One more concert and then it’s back on the road.
Do you know how hard it is to hide throwing up when you’re on a tour bus? It’s near impossible. But somehow, I do it. For the next three weeks, I keep it from them. Given the wake-up calls I’ve been getting every morning where I have to rush to the onboard bathroom, I’ve never been so grateful for the guys’ ability to sleep so soundly.
After retching every morning, I’m usually able to make it through the rest of the day without a repeat performance. Still, my stomach rolls all day long, and I’m losing weight because I can’t force myself to eat. That is something they all pick up on, even Drake in his almost-constant drunken state. They start watching me closer, and I know they’re about to gang up on me.
And, really, I’m more worried about finding out what’s wrong with me than an actual trip to the doctor right now; I’m putting it off as long as possible.
I find us a house online. It’s perfect. Private beach, no one for miles, and if the guys get restless, they only have to drive forty-five minutes to find a club or a bar. The price to rent the house for the entire summer makes my stomach clench. Even after all these years and the lifestyle we lead, I still feel sick having to spend so much money, but it doesn’t even put a dent in our wallets now.
Not even my own wallet. Rich pays me well for taking care of my guys—something I would have done for free, but Nik and Jesse made him put me on his payroll when I turned eighteen. I haven’t had any need to touch the money I earn. If there’s something the guys think I might want, they just buy it for me. If I need something, they push their credit cards into my hand and make sure I use them.
By the time all the details are taken care of, there are only a few days left until the end of the tour. One more stop, two more concerts, and then we’ll be on a plane. I’m excited. We’ve never had a whole summer off. I’ll get to sleep in for three months! That thought alone makes me sigh.
“I think you should see a doctor.”
I snap my head up at the sound of Nik’s voice. He and Jesse have been sitting at the back of the bus with me for the last hour, watching TV, and I’m feeling better after my morning of vomit-filled fun. “No.”
He’s sitting right beside me, so I don’t have time to move when he grabs me and pulls me onto his lap.
“Yes, Emmie. You are nothing but bones now. You aren’t eating. And I heard you this morning in the bathroom. You sleep all the time, and you keep having bitchy mood swings. Something is wrong.”
“I don’t want to go to the doctor.” Okay, maybe I do. I’m just scared there’s something seriously wrong with me, like an ulcer. I’ve never been this sick in my life. It takes all I have to keep water down these days, but I’m still terrified of doctors.
“We’ll go with you, Em,” Jesse promises, twirling a drumstick around his fingers. “We won’t let them hurt you.”
I take a harder look at him. He’s really worried about me. Those ever-changing eyes of his have settled into a glassy amber brown, and his forehead is creased with stress from worrying about me. I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think he’s close to tears. I couldn’t handle that, so I give in.
“Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll find a doctor when we get to the beach house.”
They both seem to relax a little. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.”
That’s when I realize Jesse thinks something bad is wrong with me. I push off of Nik and climb onto the drummer’s lap. He circles his arms around me, and I let him hold me. No one says a word as we drive through the night, my closeness seeming to soothe something in the big man.
I wake with a warm body wrapped around me. It isn’t unusual for me to sleep in the same bed with one of the guys. When you live on a bus, you sleep where you can. I can tell by the hot breath on the back of my neck that it’s Jesse. He’s always been a mouth breather. Yawning, I shift until I’m sitting up. He doesn’t even move. His arms fall back on the sofa beside him, and I stand, trying to stretch some of the kinks from my tired muscles.
When I glance down at my friend, my heart melts a little. He, like the rest of my guys, loves me more than anything in the world. And I love him just as much. Smiling, I pick up a throw from the chair against the opposite wall and drape it over him before bending to brush a kiss over his brow.
The bus is still moving, and I know I should get some more sleep. There won’t be time for a nap once we get to Galveston. It will be nothing but rushing from the moment we stop. My stomach finally cooperates with me, and I don’t have to fight with the urge to vomit. I walk through the sleeping quarters, where the two sets of bunk beds are pressed against opposite walls.
Shane is muttering in his sleep, his favorite Gibson clutched in his arms like a child with a stuffed animal. On the bottom bunk, his brother is still out of it. I check to make sure he doesn’t have an open bottle of liquor and then pull the covers up over Drake’s bare back. I worry about Drake the most. No one ever talks about his reasons for needing to drink away the past. We all know what his demons are, and we all know that, until he’s ready, there’s nothing we can do but watch over him. The two times we have talked him into rehab didn’t end well.
I find Nik asleep in my usual place at the front of the bus. He’s lying on his stomach, hugging my pillow tight, my favorite blanket over his waist. Why is he sleeping here? He hates the front of the bus because the windows aren’t as tinted and they let in too much light during the day. But there he is, drooling all over my pillow and hogging my couch.
With a sigh, I push at his shoulders, making him turn over so I can climb in beside him. He doesn’t even protest as I snuggle close to his naked chest and rest my head on his shoulder. I inhale his clean, completely unique Nik smell and close my eyes. This is as close to paradise as I’ll ever get.
Soft, warm lips brush across my forehead, and he wraps his strong arms around me, pulling me closer against his chest. “You don’t know how happy you just made me,” he mumbles.
But I’m already half asleep, safe in the arms of the man who owns me, body and soul.