Next on the agenda was some serious rest and relaxation. Grampa and I kicked back, turned on the tube, and snacked on some black cherry soda and Pork Cracklins (that’s deep-fried pig skin in layman’s terms).
“OLD MAN!” yelled Gramma from the kitchen. “You better not get any pork crumbs on my new chair!”
“IT’S ALL RIGHT, GRANNY!” Grampa replied. “Merle’s licking them off the upholstery!”
“SHHHHHH!” I shushed. “The All-Night Mega Monster Scare-a-thon is about to begin!”
“Good evening, kiddos! I’m Claud Bones, your horrible horror host! On tonight’s menu we have three tasty tales of terror: Dracula Down Under, The Nebraska Weed Whacker Nightmare, and Mayonnaise: The Motion Picture! So turn out the lights, pop some corn, and prepare for utter terror! Tonight’s flicks are brought to you by Velvet Knuckles hand lotion. For smooth skin that smells like honeysuckle, it’s gotta be Velvet Knuckles.”
The Dracula flick started off with a bang. A beautiful girl was sprawled on a sofa as a fanged creature of the night approached. He hovered above her, ready to chomp, and then…some guy who’s had too many chili dogs comes on chuggin’ a bottle of Pepty Bizmo.
“It never fails,” complained Grampa. “Just when it’s getting good they gotta cut to a Pepty Bizmo commercial! It’s just disgust—”
