It surely did not feel good seeing Blake leave me. The fact that we were through was bad enough, but to see him with another girl just felt ten times worse. We had to fix this.
I jogged over to him and said, “Please, Blake, please don’t let this be over. You love me. Come on.”
Surprisingly, Jackie said, “Talk to her.” Even she must have known we had something deeply special. I actually thought she would completely leave the scene, but she just stood there with her arms folded. I had to take what I could. I had another opportunity to get Blake to see we were meant to be together. It was our time. It was supposed to be me and him, no one else. Whatever he was mad at me about, I could fix it.
“Charli, this isn’t you. Don’t beg. Don’t follow me. Don’t try to change my mind.”
“But you don’t know what you’re doing. You really want us. I know you do,” I continued, making my case as if I was a lawyer.
“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” he asked coldly while Jackie gave me a hard glare.
“No, this doesn’t feel right,” I uttered when I placed my hands on his face.
He pulled away and lashed out at me, absolutely breaking my heart when he shouted, “I said we’re through. When I needed you to be there, you had other stuff going on. Now that I’ve moved on, you gonna try and make time for me? How many times do I have to tell you no?”
“Blake, please.”
I just fell to my knees, not caring that they might get scratched up—for a cheerleader to have yucky legs was for sure taboo. None of that mattered because in the pit in my stomach, I was dying. I closed my eyes. When I felt strong arms around me, I leapt to my feet and said, “I knew you cared!”
“I never stopped caring,” Brenton said to me, making me step back some from his arms.
I just took both of my hands and hit him in his chest repeatedly. “Why? Why? Why?”
Others from the party were now surrounding me. Folks were laughing. I had always been the popular girl, and Blake and I were the bomb couple. Now I was the butt of the joke.
I pulled away from Brenton and dashed to my car. I was so frustrated when I could not get the key to work. I just kept pushing the button and pushing the button and nothing would unlock.
“Sounds like you’re relocking it,” Brenton said.
Totally upset, I scolded him. “Why don’t you leave me alone? I got this, okay?”
He took the key from me, pressed the button one time, and my doors unlocked. “Stay here with me and chill. You’re not okay. Forget Blake. He doesn’t understand what a great girl you are. His loss.”
I grabbed my keys from Brenton, got in my car, and said, “Just leave me alone.”
As I drove home, I realized I didn’t have to be that rude to the one person all day who had been on my side. However, at that moment it took all my energy to calm down so I would get home safely. I made it a point to apologize later.
When I got home, my dad’s car was not there. All the lights were off. I peeked into my parents’ room. My mom was asleep. I got into my own bed and, after minutes of tossing, I drifted off too.
The next morning I woke up feeling really sluggish. It felt like I’d been hit by three linebackers and could not get off the field. However, I did pull myself out of bed. I had cheer practice to get to.
This was our last practice of camp. It was a Saturday. I had no pep in my step. I didn’t care about warming up.
Coach Woods called out, “Captain Charli, you need to get them girls together. Let’s go.”
I followed her instruction. However, the team didn’t follow my lead. After the third time of telling them to line up and not having them comply, Coach Woods took over.
Coach said, “Ladies, this is our last full day together. I expect you guys to give me more than what you’re giving me now. How you practice is how you’re going to perform. We’ve got football games coming up, and we have a big competition. The first one is major because how you rank determines whether you’ll have a hard or easy road getting to the state competition.”
Whitney vented, “We’re exhausted, Coach. We’ve been at this for three weeks. Maybe you should blame our captain. She worked us too hard, and now look at her. She isn’t even giving her all.”
She was right. I had lost my zeal. Cheerleading was everything to me, and yet I was in a leadership role unable to get my team to focus.
“Charli, can I see you for a second?” Coach Woods said to me. “Play the dance over and over. Someone come up here and get it done.”
“I’ll gladly do it,” Whitney said, flouncing her way to the front.
When I got into Ms. Woods office, I accidentally shut her door rather hard. She wasn’t pleased at my melancholy demeanor. She crossed her arms and looked at me intensely.
“What is going on with you?”
I could not tell her my world was upside down. I could not say my heart had been stomped on. I could not tell her I didn’t feel like going on. I just looked at her.
Coach said, “You made a commitment to this team and to these girls. They need you. I was behind you being captain because you have something special. I need you to dig way deep. I know we all get a little moody during that time of the month …”
With that comment I checked out on her grilling me. Shoot, I knew how to deal with my menstrual cycle. What I didn’t know how to deal with was getting people to act right. My girls were mad at me because I was tough on them. Blake broke up with me because I was busy. My dad was abandoning our family because he needed someone to “understand” him. I mean, really, in addition to being upset, I was angry.
All this happening to me at once made me feel like it was my fault. But I didn’t deserve any of this. Like Coach said, I had a responsibility, but so did everyone else in this world. I just had to find a way to go on without my life being as perfect as I was used to it being. I told Coach all she wanted to hear and jogged back out onto the floor, finished the rest of practice, and hoped my heart would stop hurting.
