Chapter Fourteen
Myles
My head has been messed up ever since Flynn came barreling back into my life. Now I feel like I’m walking a tightrope. I have a lot of explaining to do where she is concerned. She seems to be patient with me, but for how long? While on the road, I’d asked Oli for her cell number and texted her about spending the day with me today.
She still hasn’t answered my message.
A text message comes in.
I exhale, relieved she wants to see me. If anything, we need to fix our friendship. She stood by me through all kinds of shit growing up. She made me feel like a million bucks when my parents made me feel not worth their while. I more than owe her. It’s because of her encouragement I am where I am.
I don’t know why, but I feel a crazy rush every time we speak.
An hour later, I’m clean shaven and ready to take her out for a day on the town. Oli told me she’s all about work and hasn’t seen any of the sights in Chicago. Given the cool weather, we can’t really be outdoors, so I have something special planned.
I knock on Oli’s door, even though I usually just walk in.
She opens the door, and I look around for Oli. I do anything but look her in the eye, because if I do, I won’t be able to hide this rush I’m feeling again. She’s wearing an ivory sweater that dips in a V in the front. Her hair falls in loose curls onto her shoulders, her jeans are tight and show off her lean long legs, but it isn’t those things that cause the heated reaction in my body. It’s the warmth in her blue eyes when she looks at me in that comfortable way. Just like she did when we were younger.
“Hey.” I smile and lean forward to give her a peck on the cheek. I’ve never done that before. This isn’t a date. I don’t know what protocol to follow here.
“Hi.” She smiles.
“You ready?” I take a step into the apartment, grateful that Oli is probably asleep. If he saw how nervous I was, I’d never hear the end of it. Even worse, he would see how much I cared.
I wait while she puts on a coat and boots and grabs her purse. We leave the apartment and head down the elevator, and both of us are eerily quiet. It isn’t until we are driving down the street that I feel the need to make conversation. It saddens me that we don’t have the easy banter anymore.
“How are things going with work?” I ask, hating I’m relying on something so superficial.
“Good. Busy.” She looks out the window before turning back to me. “You?” she asks.
“Usual. Traveling, playing hockey. I’m glad to have a day off. We are leaving town early tomorrow morning for a week,” I say as I look to the road.
She nods. The silence makes me crazy. I want to say I’m sorry. I fucked up. I should have done whatever it took to keep you in my life. I was a bad friend. Only there’s more to the story. Things weren’t simple seven years ago, and they are more complicated today.
I pull into the parking lot at the Willis Tower and park my SUV. She turns to look at me. “We’re going up there?” Her voice cracks.
“I figured it’s the best place to take in the whole city. Chicago is fun in the warm seasons. Less to do in the cold,” I explain. We exit the car. She looks hesitant. “Are you still afraid of heights?” My eyes widen. “Shit. I didn’t… I mean, I thought you’d be over that,” I murmur, wanting to kick myself for bringing her here.
“Do you not remember what happened when my dad took us all to the CN tower?” she asks.
I chuckle. “We were ten years old. I didn’t think this would be an issue. Look, if you want, we can go somewhere else. It’s just really nice up there. The Sky Deck is cool.”
Her teeth press into her lower lip. She’s quiet for a beat then takes a deep breath. “Sure, let’s see the Sky Deck. “Truth is I don’t know if my fear of heights has passed. But I’m ready to find out.”
“Great.” I knock shoulders with her and walk with my hands tucked into my jean pockets so I’m not tempted to take her hand.
“I remember you didn’t want to let go of your dad’s leg until we got back to the car.”
She gives me a solemn look, and I want to kick myself for mentioning her dad. I know from Oli that he and Flynn didn’t talk about their parents much after they died. Even now it’s hard.
“That elevator was scary as hell.” She finally speaks. “The ride up wasn’t great, but the ride down made my stomach feel like it was falling out from under me. And being that high up wasn’t natural.” She giggles, and I breathe a little easier. Maybe it was okay to bring her father up after all.
“If you want to hold my leg going up or down on the elevator, I won’t mind.”
She raises both her brows. “Only I’m not four feet tall anymore.”
“No, you’re definitely not.” I grin. We head inside, and I buy the tickets. I also get tickets for the Ledge, but I don’t explain what it is, and she doesn’t ask.
There’s a small line at the elevator. When it’s our turn to get on, she turns to me and gives me a nervous look. “You can hold my hand,” I offer.
“Okay.” She nods, and I take her hand in mine. Just this small touch makes my body buzz. I’ve missed her so damn much. It takes everything in me not to wrap my arms around her and never let go. I’m losing it. I glance down at her, and it looks like she’s holding her breath.
“Slow breaths. You got this. Trust me. The view will be worth it.”
