GENTLE READER,
Before transcribing my correspondence with my fair friends, it is necessary to describe the scene of the amours alluded to in the letters, and also to say a few words regarding the chief actor, myself.
I am a man who, having passed the Rubicon of youth, has arrived at that age when the passions require a more stimulating diet than is to be found in the arms of every painted courtezan.
That I might the better carry out my philosophical design of pleasure without riot, and refined voluptuous enjoyment without alloy, and with safety, I became the purchaser of a suburban villa situate in extensive grounds, embosomed in lofty trees, and surrounded with high walls. This villa I altered to suit my taste, and had it so contrived, that all the windows faced towards the road, except the French ones, which opened on the lawn from a charming room, to which I had ingress from the grounds at the back, and which was quite cut off from the rest of the house. To render these grounds more private, high walls extended like wings from either side of the house and joined the outer walls. I thus secured an area of some five acres of woodland which was not overlooked from any quarter, and where everything that took place would be a secret unknown to the servants in the villa.
The grounds I had laid out in the true English style, with umbrageous walks, alcoves, grottoes, fountains, and every adjunct that could add to their rustic beauty. In the open space, facing the secret apartment before alluded to, was spread out a fine lawn embossed with beds of the choicest flowers, and in the centre, from a bouquet of maiden’s blush roses, appeared a statue of Venus, in white marble. At the end of every shady valley was a terminal figure of the god of gardens in his various forms; either bearded like the antique head of the Indian Bacchus; or soft and feminine, as we see the lovely Antinous; or Hermaphroditic – the form of a lovely girl, with puerile attributes. In the fountains swam gold and silver fish, whilst rare crystals and spars glittered amidst mother o’pearl at the bottom of the basins.
The gardeners who kept this happy valley in order were only admitted on Mondays and Tuesdays, which days were devoted by me entirely to study; the remaining five being sacred to Venus and love.
This garden had three massive doors in its walls, each fitted with a small lock made for the purpose, and all opened with a gold key, which never left my watch guard.
Such were the external arrangements of my Caproe. Now, with a few words on the internal economy of my private salle d’amour, and I have done.
This apartment, which was large and lofty, was in its fittings and furniture entirely en Louis Quinze, that is to say, in the latest French mode; the walls were panelled, and painted in pale French grey, white and gold, and were rendered less formal by being hung with exquisite paintings by Watteau. Cabinets of buhl and marqueterie lined the sides, each filled with erotic works by the best authors, illustrated with exquisite and exciting prints, and charmingly bound. The couches and chairs were of ormolu, covered en suite with grey satin, and stuffed with down. The legs of the tables were also gilt, the tops were slabs of marble, which, when not in use for the delicious collations (which were from time to time served up, through a trap door in the floor) were covered with rich tapestries. The window curtains were of grey silk, and Venetian blinds, painted a pale rose colour, cast a voluptuous shade over the room.
The chimney piece was of marble; large, lofty, and covered with sculpture in relief, representing beautiful naked children of both sexes, in every wanton attitude, entwined with grapes and flowers, carved by the hand of a master. The sides and hearth of this elegant fireplace were encrusted with porcelain tiles of rare beauty, representing the Triumph of Venus, and silver dogs were placed on either side to support the wood, according to the style in vogue in the middle of the last century.
To complete the coup d’oeil, my embroidered suit of garnet velvet, plumed hat, and diamond hilted sword were carelessly flung upon a chair, while the cabinets and sideboards were covered with costly snuff boxes and China. Such were some of the striking features of this delightful chamber. As for the rest of the house, it was furnished like any other, respectable domicile of our times.
My establishment consisted of a discreet old housekeeper, who was well paid, and not too sharply looked after in the little matters of perquisites and peculations; a bouncing blooming cook, and a sprightly trim housemaid; who were kept in good humour by an occasional half guinea, a holiday, and a chuck under the chin. Beyond these innocent liberties they were not molested. As for the gardeners, they lived out of the house, and being as well paid for their two days’ work as if they worked all the week, it followed that they knew their own interest too well to manifest any undue or indiscreet curiosity as to what passed in the grounds, when their services were not required.
Having thus given a sketch of the premises, I proceed at once with the letters, only expressing a hope that you, most courteous reader, will quietly lay down the book, if it is too strong for your stomach, instead of falling foul of.
Your humble servant
THE AUTHOR.
You ask me, most charming Lesbia, to relieve the ennui which your too venerable and too watchful lord causes you to suffer, with his officious attentions, by a recital of some of those scenes which are not visible to the uninitiated; and I, having always been your slave, hasten to obey.
You must know then, chère petite, that I have certain convenient ladies in my pay, whom I call pointers, forasmuch as they put up the game.
Last Thursday, as I lay stretched on a sofa, absorbed in that most charming of Diderot’s works ‘La Religieuse’, the silver bell which communicates with the southern gate, gave tongue, and roused me from my lethargy. I sprang to my feet, and wending my way through that avenue of chestnut trees, which you and I, Lesbia, know so well, made direct for the gate. Here the well-known chariot met my eye, and it only required a glance at the smart coachman to show me that jehu was none other than Madame R … herself; and a devilish handsome groom she made, I can assure you.
An almost imperceptible raising of the eyebrows, and a gesture with her whip handle towards the interior of the carriage, told me all I wanted to know; so first looking up and down the road, to see that we were not observed, I whispered ‘ten o’clock’ and then opened the door. ‘Come my little darlings’, said I, to two delicious young creatures, who coquettishly dressed, with the most charming little hats in the world, and full petticoats that barely reached their rose-coloured garters, sprang, nothing loth, into my arms. The next minute we were all three standing in the garden, the door was locked, and the chariot drove off. The elder of my little pets was a blooming blonde, with soft brown hair, that shone like gold, melting eyes of the loveliest blue, and cheeks tinted with the softest blush of the rose. A pert little nose slightly retroussé, carmine lips, and teeth like pearls, completed a most delicious face. She was, she said, just sixteen years old. Her companion, a sparkling brunette, with dark eyes, raven hair, and a colour that vied with the damask rose, was about fifteen. They were charming children, and when I tell you that their limbs were moulded in the most perfect symmetry, and that their manners were cultivated, elegant, and gay, I think you will agree with me that Madame R … had catered well.
