Step Six
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable” (Romans 12:1).
Step Six
Discovering Hope
Bible Reading: John 5:1-9
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
How can we honestly say that we’re entirely ready for God to remove our defects of character? If we think in terms of all or nothing, we may get stuck here because we will never feel entirely ready. It’s important to keep in mind that the Twelve Steps are guiding ideals. No one can work them perfectly. Our part is to keep moving, to get as close as we can to being ready.
In Jesus’ day there was a pool where people came in hope of finding miraculous healing. “One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, ‘Would you like to get well?’ ‘I can’t, sir,’ the sick man said, ‘for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.’ Jesus told him, ‘Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!’ Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking!” (John 5:5-9).
This man was so crippled that he couldn’t go any farther on his own. He camped as near as he could to a place where there was the hope of recovery. God met him there and brought him the rest of the way. For us, “entirely ready” may mean getting as close to the hope of healing as we can in our crippled condition, using the support available to us. When we do, God will meet us there and take us the rest of the way.
Our confession readies us for God’s work of cleansing and releasing.
Step Six
God’s Abundant Pardon
Bible Reading: Isaiah 55:1-9
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
People tell us to repent and stop thinking the way we do. Most of us would give anything to do this. If it were only that simple to put a stop to our obsessive thoughts! When we’re starving emotionally, it’s almost impossible to stop thinking about what has fed that hunger, even when we realize it doesn’t satisfy.
People don’t seem to understand. They may quote a verse like, “Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong” (Isaiah 55:7). But we think, How? My thoughts seem to be out of my control.
God does understand. He put that verse into the larger context of dealing with the hunger within our soul. He said, “Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food. Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. . . . Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously” (Isaiah 55:2-3, 7). The word translated generously can be understood to mean “in progressively increasing measure each time we come.”
We need to fight our addictions on two fronts: dealing with the hunger deep inside us, and changing our thoughts of doing wrong. Neither battle is easily won; each requires our daily readiness for God to satisfy our hunger and remove our defects of character.
God not only forgives us, but also promises to satisfy the hunger we feel deep inside.
Step Six
Healing the Brokenness
Bible Reading: Psalm 51:16-19
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
If we have sincerely practiced the previous steps, we have probably found enough pain inside to break our hearts. Facing the fact that brokenness is part of the human condition can be crushing. But if we’ve arrived at this point, it is probably a sign that we are ready for God to change us.
King David, as a young man, wasn’t ready for God to change his defects of character because he didn’t recognize that they were there. He prays, “Don’t let me suffer the fate of sinners. . . . But I am not like that; I live with integrity. So redeem me and show me mercy” (Psalm 26:9, 11). He approached God on the basis of his own merit.
It wasn’t until later in his life when he was confronted with his sins of adultery and murder that he was able to say, “I was born a sinner—yes, from the moment my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5). He also said, “You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one . . . The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God” (Psalm 51:16-17).
Jesus taught, “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). God isn’t looking for evidence of how good we are or how hard we try. He only wants us to mourn over our brokenness. Then he will not ignore our needs, but will forgive us, comfort us, and cleanse us.
We can’t please God by what we do; he looks at the attitudes of our hearts.
Step Six
Crossing the Barriers
Bible Reading: Joshua 3:1-17
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
For those of us who’ve used dysfunctional patterns to govern our lives, crossing over into an entirely new way of living takes some preparation. We may see where we’re supposed to end up, but we don’t know how to get there.
Israel had wandered for forty years in the wilderness. Finally they arrived at the Jordan River and were able to see the Promised Land. But still, there was no way for them to cross the river. They were instructed, “When you see the Levitical priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant of the LORD your God, move out from your positions and follow them. Since you have never traveled this way before, they will guide you” (Joshua 3:3-4). God miraculously stopped the flow of the river, and the people focused their attention on the Ark of God as they crossed on dry ground.
We, too, have never traveled this way before, where we are now going. We can be guided by focusing on what the Ark represents. “Inside the Ark were a gold jar containing manna, Aaron’s staff that sprouted leaves, and the stone tablets of the covenant” (Hebrews 9:4). These represented God’s presence, his law, his promised provision, and a warning against rebellion to “prevent any further deaths” (Numbers 17:10).