Leaving the gym, I felt depressed. I had lost my team. I had lost my friends. And I had lost my man. However, I certainly did not want the world to know about it. When I heard Eva going on and on about Blake’s new adventures, I knew as soon as I stepped outside I was going to be hot for two reasons. Yeah, I knew ninety degrees was going to feel instantly miserable, but seeing Blake flirting with the world would tear me apart.
Eva said, “I don’t know why she wouldn’t just give it up to him. That boy is too fine to be dissatisfied. She better be glad she’s still sort of my girl or I would …”
“You wouldn’t do nothing,” Ella said to her. “Charli’s getting on my nerves too, but we’re not going to betray her.”
“Tell that to Whitney. Look at her hands all over him,” Hallie said, since she was in front and able to see in the parking lot.
She turned around to face Ella, Eva, and Randal. I was behind them, and Hallie felt like she’d said too much. My big-mouthed friend put her hand to her mouth.
“Oh my gosh, Charli! I didn’t know you were right behind us,” Hallie said, trying to explain.
The other three turned around. Randal had an I’m sorry look on her face. Ella mouthed the words “Sorry.” Eva shrugged her shoulders like, You get what you get. Then without real concern, they all kept walking.
Sure enough, the sun beamed on me like I was in a hot oven. The real sweating occurred when I was most uncomfortable. There was no way I could prepare myself to see Blake leaning on his car with his hands on Whitney.
“You’re cute, but you’re in high school,” she said, “and you’re a junior too. My man’s in college, honey. Take your hands off the thighs.” She lifted both Blake’s hands off of her and tossed them to the side.
A few other seniors ran up to him, not caring that he was just sixteen. My car was not that far away, but it seemed like miles. I knew Blake could spot me. I did not know whether to look directly at him or to intentionally look away.
When I looked down, I heard a strong, forceful voice say, “Black, are you okay?”
I looked back and realized that it was Blake’s dad, Coach Strong. I did not want to appear wounded, but I was keeled over. I wasn’t hydrated, and I was hurting.
“Yes, sir, Coach. I’m good, sir,” I said, lying to him and myself.
Coach Strong asked, “My knucklehead son giving you problems?”
Blake had to be looking over here because he stepped away from all the girls, went over to some of his teammates, and tried to act as if he was not showing off. I was in his dad’s PE class in ninth grade, but since Blake and I started dating, he spoke to me sparingly.
I wanted to say, “Could you talk to your son? Could you tell him he’s making a huge mistake? Can you make sure he knows I’m the only girl he needs to be with, and he’s messing up his life? These girls just want to get with him, give it up, and give him something. Come on, Coach, help me out …” But I knew it was not my place to share Blake’s business with his father. Blake had serious issues with his dad. Since my mom and I weren’t close, I understood. Blake and his dad were surely night and day. It was dark or light, never sunset, and if there was any chance the two of us could get back together and work things out, I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut. Certainly I would not say anything to Blake’s father to get him into trouble.
“You know, I got a younger daughter at home,” Coach Strong said. “She’s just going into the seventh grade, but I’m going to tell you like I tell Lola. No joker is worth losing yourself, and I know how you feel about my son. If he breaks your heart, if he doesn’t act right, if he mistreats you, move on … always someone more deserving of you. Right, Brenton?”
And I jumped because I did not even realize his nephew was on his other side. I certainly needed to come out of my daze. I was desperately trying to keep it together.
“See y’all later,” Coach Strong said, not waiting for either of us to say anything.
He yelled out to Blake, “Straight home, son! You got some chores to do.”
“Yes, sir,” Blake called out quickly.
“Come on, Brenton. Dang,” Blake shouted across the parking lot at his cousin.
A part of me thought he did not want his cousin talking to me. Another part of me realized he was probably just taking out his frustration on his cousin because he was embarrassed about his dad calling him out.
Either way, Brenton jogged off. Then he turned back to look at me and said, “My uncle’s right, you know. Always somebody better waiting …”
He turned back around and was gone. I wanted to say, “Coach Strong said somebody more deserving, but if that’s what you want to think—that you’re better—that’s fine.” Then I saw Jackie head over to Blake with her girls. Blake was all standoffish until his dad pulled out of the parking lot. Then he pulled Jackie real close and kissed her hard. I do not ever think we kissed like that before. I realized that this breakup was going to be extremely hard.
I felt Brenton’s heart trying to console me. Maybe someone else was waiting? Maybe someone else was better for me? Maybe I didn’t deserve to be hurt so badly?
Blake saw me standing there. Why would he just disrespect me like that? He knew I still loved him. He looked my way and kissed her again. I couldn’t get to my car fast enough. I could feel Hallie, Ella, Eva, and Randal’s eyes on me. I looked up, and I was correct. But they offered no sympathy. They piled into Hallie’s car and drove away.
When I saw Blake tell Brenton to get out of his car and find another ride home, and Jackie got in the car with him, I could not stop the tears from falling. I did not want anyone to see me broken, but the truth was I was more than broken. I was shattered.
I barely listened to any inspirational music on the radio. Usually I had to have the latest jamming numbers blasting, but as I drove home, I needed the uplifting songs to mend my spirit. However, when I replayed Blake’s crazy actions in my mind and visually saw him all into everybody but me, I turned the radio off.