‘Now my little loves,’ said I, giving each a kiss, ‘what shall we do first; are you hungry, will you eat?’
This proposal seemed to give great satisfaction, so taking each by the hand I led them to my room; and patties, strawberries and cream, apricots, and champagne disappeared with incredible rapidity. While they were eating, I was exploring; now patting the firm dimpled peach-like bottom of the pretty brunette, now inserting a finger into the pouting hairless cleft of the lovely blonde. The latter was called Blanche and the former Cerise. I was beside myself with rapture, and turning first to one and then to the other, covered them with kisses. The collation finished at last, we all went into the grounds, and having walked them round and shown them everything curious, not forgetting the statue of that most impudent god Priapus, at whose grotesque appearance, with his great prick sticking out, they laughed heartily, I proposed to give them a swing. Of course in putting them in, I took care that their lovely little posteriors should bulge out beyond the velvet seat, and as their clothes were short, every time they swung high in the air, I had a full expansive view of those white globes, and the tempting rose colored slits that pouted between them; then, oh! the dear little feet, the fucktious shoes, the racy delectable legs; nothing could be finer. But the sight was too tantalizing. We were all heated; I with the exertion of swinging them, they with the wine, so they readily agreed to my proposal to proceed to a retired spot, where was a little lake lined with marble, not more than four feet deep. We were soon naked, and sporting in the water; then only was it that I could take in all their loveliness at a glance. The budding small pointed breasts, just beginning to grow; the polished ivory shoulders, the exquisite fall in the back, the tiny waist, the bulging voluptuous hips, the dimpled bottoms, blushing and fresh, the plump thighs, and smooth white bellies. In a moment my truncheon stood up hard and firm as a constable’s staff. I put it in their hands, I frigged and kissed their fragrant cunnies, I gamahuched them, and then the saucy Cerise taking my ruby tipped ferrule in her little rosy mouth, began rolling her tongue round it in such a way, that I nearly fainted with bliss. At that moment our position was this. I lay stretched on my back on the grass; Blanche sat over me, a leg on either side, with my tongue glued to her rose. Cerise knelt astride of me also, with her posteriors well jutted out towards me, and one of my fingers was inserted in her rosebud. Nor were the hands of the delicious brunette idle; with her right she played with my balls, and with the forefinger of her left hand she exquisitely titillated the regions beneath. But human nature could not stand this long; so changing our position I placed Blanche on her hands and knees, while Cerise inserted my arrow, covered with saliva from her mouth, into the pretty Blanche. She was tight, but not a virgin, so after a thrust or two, I fairly went in up to the hilt. All this while Cerise was tickling me, and rubbing her beautiful body against me. Soon Blanche began to spend, and to sigh out: Oh! oh! dear sir, give it me now! Shoot it into me! Ah! I faint! I die!’ and as the warm fluid gushed into her, she fell prone on the ground.
When Blanche had a little recovered herself, we again plunged into the lake, to wash off the dew of love, with which we were drenched.
Thus sporting in the water, toying with each other, we whiled away the hot hours of the afternoon, till tired, at length, we left the lake and dressed ourselves. The sun had long disappeared behind the trees, and the shades of evening began to close in, I therefore proposed to adjourn to the villa, where for some time I amused my little friends, with bawdy books and prints. But you are not to suppose that my hands were idle, one being under the clothes of each.
Cerise had thrust her hand into my breeches, and was manipulating with great industry, which amused me very much; but I soon found out the reason, for presently she said, pouting out her pretty mouth, ‘You like Blanche better than me!’
‘I love you both, my angels,’ said I, laughing heartily at the little puss’s jealousy.
‘Ah, it’s all very well to laugh,’ cried Cerise, ‘but I don’t see why I am not to be fucked as well as her!’
‘Oh! I exclaimed, ‘that’s the way the wind blows, is it!’ And drawing the sweet girl to a couch, I tossed up her clothes in a moment.
‘Quick, quick, Blanche!’ cried Cerise, ‘come and gamàhuche the gentleman, and make his yard measure stiff before he begins, for you know how tight I am at first.’
The little Blanche flung down the book she was looking at, and running up to me, placed herself on her knees, then clasping my naked thighs with her milky arms, she seized upon the red head of my thyrsus, and worked her mouth up and down upon it, in the most luscious manner possible. In a few minutes more I could certainly have spent on her tongue, had not Cerise, fearful of being baulked, made her leave off. Then guiding the randy prick into her opening rosy little cunny, she began to bound and wriggle and twist, until she had worked it well in, then twining her legs around my loins, and thrusting her tongue in my mouth, she gave way unrestrained to the joys of sensation. I was astonished that so young a creature could be so precocious, but I learnt from Madame R …, who had brought her up, that every pains had been taken to excite those passions in this girl; first with boys, and subsequently with grown-up persons. Blanche I had thought most delicious, but there was a furore in Cerise’s fucking which carried you away, as it were, out of yourself.
So great was the delight I experienced with this amorous girl, that I held back as long as possible, but she bounded about with such energy, that she soon brought down another shower of dew, and all was over. I was glad to hide the diminished head of poor Pego, in my white silk breeches, and it being now nearly ten o’clock, I rang for chocolate, which soon appeared, through the trap door, served up in pretty little porcelain cups, with ratafia cakes and bonbons, to which the girls did ample justice. The bell having announced Madame R … at the gate, we went forth hand in hand, having first placed in their pockets a bright new guinea apiece.