As God helps us cross the final barriers we need to remember that his law is there to guide us and he will provide our daily bread. We also need to bear in mind the dangers of rebellion. With this focus and preparation, we will be ready to move ahead.
We can move ahead with confidence when our eyes are on God.
Step Six
Attitudes and Actions
Bible Reading: Philippians 3:12-14
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Getting “entirely ready” to have God remove “all” our defects of character sounds impossible. In reality we know that such perfection is out of reach. This is another way of saying that we’re going to do our best to approach a lifelong goal, which no one ever completes this side of eternity.
The apostle Paul expressed a similar thought. He said, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. . . . Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us” (Philippians 3:12-14).
This combination of a positive attitude and energetic effort is a part of the mystery of our cooperation with God. Paul said, “Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:12-13).
We’ll need to practice these steps the rest of our lives. We don’t have to demand perfection of ourselves. It is enough to keep moving ahead as best we can. We should look forward to our rewards, with hopes of becoming all God intends us to be.
Hoping in Christ, we can let go of past guilt and look ahead to the good things God has planned for us.
Step Six
Long-Lasting Change
Bible Reading: Matthew 15:16-20
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
When we were consumed with addictive/compulsive behaviors, we considered the behaviors to be “the problem.” When we are sober and not acting out our compulsions, we realize that “the problem” goes much deeper. We used to think, If I could only change my behavior, everything would be fine. Now that we’re in recovery, and the behavior may be under control, it’s time to look to the state of our innermost being to get to the heart of the problem.
Early in his life King David prayed, “Declare me innocent” (Psalm 26:1), focusing on his deeds. Later in life, he was able to pray on a deeper level, “Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
Jesus explained the true source of our problem: “But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander” (Matthew 15:18-19). We needn’t worry, though. God is in the business of heart transplants. He promised Israel, “I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart, so they will obey my decrees and regulations. Then they will truly be my people, and I will be their God” (Ezekiel 11:19-20).
Being entirely ready means that we want God to go deeper than dealing with our destructive behaviors. We want him to change our motives and create a new, clean heart within us.
Who we are deep down matters more to God than who we may appear to be on the surface.
Step Six
Removed, Not Improved
Bible Reading: Romans 6:5-11
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Most of us have made numerous attempts at self-improvement. Perhaps, we’ve consciously tried to improve our attitudes, our education, our appearance, or our habits. We probably have had some success in self-improvement on some level. However, when it comes to our struggles with defects of character, chances are we’ve only experienced deep frustration.
There is a reason for our frustration. These character defects can only be removed, never improved! The illustration given us in the Bible is that these defects of character must be put to death, as Jesus was, with the hope of new life to follow. The apostle Paul wrote, “Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin” (Romans 6:6). “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there” (Galatians 5:24).
There is no Band-Aid cure for these defects of character. They have been crucified and must die their death on the cross. This process is never easy. Who goes to a crucifixion without some measure of anxiety? But when we accept this and allow God to remove our defects, we will be surprised by the new life that greets us on the other side.
Before, we were slaves to our addictions; now, we can choose to have God remove all the old, destructive patterns.
Step Six
Telling the Truth
Bible Reading: Colossians 3:9-11
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Lying can be habitual. We may even have lied to ourselves, pretending we don’t have a problem with lying. We may have learned to cover up our problems by becoming excellent liars. We can see the unhappiness caused by our lies, how they’ve hurt us and our loved ones. And lying is one of the defects we can give up with many promised benefits.
Think about these promises: “Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies!” (Psalm 34:12-13). “Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him” (Colossians 3:9-10). “Stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body” (Ephesians 4:25).
There are great benefits to truthfulness. What other virtue is accompanied by such promises? Honesty is vital to recovery. Since lying may be second nature to us, it may be difficult to change. Part of any successful recovery involves guarding our lips and our thoughts, to rid ourselves of the lies that hurt us and others. Since this may have been a lifelong way of coping, we must accept that learning to tell the truth is a gradual process.
Telling the truth is an excellent way to build bridges and break down barriers.
