I sleep alone that night. Call me childish and immature; I don’t care. I call it protection. After the episode at the mall, and my battle with jealousy, I can’t handle spending another night in Nik’s arms without giving my feelings away.
So, I lock my door when I go to bed that night and don’t move when I hear Nik’s knock. “Em, please don’t do this,” he calls, but I just sit on my bed.
This morning, I’ve already showered and dressed, but I’m not ready to go down and be nice to everyone, so I sit on my bed with my hair still damp and my laptop open. There are a few emails that I need to handle from Rich. He’s not happy about the guys postponing the September tour, and I’m not surprised. I don’t know how much Nik has told his manager, but I’m aware that the asshole is blaming me.
After handling the business end of the emails, I grab my phone, snap a picture of me giving the middle finger, and text it to Rich Branson. Yeah, I really give a shit about what he thinks of me. Whatever.
I’m surfing the net looking for reviews on local OB-GYNs when I get a text back. Pregnancy has really calmed down your bitchiness, princess. NOT.
Instead of calling to scream at him for calling me princess, I just resend the picture of me giving him the finger and toss my phone aside. An hour later, I’m out of my room and downstairs. Jesse’s watching some disgusting zombie movie on the flat screen in the living room, and I wish I had time to sit and watch it with him.
“Where you going?” he asks when I pick up the keys to the SUV.
“I was able to get an appointment with a really good doctor,” I call over my shoulder. “They had a cancelation this afternoon and were able to squeeze me in. I have to get going, or I’m going to be late.”
He follows me out the door. “Where’s Nik? Don’t you think he should go with you?”
I shrug. “He wasn’t in his room, and I don’t have time to worry about it.” I climb into the driver’s seat and start punching the address for the medical complex into the GPS.
Jesse jumps in beside me. “Someone should go with you.” He gives me a hard look that tells me not to argue, not that I would have. I’m glad to have his company and the support of someone who loves me.
With a smile, I back out of the driveway and turn toward Panama City.
The staff are friendly and professional. I have to fill out countless forms when I arrive—insurance, family, and personal medical history. There’s an entire page on my period. When was my first period? How many days does my flow last? How regular is my cycle? On the back, there are even more personal questions. How many sexual partners have you had? Have you had/do you currently have an STD?
Jesse sits patiently beside me while I fill out everything, and he comes with me when the nurse calls my name. It’s not lost on me that Nik should have been with me today. And I’m feeling the need for his presence as the visit wears on. I try calling him twice while we wait for the doctor to come in, but he isn’t picking up. I figure he’s paying me back for not letting him in my room last night.
When Dr. Morgan steps into the room, I’m surprised by how pretty she is. In her late thirties, she has an ageless beauty about her. I figure she’ll be this beautiful when she’s eighty. She gives me a kind smile and shakes my hand.
“Hello, Ember. It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand to Jesse. “Are you Dad?”
“No, ma’am. Just a friend.”
Dr. Morgan raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment as she takes a seat and lays her iPad on the little table beside her chair. “Well, Ember, tell me a little about your pregnancy.”
“I’m nineteen weeks, and it’s a girl.” I’m not sure what the doctor wants, but that’s all I really know about my pregnancy.
“And you just recently found out?” I nod. “Okay. Well, let me tell you about a few things that we need to do. We have to get some blood work, and I need to do a Pap smear. These are all routine tests to make sure that you and the baby are healthy. Since you are already so far along in your pregnancy, I would like to do another ultrasound to get some measurements and to confirm your due date.”
“Okay.”
“Good.” She pulls a small device from her coat pocket. “First, I would like to take a listen to the baby’s heartbeat if that’s okay?”
I sit back, and the doctor pulls up my T-shirt. A little gel on the end of the device, and she’s pushing it against my lower abdomen. She moves it around a few times, and then the room is filled with a noise that can’t be mistaken for anything but the heartbeat of my baby.
“That’s amazing,” Jesse whispers from his chair against the wall.
I send him a watery smile. “I know.”
“Fuck, Em. This is real, huh? You’re really having a baby.” He rubs his hands over his bald head.
The doctor laughs softly. “There is undeniably a baby in there. Sounds good. A strong heartbeat.” She takes the device away and uses a paper towel to wipe the gel from my skin. “Now, for the unpleasant part, Ember.” She pulls out a gown and a paper blanket from the cabinet under the table where her iPad rests. “Everything off. I’ll step outside while you get undressed. The gown opens in the front.”
I wait until she’s gone before reaching for my shirt. Jesse stands and turns his back until I have the gown on and the paper blanket covering me. I’m not embarrassed to have Jesse there. We’re comfortable enough with our bodies and the nature of our relationship that he’s seen me naked more than a few times.
When I had my first period, it was Jesse who bought me tampons and then showed me how to use them. That might sound inappropriate, but there hadn’t been anyone else to help me. My mom had been passed out after a night of booze, crack, and men, and I had been terrified of what was going on with my body.
A minute later, the doctor returns, and I have my first experience with the torture that is called a Pap smear. “This is just to check for cervical cancer and STDs,” Dr. Morgan explains as she does something that makes me whimper. In the next second, it’s all over. “Looks good, Ember. Your cervix is nice and closed.” She pulls off her gloves and tosses them in the trash before washing her hands.
“My nurse is going to come in and take some blood. Don’t freak out because she is going to take several vials.” She glances at Jesse. “Make sure she eats soon.” He nods. “I want to do an ultrasound, but my tech is out sick today. Can you come back in the morning?”
I’m glad for the delay in the ultrasound. I want Nik with me for that. He’s the father, the man I love. He should be with me to see something that magical. My first one had left me in love with a being I hadn’t known existed. I’m sure the experience tomorrow will leave him just as moved.
After we leave, I feel just a little light-headed from the blood work, and Jesse helps me out to the SUV. I’m more than happy to hand over the keys so he can drive. A quick stop at a McDonald’s because I want a Big Mac with bacon, and we’re headed back to the beach house.
I’m happy to get home. I can’t wait to talk to Nik about going to the doctor with me tomorrow morning. The rush of seeing our child while it moves inside me is going to be one of the biggest moments of his life. I’m sure of it.
As soon as Jesse has the SUV in park, I jump out of the vehicle and practically skip inside.
“Nik?” I call out his name, but there isn’t anyone in the house. Movement out on the beach catches my attention, and I turn to see Nik, Drake, and Shane out on the sand with a group of girls in bikinis.
My excitement evaporates.
As I move closer to the French doors that lead outside to the beach, my heart cracks open. Nik has two of the five girls wrapped around him. He’s laughing and shaking his head at something Shane is saying. Boobs that have to be three sizes bigger than my own rub against his chest as it vibrates with laughter.
“Are we having a party?” Jesse asks behind me.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Looks like it. But I don’t think we were invited.” Disgusted, I turn and head for the stairs. “So, are you going to go with me in the morning?”
“I thought you wanted Nik to go with you.”
“I don’t want anything from Nik,” I assure him as I climb the stairs.