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After he hung up with Jonny, Peter thought about how inconvenient it was that he was keeping secret his ability to fly. If Jonny knew about Peter’s ability to shift, Peter could have simply offered to fly him to Florida. He’d never flown that far on his own, without a mission from the North Pole, but he’d spoken to the other guys and learned that he had the ability. All he’d have to do was shift, get Jonny to saddle him up, and take off.
Of course, Jonny would have to explain to his family how he’d been able to arrive in Florida so quickly. And Peter didn’t want to spring something so big on Jonny while Jonny was facing so much. Oh, by the way, your boyfriend’s a paranormal who can shift into reindeer form at will. And don’t worry if you don’t see me Christmas Eve, because I’ll be helping Santa deliver presents.
Yeah, too much to drop on him at once. Or maybe ever.
He texted Jonny the next morning, saying that he’d probably be busy most of the day, but to text, and he’d reply when he could. Then he took off for the outpost.
He was busy all day, flying back and forth to the North Pole, getting Fin to load up his transport pallet, then returning it and getting another load. By the end of the day, he was exhausted, but there was only one text from Jonny.
“Flying home Tuesday afternoon,” Peter read, followed by a flight arrival time. “Too wiped to talk tonight. Will tell you everything when I see you.”
Each of the reindeer had made a couple of trips to the North Pole that day, and two columns of pallets stretched to the roof of the warehouse. After reading his text from Jonny, Peter joined the rest of the team to celebrate Prancer Phil’s retirement. He was calling it quits at age fifty.
He was still a strong, studly guy, Peter thought as everyone raised glasses of beer, apple cider and champagne to toast Phil’s years of dedication. A few minutes later, Peter joined Phil by the bar of the lounge.
“Any advice for a Prancer just starting out?” he asked.
“I’m not the guy to ask,” Phil said. Up close, Peter noticed a fine tracery of red lines over Phil’s broad nose. His palms were also red and swollen, though that could have been the result of a day’s hard work.
“What do you mean?” Peter asked.
“Made a mess of my life so far,” Phil said. “Always hiding something, pushed away my family, never could make a relationship work.”
“You mean the shifting?”
“You younger guys have it easier,” Phil said, anger shading his voice. “You come out of the closet as soon as your dick gets hard, and everybody’s like, oh, great, rainbow flags and unicorn farts.”
“Not everybody has it that easy,” Peter said.
“Your parents know about you? That you’re a queer?”
Though Peter heard that word everywhere, he sensed that Phil wasn’t using it in the way that it had been reclaimed. “I came out to my parents when I graduated from college,” Peter said. “I was afraid that my dad would get angry and cut me off.”
“And did he?”
“He wasn’t happy. Still isn’t. But it is what it is.”
“And this?” Phil pawed the ground for a moment with his right leg, lowered his head a bit. “They know about shifting?”
Peter shook his head.
“Any of your friends?”
“I work with a couple of guys who know,” Peter said. “I’m an EMT, and when it comes to winter rescue, they appreciate the ways I can help out when a human couldn’t.”
“Then you’re lucky,” Phil said. A tear appeared in the corner of his eye. “These guys here, they’re the only ones who know me. Who really know me.”
“You’re still young. Plenty of time for you to meet a guy, get your happily ever after, especially if you’re not shifting anymore. Nothing more to hide.”
“Not that easy,” Phil said. “You spend a lifetime hiding, it’s hard to open up. And I’m not the cute young thing I was once upon a time.”
“Trust me, Phil, a lot of guys would go nuts for you. Look at your body. You’ve got muscles gym queens spend their whole lives trying get.”
“I can get laid,” Phil said. “That’s never been a problem. But anything more...well, I freeze up. I’m just a pansy after all.”
He lifted his glass of beer and drained it, moved over to the tap to pour another. When he finished, he turned back to Peter. “You have a boyfriend, Prancer?”
“I do. He’s in Florida right now. His father just died.”
“And you’re here?”
“He hasn’t come out to his family yet,” Peter said, and as the words came out of his mouth, he realized he was echoing Phil.
“Take it from me, Prancer. Don’t spend your life hiding,” Phil said. Then one of the other guys called him over for a toast, and Peter was left standing by the bar on his own.
Was that the way his own life was going to work out? Hiding, lying, ending up bitter and alone?
That evening, Peter drove to Burlington, and texted Jonny as he was arriving at the airport. Jonny came out of the terminal dragging his suitcase. He popped it in the back, then slid into the seat beside Peter. “I have to move to Florida,” he said.
They hadn’t even left the airport grounds, and it was as if Jonny had been keeping everything bottled up inside him, and it had to spill out. “I read my father’s letter yesterday after the funeral. He bought all this property in Florida, and the income is supposed to support my mother. But she’s not strong enough to look after it, so he asked me to.”
“Your sisters can’t?”
Jonny shook his head. “They both have husbands and kids.”
“And neither of them can give up their lives to look after your mom,” Peter said.
“It’s not like that,” Jonny protested, but Peter thought it was exactly like that. “I have a responsibility to look after all the properties, make sure my mother has enough to live on.”
“What about you? Giving up everything you care about? Skiing, snowboarding?”
Jonny looked at him. “That’s not all I care about, Peter. I know you’re not close to your parents, but my family matters to me.”
“And me? Where do I fit into this plan?”
“I had a long talk with my mother last night, after the funeral. I told her I was gay.”
“And?”
“And she said she already knew, and so did my father. They had suspected for years, but once I replaced Lana with a male roommate, that was it. She said that when I talk about you, it’s totally different from talking about Katie and Lana.”
“You talked about me to your parents?” Peter was surprised. He had never even told his parents that he’d moved in with Jonny.
“Of course I did. I mean, not about you and me as a couple, but how you rescued me on the mountain, all the fun stuff we did. How much I admire you for having a career you care about.” He turned to Peter. “My mom wants to meet you.”
Peter remembered what Phil had said, about hiding and lying. He didn’t want to end up bitter and alone by the time he retired from the squad.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” Peter said.
