Seeing Ross McLeod for the first time gave Anna such a thrill that she moved forward into his open arms without a thought for the unusual circumstances of their meeting. She realized this behaviour was not typical for her. In the last hour, or perhaps it was since she had fallen in love with Lawren, she had become a much more giving person. Hugging did deliver comfort and acceptance and these were feelings she truly was experiencing on this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime day in a beautiful Glasgow mansion.
Her Uncle Ross, still so like her father Angus that it was hard for Anna to drag her eyes away from his face, insisted that she sit down with him and Joyce, and tell them what her life had been like as a child in Canada. Anna complied with this request. Little did this big strong man in the dark suit, white shirt and tie of an executive realize, but he could have asked her for anything in the world at this moment.
“Before I say anything,” she began, “you both must understand that in the last few years I have re-evaluated my childhood in light of what I had discovered about my mother’s side of the family. Today’s wonderful events and the sobering information you have shared with me, Joyce, are still raw to me.
I don’t doubt my feelings about my mother and father will soon undergo another transformation.”
Ross and Joyce nodded sympathetically and Anna felt encouraged to continue.
“My parents worked very hard to provide a good home for Simon and me. Like many other immigrants, they had to establish themselves in their professions. My Dad was an engineer like his father before him, as I now know, and he used to show me the bridges in London, Ontario, that he had designed and supervised.
He had a particular affection for one of London’s oldest bridges, named Blackfriars. We would sit together on a bench in the park nearby and watch the traffic cross the River Thames. He could tell me things like the stress on the bridge from the sounds the vehicles made on its wooden surface.
I remember moments like that, and stories he would read to me when my mother was on night duty at the hospital, but the truth is that he was most often absent from our lives.
My mother was not an easy woman. She had high standards of cleanliness and punctuality and an obsessive need to see her children succeed in life. I think she was often lonely which is not surprising considering how far she was from what you Scots call ‘kith and kin’.
The relationship between my parents was not always smooth sailing. I accepted everything as normal then. Children know no better, but there were tensions and sometimes savage arguments in hushed tones at late hours.
I now think the fact of my father’s infidelity, the reason why they had married so fast and left the country so quickly, was a constant pressure on both of them, for their own separate reasons. My father felt guilty and my mother harboured anger for a long time about leaving so much behind. All of these tensions combined with financial strains and the needs of two growing children pushed them further apart as the years went by.
Simon and I married within a year or two of each other, leaving my parents with no one at home to act as a deterrent to their expressions of dissatisfaction. My mother grew more and more bitter, even after she had retired from nursing. Dad belonged to a bowling club and spent many afternoons and evenings there, rather than at home. He eventually became an expert at the sport and travelled throughout Ontario to various competitions with his bowling team buddies.
You will probably find it significant that Scotland was not a topic of conversation in our home. Perhaps it was too painful for them to recall all they had once known and left behind them. Neither Simon nor I knew anything of grandparents, aunts and uncles, or cousins. We never questioned that our small family didn’t celebrate with relatives from out of town like our friends at school so often did. We had no photographs of ancient elders in our home. Again, we never thought at the time that this was strange.
At first, Dad would go to Calgary to visit Simon and as his family with Michelle grew, Mum went there also for a week or two in the summer. I think she enjoyed that carefree time.”
Anna stopped and looked around for a glass of water to moisten her dry throat. The next part of her tale would be difficult. Joyce, ever the attentive hostess, noticed Anna’s need and fetched a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge.
“If you want to stop there, Anna, it’s perfectly fine with us. You can continue another day. “
“No, I want to finish my story now. If I have learned one thing lately, it is how little we can count on the future. This won’t get any easier if I wait.”
A few sips of water and a brief glance out of the window to calm herself, gave Anna the courage to go on as concisely as she could.
