Chapter 24

 

Feeling eyes on him, Rye twisted from his location at the corner of the couch, to find Brie staring at him with an intent expression on her face. He'd caught her at least five times in the past half hour completely fixated on him. Not in sexual desire, but something else, as if she puzzled over something pertaining to him. Probably sizing me up for the turkey roaster. After moving in together during the summer, he knew her well enough to tell when her libido ran hot and when she pondered paybacks or yet another silly scheme. Life never came close to dull with Brie around.

Last night, after she'd met him at the door in a pair of his borrowed boxers and they'd spent most of the evening in a hot marathon sex session, they'd finally raised the white flag in surrender and climbed from the sweat dampened sheets to head toward the kitchen for some much needed hydration and food. One of the best evenings of his life.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her pick up the book lying on the end table. Without preamble, she opened the cover and began reading.

He stared at the television screen and waited.

Sure enough, within a few minutes, her face scrunched as if she couldn't quite figure out a complex problem. She flipped the book around to check out the front cover, then the back before opening the book once more to where she left off.

He bit back a grin. Just a little bit longer. Her sweet little romance just stepped up a few notches, straight to erotica.

"What in the world?"

Bingo! He turned toward her. "What's wrong?"

She glanced at him with a frown. "This book. The cover says one thing, the pages say another."

"Maybe it's one of those novels with more than one story inside?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

"What's the story?"

"Well, it's supposed to be about this teacher falling in love with her next door neighbor."

"And what are the pages about?"

A light pinkness covered her cheeks. "Ummm. This man who seems to be a hired escort who goes to a woman's house and…" Her voice faded into silence.

"A male escort? Going to women's houses and having sex?"

"Yeah, I guess." She looked at the pages once more.

"Graphic sex with them? Details? Maybe you should read it to me."

Brie paused a second, then swiveled her head to stare at him, her eyelids narrowing. "What did you do?"

He feigned innocence. "Me? I didn't buy that book, you did." He could almost see the wheels turning in her mind.

Her eyes widened as her mouth fell open in shock. "Oh my god. You did something. Turned my nice book into a flaming porno."

The comical expression on her face breached his stern control. Chuckles slipped out, followed by full-blown belly laughter.

She threw the book at him, hitting him square in the chest. "You. You…porn addict."

"What?" He caught the book, opened the cover, and started reading out loud. "Her lips wrapped around his generous mushroom head…"

"Ugh. It's bad enough you had me inadvertently watching porn, now you have me reading and listening to it. What is wrong with you?" Brie shook her head, placed a pillow on her lap, and pointedly ignored him.

"Hey, nothing wrong with naked people participating in carnal activities. You happen to like doing just that with me. Like the closet bondage pot calling the porn kettle black."

"I…" She sputtered.

The doorbell rang. Still grinning like an amused hyena, he sat the book aside and walked to the door, checking the peephole.

"Oh, good grief." He couldn't believe what he saw. Thelma stood in a red outfit that appeared three sizes too small. Instead of a fat Santa, she resembled Santa's wife with a decided bulge in her pants. He didn't dare linger or dwell on the sight for fear he would choke on his own spit.

Jane, on the other hand, could have passed for Mrs. Santa in a traditional red and white outfit except for her clashing pink-tinged hair. Together, they drew attention and made him want to beat his head on the front door.

"Who is it?" Brie strode over, stopping a few feet away.

Shooting her a quick glance, he unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Thelma. Jane. Or should I say Mrs. Claus and…Santa?"

The ladies stepped inside, grinning at Brie. Though pleasant and caring, the nosey neighborhood ladies always spelled trouble for him since the day they'd labeled him impotent, the rumor flying through nearby houses in record time.

Jane, dressed as Mrs. Claus, held out a tin. "Here you are, dear. We baked cookies, trying to find the perfect recipe for the Christmas social."

Brie accepted the gift. "Thank you. I'm sure they're delicious. What's with the outfits?"

Jane grinned. "It's our night to volunteer at the mall. Let the kids tell us what they want for Christmas."

Thelma tugged at her red suit, the material snug over her rounded figure. "Dag nabbit. I told you not to wait until the last minute to rent a costume, Jane. This outfit is going to drive me insane all night long." She reached around and pulled at her pants. "My panties are wedged in my butt crack. Tell me again why we couldn't both be warm and comfortable in a Mrs. Santa costume?"

Jane shook her head. "Because you would have to explain to the children why Santa had two wives."

"How Mormon of you." Rye's lips twitched at the ridiculous looking woman.

Thelma pinned him with a look. "Jane got the best costume. I got what was left at the shop after a freaky run on Santa costumes." She plumped her overly large bosom. "Do you think my boobs are too big? Or hang too low? I wore my best Wonderbra, but I'm not sure it's up to the task."

He sputtered. They were worried about the kids being confused over Santa's two wives. He would bet they would be more concerned with the fact that Santa wore a 40 FF bra.

The white beard rested on top of her elevated cleavage, serving as a small table.

"I stuffed a sock in my pants, to balance out my cleavage. It's rubbing something dreadful, not to mention a bit awkward when you try to sit down. The silly thing sticks straight up, like a man just out of prison, standing at attention near a whole group of young women." She yanked at her rear again. "Do you think the sock is too much?"

His mouth opened and shut. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Brie slap a hand over her mouth, her eyes dancing merrily in amusement. Yeah, he would get her back. Later.

"Maybe a bit much." Rye looked anywhere but at the woman's groin.

"I thought so." Thelma dug in her drawers and pulled out a long tube sock. "Much better."

His eyes bulged. "You were gonna wear that? No wonder your underwear gave you a wedgie."

Her gaze fell to the rolled up sock that had to reach eight inches in length. "I didn't want to shortchange Santa." She glanced down to his jeans.

He shot her a discouraging glare. They already covered his endowment issue months ago. No way would they revisit it now.

"Go ahead, dear, try the cookies. We're selling them to raise money for some of the charities." Jane waved her hand at Brie.

Dutifully, Brie opened the tin, her eyes widened and mouth gaped open. "Holy guacamole." She held up a treat for inspection. "It's a little penis."

Rye blinked and swallowed. Stepping over, he gazed into the box, finding several matching creations, all green with a rainbow of colored bows painted on. Plucking one, he held it up, turned it this way and that, in complete disbelief.

"With an icing bow."

"Ummm. Why is it so green?" Brie asked.

Jane shrugged. "I was going to make Christmas trees but changed my mind. A little food coloring goes a long way, you know."

"Uh-huh." Brie shook her head. Slowly, she lifted the cookie to her mouth and took a bite off the end.

Rye cringed.

Her face lit up. "Actually really good. Once you get past the shape and color."

Thelma beamed. "Excellent. We'll make tons more of them. I'm sure they'll be the talk of the social in a couple of days."

Talk of the town for a month, too.

"We're still working on the color. Can't decide to leave them plain or perhaps try for pink or even a light blue."

Rye puffed out a breath, still stuck in a near out-of-body moment. "Plain. Trust me."