Emily entered the surgical waiting room at the hospital and spotted Jared immediately.
She watched him as he walked to the rack on the wall, took out a magazine, flipped through the pages and slid it back into its place without really looking at it. Then he crossed to the window, stared out into the dusky twilight and jammed his hands into his trouser pockets.
She went to him, watching her reflection take form next to his, not knowing how he’d feel about her being here. “Jared?”
When he turned, he looked surprised. Then he scolded her. “You should be at home having dinner.”
Maybe she should be—for more than one reason. She didn’t belong here with him. Her heart would be safer at home. She wouldn’t feel as if she should reveal anything about her life to him.
But after her last patient of the day, she’d thought about Jared sitting by himself, waiting for his mother to come out of surgery. No one should have to go through that kind of crisis alone.
“I wanted to stop in and visit Leanne and her baby.” Jared had delivered their patient’s little girl last night. “How’s your mother?”
“She’s in Recovery. I won’t be able to see her for about an hour.”
“You don’t like waiting, do you?”
His mouth curved up a bit. “I suppose that’s obvious. No, I don’t. I’m used to taking action, not sitting and waiting for another doctor to do his work.”
She glanced at the cup of coffee sitting on the table. “How many cups have you had?”
“I lost count. Maybe four. I shouldn’t have had any. I’m ready to pace the room until I wear out the soles of my shoes.”
“Do you want to take a walk? The air might help the caffeine buzz.”
Two nurses passed by the doorway as he thought about it. “Are you sure you have the time?”
“My time’s my own. Francesca’s tied up with the Neonatal Unit.”
“And you don’t like going home to an empty house.”
Was she that easy to read? “No, I don’t. The truth is—it seems empty since Tessa moved out. I mean, we all work erratic schedules, but with three of us, someone was always there. I miss her.” Emily shrugged and smiled. “But she and Vince are happy and they’re in the process of adopting two wonderful kids.”
“Didn’t you say they just married recently?”
So Jared was one of those rare men who listened. “Yes, they did. But the adoptions were sort of in the works before they married. Vince had unexpectedly become legal guardian of his best friend’s little boy, and Tessa had been on an adoption list. She got the call right before they married.”
“That’s a lot to take on.”
“Their story’s a complicated one, but they’re exactly where they want to be.”
Jared seemed pensive for a few moments. After he glanced out the window again, he decided, “I think I would like to go for that walk.”
A few minutes later, they passed through sliding glass doors outside into the August evening. A breeze tossed the edges of Emily’s collar. She and Jared turned simultaneously toward the sidewalk that led past a row of live oaks. Lampposts illuminated their way.
Suddenly Jared stopped and took her arm. “Thank you for coming by. I was getting really wound up and this is helping.”
His fingers were hot on her skin. His touch sent a deliciously warm thrill through her. She felt breathless, her pulse quickening as she looked up at him and their gazes held.
The green of his eyes darkened and he blew out a breath. “I keep telling myself we’re going to have a professional relationship and then you look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking about whatever happens whenever we get too close.”
Jared meant physically, but she knew the chemistry happened when they got close emotionally, too. She and Richard hadn’t really connected emotionally. But she and Jared…
A bond was growing between them that she couldn’t deny.
He released her arm. Emily missed the physical contact but she could think more clearly. They started walking again.
“I had a talk with Chloie,” she offered.
Jared sent her a sharp glance. “About?”
“Amy told her I was there when Courtney had her night terror. Chloie just said she knew how frightening they could be and that she learned from you how to handle them.”
His tone was strained as he asked, “Was she questioning why you were there?”
“Oh, no. Why would you think that?”
He walked in silence for a few steps. “I got the impression when Valerie and I divorced that Chloie thought we hadn’t tried hard enough.”
“What did you think?”
He grew pensive. “I think we hit a stone wall. I couldn’t change my practice or my dedication to my patients. Valerie was a new mom with twins and I couldn’t be there as much as she wanted me to be there to help her. I wanted her to hire someone to help, but she didn’t want to do that. She made up her mind about the divorce without much discussion. Once Valerie decided something, there was no convincing her to change her mind.”
He sounded bitter about that. Just because of the divorce? She couldn’t ask more questions without prying, and she didn’t want to do that. “Richard asked for our divorce and he’d made up his mind, too. But by that time, I knew we didn’t have much left.”
