Emily sat on the sofa, the evening paper folded on her lap, sadness washing over her in waves as she stared down at the article. Everyone in Sagebrush now knew what had happened to her in Corpus Christi. The reporter had made a point of explaining that neither the licensing board nor the jury had found any evidence of wrong doing against her, but would that make a difference? Could she find another job here in her field?
When Emily’s doorbell rang, she was tempted to ignore it. Two news vans were still parked at the curb.
But then the doorbell rang again and was accompanied by a knock, knock, knock. “Emily, it’s Jared. Open the door.”
Jared. She thought maybe he’d just accept her resignation and her exit from his life. But if he was here—
She hurried from the sofa, rushed into the foyer and unlocked the door.
Jared stood there, his hair disheveled as if he’d run his hand through it a number of times. “I had two deliveries this afternoon. I got here as soon as I could. We have to talk.”
“About my resignation?”
“Among other things. Can I come in?”
A member of a news crew started up the walk.
“Come in,” she said, grabbing Jared’s arm and tugging him inside as she slammed shut the door.
They stood together in the foyer, her fingers around his forearm, heat already prickling under her palm and up her hand. She released her hold.
He looked uncomfortable. “I talked to my partners about your resignation. Just for the record, I didn’t agree with it.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, but they did,” he said with an edge of disgust. “They’re doubting your professional abilities. They don’t like the cloud that’s hanging over you, as you said. They’re putting the reputation of the practice first and it’s two against one. I’m sorry, Emily.”
She had hoped…
What had she hoped? That they’d beg her to come back? That she was too valuable to lose?
Her gaze met Jared’s. Her lower lip quivered and tears filled her eyes.
Jared suddenly hung his arm around her shoulders, then pulled her to his chest and just held her. “Everything will be all right.”
She looked up at him. “Not if I can’t find a job.”
“Come on.” He guided her to the living room. “Let’s talk.”
“About me keeping a secret from you? You’ll never look at me the same way.” She was so sad about that, so sorry if she’d hurt him. “After we got…involved, I knew I should tell you. But I was afraid to.”
Jared tugged her down onto the sofa with him. “I should have been more understanding yesterday. Everyone has a past and a private life. Sometimes secrets are involved and sometimes they aren’t. I reacted so strongly because…secrets hurt.”
He looked away for a few moments, then returned his gaze to hers. “When I was a kid growing up, I thought I had an ordinary childhood. My mom worked part-time but was at home when I got home from school, baked cookies, always listened. My dad coached my Little League team. But when I was ten, I was in an automobile accident with my dad. He wasn’t injured, but I had to have my spleen removed. He offered to donate blood for my surgery and found out his blood type and mine weren’t compatible. Wyatt wasn’t my father.”
Emily could hardly imagine that shock for a ten-year-old…that type of crisis. Forgetting her own problems, she covered his hand with hers and asked softly, “What happened?”
“It turns out, my mom was engaged to Wyatt when an old boyfriend returned to Lubbock for a business conference. They had dinner. One thing led to another…. When she became pregnant, she wanted the baby to be Wyatt’s. But when I was born, she asked about my blood type and knew I wasn’t. She’d kept the secret from both of us all those years. From then on their marriage was damaged. Two years later, they divorced.”
He had summed up the emotional trauma, but those years must have been chaotic. “Did you search for your biological father?”
Jared leaned back against the sofa and replied dispassionately, “Years later. Reunions don’t always work. I was twenty by then, and at that point, my father had a family and didn’t need another son. We didn’t connect. He wasn’t interested.”
On top of everything that had happened, Jared had been rejected by his biological father! “And your stepdad?”
“After he found out, our relationship changed. I saw him once a month, but nothing was the same. He looked at me differently, and I knew he was thinking I wasn’t his son. After a year or so, he moved to Arizona, and I only visited once a year. When I was in med school, he had a heart attack. I went to see him and our relationship got stronger. But he died a few years ago.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Jared must have questioned everything about who he was and where he belonged.
