<link href="css/9781455569540.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"/> <meta content="urn:uuid:5ce97402-8240-4d9f-b3df-8c22a02de5d9" name="Adept.expected.resource"/> </head> <body> <div class="galley-rw"> <section class="body-rw Chapter-rw" epub:type="bodymatter chapter" id="Chapter18"> <div class="title-block-rw" id="title-block22"> <p class="title-num-rw" id="title-num18"><a href="TOC.xhtml">Chapter Eighteen</a></p> <p class="title-sub-rw" epub:type="subtitle" id="title-sub18" style="text-align: left;">A<span class="smallcaps-rw" style="font-size: 82%;">BEL—</span></p> </div> <p class="firstpara-rw" id="p2684"><span class="raisedcap-rw">T</span>he booze made me numb.</p> <p id="p2685">The snow in November helped. It hadn’t snowed in so long.</p> <p id="p2686">Balance burned the edges, but the cracks allowed the darkness in.</p> <p id="p2687">She’d be home soon.</p> <p id="p2688">There were always choices, and I’d live with mine because protecting her meant more.</p> <p id="p2689">I was standing in front of the firing squad and was ready to take as many bullets as came my way to protect to her. To protect my family.</p> <p id="p2690">My beautiful Evelyn. She’d never forgive me.</p> <p id="p2691">I don’t think I’d ever forgive me.</p> <p id="p2692">She was everywhere and then nowhere. Everywhere in the button I found under the dishwasher from my shirt that was torn off the last night she was here. Nowhere when I had to keep pushing her away to keep her safe from me. It hurt me to do it, but hearing the sadness, the conflict, in her voice was excruciating.</p> <p id="p2693">I wished on every one of those fucking dandelions. I threw the jar across my apartment and watched the shards of glass anoint everything I owned, everything I touched.</p> <p id="p2694">I’d created my own hell.</p> </section> </div> </body> </html>