Step Six
Results Reveal Value
Bible Reading: Hebrews 12:5-11
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Some phases of our recovery may be very painful; it may feel to us like we’re being punished. We may assume that the bad things happening are because we are bad. And we may begin to believe that God doesn’t love us.
It may hurt when God removes these defects, but this in itself is a display of love. The Bible says, “Don’t give up when he corrects you. For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child. As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? . . . God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living” (Hebrews 12:5-7, 10-11).
Our recovery is a time of discipline; it’s a time of facing problems and character flaws, and changing incorrect beliefs. There may be seasons when we do have to pay for our past. God will use this time to redirect our lives toward a better life. His correction isn’t arbitrary or abusive, but it’s still painful. Knowing that God’s discipline demonstrates his love for us can be comforting in the midst of the pain. It helps to remember that his love will only allow that which is for our ultimate good.
When God corrects us, he proves his loving concern for us.
Step Six
A New Identity
Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 6:9-11
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Our addictions may be so ingrained in us that we define our identity by them. It may feel like we are predisposed to behave as we do. And yet we’re condemned for our behavior that feels out of our control! How can we let go of seeing ourselves primarily in terms of the kinds of addictions that dominate our lives?
One passage in Scripture seems to identify people by their behavior. It says, “Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.” This doesn’t seem fair. We feel like we’ll never be able to escape our addictive nature. But the passage goes on: “Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
God doesn’t just erase the behavior. When we identify ourselves with Christ, he wants to give us a new identity. We’ll always remember what we were and realize that our sin nature and our body may always be predisposed to a particular addiction. We’ll still slip up, but we should no longer see our addiction as the definition of who we are.
God accepts us because our identity is found in Christ.
Step Six
Transformed from the Inside
Bible Reading: Romans 12:1-2
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
How many times have we wished that we could be someone else? Perhaps part of the reason we act out our addictions is because we can’t stand ourselves. Self-hatred is often associated with addictive/compulsive personalities. If we don’t like who we are, it’s reassuring to know that we can change dramatically.
The apostle Paul wrote, “Present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:1-2, NKJV).
The words conformed and transformed describe processes that happen to things that are changeable or unstable. In this case, we are the changeable things in mind. Conformed refers to an outward change to make one thing appear like another. Transformed describes a change from the inside out. It comes from the same word that describes a caterpillar changing into a butterfly.
We all have great potential for change. We’ve tried to change our outward behavior and found that it doesn’t last. As we yield ourselves to God in the cocoon of the recovery process, he will renew our minds. He will begin to remove our defects of character, transforming us inwardly so that it affects both our character and our behavior.
God has good, pleasing, and perfect plans for us, his children.
Step Six
Seeking Wisdom
Bible Reading: Proverbs 3:13-23
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
None of us set out with the goal of becoming addicted. We were seeking something else—escape from the pain, perhaps something to make up for our losses and brokenness or maybe an inner desire to self-destruct. Unfortunately, the things we seek are not able to satisfy our deepest needs and desires.
Our needs are legitimate. The defect that needs to be changed is our tendency to go the wrong way to try to meet them. The Bible says, “Don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble” (Proverbs 3:21-23).
Wisdom leads to the benefits most of us want out of life. When we seek wisdom, as if it were a hidden treasure, we’ll find the other things we desire. “Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left” (Proverbs 3:13-16). As we change our focus and begin to seek after wisdom, we will find our lives more fulfilled and secure. This may also help us avoid the destructive paths we’ve previously taken as we have tried to fulfill our own unmet needs and desires.
Common sense is given to everyone; wisdom is given only to those who follow God.
Step Six
Repairing Our Boundaries
Bible Reading: 2 Chronicles 32:5-9
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Recovery involves repairing or building healthy boundaries in the places where our boundaries are weak or defective. Boundaries are the limits set in our lives for our protection. Perhaps boundaries have been violently trampled down through abuse, or they may have grown weaker as we lost our ability to maintain limits. We let people walk all over us or let down our guard against our own destructive behavior.
