Adventures everywhere.
A call from Columbia Pictures to say, “Thanks, but no can use,” to our screenplay treatments. I feel my throat clog up and my cheeks flush as I talk to the assistant to the Beeg Cheese who has been dispatched to call and give me the bad news. When I hang up, I am embarrassed, guilty, afraid of what my collaborator’s reaction will be. I feel tears crowding out any sane thought behind my eyelids and I make what I now know to be a great move. I go to my bedroom; I lie down and nap for an hour and a half. I wake up with a slight headache, but no tears and a clearer vision of what it means.
I think what it means is this:
I have gotten a specific rejection of two specific ideas by a specific studio way off in Hollywood.
No more/no less.
I also realized in my half dream state that there is a part of me that is relieved. A part of me that wants to continue the slow . . . not so slow . . . pace of my real work. That is, projects that are coming from my heart and life, not made up according to the desires of faraway studio chiefs who don’t know or love me. I’m not writing to sell, but writing to speak clearly about who and what and why. There is some relief at not having to throw myself into that movie world just now. There is also the realization that I don’t have to worry about disappointing anybody but myself. It is up to me to decide where to put my writing energies. Me and only me.
The next phase includes the following (not necessarily in this order):
Revisions on Hospice and an attempt to tour it.
A good script for Alias Johnny Valentine.
A new play (possibly the athlete and the mom).
A teleplay (the little girl and the Vietnam vet) to send to Woodie for O’Neal consideration.
I think all this will keep me working in an arena where I am comfortable and where I trust the people around me. I would also like to approach Essence about doing some more writing for them. There are challenges and joys within the world where I already have a good reputation and some respect for what I do. There is more control of my work in theater and I want to control as much as I can. Movies are about stars and directors; not writers. I want to listen to my own voice and not throw myself at the movies where there is such a press to do commercial stuff.