Arrived at the gate, I gave her ladyship a pocket-book containing twenty pounds, with which she seemed well content.
‘Adieu, my dear children,’ said I. ‘I hope before long you will pay me another visit.’
‘Good bye, sir,’ cried both the girls in a breath, and the chariot drove off.
Quite tired by this time, I locked the gate, and going round to the front of the villa, I knocked and entered, as if I had just come home, retiring soon after to bed, to dream over again of the joys of that delightful evening.
I am afraid, my pretty Lais, I am in disgrace with you for not writing before, so to excuse my seeming neglect, I will now narrate to you an adventure I have lately had here, which will amuse you very much. You may remember, possibly, pretty Mrs H …, the wife of an old prig of a grocer, whom you met here once. Well, she came to see me the other day, when, after I had done justice to her charms, which indeed are not to be despised, sitting on my knee, and sipping some old Burgundy, for which the fine dame has a great liking, she told me the cause of her visit.
‘As you are so generous,’ she began, ‘it always gives me great pleasure to oblige you, and throw anything in your way that is worthy the notice of such a true Epicurean. Now I have just received from the country, a niece whose father has been long dead, has now lost her mother, so the good people of the place where they lived, to get rid of the orphan have sent her up to me. This has vexed my good man not a little, as you know he loves his money dearly; not able to get a child for himself, he has no fancy to be saddled with other people’s. But I quieted him with the assurance that I would get her a place in a few days. The girl is just seventeen, as beautiful and fresh as an angel, and innocent as a baby, so I thought what a nice amusement it would be for you, to have her here and enlighten and instruct her. You have I know, a little cottage fitted up as a dairy, engage her as your dairymaid, buy a cow or two, and the thing is done.’
‘But,’ said I, ‘won’t she be afraid to live in the cottage all alone, and if the gardeners should find it out, what would they think!’
‘Nay, sir,’ said the tempter, ‘your honour knows best, but it seems to me that these difficulties can easily be got over. I know an old crone, a simple poor, humble creature, who would do anything for half-a-crown, and be delighted to live in that cottage.
She alone, will be seen by the gardeners, and my niece will be kept close during the two days they work in the grounds.’
‘That will do capitally,’ said I, ‘you arrange it all.’ Accordingly, old mother Jukes and the blooming Phoebe were duly installed. Two Alderney cows occupied the cowhouse, and the new dairy maid set to work. After two or three days had passed, I went one afternoon to see her milk the cows. She jumped up from her three-legged stool in confusion, and blushing deeply, dropped me a rustic curtsey.
‘Well Phoebe,’ said I gently, ‘what do you think of the dairy? Do you think you shall like the place?’
She dropped me another curtsey, and replied, ‘Yes, an’t please ye, sir’.
‘You find the cottage convenient?’ said I.
‘Oh! la sir, mighty,’ cried Phoebe.
‘Very good,’ said I, ‘now when you have done milking, I will show you the poultry yard, and my pet animals, all of which are to be under your care.’
As soon as the fair creature had drawn off as much milk as she required, she placed her pails in the dairy, and smoothing down her white apron, attended me. First to the poultry yard, when Phoebe espied the cock treading one of the hens.
‘Oh, my,’ she exclaimed, ‘that cruel cock, look at him, a-pecking, and trampling upon that poor hen, that is just the way they used to go on at feyther’s, but I wont let un do it.’ And she ran forward to drive away the cock.
‘Stop, stop, Phoebe,’ I exclaimed. ‘Do not drive him away, for if the cock does not tread the hen, how are we to have any chickens?’
‘Sure, sir, the chickens will come from the eggs, and if he treads upon the poor hen that gate, he will break them all in her belly, other while.’
‘Not at all,’ said I. ‘It is true pullets lay eggs, and very good are such eggs for eating, but they will never come to chickens. It is the cocks who make the chickens.’
Phoebe opened her large blue eyes very wide at this, and ejaculated, ‘Mighty!’
‘Don’t you see, Phoebe, that while he is treading, he is also doing something else?’
‘Noa, sir, I doan’t,’ said Phoebe, demurely.
‘If you look at the hen’s tail, Phoebe, you will see that it is lifted up and spread open, there; now look; and you will see the cock is putting something in the opening under her tail.’
‘Oh, la, yes,’ cried she, blushing as red as a peony; I see now, well I never.’
‘You see, Phoebe, you have much to learn; but come to the stable, and I will show you something more extraordinary. Where, may I ask, do you suppose foals come from? And kittens, and puppies?’
‘Lawk sir, from their mothers, I suppose.’
‘Yes, but they would not come, without they were made; now you shall see what my little stallion pony will do, when I let him into the stall of the mare, and some months hence you shall see the foal he has made.’
To this Phoebe could only respond, ‘Mighty.’
We went to the stable. The ponies were beautiful little creatures, of a fine cream colour, and pure Pegu breed, sent to me from Burma by a friend.
Like all horses of that colour, their noses, pizzle, etc., were flesh colour; and therefore at once caught the eye. Removing the bar that divided the loose box, I let the stallion pass into the other side. The little mare received him with a neigh of welcome.
‘Oh, my,’ cried Phoebe, ‘she seems to know him quite nat’ral loike.’
The stallion began nibbling at different parts of the mare, who raised her tail, and again neighed. Her lover answered the neigh. Soon he began to scent her sexual beauties, which he caressed with his lips, his enormous yard shot out, and banged against his stifle. I pointed it out to Phoebe.
‘Oh, good lud! yes, sir, I sees it!’ cried she, blushing up very red, and trembling all over.