In Bible times each city was fortified by boundary walls that served as protection from outside enemies. If these walls were weak or broken there was grave danger of an invasion and destruction. At one point in Israel’s history an enemy was threatening to attack Jerusalem. The king “worked hard at repairing all the broken sections of the wall, erecting towers, and constructing a second wall outside the first. He . . . encouraged them by saying: ‘Be strong and courageous! . . . We have the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!’ Hezekiah’s words greatly encouraged the people” (2 Chronicles 32:5-8).
Part of the recovery process involves repairing our boundaries. We can also construct a second wall of defense by developing a strong support network around us. We will still need to be brave and remember that whatever enemies we face in the form of destructive behaviors, there is someone with us who is far greater. We, too, can let this greatly encourage us!
Looking through the eyes of faith helps us to see the support that God provides around us.
Step Six
Courage to Change
Bible Reading: 2 Chronicles 15:1-16
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
There comes a point in recovery when we need to face ourselves. We need to acknowledge the wrongs we’ve committed and the harm we’ve brought because of our slavery. It takes courage to make the preparations necessary to allow God to change our lives and relationships in ways supporting our recovery.
King Asa was a man who lived at a time when the people of Israel had given themselves over to the worship of idols. They had turned away from God and the way of life they knew to be right. A messenger of God told the king: “‘The LORD will stay with you as long as you stay with him! Whenever you seek him, you will find him. But if you abandon him, he will abandon you.’ . . . When Asa heard this message . . . he took courage and removed all the detestable idols from the land . . . and he repaired the altar of the LORD” (2 Chronicles 15:2, 8). Asa even removed his mother from her position of power because she had been influential in Israel’s idolatry.
Allowing God to remove all our defects of character takes courage, because the changes he makes in us will affect every part of our lives. The time will come when we need to crush and burn the “idols” we’ve served, to go against the crowd, to make a commitment to God, and even to separate ourselves from those people who do not contribute to our recovery. When we do these things, we will find that the Lord will be there for us, encouraging us as we set things straight.
Stay in contact with people who love God and you will find the courage to change.
Step Six
Leaving the Familiar
Bible Reading: Matthew 14:23-33
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Having God remove our defects can be frightening. No matter how bad life gets we tend to feel at home with what’s familiar. We may stay trapped in destructive life patterns because we fear change. But if we wait for all the fear to go away before we take courageous steps, we’ll never make significant progress.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage means to seize the strength you find within you, to encourage yourself, to be obstinate or steadfastly minded. It doesn’t mean being free of fear. It means finding enough strength to take the next step.
In the account where Jesus walks on the water, the disciples are terrified when they see him. “Then Peter called to him, ‘Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.’ ‘Yes, come,’ Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. ‘Save me, Lord!’ he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him” (Matthew 14:28-31).
Peter gathered up enough courage to take one step. He ventured out into a new experience. When he got in over his head, he called out and found the help he needed. We, too, only need to summon the courage to take the next step. This doesn’t mean that we won’t feel fear or need help. It does mean that with God’s help, we’ll make it. All we need is the courage to take just one more step.
We need to walk with our eyes on Jesus, not on the situations we face.
Step Six
Removing Self-Hatred
Bible Reading: Psalm 139:13-18
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Many of us have spent our lives trying to be someone we’re not. Our addictive/compulsive behaviors may revolve around this desperate attempt to escape from ourselves. Maybe we have difficulty accepting our personality, our appearance, our handicaps, even our talents. Perhaps we spend our lives trying to be what someone else wants us to be because we feel that who we are is not enough. We may do all we can to distance ourselves from our inner being because we are so deeply ashamed of who we are.
Self-hatred is a defect of character that needs to be removed. It breeds the sin of covetousness, that is, longing to be in someone else’s situation or have what they have. The psalmist wrote, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it” (Psalm 139:14). Saying we are God’s “workmanship” means that we’re unique and beautiful masterpieces, works of poetry. Beauty and value are designed into our very fiber, by virtue of our Creator.
One important step in our recovery is to allow God to remove self-hatred, helping us to value ourselves for who we are. We have been miraculously created and we are treasured by God. And this has been true since the time in our mother’s womb, long before we could do anything to earn it! As we begin to see how unique and special we are—embraced and accepted by God himself—our strides toward recovery should grow faster and longer.