“Marriage is an ideal most couples can’t live up to.”
Darkness was gathering around them, creating intimacy even though they walked on the public sidewalk. Emily found herself adding in a lower voice, “If two people have the same values and goals and outlook, I think it can work. My parents were happily married. I thought I would be. But I think I wanted somebody to love more than I wanted to look at who I was and who Richard was and how we could fit together.”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought,” he observed.
“I didn’t like failing. I had to figure out what went wrong, why we couldn’t stick it out through…” She stopped, then finished with “the hard times.”
He looked as if he might want to question her about what those times were, but he didn’t and she was glad. This wasn’t the time or place to go into what she was hiding from him.
“Chloie told me you used to play together when you were kids, but then you were out of touch for a long time.”
“Yes, we were. We reconnected at my stepfather’s funeral. She was his brother’s daughter. We aren’t blood cousins.”
As they walked farther away from the hospital, the quiet night surrounded them. The wind picked up, whipping by them. That morning Emily had fastened her recalcitrant curls into a bun. Now the longer they walked, the more strands the breeze pulled free. She stopped for a moment to refasten a few.
Jared stopped, too, watching her. “Don’t. Just let it free.” He turned toward her just as she looked up at him.
“Damn,” he muttered but reached down anyway and fingered a loose tendril. “Your hair is so touchable.”
The compliment reached down inside her and warmed all of the cold places where Richard’s put-downs had hurt most. She hadn’t been admired for being a woman for a long time. And Jared’s words felt good, but they also warned her that chemistry between them couldn’t be stifled easily, maybe couldn’t be stifled at all.
He proved that when he slowly ran his thumb over her cheek. She could have stood there all night letting him touch her and he looked as if he wouldn’t mind doing it.
“Maybe we’d better get back,” she said softly, knowing that was the safer thing to do.
“Maybe we should,” he agreed almost reluctantly.
“I want to stop in and see Leanne and her baby,” she reminded him.
He nodded and they turned around to return the same way they’d come. This time they walked in silence, the current that Jared’s touch had created zinging back and forth between them.
What was it about this man that made her feel wild and passionate and free? How long had it been since she really felt free? Yet it was more than the sexual current between them she was attracted to. There was a gentleness about him when he dealt with his daughters. That was as sexy as his tall Texan look, his broad shoulders and his hungry kisses. Yet she could tell by his restraint when he’d ended them that he didn’t intend to get more involved with her.
Why was she so drawn toward him when her marriage had turned out badly? Didn’t she remember Richard’s concern for his own reputation rather than what she was going through? She’d felt so raw when he hadn’t comforted her. She’d felt so separate when he’d gone to cocktail parties and left her with the stress of the lawsuit. She’d felt so alone during much of her marriage. When her divorce had been finalized, she knew she’d rather be alone than risk being abandoned again.
But then she’d met Jared. He’d awakened every sensation she’d thought she’d put to sleep.
As they rose in the elevator to the maternity and nursery floor, he admitted, “Courtney and Amy miss you.”
“I miss them.” Amy’s smile, Courtney’s hug had made her feel as if her heart was expanding. Before her interaction with them, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted to be a mom.
“Any luck with the nanny search?”
“I don’t want just anyone. I want someone who can take care of the twins as if they were her own.”
Emily knew exactly what he meant. It was obvious when adults were pretending to like children and when they really liked them. She and Francesca and Tessa really liked kids. They could all spend an afternoon with Vince and Tessa’s little boy, Sean, and their little girl, Natalie, and have a roaring good time. And Emily loved stopping by the toy store to buy them gifts.
Jared led her to the nursery, first checking in with the chief nurse at the desk. They used their security cards to access the nursery. After they donned sterile gowns, masks and caps, they walked past the little cribs, some fitted with blue bedding, some with pink. Emily wanted to pause at each one of them to just stare and appreciate each miracle of life. That’s what these babies were—miracles—each and every one of them.
“Do you stop in here often?” Jared asked her as he waited for her in front of a baby girl’s crib. Leanne and her husband, John, had named their little girl Olivia. He picked up the sleeping baby and cuddled her in his long arm.
“Every time one of our patients has a baby.”
He glanced at her, held her gaze for a moment. “You want to see the pregnancy to its conclusion.”