I passed my arm round her taper waist, and gently kissing her, whispered, ‘Now observe what he will do.’
Presently the stallion mounted on his hind legs, embracing the mare with the fore ones, his great pizzle began to enter; the mare stood firm and did not kick. He laid his head along her back, nibbling her coat. He moved backwards and forwards. Phoebe trembled and turned red and pale by turns. The mare whinnied with delight, the stallion responded.
‘See, Phoebe,’ said I, ‘how these lovers enjoy themselves. Mon Dieu! how happy they are!’
‘La, sir,’ cried the girl, ‘what pleasure can there be in having that great long thing put into her body?’
‘The pleasure,’ said I, sententiously, ‘which nature gives to those who propagate their kind, and some day my little Phoebe will feel the same pleasure; but look! He has finished, and is out again. See how the female parts of the mare open and shut with spasms of delight. Observe how she cocks her tail – see how she turns her head, as if asking for more. There now, she neighs again.’
But Phoebe was not listening; she had seated herself on a truss of hay, and with her eyes fixed on the again stiffening pizzle of the stallion, had fallen into a reverie. I guessed what she was thinking about, so seating myself by her side, I stole a hand up her clothes. She trembled, but did not resist. I felt her firm plump thighs, I explored higher, I touched her feather; soft and silky as a mouse’s skin was the moss in which I entwined my fingers. I opened the lips, heavens! could I believe my senses. She was spending, and her shift was quite wet. Whether it was accident or not, I cannot say, but she had dropped one of her hands on my lap.
My truncheon had long been stiff as iron; this additional aggravation had such an effect, that with a start, away flew too material buttons, and Jack sprang out of his box into her hand. At this she gave a little scream, and snatching away her own hand, at the same time pushed away mine, and jumping up, began smoothing down her rumpled clothes, and with great vehemence exclaiming: Oh, la; fie, sir: doantee, doantee, Oh, I’m afeard, etc., etc.
But I was not going to lose such a chance, and began to soothe her and talk, until at length we got back to the same position again. I grew more bold, I kissed her eyes, and her bosom; I handled her lovely buttocks; I frigged her clitoris – her eyes sparkled; she seized upon that weapon which had at first so frightened her, and the next minute I had flung her back on the hay, and was frigging away at her maidenhead, but she made a terrible outcry and struggled most violently. Fortunately, Mrs Jukes had a convenient attack of deafness, and heard nothing; so that after a good deal of trouble, I found myself in possession of the fortress, up to the hilt. Once in, I knew well how to plant my touches, and ere long a soft languor pervaded all her limbs, pleasure succeeded pain. She no longer repulsed me, but sobbing on my shoulder, stopped now and then to kiss my cheek.
Her climax came at length, and then she threw all modesty aside; entwined her lovely legs around my back, twisted, wriggled, bit, pinched, and kissing me with ardour, seemed to wake up to the new life she had found.
Thrice we renewed the seraphic joys; and then and not till then, did I leave her to her poultry yard and her dairy.
She is still with me; an adept in the wiles of love; not the least jealous, but very useful to me in all the other little affairs which I have on hand. As for Mrs H …, I gave her fifty guineas for her niece’s maidenhead; and although I have bought many much dearer, I never enjoyed it as I did with Phoebe.
So now good-night, and if you can sleep without a lover after such a recital, it is more than I can; so I shall seek the arms of this unsophisticated country lass, to allay the fires that recording this narrative has lit up in my veins.
You complain, my sweet girl, that it is long since you heard from me, and remind me that I, of all men, am the only one who could ever give you delight. In reply to your complaint, I must assure you that had there been anything to relate which would have been likely to interest my young philosopher, I should have written, but I know too well that ordinary love affairs between men and women do not much amuse you, and that the loves of girls for each other are more to your taste. By your other remark I am much flattered; and if you can frame some excuse to your aunt for leaving home, and will come here, I think I can show you how to pass an agreeable afternoon. In the interim I will detail an adventure, which I met with the other day, and I think will vastly please your fancy.
I was strolling out in one of those thick woods which abound in this neighbourhood, when in a secluded dell, I espied two young ladies seated very lovingly together, engaged in earnest conversation. They were so absorbed in their discourse, that I found no difficulty in approaching softly to within a yard of the spot, and, concealing myself in a thicket, sat down on the turf to listen to them.
The elder of the two was a fine handsome woman of about five or six and twenty, with lustrous dark eyes, black hair, an aquiline nose, and noble figure, yet rather too masculine looking to be altogether pleasing. Her companion was a lovely girl of sixteen, a most exquisite face of a perfect oval; laughing blue eyes shaded with long black lashes, and a profusion of the most beautiful hair of a light auburn, which wantoned in the breeze in a hundred lovelocks, forming a most charming picture; her figure was exquisitely rounded in all the witchery of early girlhood, and its undulations raised certain strong desires in my heart to be better acquainted with its beauties.
I now set myself to listen to their conversation.
‘I assure you,’ the dark-eyed woman was saying, ‘there is nothing in it; these men are the most selfish creatures in the world; and besides what pleasure, think you can they give us, that we do not have already without their aid?’
‘Well, dear friend,’ laughed the girl, in a sweet silvery voice, ‘I am sure you talk very sensibly, but yet there must be something in the joys of love, if we are to believe the poets, who have so often made it their theme; besides, I do not mind telling you that I know a little more about the subject than you may suppose.’
‘Mon Dieu,’ ejaculated the dark beauty, who I now began to think was a Frenchwoman, especially as I had already noticed a slight foreign accent in her voice; ‘Mon Dieu,’ (and she turned pale) ‘how is it possible you should know anything of love at your age?’
‘Shall I tell you?’ replied the young girl.
‘Ah! yes, yes; tell me, ma chère.’