We need to see ourselves as God does—a creature, wonderfully crafted, made by the very hands of God.
Step Six
Removing Impatience
Bible Reading: James 1:1-4
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
We would all love to have an instant recovery. Many times our addictive behavior has its source in trying to fill an inner void with some form of immediate pleasure. When we enter into recovery, we have to admit that there is no immediate “fix” for the needs we have deep within. We need to prepare for God to remove our impatience. Recovery comes in seasons and takes time.
The Bible says, “When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” (James 1:2-4).
It’s nice to know that the troubles of life have significant value. They are sent as our friends, to help us mature and develop the kind of character that isn’t dependent on outside sources for fulfillment. The difficult seasons of life are like the fire that purifies precious metal. They are designed to burn away the impurities and leave us better than before. The process takes time, but it’s worth it because of the strength, purity, and beauty that result.
When we finally accept that there’s no shortcut on the way to wholeness, we will be able to find joy in each season of recovery. We will develop endurance, true maturity, and lasting fulfillment as God replaces our defects with his character.
Our continued struggles are prime opportunities for growth and healing.
Step Six
God’s Will, God’s Way
Bible Reading: Matthew 26:36-39
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
As we work through the steps of recovery, we look up a long, difficult road toward a better life. And though we know the goal is worthy of our commitment, we often find the challenge of the process overwhelming. As God goes about removing our defects, we may wish there were some other way. We may feel fear, a lack of confidence, deep anguish, and a host of other emotions which threaten to stop us in our tracks.
Jesus understands how we feel. He had a similar experience the night he was arrested. His friends were nearby, but when he needed them they were asleep. He told his friends, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). As he realized the enormity of the pain he would face, he looked for some other way. He was not immediately able to accept the path set before him. Instead, he struggled and prayed the same thing three times: “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (26:39). Finally he found the grace to accept God’s plan.
We may be overwhelmed as we face our own crosses on the way to a new life. But during such times of stress, we can look to Jesus for encouragement. As we look to him, we can express our deepest emotions. We can be honest about our struggle and cry out for help. We also can be confident that we’ll be given the strength we need for the next step.
Because of the anguish Jesus experienced, he can truly relate to our suffering.
Step Six
Removing Hate
Bible Reading: Jonah 1–4
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
When people have hurt us deeply it is easy to hate and wish for vengeance. But holding tightly to these feelings can easily become a defect of character. The bitterness threatens our recovery because it causes us to blame others for our problems. It may scare us to think of forgiving those who have hurt us. We may be afraid that releasing our hatred will require us to condone the bad things people have done to us.
Jonah felt this way, too. He hated the people of Nineveh for their cruelty toward Israel. God told Jonah to go and warn them of the destruction planned for them. Instead, he tried to run away by boarding a ship going the opposite direction. The Lord caused a life-threatening storm, and Jonah ended up in the belly of a great fish. Suddenly, the Lord had Jonah’s attention and Jonah reluctantly obeyed. Jonah preached to the people of Nineveh, they changed their ways, and God put off his planned destruction. Jonah complained, “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, LORD? . . . I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people” (Jonah 4:2).
We won’t be able to remove our bitterness alone. And it will never be easy to accept that God wants to rescue even the people we hate. We’ll need to allow God to change our hearts as we work toward forgiving those who have hurt us. This will take time. God only asks that we be willing to let him begin the work.
We can only become bitter after we’ve forgotten how much God has forgiven us.
Step Six
Taking Time to Trust
Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 13:6-14
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
We’re all susceptible to the negative influences of others. We may get pushed into rushed decisions by peer pressure and find ourselves in trouble as a result. This weakness should alert us to a defect in our lives and our need for help.
Saul had this defect but refused God’s help. Israel was at war. In the midst of battle it was required that a priest offer sacrifices. Samuel told Saul that he would come at an appointed time to offer a sacrifice. Saul waited and began to feel pressured because his troops were leaving him. He knew it was against God’s law for anyone other than a priest to offer sacrifices, but he let the pressure get to him. Saul did it himself. As soon as he had finished, Samuel arrived. “‘How foolish!’ Samuel exclaimed. ‘You have not kept the command the LORD your God gave you. Had you kept it, the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. But now your kingdom must end, for the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart’” (1 Samuel 13:13-14).