“I think what happened when I was small pushed me to choose medicine and to focus too much on my career. That’s why my marriage didn’t work. My career took up too much of my time. If Valerie hadn’t felt so overburdened…”
His voice lowered as if the telling of this was difficult. “The girls were a year old when Valerie asked me to take care of them for a few weeks so she could take the trip of her dreams to South America. I agreed. She died while she was there.”
“Oh, Jared.”
“She didn’t tell me she had pancreatic cancer. She didn’t tell me she only had a few months to live. She made sure she left when she knew the end was near. I’m a doctor, Emily. How blind could I have been? More important, why couldn’t she have trusted me to take care of her at the end? I could have gotten her the best medical care.”
“She wanted you to be with your daughters. She wanted their lives to be as normal as possible.”
“She didn’t trust me to help her…and she died alone.”
Because of what Jared had revealed, she understood him so much better.
Side-by-side with him on the sofa, she could feel his strength. But now she also knew his vulnerability. “How are you able to trust?”
“I don’t trust many people. They have to earn it.”
And she hadn’t. She’d kept important information from him. She asked, “Why did you come over?”
Her heart was beating so fast she could hardly breathe. Maybe he’d come to end everything they’d had together once and for all.
“I went back to the articles in the Corpus Christi papers, the editorials, the letters to the editor. Everybody had an opinion. But I know the statistics on stillborn births. The autopsy showed nothing. The mother had presented no alerting symptoms. Everything was fine until it wasn’t. Being a midwife or a doctor wouldn’t have changed that.”
“You’re so sure?”
“I’m sure…because I know you. You trust your intuition. At the first sign of anything amiss, you would have called for help.”
She saw the respect in his eyes, the certainty that he trusted her as a professional. But did she see something else, too? Something that went beyond their professional relationship?
His voice was husky when he said, “I hate the idea of you leaving the practice. Number one—because you’re damn good at your job. But number two—I’m going to miss seeing you there every day.”
A lump formed in her throat. She pushed words past it. “I’m going to miss you, too.”
As she gazed into Jared’s eyes, she felt everything she’d experienced from the first day she’d met him. Current that had made her heart race and her hands tremble vibrated now between them. But along with it was so much more—admiration for Jared as a dad, respect for him as a doctor. And suddenly she knew she loved him whether she should or shouldn’t, whether it was risky or not, whether the time was right or the time was wrong. She ached for him to touch her, hold her, love her.
When Jared opened his arms to her, she didn’t hesitate to nestle against his chest, to let his strength flow into her. He lifted her chin and his lips came down on hers in a kiss that was hungry and aching. Neither of them knew what would happen next or where their lives would lead them. She wanted to experience everything she could with him right now. She kissed him back as if tomorrow would never come, as if the universe could stop, stay at this point forever, and she’d be perfectly happy. Desire they’d both been keeping at bay ran rampant. His firm exploration of her mouth, his hands in her hair, his groan of satisfaction when she returned every enthusiastic stroke of his tongue told him she had no doubts about what they were doing, no doubts about anything more they might want to do.
Jared broke the kiss to gaze at her, his eyes filled with hungry desire. “I want you, Emily. If we keep this up, we’re going to be naked on the sofa again. Is that what you want?”
“I think naked sounds good,” she teased, letting him know she wanted this. “But we’d have more privacy if we went to my room.”
Jared smiled, tugged her to her feet then swept her up into his arms. “Which way?”
She told herself this wasn’t a dream. She told herself they still had issues to settle. She told herself to forget about everything but now.
Jared carried her up the steps to her bedroom. The yellow-and-white plaid curtains, the white chenille spread gave a pristine look to the room. But Emily’s crafting yarns and needles spread on a card table, her collection of perfume bottles on the dresser, the large print of a little girl and boy sitting at the beach on the edge of the shore, personalized the space as Emily’s.