“My marriage ended in divorce and I had no children to care for. My teaching career transitioned into work in the public library system so when my mother took sick I was the one nearest, who had time to nurse the one who had always nursed others. She was not a good patient. My father did what he could to help but she often pushed him away. I did my best for her but I am afraid my own fragmented emotional state was not the perfect preparation for the demands of a sickbed.
The serious infection she had contracted in hospital work took over her weakened system and she died peacefully in hospital, under the loving care of those nurses who knew her best.
Dad soon moved out to Calgary and stayed happily with Simon’s growing family taking some furnishings from the London home which was then sold. I moved into a small apartment.”
“Oh, Anna, my dear, weren’t you lonely then?” Joyce’s voice contained a wealth of fellow feeling. She had never known an empty table or an empty life and could hardly imagine what her new niece had suffered.
“I was lucky, Joyce. I had a wonderful group of friends who always supported me and they were there with me all the way. In fact, it was through their intervention that I took up the challenge to stay at the house in Oban I told you about before.”
A quizzical look from Ross to his wife, and her reassuring nod, indicated that she would fill in the required information later.
Ross took this opportunity to ask Anna how she had found out about her father’s side of the family.
“I can tell you that!” interrupted Joyce. She could see Anna’s approaching exhaustion and gladly supplied the information. “It must have been recent because Rory told me on the phone that Anna knew nothing until a day or so ago. You can see she’s still in shock, Ross, and it’s no wonder at all.”
“It’s thanks to an astute research librarian at the Mitchell Library that I am here today.”
“Well, we are beyond glad that you found us, Anna. Believe me, you will not be forgotten now.
If you agree, we will immediately consider you, and Simon of course, as additional members of our close family. You are welcome here at any time.”
Before Anna could find adequate words to reply to this generous gesture, Ross spoke again.
“Anna, let me add to that. You are the last link to my lost brother Angus. Ever since we discovered your existence, my heart has been heavy with worry about you. Joyce will tell you that I had made myself a promise to fly to Canada and track you and Simon down, no matter what it cost me in time or money.”
He turned to his wife with a satisfied smirk that twisted Anna’s heart anew. It was an expression so like her father, yet one she had completely forgotten about, that she could hardly believe it.
It felt as if her father was brought to life here in this comfortable kitchen and she was being gifted with the chance to fix their relationship through this wonderful man, his younger brother Ross.
“What my dear Joyce, did not know until this very second, is that I have already bought the tickets for both of us.”
Joyce jumped up and threw her arms around her husband’s back. “Does this mean you have finally decided to retire, Ross McLeod?”
“Of course it does! I knew you wanted me to do it.”
“That’s as may be, but you kept that secret close to your chest and you surely made me wait for it, you rascal!” She thumped his back with her fists and tried to circle his broad shoulders.
“Let me down woman! You’ll be giving my niece a bad impression of us!”
Anna thought that could never happen. She could not have dreamed up the events of this perfect day if she possessed the most fantastic imagination in the world.
She left in Ross’ car after exchanging phone numbers with Joyce and thanking her profusely for her extraordinary welcome. Anna was silent on the ride back to her hotel but her uncle seemed to understand that her heart was full. Perhaps he felt something of the same.
His parting words were to assure her that they would keep in touch and she should call on any of the family should she or Lawren need any help whatsoever while in Glasgow.
“We have a lot of catching up to do, Anna but I can understand that you need time with Lawren at the moment. This is not goodbye. Now that we’ve found you, we’ll not be letting you go.”
She waved until the car turned right, around the corner into the Broomielaw, but the truth was that she could hardly see the car. Her uncle’s final words had unleashed the torrent of emotions that she had been barely able to control all day. She wept like a child while standing outside the hotel; rain mingling with her tears. It was a feeling of being cherished like a child again that had broken down the barriers of adulthood.
Not even with Lawren had she been able to let her emotions go like this. It was disturbing to be so out of control and yet, at the same time, it was such a feeling of release, as if years of trouble and loneliness were being washed away and a lighter, happier Anna was being born.