Yes, she so much wanted to. She so much wanted to be a midwife again. That was really seeing a pregnancy to its conclusion. It was almost doing what Jared did. There was nothing in the world like it. But now she had doubts about her judgment. She had doubts about why a baby had died under her care. The Wilsons’ lawyer had looked back at previous pregnancies and pointed out another patient that Emily had, at the last minute, sent to the hospital for a cesarean. After hours of testimony, and the investigation by the licensing board, the attorney had her believing she’d missed something there. By the time Richard had doubted she was the same woman he married, she hadn’t been sure of her judgment in making any decision and taking care of anyone, let alone being the professional she’d always wanted to be.
But now, consulting with Jared during a woman’s pregnancy was almost as good. She didn’t want anything to jeopardize the happiness she’d found again in her work.
“When I listen to the heartbeat of a baby in a mom’s womb,” she responded, her voice betraying her emotions, “I can’t wait to see who that little being is going to be. Don’t you feel that way?”
His gaze passed over her, assessing what she’d asked. “I’ve never looked at it like that, but I suppose I do. I can’t wait to catch that infant in my hands, let the parents know what they’ve created together and see which parent’s features that baby has. For most couples, one of the happiest moments in their marriage is when their baby is born. I like being part of that.”
She knew exactly what he meant, but she couldn’t tell him she knew. She couldn’t tell him she had delivered babies, too. She’d come across some doctors, some obstetricians who had looked at midwives, who had looked at her, as if she belonged in a medieval time—especially the midwives who attended home births. Jared couldn’t be one of those doctors, could he?
Even if he was accepting of midwives, even though she’d been judged not guilty of any malpractice, the lawsuit had left a shadow that hung over her professional reputation. Maybe it always would.
“Do you want to hold her?” he asked, his eyes twinkling at Emily over his mask.
“I’d love to hold her,” she replied softly.
As he transferred the baby to Emily’s arms, they almost embraced. Jared’s large hand supported the baby’s head and brushed against her almost intimately as he laid Olivia in her arms. Emily went still inside as she concentrated on the precious bundle. Jared’s hand slipped away. Cuddling the newborn, Emily crooned to her, welcoming her into the world.
The infant yawned and her pink, little lips settled into a perfect bow.
“Do you want children of your own someday?” Jared asked.
“I do,” she answered truthfully, but then realized she didn’t have to bear an infant to be a mother. She’d be perfectly happy mothering Jared’s daughters.
The thought stopped her cold. She hadn’t realized she was falling for Jared so completely. She hadn’t realized how his twins had captured her heart.
She’d better not weave fantasies and dreams. He didn’t want an involvement. She shouldn’t take the risk.
Just as Emily laid Olivia back in her crib, a knot forming in her throat, Jared’s pager went off. He checked the number. “It’s my mother’s surgeon. I’m going to go outside to call.”
She watched Jared as he hurried into the anteroom, as he stripped off the protective gown and mask and cap, as he pushed the button on the sliding glass door to step outside the nursery. With a sigh, Emily looked down at Olivia and brushed her finger over the baby’s little hand.
Were dreams of wedding bells and lace with a partner who was tender and passionate and who loved with all his heart a fairy tale that could never come true for her?
At thirty-two, she was too old to believe in fairy tales.
The house that Tessa and Vince had bought to begin their married life was a fixer-upper. But along with the first coats of paint and Vince’s newly mastered skill of hanging wallpaper, the newlyweds filled the house with love.
On Saturday afternoon, Emily carried a tray with dishes of chicken salad and fresh fruit onto the wraparound porch.
“Where did Vince take the kids?” Emily asked as Francesca brought a smaller tray with their drinks outside also.
Tessa had arranged napkins and silverware on three side tables beside each rocking chair.
“The new fast-food restaurant has a play gym,” Tessa explained. “He insists the kids have to have fast food at least once a month because it’s an inalienable right.”
The women laughed.
“How’s Sean’s shoulder?” Francesca asked.
“It’s coming along. We knew it would be slow. He could be three or four before he has full use of his arm again. But he’s a trooper. We do exercises with him every day.”
When Vince had lost his best friend in an automobile accident, Sean’s shoulder had been injured. Vince had brought the baby home to Sagebrush because there was a physician in Lubbock who specialized in that particular type of shoulder injury. The little boy’s surgery had been a success, but recovery would take a long time.
“When are you going back to your practice?” Emily asked her.
“Not until February, at least. And then, it will only be part-time. Actually, Rhonda can’t wait because then she’ll have care of the kids again.”