Jared held her in his arms looking around the room. Then his gaze came back to her. “I like who you are.”
She laid her hand on the side of his cheek, ran her thumb over his jaw. “I like who you are.”
Her words broke any thread still binding his restraint. His lips came down on hers possessively and she welcomed them; she welcomed him. Still kissing her, he set her down next to the bed.
They kissed as he undressed her, long, wet, erotic kisses that made her head spin. Finally he broke away and lifted her blouse over her head. His fingers whispered over her skin as they found the clasp of her bra. When he bent his head and kissed her breasts, her knees almost buckled. His hot lips on her skin made her whole body tingle, and when his tongue touched her nipple, she thought she’d come apart.
But Jared knew how to keep the anticipation building. He kissed down her stomach to her navel, and then he removed her slacks. He would have gone further, but she stayed his hands. “My turn to do half of you.”
He laughed, dropped his hands to his sides and let her pleasure him. She unbuttoned his shirt and kissed his chest. He sucked in a breath as her lips trailed lower to his waist.
“Maybe we should move on to something else,” he said huskily.
“No problem,” she teased as she unfastened his belt. By doing that, it was as if she unlocked all of his hunger and everything he’d been holding back.
A few minutes later, he’d completely undressed her, rid himself of the rest of his clothes and lay beside her in the bed where she’d spent so many nights alone.
She supposed what surprised her most was that Jared cared about her pleasure. He seemed to revel in the sighs that came from her mouth, the small moans she couldn’t keep in, the trembling that invaded her whole body the longer he kissed and touched and caressed.
When he stretched out on top of her, he didn’t enter her. Rather he rocked against her slowly, erotically, increasing her anticipation and her need.
“Jared!” She dug her fingers into his shoulders.
“What?” he asked, and she thought she heard amusement in his question.
“I want…I want…”
“Tell me,” he requested, still sliding his body against hers, still making her crazy.
“I want you inside me.”
“That’s what I want, too.” Then he entered her with the same lazy slowness that he’d used to bring her to complete arousal.
She wrapped her legs around him to take him deeper. When he groaned, she knew she was doing something right. This wasn’t the mechanical lovemaking she’d experienced with her husband. This was exciting and exhilarating and even scary in its intensity.
He kissed her neck, took her earlobe between his lips and that’s when it happened. Without warning, her whole body tightened. She felt suspended between the present and the future. Then in an erotic rush, she was overcome by a deluge of sensation that sent fire to her nerve endings, made her heart race as if she’d run a marathon and left her shaking with pleasure, dancing from her head to her toes.
She called Jared’s name and held on, never wanting the glorious rush of feeling to end. He thrust into her again and again. Her muscles contracted around him and embraced him as if he belonged in her life.
Jared’s shudder and deep groan signaled his release. He collapsed on top of her, his fingers lacing in her hair.
“That was incredible,” he rasped into her neck.
All she could do was rub her cheek against his in agreement, reveling in the sensation of his beard stubble, loving everything about what had happened between them.
They were still holding each other, still floating in the aftermath of excellent lovemaking, when Emily heard the crunch of a car on gravel outside on the driveway to the detached garage.
Jared felt her stiffen. “What’s wrong?”
“Francesca’s home. It will only take her a few minutes to lock up the garage and come into the house.”
“Do you want to pretend this didn’t happen?” Jared asked, withdrawing from her, rolling onto his side.
She reached out and touched his shoulder. “No. But I’d like to be dressed when she comes in.”
He took Emily’s hand and kissed her palm. That kiss started her nerve endings tingling all over again.
“I’m a fast dresser,” he assured her.
Emily scrambled from the bed, hurriedly picked up her underwear, bra, slacks and blouse and dashed into the bathroom next door. When she returned to the bedroom to slip on her shoes, Jared was dressed and waiting for her.
They heard the front door open and then close. “Emily?” Francesca called.
“Up here,” Emily called back, then added, “Jared’s with me.”