If Saul had waited one more hour he would have kept his kingdom. Our tendency to be unduly influenced by others needs to be replaced with strength from God and faith in his plan.
When we take the time to wait for God, he will meet and bless us according to our needs.
Step Six
Recovering Childhood
Bible Reading: 1 Corinthians 13:11-12
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Many of us spend our lives trying to fill up the empty spaces. Perhaps, we missed out on a carefree childhood. We may have had to take care of our parents when they should have been taking care of us. Maybe our real needs were never met, leaving a deficit that prompts us to fulfill even our unhealthy desires. Our addictions are fed by the sense that we deserve some comfort in our pain-filled lives.
During childhood our needs should have been met—and immediately! But for many of us, they weren’t. We may have learned to cope by giving ourselves what we wanted when we wanted it. Now we literally spoil ourselves to make up for the needs that weren’t filled when they should have been.
The apostle Paul used this illustration: “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Children can only see the moment. As adults we can see a bigger picture and allow a long-range perspective to lend wisdom to our choices.
Some of us haven’t yet put away childish things. We can’t get back our lost childhood. Demanding immediate pleasure and relief from pain is a defect that ultimately brings unhappiness. We need to let it go and allow God to address the deep, unmet needs from childhood as we work through recovery.
Our addictions have kept us from growing up; our recovery allows us to put away childish things.
Step Six
Time to Change
Bible Reading: Deuteronomy 7:21-24
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
If our inner selves were transformed overnight, major changes would take place in our lives and relationships. We may fear some of these changes. We may be afraid that God will thrust us into a new way of life that we won’t be able to handle. We do want new lives, but we know how fierce and tenacious our character defects can be, making us pause at the thought of dealing with them.
As the people of Israel were about to conquer the Promised Land, Moses said to them, “No, do not be afraid of those nations, for the LORD your God is among you, and he is a great and awesome God. The LORD your God will drive those nations out ahead of you little by little. You will not clear them away all at once, otherwise the wild animals would multiply too quickly for you. But the LORD your God will hand them over to you. He will throw them into complete confusion until they are destroyed” (Deuteronomy 7:21-23).
Israel’s entrance into the Promised Land parallels our journey into a new life. Their conquest and removal of the enemy nations is similar to the conquests we have over our character defects. God understands that sudden, dramatic changes would endanger us. He will never expect us to maintain a life completely different from what we know. But he wants us to remember that he is with us. And he will cast out our defects a little at a time so we can handle the changes. We’ll then be able to gradually move into a new life, experiencing victory one step at a time.
God could change us in an instant, but often he chooses to change us slowly, one step at a time.
Step Six
God Wants Our Recovery
Bible Reading: Isaiah 59:15-21
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
Some of our families may attack us for trying to discover a better life. But despite their opposition, we know we can’t go another step in the wrong direction. We’re tired of being separated from God. We want more from life. Can God really step in and change the course of our lives?
“Listen! The LORD’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call. It’s your sins that have cut you off from God” (Isaiah 59:1-2). God understands the obstacles we face. He said through Isaiah, “Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who renounces evil is attacked. The LORD looked and was displeased to find there was no justice. He was amazed to see that no one intervened to help the oppressed. So he himself stepped in to save them with his strong arm, and his justice sustained him” (59:15-16).
Our relationships with God really can be transformed, our defects removed, the future of our families, bright. “‘The Redeemer will come to Jerusalem to buy back those in Israel who have turned from their sins,’ says the LORD. ‘And this is my covenant with them,’ says the LORD. ‘My Spirit will not leave them, and neither will these words I have given you. They will be on your lips and on the lips of your children and your children’s children forever’” (59:20-21).
When we get tired of holding God off and allow him to come into our lives, he will fight for our recovery. He will send his Holy Spirit to stay with us and transform our affections. He will cause us to want the things that are good and to turn from the bad.