‘Well then, dear; you know young Mrs Leslie?’
‘Certainly.’
‘She was a former schoolfellow of mine; and a month or two after her honeymoon, I went on a visit to that pretty country seat of her husband’s, Harpsdeen Court, in Bedfordshire. While there she not only told me all about the secret joys of matrimony, but permitted me to witness her bliss.’
‘To witness it? Incredible!’
“’Tis a fact, I do assure you; shall I tell you what I saw, and how I saw it?’
‘Oh yes, ma petite, I do not mind what you may have seen, I was only afraid one of these perfidious men had captivated your poor little heart; as it was a mere girlish frolic, it will amuse me very much to hear all about it.’
The young girl, first giving her friend a sweet kiss, which I envied, thus began:
‘My friend Clara Leslie, though not strictly handsome, has a pleasing amiable face, but nature you know is full of compensations, as her husband found out to his great satisfaction. She has a shape that vied with the Venus de Medici, the most lovely figure you ever beheld. When quite a girl at school, she could show a leg that any woman might envy, but now at twenty years of age, she surpassed the finest statue I ever saw. I will not trouble you with a recapitulation of all that passed on her wedding night, and subsequently, up to my arrival at Harpsdeen, because you, my sweet friend, doubtless know all that occurs on such occasions, but will confine myself to what I saw. She proposed to me to sleep in a room adjoining theirs, divided only by a thin oaken wainscot, in which one of the knots in the wood could be taken out at pleasure, and thus command a full view of the nuptial couch. Clara told me she would place a pair of wax lights on a table near the bed, and out of regard to me, would so manage matters, that I should see all that passed between her and her handsome husband, the squire. Accordingly, we all went to bed about ten o’clock one night, and I having undressed and wrapped myself in my robe de chambre, placed myself on an ottoman over against the panel. Assisted by her husband, Clara was soon reduced to a state of nature, and stood naked like a beautiful Eve, with her lovely hair meandering down her alabaster back and shoulders.’
‘“Charles, dear” said my sweet friend, “do you lie on the foot of the bed, and let me mount you, a la St. George, you call it, I believe. I do so love that position.”
‘He kissed her tenderly, and being now himself naked, flung himself back on the foot of the bed.
‘Then, dearest Maria, I saw, for the first time, that wondrous ivory staff, with its ruby crested head, rising from a nest of glossy black curls. Having waited a moment to give me an opportunity of seeing it, she pressed her face in his lap, and took the head of his noble toy in her mouth, then after moistening it for a few seconds, she mounted astride him, displaying to my delighted gaze, her large beautiful dimpled bottom, and lily-white thighs, between which I could clearly discern the mark of her sex; then grasping his wand in her little hand, she guided it in, and immediately began to move up and down a la postillion.
‘He clasped those white hemispheres with his hands, he squeezed them together, he held them open, he thrust his finger into the nether rosebud, he kissed her breasts, while mutual sighs of delight escaped the fond pair. As for me, I was so excited, as to be almost beside myself, and felt almost suffocated. At length, I sought relief in the schoolgirl’s substitute, and used my finger for want of something better. Though this was but a poor expedient, it relieved the burning heat, and caused a flow of love’s dew, which allayed the itching desire which had taken possession of me. Meantime, Clara’s climax and Charlie’s came simultaneously, and they lay panting in each other’s arms. In a very short time, however, he was again ready for action, and making Clara kneel upon the bed, he stood behind, and again the amorous encounter was renewed. Four times in various attitudes did he repeat the play, and then putting out the candles they retired to rest.
‘As for me, I could scarcely sleep at all; all night I was tossing about, trying in vain with my finger to procure myself that satisfaction which I had seen her enjoy.
‘Now my dear Marie, inveigh as much as you please against love; for my part the sooner some nice young fellow takes a fancy to me, the better I shall like it.’
‘My dearest child,’ cried the dark beauty, ‘I daresay it is very true that your friend has made a very excellent match, and is quite happy in her husband, but what I want to impress upon you is, that for one such marriage as that, there are ten wretched ones. Besides, I will, if you like, soon demonstrate to you that there is more pleasure to be derived from the love of woman for woman than any that the male can give. We are all alone here in this lovely glen; let me show you how I will make love.’
‘You!’ cried the young girl, ‘What? Are you going then to make love to me?’
‘To yourself, my pet,’ hoarsely whispered the salacious woman, as her dark eyes gleamed, and her hand passed up the clothes of her companion.
‘Oh; but –’ said the younger, ‘this is very droll, good heaven, what are you about! Really, Marie, I am surprised at you.’
‘Do not be surprised any longer then, my little angel,’ cried her friend, ‘give me your hand,’ and she passed it up her own clothes. ‘Now, I will show you how to touch that little secret part. It is not by putting the finger within, that the pleasure is to be gained, but by rubbing it at the top, just at the entrance, there it is that nature has placed a nerve called by doctors the clitoris, and it is this nerve which is the chief seat of bliss in our sex. All this while, the libidinous creature was manipulating with skill.
The colour came and went in the cheeks of her beauteous companion, who faintly sighed out, Ah, Marie, what are you doing? Oh, joy; oh blissful sensation! Ah, is it possible – oh – oh – ur – r – r – r,’ she could no longer articulate.
The Tribade saw her chance, and waited no longer; so throwing up the clothes of the young girl, she flew upon her like a panther, and forcing her face between the thighs of her friend, gamahuched her with inconceivable frenzy. Then, not satisfied with this, she pulled up her own clothes, and straddled over the young girl, presenting her really symmetrically formed posteriors close to her face, nearly sitting down upon it, in her eagerness to feel the touch of the young girl’s tongue. Nor had she to wait long, wrought up to the last pitch of lascivious ecstasy, her friend would have done anything she required, and now gamahuched her to her heart’s desire.