Emily knew Vince’s housekeeper, Rhonda Zappa, was a wonderful nanny. She’d taken care of Sean full-time until Vince and Tessa had married.
“What’s she doing with herself? I know someone who could use her right now.” Emily suspected Rhonda would be wonderful with Jared’s daughters.
“She’s visiting her son in Austin. She decided to stay for two months and be Grandma every day for a while, instead of just on holidays.”
“Speaking of taking care of children, tell us about Jared Madison’s daughters.” Tessa’s tone was bland, but an arched brow asked lots of questions.
“They’re wonderful. Definitely into the princess craze. Jared’s a terrific dad and—” She stopped.
Tessa eyed her shrewdly. “Is there something you’re not telling us?”
“No, not really.”
“Emily…” Tessa prompted.
Emily had confided her whole story to Tessa and Francesca earlier this summer, so there was no reason to hold anything back now.
“I like him,” she said in a rush. “I know I shouldn’t, but there’s this connection between us or something. He doesn’t want to get involved and I shouldn’t even be thinking about it. But whenever we’re alone together—”
“Fireworks?” Tessa suggested.
Emily nodded, and then realized how absolutely quiet Francesca had been. She hadn’t eaten a bite of her chicken salad. She was sipping a glass of water and staring out across the lawn as if deep in thought.
Emily laid her hand on the arm of Francesca’s chair. “Is something wrong? You’re quiet today.”
Francesca looked from Tessa to Emily and took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Emily was too surprised to speak. Francesca had been single for so long, except for one steamy June night with saddle maker Grady Fitzgerald.
“How can that be?” Tessa asked bluntly. “You said he used protection.”
“I don’t know how it happened. We did use protection. Maybe the condom broke. I missed my period. I let it pass, thinking it was just my busy life and work. I’ve never been regular. Last week, I felt a little dizzy…I haven’t been hungry, my breasts felt tender and all the symptoms came together. I used a pregnancy test and…I’m over two months pregnant.”
“Are you upset or happy?” Tessa asked.
“I think I’m still in shock. I’m a doctor, for goodness’ sake! How could this happen to me?”
Emily studied her friend’s face. “Shock or not, how do you feel about having a baby?”
Francesca’s face broke into a lovely smile. “I’m beginning to like the idea a lot. A baby to love and hold—”
“And diaper,” Tessa added with a grin.
“And diaper,” Francesca repeated. “My problem is, I don’t know what to do about Grady. We have very different lives…. We want very different lives. He’s all about family. I wanted to run away from mine. He loves his work making saddles but he’s a laid-back, no-pressure kind of guy. My career is everything to me…of course with a baby, that will have to change some. But my work with newborns will still be important. It will give me and my child a life.”
“Your child?” Emily asked.
Francesca frowned. “You know I have trust issues. You know I chose badly with Darren. I chose the kind of man I ran away from. How do I know Grady is what he seems? We had one night together.”
She studied the front yard, then added, “I have to tell him, but I don’t know how and I don’t know when. And the truth is, I need time to figure out what’s best for this baby.”
“Do you think he’s the kind of man who will want a say in that?” Tessa asked.
“I have no idea. Just because he comes from a large family doesn’t mean he wants to be a dad. Maybe I don’t want him to be a dad. Maybe I’m hoping he’d rather walk away.”
Emily admired Francesca’s honesty and the way she could analyze her life.
“I never thought I’d find happily ever after, but I have with Vince,” Tessa reminded them.
“You and Vince are different,” Emily proposed. “You fell in love in high school and, although you both denied it, that love never quit.”
“We thought of our past as a burden, not something that connected us. So if Vince and I can be so happy, maybe the two of you need to take a few risks and find out if you can be happy, too.”
Take a risk. Emily almost panicked at the thought. In the past, she’d definitely opted for safe rather than sorry. But what had that gotten her? Life with a man who’d spent their money on a huge house and expensive toys that were supposed to promote his career? She’d supported his dreams and tried to make them hers. But that hadn’t worked.
Could she trust a man to stand by her no matter what? To actually believe in marriage vows? To promise a lifelong commitment?
She knew Prince Charmings were in short supply. And she was no Cinderella! Tessa and Vince might be the exception rather than the rule.
When Emily exchanged a look with Francesca, she knew Francesca believed that, too.