When our recovery becomes overwhelming, God personally steps in to help.
Step Six
Avoiding Rationalization
Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 15:7-23
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
We may feel we are ready to have God remove all our defects of character. At the same time, however, we may have unwittingly organized our lives in a way that preserves some of the defects that should be removed. We call this rationalization, and sometimes we don’t even know we’re doing it!
King Saul claimed to be fully committed to obeying God’s will. He would have sworn that he was ready to have God remove all his defects of character, but he had kept a few, rationalizing them. Samuel confronted Saul about this: “‘And the LORD sent you on a mission and told you, “Go and completely destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, until they are all dead.” Why haven’t you obeyed the LORD? Why did you rush for the plunder and do what was evil in the LORD’s sight?’ ‘But I did obey the LORD,’ Saul insisted. ‘I carried out the mission he gave me. I brought back King Agag, but I destroyed everyone else. Then my troops brought in the best of the sheep, goats, cattle, and plunder to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal.’ But Samuel replied, ‘What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice’” (1 Samuel 15:18-22).
We need to ask God to show us the things we’ve rationalized into being acceptable. It is easy for us to overlook some of our defects. It may be helpful at this point in recovery to have someone else double-check our list.
Selective obedience is just another form of disobedience.
Step Six
Removing Deeper Hurts
Bible Reading: Jonah 4:4-8
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
When we are upset, we often depend on our addictions to make us feel better. But as we get rid of our addictions, we then face the deeper character defects that God wants to heal. Our addictions function as places of “shelter” from our pain. But when those “shelters” are removed, deep anger may surface, exposing yet deeper character flaws that need healing.
Jonah had a glaring defect of character: he couldn’t seem to forgive and have compassion on the people he hated. When God decided not to destroy them, Jonah threw a temper tantrum. “The LORD replied, ‘Is it right for you to be angry about this?’ Then Jonah went out to the east side of the city and made a shelter to sit under. . . . And the LORD God arranged for a leafy plant to grow there, and soon it spread its broad leaves over Jonah’s head, shading him from the sun. . . . The next morning . . . [the plant] withered away. And as the sun grew hot, God arranged for a scorching east wind to blow on Jonah. The sun beat down on his head until he grew faint and wished to die” (Jonah 4:4-8).
God did this to show Jonah that the real problem wasn’t the loss of his shelter. Hatred was the real problem. The removal of our sheltering addictions may expose deeper problems. This may spark defensive anger as God touches our deepest hurts. It’s all right to let the anger out. But it’s also important to let God take the real problem, too.
We can bring our anger to God; he’s big enough to handle it lovingly.
Step Six
Taking Time to Grieve
Bible Reading: Genesis 23:1-4; 35:19-21
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
The pathway to recovery and finding new life also involves the death process. The different means we used to cope were “defective,” but still, they did give us comfort or companionship. Giving them up is often like suffering the death of a loved one.
Abraham and his grandson, Jacob, both lost loved ones as they traveled to the Promised Land. “Sarah . . . died at Kiriath-arba (now called Hebron) in the land of Canaan. There Abraham mourned and wept for her. Then, leaving her body, he said . . . ‘Here I am, a stranger and a foreigner among you. Please sell me a piece of land so I can give my wife a proper burial.’ . . . Then Abraham buried his wife, Sarah, there” (Genesis 23:1-4, 19). A generation later, Jacob was given a new name, Israel, and the promise of a great heritage in the Promised Land. On his way there, he, too, lost his beloved wife. She died while giving birth to their son, Benjamin. “So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Ephrath (that is, Bethlehem). Jacob set up a stone monument over Rachel’s grave, and it can be seen there to this day. Then Jacob traveled on” (Genesis 35:19-21).
As we travel toward our new lives, we will necessarily lose some of our defective ways of coping. When this happens, we need to stop and take time to give our losses a proper burial. We need to put them away, cover the shame, and allow ourselves to grieve the loss of something very familiar to us. When the time of grieving is over, we, too, can travel on.
We need to grieve our loss of the familiar so we can be ready for the new to come.