I was not used to seeing my dad’s car in the driveway, but it was there. I was mad at him. He did not need to say anything to me. He did not need to call my name. He did not need to try to act like everything was all right because I knew things were not good, and I was tired of pretending.
As soon as I entered the house, he had his arms wide open like I was supposed to go to him and hug him. Yeah, he gave me a car, provided for all my needs, and had an open wallet where I was concerned, but I needed loyalty and love. I did not need bribes. Maybe the reason why my mom and I bumped heads a little bit was because we were so much alike. She was not going to take being handled just any kind of way, and neither was I. So I walked straight on past him.
My dad said, “Wait, baby doll. Wassup with that? You can’t give your dad a hug?”
Though he was a judge, he tried to act pretty cool. His problem was that he thought he was too cool. He thought could he get away with having another lady on the side. I was not buying it.
“Dad, just please,” I said. I kept walking.
“What’s going on, Charli? It’s that Blake boy again. What did he do?” my dad asked, following behind me.
I went to the kitchen and wanted to make myself a sandwich, and he had the audacity to ask me to make him one too. I turned around and looked at him.
Then he snapped back, “I know you don’t have an attitude. I just asked you to make a sandwich. Goodness gracious, girl. You are not paying any bills around here. What is the problem?”
“You’re the problem, Dad!” I said, unable to hold it in.
Shocked, he said, “Excuse me?”
“Last night I was out and about, and I saw my father with some lady I did not know, holding each other all laughing, giggly, and stuff. It was crazy, and it wasn’t right. You are the problem. What was that about, Dad? You’re married, or did you forget?!”
He stepped over to me and raised his hand. I stepped back, and I guess he caught himself because he pulled back and didn’t slap me. If he would have hit me, he would have been wrong because I didn’t deserve to be punished for bringing out his indiscretions.
“What were you doing, following me? You’re a kid, girl. You have no business being in mine! That was a colleague and—” he defended.
Cutting him of, I huffed, “Dad, are you serious? I just happened to stumble upon you and whoever she was in that black dress, and she wasn’t going to a funeral, more like a night club. Your lips were practically touching hers! I wanted to follow you, trust me, I did, but I got lost. Another car jumped in front of me, so who knows which way you went? But when I got home at eleven, you were nowhere in sight. Colleague meetings run that late?”
“You misunderstood what you saw. You had absolutely no right to follow me. What were you doing out that late anyway? I’m going to have to talk to your mom about this. Did you talk to your mom about this?” he asked, realizing what he was saying.
I just went over to the sink and washed my hands. I put soap on them and was thankful for the wonderful aroma of the soap, which usually calmed me down. Unfortunately, the smell could not diminish the intense moment. I was getting more upset.
Quickly, I rinsed off the suds, dried my hands, and went over to the refrigerator. He was talking. He was saying all kinds of stuff. Who knew what he was saying because I refused to listen. Besides, the brash tone he was using was not right.
With lettuce in one hand and sandwich meat in the other, I turned to him and said, “Dad, I love you. I thought you loved Mom. I thought you loved us. But what I saw, what I know—though I might be a kid, I’m more mature than you think—wasn’t right. No, I didn’t tell Mom. I would never tell her that. I didn’t want to break her heart, but you’re breaking her heart anyway.”
We both were startled when my mother came to the kitchen door and said, “Roger, our baby is growing up. I don’t know whether to be angry that she saw what she saw or thankful.”
My father didn’t know whether to calm my mother down or come to me. Both of us thought that she was out doing her afternoon jog. My dad was so on a rampage, tearing me up for calling him out, that we did not even hear the door open. But there she stood with her world just as shaken as mine—probably even more so because she was supposed to have a firmer foundation. She was married, for goodness’ sake. They were going on twenty years. My dad was throwing all this away for nothing.
“How could you say that?” my father said to her.
With a vulnerable voice, my mom said, “Because she idolizes you. She puts you on a pedestal. You are the Honorable Judge Roger Black. The world admires you. You can do no wrong. But you have been doing wrong, and had I not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it either. And our daughter is right! You can’t do this to us!”
“It wasn’t what she thought—”
Needing to make this mess go away, I said, “Mom, I don’t know if it really was what I saw.”
“Don’t try to explain it, Charli. Don’t try to cover up for your father. I just can’t believe that you didn’t think you could come to me and talk about this.”
“For what? So I could break up my family? You guys got to stay together. You guys got to work it out,” I cried.
I now understood what had been tearing my parents apart. I so wished that I didn’t know and had not spotted him. My dad’s eyes welled-up. Thankfully, my dad chose to walk over to my mom.
She looked at him with an It’s over! expression and said, “No more hiding. No more lying. No more trying to change your story. You’ve been caught, Your Honor. To think that you sit on one of the highest courts in our land—you have moral standards to uphold. What irony! You’ve been proven guilty, and the one person you love most now knows that you’re not perfect. Wow, now you’ve been broken. Can you see how I feel? Losing something you really care about is hard. Well, deal with it, because payback hurts!”