be normal. He knows that we need help to be complete and fully “equipped.” His Word is there to give us the tools we need to compensate for our lack. God’s Word is also given for correction, to restore us to an upright state.
When we let addictions become the focal point of our lives, we’re always off balance. We need to align our lives to the Word of God, admitting our wrongs and needs to God. This will allow us to be fully restored and to find what we need to balance our lives.
Confession opens us to God’s equipping power, filling the empty places inside us.
Step Five
Gods That Can’t Satisfy
Bible Reading: Jeremiah 2:10-26
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We’ve all become slaves to gods that cannot satisfy. We run after that elusive “high” that only heightens our thirst for more. In the process, we lose our sense of appropriate guilt. We regret getting caught, but fail to mourn the deeper tragedy of repeatedly returning to the wrong well to satisfy our thirst.
God spoke through Jeremiah: “For my people have . . . abandoned me—the fountain of living water. And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns that can hold no water at all! Why has Israel become a slave? . . . When will you stop running? When will you stop panting after other gods? But you say, ‘Save your breath. I’m in love with these foreign gods, and I can’t stop loving them now!’ Israel is like a thief who feels shame only when he gets caught” (Jeremiah 2:13-14, 25-26).
God knows how thirsty we are. He’s the fountain that gushes with the water that can truly satisfy. A cistern is a man-made holding tank. Our addictions are like “cracked cisterns” that don’t stay full. The fundamental mistake being pointed out here is that we’re running repeatedly to the wrong source for our satisfaction. Instead of just being sorry that we “get caught,” God wants us to realize the deeper wrong. He wants us to return to him, find true satisfaction, and eliminate our need to keep going back to our addictions. Admitting our wrongs should include the sources we’ve turned to that don’t fully satisfy.
We can replace the cracked cisterns of our addictions with the life-giving fountain that God promises.
Step Five
Joyful Confession
Bible Reading: Isaiah 43:25–44:5
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Our wrongs may have been left unattended for a long time. Our lives may seem like parched fields where good things just don’t grow anymore. Years of denial have left the stubble of pain on the landscape of our lives. We look at the lives of our children and feel ashamed. We see the desolation they suffer because we didn’t have the means to meet even our own needs, let alone theirs.
The Lord wants our wrongs brought before him so that he can flood them with forgiveness. He spoke through Isaiah: “I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again. Let us review the situation together, and you can present your case to prove your innocence. . . . I will pour out water to quench your thirst and to irrigate your parched fields. And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants, and my blessing on your children. They will thrive like watered grass, like willows on a riverbank” (Isaiah 43:25-26; 44:3-4).
We don’t have to leave our wrongs scattered over the landscape of our past. The Lord longs to overcome them with loving forgiveness, so that we can spring to life once again. The forgiveness is instantaneous, erasing all the wrongs in our past. God longs to replenish the landscapes of our lives and our children’s lives so that we will be beautiful to behold. When we admit our wrongs to God we can do so joyfully, reminding him of his wonderful promises!
When God forgives us, we don’t have to worry that he might remind us later of our past offenses.
Step Five
Blinding Rationalization
Bible Reading: Hosea 12:6-7
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
When we constantly have to rationalize our behavior to get around a guilty conscience or to cover up for something, we begin to lose sight of how to accurately measure our lives. We may have cheated for so long that we now find it difficult to measure out the “exact nature of our wrongs.” At this point, we may need an objective person to help us. We may have lost the ability to be impartial in our judgment.
God says, “Do not use dishonest standards when measuring length, weight, or volume” (Leviticus 19:35). The Lord demands fairness in every business deal. The book of Proverbs says, “The LORD demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness” (Proverbs 16:11). “So now, come back to your God. Act with love and justice, and always depend on him. But no, the people are like crafty merchants selling from dishonest scales—they love to cheat” (Hosea 12:6-7).
We should never underestimate the power of rationalization to warp our perspective on our sins. God requires impartial judgment, a task we may not be able to manage on our own. It is helpful and crucial to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to another human being. He should be able to see the blind spots in our lives better than we can. His perspective will help us adjust our understanding so that it better matches reality.
God’s measure of success is different than ours; he calls us to honest confession.
Step Five
Confession Brings Mercy
Bible Reading: Psalm 51:1-6
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Many of the wrongs we need to confess are shameful. They are kept in the dark because we can’t bear to look at what they reflect about our human condition. We somehow know deep in our being that we have violated the way things “should have been.” It sometimes takes the reflection of another person to help us see the truth about our actions.
Before the prophet Nathan confronted King David about his sins, David had gone on with his life as if nothing were wrong. After Nathan informed David of God’s judgment because of his adultery with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband, Uriah, David responded by writing this psalm. “Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just” (Psalm 51:1-4).
It is human nature to want to cover our shameful deeds and to hide from God. When we are forced to face the reality of the situation, we can follow David’s example. We can recall God’s nature, which is full of love, kindness, and compassion. Then we should realize that we have sinned against God, not just another person, and we should recognize that God saw it all. After this, we must confess accordingly, accepting his verdict and sentence.
No sin is too great to be forgiven!
Step Five
Joy Restored
Bible Reading: Psalm 51:7-15
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
When we admit that we’re sinners, like everyone else, we may assume that we’re disqualified from being used by God to lead others. We may look up to those who seem so proud that God has kept them from sin and feel worthless in comparison.
In his confession of adultery and murder, David prays, “Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you” (Psalm 51:11-13). David understood that admitting his wrongs would provide a bridge to other hurting souls.
