“You did what!” Cade’s chair knocked over as he stood up. He ran both hands through his hair. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
Rose sighed, her expression as calm as a summer sunset. “I knew you would be upset.”
“Of course, I am upset. What would have happened had Phillip been home?”
“But he wasn’t. I heard he had left town for a day or so.”
“What if you got caught?”
Rose gave a pensive frown but then said, “But I didn’t.”
“Rose …” he walked over and cupped her face. “We have Daisy now. Both of us have to be careful in our choices and … and,” he let go of her face to slap his knees, “you shouldn’t be putting yourself in dangerous situations just because I cannot solve a case.”
Rose swallowed and took a step back before giving him a patronizing smile. “Cade, I want whatever killers we have in Tall Pine caught as well. I can hardly sleep at night, especially when you are home late, and I think most mothers and wives probably feel the same way.”
“Rose,” Cade bit his lip, “nothing is worth you putting yourself at risk.”
Rose arched a brow. “Not even photos of three women he has murdered. Rose flopped a stack of papers in front of Cade. “The man photographed them alive, dead, and after he ritualized them, along with a diary no doubt describing the inner workings of his twisted mind. They are all copies of Camille’s murder. There are also locks of hair, which I can only guess are from the victims.” She waved at the papers. “It is all there.”
Cade picked them up, skimming through the papers. “Where did you find these?”
“In a safe with a key lock.”
Cade looked up and narrowed his eyes. “And how did you get past the lock?”
At her incredulous stare he nodded. “Oh, you picked it, of course, and then—”
“Hid the papers in my corset,” Rose said proudly. She stood up at Daisy’s cry from the floor and kissed Cade on the cheek. “Maybe I should be wearing that badge,” she whispered playfully before leaving him shaking his head.
“This still doesn’t explain Theodore and Jim.”
“No. There is some reference in his scrawl to blackmail and discovered secrets. To be honest, his penmanship is so poor I can barely make it out. I thought about perhaps letting Jonathan have a go.”
Cade frowned, “Jonathan?”
“Doctors are notorious for poor penmanship. He might be able to decipher the secrets in the text.”
Secrets.
Cade sat for a moment saying a silent prayer for courage before he went to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Rose,” he said softly.
“Yes?” she asked, frowning at the seriousness in his tone.
Cade took her hand, “Rose, I have something to tell you.”
Rose looked at him steadily and then gave a gentle nod. “Shall we go sit by the fire?”
Cade nodded and walked over to lower himself onto the new sofa he and Rose had purchased together. Rose sat opposite him and folded her hands, bracing herself for what was to come.
Cade rested his elbows on his knees and lowered his gaze. “I almost gambled... I was real close to giving in.”
Rose’s face was emotionless, which killed Cade because he knew she had a lot of practice in hearing about his addiction. “But you didn’t?” she asked, her voice perfectly even in every syllable.
Cade shook his head. “No, I didn’t, but I wanted to Rose. It hurt not to, you know. I began to justify it like I used to and... well I left and went to talk to Jeffries.”
“Why didn’t you?” Rose squinted her eyes in curiosity.
Cade sighed and leaned back. “You could say that my eyes were opened. I saw the ugliness in it, so to speak.
Rose clicked her tongue. “It is ugly.” She looked away for a second. “Well, I am proud of you for telling me. I am proud of you for not gambling but,” she looked over at him, “the need is still there. It will be there for a while, won’t it?”
Cade nodded. “I wish it were like a thorn, something you can pluck out, but it feels more like a rattlesnake bite that courses through me and has to be sucked out bit by bit.”
“That seems to be an accurate analogy.” Rose placed a hand on her stomach, but then quickly removed it self-consciously.
Cade furrowed his eyebrows. “You alright?”
Rose smiled. “I am... Cade, I’m trying to understand. I have tried to see how this inebriety of yours is like a disease or a poison and not some malicious act on your part. However, for a long time it felt like it was my responsibility to fix you and I couldn’t. It gave me a sense of powerlessness. You once described it as not breathing, but that when you gambled it felt like taking a breath. For me though, to see you make wrong choices and for me to have no effect... it is like drowning in an overpowering current. It is complete helplessness. I finally tried to let go with the help of God, but by then, the sick feeling that accompanied your gambling was already set. So even though I am proud of you, my body still reacts any time I think about it.” She shrugged. “It will go away, but it may be a while.”
Cade clenched his fists. “You know, Rose, I started so many of our fights just so I could justify myself.”
Rose cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, I know.”
Cade let out a huff. “A man is supposed to protect his wife, not drag her down. I only hope that something good can come from all this. Jeffries told me that God can make your weaknesses strong. I hope He can do that for our marriage.”
Rose reached over and squeezed his hand. “I believe He can Cade, and I believe He will, so long as you continue to fight.” She removed her hand and pressed her lips together. “Again, I am proud of you, but please don’t be offended if I need some space.”
“You want me to sleep in the barn?” Cade asked seriously.
Rose laughed. “No, not until Philip is convicted and in prison. You taught me how to punch a man, but not how to shoot one.”
Cade smiled. “I tried and you just about shot off my toe.”
Rose stood with a shrug. “Well, maybe I should give a try at boxing.”
Cade looked up at her. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”
“As well you shouldn’t,” Rose laughed and smoothed her skirt. “Good night, Cade.” She turned and walked to her room to join Daisy.
Cade looked after her until he heard her bedroom door shut. He looked down at his hands to see them shaking. Feeling a bit defeated he slid off the sofa and down to his knees. He needed help; giving this up would be more difficult than he anticipated. Cade clasped his trembling hands into a prayer position. Instantly, the shaking stopped, and with an encouraged smile, Cade bowed his head and prayed.