I continued to watch these Tribades for some time, revolving in my mind how I could get possession of the young one, for whom I had conceived a most ardent longing.
Suddenly it occurred to me that, as they were strangers in the neighbourhood, it was not likely they had walked, and that possibly, on the outskirts of the wood, I should find a coach waiting for them.
Full of designs upon the pretty young creature, I left the amorous pair to their amusement, and soon reached the margin of the road. Here, ere long, I espied a coach and six, with servants in rich liveries, and approaching nearer, saw from the coronet on the door, that it belonged to some person of quality. As I came up, I accosted one of the lacqueys, and tossing him a crown, asked whose carriage it was.
‘His Grace the Duke of G—’s, your honour,’ said the man, touching his hat respectfully, as he glanced at my embroidered coat, sword and diamond buckles, and pocketing the crown.
‘Then you are waiting, I presume, for the two ladies in the wood?’ said I.
‘Yes, sir,’ replied the lacquey; and being a talkative, indiscreet person, he added, ‘Lady Cecilia Clairville, his grace’s daughter, your honour, and Madame La Conte, her governess.’
‘Ah, indeed!’ said I, with as indifferent a manner as I could assume, and passed on.
At a turn of the road, I again dived into the wood, and soon reached my own demesne.
‘A very pretty affair, truly,’ said I to myself, as I took a glass of wine. Madame La Conte, engaged by the Duke to complete the education of his daughter, takes advantage of her position to corrupt her, and by making a Tribade, renders her wretched for life; for let me tell you, Sappho, there is no more certain road to ill health, loss of beauty, pleasure, and all the zest of life, than this horrid lust for the wrong sex.
‘Very well, Madame La Conte,’ I soliloquised, ‘I shall turn this discovery to account, you may depend,’ and with that resolve I went to bed.
Next morning I sent a billet in French, by a trusty messenger, to his grace’s mansion in Cavendish Square. It was as follows:
‘Madame, to all that passed between you and the Lady Cecilia in the wood yesterday, I was a witness. I am a man of position, and if you do not wish me to call upon the Duke, and acquaint him with your nefarious proceedings, you will come tomorrow afternoon, at three o’clock, to the big oak at the east end of the same wood, in a hackney coach, which you will alight from at the west side. To avoid discovery, you had better both be masked.
Yours, as you behave yourself,
Punctual to the appointment I had made, I placed myself beneath the shade of the oak, and as there was no saying what might happen, or what ambush this devil of a Frenchwoman might lay for me, I, besides my sword, put in my pocket a brace of loaded pistols. Soon the fair creatures approached, hand in hand. I raised my hat to the young girl, but as for madame, I merely honoured her with a contemptuous stare.
‘Do not be alarmed, Lady Cecilia,’ said I; ‘you are with a man of honour, who will do you no harm. As for you, madame, you may make a friend or an enemy of me, which you will.’
‘Really, monsieur,’ said the governess, ‘your conduct in this affair is so singular, that I know not what to think; but let me tell you, sir, that if you have any improper designs in inveigling us to this place, I shall know how to be avenged.’
‘Doubtless, doubtless, madame, I know the French well, and have well prepared for all contingencies. But allow me, ladies, to offer each an arm, and do me the honour to walk a little further into the wood.’
The alacrity with which the wily Frenchwoman complied, told me at once what I had to expect.
She had resolved to assassinate me. Having made up my mind how I should act, I allowed her to lead me which way she pleased, keeping, however, a sharp look out on all sides, as we strolled along. I was about to enter upon the subject of their coming, when suddenly, three masked highwaymen sprang out, and demanding: ‘Your money or your life,’ levelled their horse-pistols at us. The ladies screamed; I shook them both off, and as one of the scoundrels sent a bullet through my wig, I drew my pistols from my pocket, and shot him dead; his companions then both fired, one of the bullets grazed my shoulder, but the other, curious enough, pierced the head of Madame La Conte, who, casting a glance full of fury upon me and clenching her hands, fell back a corpse.
The remaining rascals turned to flee; but before they could escape, I brought down a second, and attacking the third with my sword, soon passed it through his lungs.
The enemy being now utterly defeated, I turned towards the lovely Lady Cecilia, who had fainted; and raising her light form in my arms, bore her off to the spot where the coach had been left. But it was gone. The jarvey, doubtless hearing the firing, and anxious to save his skin, had driven away. My resolution was taken in a moment. So carrying my fair burthen to the nearest gate that opened into my grounds, I bore her to my secret chamber, and having fetched old Jukes and Phoebe to her assistance, with strict orders not to tell her where she was, but to pay her all needful attention, I saddled a swift horse, and rode off to the nearest town, one of the magistrates there being an old friend.
He was much pleased to see me, but wondered at my being covered with dust, and at my sudden arrival. I told him a most dreadful affair had happened; that returning home, I heard cries for assistance in the wood, and found three ruffians robbing and ill-using some ladies, that they had fired at and wounded me, and killed one of the ladies; as for the other she escaped.
That in the end, I had succeeded in dispatching the rascals, more in consequences of their want of skill in the use of their weapons, than from any extraordinary valour on my part, and finally requesting him to give orders to have the bodies removed with a view to a coroner’s inquest. All which he promised to do; and in spite of his earnest request that I should stay and drink a bottle of wine, I made my excuses, and returned home.
I found my fair guest much better, and having consoled her as well as I could for the loss of Madame La Conte, I then gradually unfolded to her all the wickedness of that vile woman, and after delicately touching upon the scene in the wood the day before, I told her I had been a witness of it all and heard all the conversation.
