DAY 15

Forgiving Yourself and Those Who Have Hurt You

Today’s lesson is about forgiveness—forgiving yourself and those who have hurt you, thus opening your heart to a new level of loving yourself.

For the past two weeks, you have worked on releasing many of the old beliefs that were blocking you. I know it wasn’t an easy task, so give yourself time to celebrate your progress. How does it feel today to look in your mirror and feel so much lighter? Take a deep breath in. Now release this breath and say, “Ahh! I am letting go of my past, and I feel great!”

Forgiveness is a difficult area for all of us. We build up these blocks that bind us for many years. Take my hand, and together let’s work on learning to forgive ourselves and those who have hurt us. You can do it.

Forgiveness opens our hearts to self-love. If you have a problem with loving yourself, you can get stuck in an unforgiving state. Many of us carry grudges for years and years. We may feel self-righteous because of what someone did to us. I call this being stuck in the prison of self-righteous resentment. We get to be right, but we never get to be happy.

You may disagree and say, “But you don’t know what that person did to me. It’s unforgivable.” Being unwilling to forgive is a terrible thing to do to yourself. Bitterness is like swallowing a teaspoon of poison every day. It accumulates and harms you. It’s impossible to be healthy and free when you keep yourself bound to the past.

One of the biggest spiritual lessons you can learn is to understand that everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment. People can do only so much with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge they have. Invariably, people who mistreat others were themselves mistreated in childhood. The greater the level of violence, the greater their inner pain and the more they may lash out. This is not to say that their behavior is acceptable or excusable. However, for your own spiritual growth, you must be aware of their pain.

The incident you are holding on to is over—perhaps long over. Let it go. Allow yourself to be free. Come out of this personal prison you have built and step into the sunshine of life. If the situation is continuing, then ask yourself why you think so little of yourself that you still put up with it. Why do you stay in such a situation?

You have a choice: you can stay stuck and bitter, or you can do yourself a favor by willingly forgiving the past and letting it go, and then moving on to create a joyous, fulfilling life. You have the freedom to make your life anything you want it to be, because you have freedom of choice.

The purpose of today’s lesson is to help you raise your self-esteem to such a level that you will allow only loving experiences in your life. Please do not waste your time trying to get even. It will not work. What you give out always comes back to you. So drop the past and work on loving yourself now. Then you can have a wonderful future.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that when you do your forgiveness work, it is not necessary to go to the people involved and tell them that you forgive them. Sometimes you will want to do this, but you do not have to. The major work in forgiveness is done in your own heart and in front of your mirror.

Remember, forgiveness is seldom for others. It is for you.

So many people have told me that they have truly forgiven someone, and then a month or two later they have received a phone call or email from that person, asking to be forgiven. This seems to happen most often after doing forgiveness exercises in front of a mirror. So as you do the mirror work exercises in today’s lesson, let yourself experience your feelings deeply.

Let’s affirm: As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

Your Day 15 Mirror Work Exercise

I believe you receive the most benefit from forgiveness work when you do it in front of a mirror. I suggest finding a mirror you can sit in front of comfortably. I like to use the long mirror on the back of my bedroom door. Give yourself time to do this exercise. And you will probably want to repeat it often. Most of us have a lot of people to forgive.

1. Sit in front of your mirror and close your eyes. Breathe deeply several times. Feel yourself grounded on your chair.
2. Think of the many people who have hurt you in your life. Let them pass through your mind. Now open your eyes and begin to talk to one of them—aloud. Say something like “You hurt me deeply. I thought I would never get past this. However, I will not stay stuck in the past any longer. I am willing to forgive you.” If you can’t do that yet, just affirm, I am willing. Your willingness is all it takes to move toward forgiveness.
3. Take a breath and then say to the person, “I forgive you. I set you free.” Breathe again and say, “You are free. I am free.”
4. Notice how you feel. You may feel resistance or you may feel relief. If you feel resistance, just breathe and affirm: I am willing to release all resistance.
5. As you continue to do this exercise, today or another day, expand your list of people to forgive. Remember: forgiveness is not an event; it’s a process. You may need to keep working on one person a little longer, each time going a little deeper into forgiveness.

This may be a day when you can forgive several people. It may be a day when you can forgive only one. It doesn’t matter. However you do this exercise is the right way for you. The universe and forgiveness see your showing up. At times forgiveness is like peeling away the layers of an onion. If there are too many layers, put the onion away for a day or so. You can always come back and peel another layer. Acknowledge yourself for even being willing to do this exercise. You are healing.

The Power Is Within You: Your Day 15 Journaling Exercise

1. Put on some soft music—something that will make you feel relaxed and peaceful. Now take your journal and a pen, and let your mind drift.
2. Go back into the past and think of all the things that you’re angry with yourself about. Write them down. Write them all down. You may discover that you have never forgiven yourself for the humiliation of wetting your pants in the first grade. What a long time to carry that burden!
3. Now take this list and write a positive affirmation for each item. If you wrote I’ll never forgive myself for [incident], then your affirmation could be: This is a new moment. I am free to let go. Remember that sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than to forgive yourself. Often we demand perfection of ourselves and are harder on ourselves than on others. However, it’s time to go beyond this old attitude. Forgive yourself. Let it go. Give yourself the space to be spontaneous and free.
4. And now put down your journal and go outside—to a beach, a park, even an empty lot—and let yourself run. Don’t jog; run—wild and free. Do somersaults. Skip along the street and laugh while you’re doing it! Take your inner child outdoors with you and have some fun. So what if someone sees you? This is for your freedom!

Your Heart Thought for Day 15: I Can Forgive

I am one with life, and life loves me and supports me. Therefore, I claim for myself an open heart filled with love. We are all doing the best we can at any given moment, and this is also true for me. The past is over and done. I am not my parents or their patterns of resentment. I am my own unique self, and I choose to open my heart and allow love, compassion, and understanding to flush out all memories of past pain. I am free to be all that I can be. This is the truth of my being, and I accept it as so. All is well in my life.

Your Day 15 Meditation: For Forgiveness
(Day 15 of the audio download)

Here are some positive affirmations for forgiveness. Repeat them often.

The door to my heart opens inward. I move through forgiveness to love.

As I change my thoughts, the world around me changes. The past is over, so it has no power now. The thoughts of this moment create my future.

It is no fun being a victim. I refuse to be helpless anymore. I claim my own power.

I give myself the gift of freedom from the past and move with joy into the now.

There is no problem so big or so small that it cannot be solved with love.

I am ready to be healed, I am willing to forgive, and all is well.

I know that old, negative patterns no longer limit me. I let them go with ease.

As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

I forgive myself for not being perfect. I am living the very best way I know how.

It is now safe for me to release all of my childhood traumas and move into love.

I forgive everyone in my past for all perceived wrongs. I release them with love.

All of the changes in life that lie before me are positive ones, and I am safe.