This is quite different from the prayer he prayed as a young man, who had yet to realize that he was a sinner like the rest of us. Here’s part of that prayer: “I hate the gatherings of those who do evil, and I refuse to join in with the wicked. . . . Don’t let me suffer the fate of sinners. Don’t condemn me along with murderers. Their hands are dirty with evil schemes, and they constantly take bribes. But I am not like that; I live with integrity. So redeem me and show me mercy” (Psalm 26:5, 9-11).
Admitting our sins doesn’t disqualify us from being used of God. Recognizing the sin in our lives can only make us more useful to him. It allows us to glorify God for his grace and it removes any reasons we might have for exalting ourselves.
The more we’ve experienced God’s forgiveness, the more we desire his presence and his joy.
Step Five
Crying to God
Bible Reading: Psalm 38:9-16
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may need to pay the price for our wrongs in order to wake up and admit them. And as we suffer those consequences, the pain may be increased by seeing our loved ones and friends draw back from us, while our enemies close in for the kill. Those we love may withdraw in order to deal with their own pain, leaving us feeling abandoned. Those we wish would leave us alone prepare to attack and destroy us.
David knew what this was like. He prayed this prayer when experiencing the consequences of his wrongs: “My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance. Meanwhile, my enemies lay traps to kill me. Those who wish me harm make plans to ruin me. All day long they plan their treachery. But I am deaf to all their threats. I am silent before them as one who cannot speak. I choose to hear nothing, and I make no reply. For I am waiting for you, O LORD. You must answer for me, O Lord my God. I prayed, ‘Don’t let my enemies gloat over me or rejoice at my downfall’” (Psalm 38:11-16).
Sometimes there’s nothing we can say that will make up for what we’ve done. Instead, it’s a time to call out to God for his protection. God can help us to deal with our wrongs. He can draw our loved ones back to us and put an end to the arrogance of those who gloat over our downfall. God is not one of our enemies. He doesn’t enjoy our pain. But, he will often use the natural consequences of our actions to get our attention.
As we confess to others, we need to be silent as they respond, and depend on God for protection.
Step Five
Stop and Listen
Bible Reading: Isaiah 28:16-22
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We’ve tried time and again to take care of ourselves. Maybe we learned early on that no one else would; at least that’s the belief we’ve built our lives on. Time and again we find that life tends to overwhelm us, especially when we turn to our addictions to try to meet our needs. It just doesn’t work.
“This is what the Sovereign LORD says: ‘Look! I am placing a foundation stone in Jerusalem, a firm and tested stone. It is a precious cornerstone that is safe to build on. Whoever believes need never be shaken. I will test you with the measuring line of justice and the plumb line of righteousness. Since your refuge is made of lies, a hailstorm will knock it down. Since it is made of deception, a flood will sweep it away. . . . Again and again that flood will come, morning after morning, day and night, until you are carried away.’ This message will bring terror to your people” (Isaiah 28:16-17, 19).
When life comes crashing in, and we realize that our attempts to take care of ourselves don’t quite make it, we have a choice. We can run away again, or we can stop and get the message God is sending. The pain God allows in our lives and the dissatisfactions we feel are meant to wake us up to the dangers of our chosen lifestyles. This will help us transfer our dependence to God, who can provide us with a solid foundation for living.
In the midst of our confessions, we need to continue to listen to what God may be saying to us.
Step Five
God Understands
Bible Reading: Psalm 38:1-22
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We may know the anguish of feeling like we deserve the suffering in our life. Sins carry their own painful consequences, many of them in the form of physical disease and discomfort. It’s a terrible thing to realize that our pain may be discounted by others because we brought it upon ourselves. We may have encountered self-righteous people who look down on us in our pain, as if to say, “Well, that should teach you! I bet you’ll never do that again!” They don’t seem to understand the power the addiction holds over us.
David prayed, “O LORD, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me. Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. . . . I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done” (Psalm 38:1-6, 17-18).
We can call out to God in the midst of our pain. He has compassion on us, even if we brought the pain upon ourselves. We can admit that we’re still on the verge of sin in the same prayer that says how truly sorry we are. Such is the nature of addiction. People may never understand, but God does.
As we confess, we need to admit that we are always on the verge of falling.
Step Five
Confession versus Guilt
Bible Reading: Genesis 42:1-26
We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Sometimes we’ve lived a lie for so long, and built so much of our lives on a false foundation, that we’re afraid to admit the truth. It would mean dismantling much of the good we’ve worked for in order to go back and explain. But we’re plagued with guilt and fear of exposure, constantly looking over our shoulder. We may fear divine judgment and human vengeance, forfeiting years of peace. We may interpret everything that goes wrong in our lives as just punishment for the lie we’re living.
This was the case for the brothers of Joseph, who sold him into slavery and told their father he was dead. Their story is told in Genesis 37–50. We see later that they interpreted their trouble with the Egyptian officials as God’s punishment for their hidden sins. When they tried to explain why they couldn’t leave their young brother Benjamin, they had to repeat the lie that Joseph was dead. They didn’t realize that the man they were addressing was their brother Joseph. They were snared in their own lies and tormented by fears of retribution. When Joseph finally revealed himself and offered forgiveness, they found it hard to believe and receive.
When we refuse to take the risk of uncovering lies, we’re condemning ourselves to a life of guilt. It may be hard to face the truth, but it isn’t as bad as living with the heavy burden of the lies. With a clean conscience, there is freedom and hope for a good life.
It may be hard to admit the truth, but that’s the path to our recovery.