At once she thought of Lawren. She could not wait to show him this new Anna with all the barriers melted away. She glanced at her watch and counted the hours before he arrived at Glasgow Airport. He had asked her not to meet him there but to wait at the hotel. They had decided not to talk on the phone until they met again and Anna was glad of this. She could not see how to tell him what had just happened to her. Hopefully, by tomorrow she would have processed enough to be capable of speaking rationally about it all.
She realized she would have to talk to Simon and to Alina first, and those conversations would give her a framework into which she could fashion a story of some sort. It would be like a practice run.
Somehow she was reluctant to return to her hotel room for either of these conversations. She was too full of fleeting feelings to settle there in the midst of luggage and all the signs of temporary occupation. She walked to the street corner and peered into the windows of the café. As she suspected, the booths and tables were filling up with customers in the late afternoon. She did not want to share her news with any of these strangers. Where could she go on a rainy afternoon in the dusky light to get the privacy she required?
Ahead of her, across the busy road was the embankment of the River Clyde. She remembered the first time she had walked that hidden pedestrian way and the buildings that had risen high above her, so impressive against the skyline. There was a church she had seen there. Churches in Britain were often open to the public for private prayer or contemplation. She crossed Jamaica Street without another thought and headed to the Cathedral entrance. If the doors were open to her she would go inside. If not, she would return to the distractions of her hotel room.
As she reached the entrance, a woman in a headscarf, emerged from the doors and popped open an umbrella almost in Anna’s face. She must have been deep in thought as she hurried onto the pavement and never noticed or acknowledged Anna’s presence.
Since she now knew the Cathedral of Saint Andrew was still available to passersby, Anna stepped carefully inside and found the huge interior space empty of parishioners but full of pews, tall windows, carvings, pillars, plinths, plaques and memorials of all kinds. Anna sank into the nearest pew. Her back was aching. Previous experience told her that this pain was not caused by overexertion, but simply by stress.
“Even wonderful and unexpected events can be stressful in their way,” she murmured, rubbing her back as she gazed around the cavernous building. Not a sound of the traffic passing in the street filtered through these great stone walls.
Strangely, although she had entered with the intention of finding a quiet place in which to use her cell phone, Anna discovered she had lost the desire to do so. What now seemed more urgent was simply to sit still and try to absorb the healing peace of this ancient place.
In moments, the feelings that came to the fore were not stress-related but rather, feelings of gratitude.
“I am probably in the right spot for that,” she thought. “What am I most grateful for?”
It was difficult to know where to begin. She was not on her knees with clasped hands, but as she sat there, in silent prayer, she found there was so much gratitude in her heart.
I finally understand more about my parents past lives here in Scotland and I can accept their choices.
I have found a whole new family of cousins and their families stretching into the future when once I feared I was childless, and the last of my line, other than Simon’s brood.
My Samba friends and my dear, dear Helen have helped me reach this place in my life.
Now, I have Lawren too, and that is the most marvelous of all.
My life has expanded beyond Canada to another home in Scotland and the friends I have there.
It is all amazing and totally unexpected and I am so, so grateful for these benefits.
Anna had no sense of time passing as she sat there. Finally she came back to the present and noticed that the lamps lighting the church had dimmed. A man approached with the air of a person who knew he was going to disturb someone but could do nothing about it.
Anna did not wait to be ejected. Her damp shoes and rain-speckled coat were contributing to a feeling of chill in her bones. She hefted her purse and fled out of the church door, glad that the hotel was close by. Tea, and lots of it, was required. Then she would decide what to do next.
Twenty minutes later, Anna was sitting cozily on her hotel bed with the quilt up over her chest and three small cups full of tea by her bedside. She had already consumed one cup from the tray with the first packet of biscuits and now the second was just at the right temperature to be gulped down quickly.
Warmth was seeping into her bones at last and a sensation of tiredness came with it.
She may have closed her eyes for a moment but she was jolted awake by the jarring noise from her cell phone on the bedside table.
What? Who? Where am I?