At this denouement, Lady Cecilia covered her face with her hands to hide her blushes; and when I enquired whether Madame La Conte had shown her my letter, she said she knew madame had received a letter, which was very unpleasant, which she tore up and burnt in a great rage, but as to its contents she was ignorant.
This was very satisfactory news for me, as my handwriting might have been recognized. So turning to the young girl with a cheerful countenance, said, laughing, ‘Well, my dear young friend, all is well that ends well; now let us make our plans for the future. In the first place, it seems to me that you are formed for the joys of love. It is true I am not quite so young a lover as you might desire; but I am more fit for amorous combats than many younger men. I am rich, and though not absolutely a man of rank, I am a scion of a noble house. What do you say? I know your secret. I have already seen all your charms; shall we make a match to it? Will you marry me?’
‘Indeed, sir,’ said the dear girl, ‘your gallantry in attacking those ruffians, and defending my honour, would alone have been sufficient to win my heart; but as my father, the Duke, has designs of wedding me to a man older than himself, an old creature, whom I detest, I deem this meeting with you a most fortunate one, and will accept your offer with the same ingenuous frankness with which you have made it. You say, truly, that you have already viewed my person with pleasure; take it, dear sir, and do what you please with me. I am yours for ever.’
I was quite enraptured with this decision, and it being determined that the duke should be written to in the morning, and informed that his daughter, entertaining an insuperable objection to the match he had in store for her, had eloped with the man of her choice.
This affair settled, and Phoebe, with many sly glances, having made up a bed on one of the sofas, I shut the windows, and hastened to undress my future bride. She was exquisitely formed, with the most lovely breasts in the world; and as for her bottom and thighs, nothing could be finer.
We were soon in bed, and all that her finger and the wanton tongue of madame had left of her maidenhead, I soon possessed myself of. Dawn found us still in dalliance; but at length, being both quite fatigued, with a last sweet kiss, we fell asleep. The next day we were to be privately married by licence.
So now, my dear Sappho, I must conclude this long letter, by saying to you, ‘Do thou go and do likewise.’
Your letter, giving me an account of your adventure with the Marquis at Ranelagh Gardens, diverted me vastly. Meantime I have not been idle.
Since you were last here, I have colonised one corner of my grounds. A discreet old creature called Jukes, has been placed in charge of that pretty cottage covered with roses and jasmine, which you admired so much; and in the dairy she is assisted by the freshest and most charming of country girls. Positively you must come and pay me a visit, if only for the pleasure you will experience in the sight of Phoebe’s perfections; but this is a digression, and I know you hate digressions, therefore to proceed.
Phoebe and I, you must know, quite understood each other, but she is so pretty, brisk, loving and lively, and time, place and opportunity so frequently present themselves, that I have nearly killed myself with the luscious fatigue, and having fucked her in every imaginable attitude, having gamahuched her, and been gamahuched in return, I at length cloyed, and began to look out for some new stimulant, but alas, Madame R … did not call, I saw nothing of Mrs H … To write to them was not in accordance with my usual prudence. What was to be done? I was in despair. At this juncture, that dear old Jukes came to my aid, though very innocently, as I believe. With many curtseys and hope ‘your honour’s worship won’t be offended at my making so bold’ etc., she told me that she would be greatly beholden if I would allow her to have a little orphan grandchild of hers, to live with her and Phoebe in the cottage.
She told me that her little girl was a sweet pretty creature, fifteen years of age, and she thought I might like to have her.
I at once consented, and in a few days arrived one of the sweetest flowers that ever blushed unseen in the woods of Hampshire. I was charmed, and lost no time in providing suitable clothes for the little pet, and, with the aid of Phoebe, her frocks were so contrived that they only reached her knees. This, you will readily understand, was for the purpose of giving me facilities for seeing her young beauties, without doing anything that might alarm her young innocence. We soon became great friends, and she took at once to Phoebe, the swing, the gold fish, strawberries and cream, the rambles in the woods, and above all her handsome new clothes, combined to render little Chloe as happy as a princess; while her old granddam would follow her about exclaiming, ‘Lawk-a-mercy! well I never!’ and so on.
In the course of a few days, our young rustic had quite rubbed off her first shyness, would run in and out of my room, sit on my knee, hide my snuff box, kiss me of her own accord, and play all sorts of innocent tricks, like other children, in swinging, climbing up trees, and tumbling about on the grass; the little puss not merely showing her legs, but everything else besides.
At first Mrs. Jukes tried to stop it, and told her it was rude to behave so before the gentleman, but I begged she would take no notice in future, as I did not mind it, and liked to see the little girl unrestrained and happy.
Now old Jukes always went to bed at sunset. I therefore arranged with Phoebe, that after the old crone was gone to rest, she should wash Chloe all over every night before putting her to bed, and that it might be done properly, I used to go and witness the operation, for it gave me a pleasurable sensation to see the girl naked when Phoebe was present.
Phoebe was a clever girl, and did not require much telling, so that none of the most secret charms of my little Venus were concealed from my lascivious gaze.
At one moment Phoebe would lay Chloe across her lap, giving me a full view of her little dimpled bum, holding open those white globes, and exposing everything beneath. Then she would lay the girl on her back, and spread out her thighs as if to dry them with the towel. In fact she put her into almost every wanton attitude, into which she had seen me place herself. The little innocent girl meanwhile, seemed to think this washing process capital fun, and would run and skip naked about the room, in the exuberance of her animal spirits.
In this amusement I found all the excitement I desired, and should perhaps have been content with viewing her beauties, without attacking her innocence, but for a circumstance that occurred.
One evening, after the usual performance of washing, skipping about, etc, the little saucebox came and jumped on my knees, putting a leg on either side of them, and began courting a romp. Had I been a saint, whereas you know I am but a sinner, I could not have resisted such an attack on my virtue as this.