There was silence on the first floor as she and Jared went down the steps and found Francesca standing in the foyer waiting for them.
“Hello, Jared,” her friend said, unable to suppress a small smile.
“Francesca,” he acknowledged, his complexion a bit ruddier than usual.
“There are two news vans outside with anchors who want interviews with you—both of you.”
The phone rang again and after the third ring, the answering machine in the living room clicked on. “Miss Diaz, this is Cindy Sanchez, from the Amarillo Herald. We’d like to do a human interest piece on you. Please give me a call.” The reporter left her number.
Francesca shook her head. “Where’s your car? Still over on Monterey?”
Emily nodded. “I snuck in the back way earlier.”
Jared said to Francesca, “Will you excuse us for a minute?”
“Sure. I need to grab something to eat. I’ll be in the kitchen.”
As soon as Francesca disappeared, Jared said, “Why don’t you come home with me? I know the girls would like to see you. You can stay the night and get away from all this.”
“Won’t you have reporters at your place?”
“No. I already gave an interview. They’re not going to bother with me. We can go out the back and take your car. I’ll pick up mine tomorrow.”
She liked the idea of going home with him, of seeing Courtney and Amy again. “If I go home with you—”
“You’re welcome to sleep in my bedroom with me,” he finished with a grin.
She’d like nothing better. But she didn’t know what sleeping with Jared meant. Her turmoil must have been obvious.
“Or you can sleep in the guest room. No strings, Emily. If you just want a place to hide out for a while, I can give you that. Francesca can tell the news vans you’re not here and they’ll leave.”
It did sound like a temporary solution. But she didn’t want Francesca to feel as if she were deserting her and leaving her with the results of her own situation.
However, Francesca thought it was a great idea. She had no qualms about telling the reporters that Emily had left. She assured Emily, “In a few days, something else will catch their interest and they’ll all forget about you.”
Emily could only hope that was true.
A short time later, as Jared drove Emily’s car to his house, she glanced at him because he seemed lost in thought. Was he regretting what had happened between them? Was he regretting getting involved? She wanted to ask him, but did she really want to know the answer?
There were no reporters at Jared’s. Chloie’s car sat in his driveway. Jared came around to her side of the car to open the door for her. He offered her his hand to help her out. His long, warm fingers wrapped around hers and she explicitly remembered every stroke, every caress, every sensation in her bedroom.
Her cheeks must have taken on some color because he gave her a crooked half smile and said, “We’re good together.”
What was there to say to that?
She followed him up the step to the porch and suddenly he stopped before opening the door. “I want to ask you something before we go inside.”
“What?” Was he going to ask her again to share his bed? She was so tempted to say yes, but she knew she shouldn’t for a multitude of reasons.
“I want you to think about accepting a different job than the one you’ve been doing.”
She waited.
“Chloie’s work is backing up, but she doesn’t want to leave me stranded. My mother’s coming home soon. Obviously she won’t be able to help with the girls until she gets back on her feet. Will you stay with me to care for the twins and give my mother a helping hand? I’ll pay you a salary commensurate with what you were getting at the office.”
“Oh, Jared, you don’t have to do that.”
“I could call a nanny service. I could call a nursing aide service. But I know the girls like you, and I think my mother does, too. What do you say?”
She realized how much she wanted him to ask her to stay for personal reasons rather than practical ones. She’d already decided she wouldn’t share his bed with him…because of his daughters…because they both needed some breathing room. But they could really get to know each other if she stayed. On the other hand, living with Jared would be risking her heart.
No risk, no reward, she reminded herself. “I’ll have to speak to Francesca about it. I don’t want her to feel I’m deserting her. If she’s okay with the idea, yes, I’ll take care of the girls and your mom for as long as you need me.”
With a slow smile turning up the corners of his lips, he bent to her and kissed her.
No risk, no reward, she reminded herself again.
But as his kiss excited and aroused her, she knew if she risked and lost this time, she might never recover.