Step Six
New for Old
Bible Reading: Matthew 26:17-28
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
There are many rituals involved in the addictive process. These bring comfort and a sense of security to our lives. When we give up the rituals associated with acting out our addictions, we have a real need to replace them with new ones.
The Jewish people celebrated Passover to commemorate how God had delivered them from the Angel of Death by commanding that they sprinkle a lamb’s blood on their doorposts; this proved that the people inside the house belonged to God. Jesus became the Lamb of God to take away the sins of the world, thus abolishing the need to rely on the sacrificial lamb of Passover. But Jesus, in removing the need for this important ritual, replaced it with a new one. “On the first day of the Festival of Unleavened Bread . . . Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, ‘Take this and eat it, for this is my body.’ And he took a cup of wine and gave thanks to God for it. He gave it to them and said, ‘Each of you drink from it, for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many’” (Matthew 26:17, 26-28).
When preparing to have our defects removed, we need to anticipate the loss of rituals that made us feel safe. We need to find new rituals and ceremonies to celebrate the truth of our new promises without acting out our addictions.
God wants to support us as we walk on the paths he’s made for us.
Step Six
Taking Our Time
Bible Reading: Esther 2:12-14
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
As we go about removing our defects, the pathway to recovery may seem very negative. It might be refreshing to discover that sometimes defects are removed as we lavish ourselves with good things.
The story of Esther is a kind of dream come true. The king needs a new queen. So he searches for the most beautiful girl in his kingdom. Esther is one of the girls selected as a candidate for this royal beauty contest. She was given a special menu of royal foods and was favored with beauty treatments. She was given a luxurious apartment with seven maids to take care of her. “Before each young woman was taken to the king’s bed, she was given the prescribed twelve months of beauty treatments—six months with oil of myrrh, followed by six months with special perfumes and ointments. When it was time for her to go to the king’s palace, she was given her choice of whatever clothing or jewelry she wanted to take from the harem” (Esther 2:12-13).
This sounds wonderful! Who wouldn’t welcome getting the royal beauty treatment? Surely, all the girls were beautiful, but they all had defects. Notice that the beauty treatment took a whole year. They were also given choices of the items they wanted to enhance their natural beauty. When God sets out to remove our defects, he has plans to lavish us with good things. No matter how good we may look, all of us can use some help. And we need to realize that real transformations take time.
We gave time to our addictions; now we need to give time to our recovery.
Step Six
Loving Support
Bible Reading: John 3:14-17
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
We may find it hard to believe that anyone would want us—really want us—just as we are. It may be especially hard to believe that a holy God would consider us worthy of his love, and so much so that he would sacrifice the life of his Son to make us his own. That’s the stuff of fairy tales; and we probably aren’t used to thinking of our lives in terms of “happily ever after.”
And yet, “God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). The apostle Paul went on to describe a love story that has the power to cleanse and transform the beloved. (In this case, that’s us!) He wrote, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault” (Ephesians 5:25-27).
When we are ready to have God remove all of our defects, our decision is welcomed by a loving God. He accepts us as we are, with nothing hidden from his all-seeing eyes. Baptism symbolizes the burial of our old life and a resurrection to a new one. He will continue his transforming work until every defect is wiped away.
God’s involvement with us is always based on his love for us.
Step Six
Our Promised Future
Bible Reading: Revelation 21:3-6
We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.
As we think about God removing our defects of character, we probably find ourselves dwelling on the defects themselves. Removing them may seem to be an overwhelming task—even if God has promised to do the work! We may have a hard time visualizing the beautiful scene where all the defects are gone from our lives. Perhaps, if we could catch a glimpse of life beyond recovery, beyond the defects and the pain, we would shout for joy. What hope is inspired when, by faith, we take hold of our promised future!
The apostle Paul wrote, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished” (Philippians 1:6). The apostle John wrote, “I heard a loud shout from the throne saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.’ And the one sitting on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new!’ And then he said. . . ‘Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.’ And he also said, ‘It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega—the Beginning and the End. To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life’” (Revelation 21:3-6).
One day the defects will be gone and we will be satisfied!
No matter what we face today, God writes the last chapter—there is still hope!