Only imagine, my dear Julia, this graceful lovely creature in all the bloom of girlhood, stark naked, except her stockings, her beautiful brown hair flowing over her exquisite shoulders, imagine her position, and how near she had placed herself to the fire and then, say, can you blame me?
In fine, I slid my hand down, and released that poor stiff prisoner, who for the last half hour had nearly burst open his prison; as a natural consequence he slid along between her thighs, and his crested head appeared (as I could see by the reflection in an old mirror) impudently showing his face, between her buttocks on the rear side. She would perhaps have noticed it, were it not that my finger had long been busy in her little slit already ‘tickling’ she called it, and laughed heartily, tickling me under the arms in return.
Suddenly, as if a thought struck her, she said,
She paused. Never did man wait with more exemplary patience.
‘That – that –’
Another pause.
That I saw –’
Pause again.
‘The cock –’
Here Phoebe tried to stop her; but she squeezed her interrupter’s two cheeks, so that she could not speak, and hurriedly concluded.
‘Making chickens – there.’
This was too much for my gravity, and I was convulsed with laughter; when I had a little recovered, I asked, ‘And how does the cock do that, my dear?’
‘Why,’ said Chloe, with the most artless manner in the world, ‘he tickles the hen, and when she lays eggs they come to chickens.’
‘Tickles her! I do not understand,’ said I.
‘But he does,’ insisted the little girl.
‘But the cock has no fingers; how can he tickle?’
‘Why,’ cried Chloe triumphantly, ‘he has got a finger, and a long one too, and I saw it shoot from under his tail, when he was treading the hen, and he tickled her, just as you are tickling me now, but putting it right into her body. Now, am I not right in saying the cock makes chickens, by tickling the hen?’
‘Well reasoned, my little logician,’ cried I, really pleased with her wit, ‘I see though you have lived in the country, you are no fool, and I will tell you something, which girls are always very curious about, but which their mothers and grannies will never tell them anything of. But first tell me, why you thought the cock tickling the hen, made the chickens?’
‘Why, because Phoebe told me, to be sure.’
‘Oh, ho!’ said I, laughing, ‘you told her, Phoebe, did you?’
Poor Phoebe looked frightened out of her wits.
‘I hope you will forgive me, sir, but Chloe did worrit so, and keep all on about that ere beast of a cock, that at last I up and told her.’
‘God bless you, my dear girl. What if you did? There is no harm in that, I hope. There can never be anything wrong in what is natural.’
Then turning to Chloe, whose little cunny I had not let go of all this while, ‘Would you like to know, my dear, where the babies come from, and how they are made?’
‘Oh, yes; that I just should,’ exclaimed Chloe, hugging and kissing me.
‘Very well; now you know, I suppose, that you are not made exactly like a little boy, do you not?’
‘Yes, I know that down here, you mean,’ and she pointed to where my finger was still tickling.
‘Just so. But did you ever, by chance, happen to see a man?’
‘Never.’
‘And you would like to?’
‘Of all things.’
‘There then!’ cried I, lifting her up and allowing the rampant yard to spring up against my belly.
‘Oh, the funny thing!’ said Chloe, then taking hold of it, ‘how hot it is. That is what I have felt against my bottom, these last ten minutes, and could not think what it was; but what has that to do with making babies?’
‘I will show you,’ said I, ‘but I cannot promise you that I shall make one, as I am too old for that, but it is by doing what I am going to do to Phoebe, that children are begotten.’
‘Oh, I see!’ cried the little girl, clapping her hands, ‘you are going to serve Phoebe, as I saw the stallion serve the mare today. That will be capital fun.’
‘Serve the mare,’ I ejaculated, glancing over my shoulder at Phoebe, ‘how’s this?’
‘Well, the truth is, sir,’ said the conscious girl, ‘ever since your honour showed me that trick, I have often gone to see them do it, and I was watching them today, when this little scapegrace came running into the stable. So I was obliged to tell her all about it, as I did about the chickens.’
‘Well,’ said I,’ if she has seen that, I see no harm in her seeing the other, so pull up your clothes, my dearest creature.’
In a moment Phoebe had tucked up her petticoats, and kneeling on the truckle bed, and jutting her white posteriors well out, presented a full view of all her charms.
‘Oh, my,’ cried Chloe, ‘why Phoebe, you have got hair growing on your –’
She stopped, and with a charming blush, hid her face in my bosom.
‘And so will you have, my little maid,’ I whispered, ‘when you are as old as she is; but now observe what I am going to do, and mind you tickle me underneath, all the while.’
This she did in the most delightful manner, occasionally laughing to see Phoebe wriggling about. As soon as all was over, I sent Phoebe to my room for some refreshments and wine, and while she was gone, I gamahuched the lovely little Chloe, which operation, coming, as it did, after all the frigging she had undergone, roused at once her dormant passions into precocious energy. With eagerness, she seized my again erect wand, and putting it into her little mouth, worked it up and down, so that, just as Phoebe returned, I sent a spurting shower over her tongue, while her virgin dew drenched my own.
‘Oh, my! how salt it is,’ sputtered the little girl, spitting, and making a wry face.
‘And is it that stuff, sir, that makes the babies?’
‘One drop of it, my dear, is sufficient to make a little girl, as pretty as you.’
‘Or a little boy?’
‘Yes; or a little boy.’
After supper, Chloe, who said she was not at all sleepy, wanted Phoebe and me to perform again, but I told her that was quite enough for one night, and that she was on no account to say anything of what she had seen to her granddam.
Now I think, my dear Julia will say, I have related a most interesting adventure; but really, I wish you would come and stay a few days, and share in our sports. I shall confidently expect to see you before long.
* The full title of this publication was The New Epicurean, or The Delights of Sex facetiously and philosophically considered in graphic letters addressed to Young Ladies of Quality.