She reached for the phone and watched as it slid in slow motion to the floor. Pushing back the bedclothes and bending down to retrieve the phone awakened some of her senses but it was still a dozy Anna who managed to croak out, “Yes?”
“Oh, Anna, I am sorry to be calling so late. I’ve been trying all day and I got worried.”
“Alina! Don’t worry. I think I am fine. My cell was turned off for most of the day. I’ve
been meaning to call you anyway.”
“That’s good. I need a chat with you, too. Philip is at a meeting in City Hall where they are discussing ways to rejuvenate London. He saw this in the news and decided they needed his
advice about heritage buildings. Honestly, he is full of surprises, Anna, but this gives me a
chance to tell you what’s been happening here.”
Anna could tell her friend was off on a roll and she need say nothing much in response. This suited her fine in her half-awake state and she contented herself with just enough in the way of approving noises to make Alina think she was listening fully.
“I have to confess you were right about being alone in the condo. Philip could never cope
with you and Lawren here at the same time. He has been a different person since we’ve been
on our own. I suspect even his housekeeper in Manchester intimidated him in some ways.
We’ve had long talks about our future plans and he came up with what I think is a brilliant
idea, Anna, but first I’ll tell you how it all came about.
He was in the middle of telling me a story concerning house designs. Everything he is truly interested in involves buildings in some way, I’ve discovered. Anyway, he was describing this house he designed for his sister Lynn and her husband Stavros, on this Greek island. You met Lynn once before didn’t you? Well, he told me how Stavros decided to split his retirement years between Greece and England. They have family in England still. I think it was while he was going over the arrangements the couple have made for renting their island property and working together on some archaeology projects that he had his brainwave.
No! I won’t make you wait any longer! Philip thinks we, that’s he and I, should buy a vacant condo in the Rosecliffe complex and live here together for part of the year.
Can you see how great this would be, Anna? You and Lawren would have privacy. There would be space for Lawren to set up a studio. We could continue with our A Plus business concerns.
We could go to Oban as couples together or Philip could rent it for both of us. Philip could return to England when he wants to work on some project and if I travelled with him we could rent out our condo.”
Anna’s brain moved into high gear near the end of Alina’s long recitation. What? Move out? Buy property? Presumably Philip could afford to do this. He must have developed a deep liking for Canada’s version of the original London in a remarkably short while. This was all happening too fast.
Any thoughts of involving Alina in the events of Anna’s day in Glasgow vanished from her mind. There was enough to deal with right here.
“Hold on a minute, Alina. Do you seriously want this commitment? I thought you were unsure
about a life with Philip. How did things escalate so quickly? I haven’t been gone for a week yet!
Surely you are not rushing into this because of me?”
“No, no, Anna! It’s not like that at all. Philip is a different man here in Canada and he really wants to make a go of a relationship with me. It’s not a wild romance like yours, at least not yet, but I can actually see a point when that may well be possible for us.
Anyway, Anna, I know this is a lot to dump on you all at once with Lawren’s stuff weighing on you as well.”
Anna just shook her head at this comment. Alina had no idea how much had already been added to the complexities of her life on this day and with Lawren arriving soon she had more than enough to occupy her brain. Alina’s eager voice continued before Anna could say any more.
“I’ll leave it with you to think over and you can tell me what you feel about this after you and Lawren have a few days peace in Oban.
Oops! I see it’s very late in Scotland. Apologies again, my dear. It’s been so good to talk with you.
Night, night! Anna.”
Anna heard kisses blown through the phone before the line went dead.
This was a different version of the Alina she had known for so long. If Philip could effect such changes in her friend with this lightning speed, anything else might be possible. But, buying a house together? That was a big change for both of them.
Anna had finished the rest of the tea while listening to Alina’s tale. She felt she had reached overload. Both her brain and her bladder were full.
“I must get up and go to the bathroom,” she said sleepily, but the thought disappeared for the time being, as sleep claimed her again.