She opens her mouth, and I watch her breathe. The elevator stops, and everyone slowly exits.
Her first word is “Wow.”
“See, I told you it’s amazing up here.”
She drops my hand and we walk around.
“That’s the Navy Pier.” I point to the large Ferris wheel. “I’ll have to take you on that in the summer,” I say.
She cocks a brow. “We’ll see.”
I laugh. “It’s like the fair. Games and rides.”
“So, it’s for kids,” she says, and I understand what Oli was talking about when he said Flynn was all about work.
“Lots of adults go there. It’s fun.”
She tilts her head to the side. “I guess.”
I snicker. “You need to have some fun.”
She furrows her brows. “What’s that?”
“Very funny.” I mock laugh. “I can show you fun.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can,” she says, and it sounds like a jab.
“Ouch.”
“Well, it’s true. Isn’t it?” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.
I concede. “Comes with the territory of being in the NHL.” I don’t want to go there with her now. I know I have a reputation with the bunnies.
I have to change the direction of the conversation, and there is something I need to know. It’s been eating away at me, even though I don’t have a right to expect anything from her after seven long years. “Did you love your ex?” I swallow hard and prepare myself for the worst.
“We were together two years. You met Maddy the receptionist. She clearly had something I didn’t,” she says.
My gaze grows warm. “She has nothing on you, Tink. You were just too good for him, and he knew it,” I say, and my eyes linger on her. It’s so easy getting lost in her eyes. I realize she didn’t answer the question, and my gut twists at the thought of her loving another man. It’s unfair and crazy of me to think that, but when it comes to Flynn, I lose myself.
She takes a large gulp and turns away. “What’s over there?” she asks.
I need to blink to clear my mind. “Soldier Field. And that’s Lake Michigan. It’s nice in the summer, too. One of my friends from the team has a yacht there. It’s a good time.”
She smiles and continues to walk. I follow and catch up to her. “Here, follow me. I got us tickets for the Ledge,” I say. The fact that she didn’t answer my question still eats away at me on the inside. I know she’s had a life, but I also know I’ve never fallen for a woman in all these years. I just wonder if she’s experienced love. But I don’t press the issue.
“What’s the Ledge?” she asks before coming to a complete halt. I think the sight of the Ledge has answered the question for her. It’s an all-glass balcony that extends four feet from the building’s edge into space. It’s a trippy feeling to stand on it. “You go ahead. I’ll wait here,” she murmurs.
I purse my lips. “Come on, Tink. It’s a rush,” I say. “Standing out there makes your blood pump fast, makes you feel alive.” I want to add that I get the same rush standing beside her, but I keep the thought to myself.
I watch as the wheels turn in her mind. “Okay. I do need to live a little.” She shakes her head. “You can still talk me into almost anything. That’s a little scary.”
“Aw! Come on.”
“What? It’s true. You remember the time you came to Blue Mountain with my family in the summer? You and Oli were going ziplining. I, of course, tagged along and was already in the harness when one of the employees asked us to sign a waiver stating if anything bad happened to us, they weren’t responsible. I told the guy to get me out of the harness as fast as possible. Oli didn’t care either way if I did it or not, but you wouldn’t let up convincing me what a thrill it would be to fly through the forest. How I’d be missing out on the fun. Lord knows why I listened to you.”
I laugh so hard my stomach clenches. “You screamed so loud on that first line.”
“I know. I gave myself a sore throat,” she admits with a warm smile.
“You had fun. You can’t say you didn’t.” I distinctly remember her thanking me for forcing her to do it.
“I did.” She grins, and a soft chuckle escapes her.
“Yeah,” I say on a soft exhale, staring at her warmly. Our lives had always been entwined. It’s fucked up how things can change so quickly. How our lives can be on one course one minute and on a completely different one the next. It makes me fucking sad. We lost a lot of precious time.
I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to get to know grown-up Flynn. I stare at her a beat too long then pull myself from my daze and say, “Are we doing this?” I extend my hand, waiting for her to take it, but silently, I’m asking her to trust me.
“We are.” She takes my hand, and we walk out onto the Ledge both figuratively and physically. My heart still beats fast when she’s around. “Shit! Myles this is freaking scary,” she says, squeezing my hand in a vicelike grip.
“Scary but thrilling,” I add.
“It is. At least, for someone like me.” She can’t pull her gaze away from looking down.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I’ve just tried to control every aspect of my life, and lately nothing is going as I planned.”
I turn my head to really look at her. This feels like old times. Us talking about our lives. We were always able to open up to each other.
“Look down. Enjoy that you don’t have any control up here whatsoever,” I say.
She guffaws. “Seriously? That’s your advice?” From what I’ve seen the past couple of weeks, she’s a workaholic. I can see she’s passionate about her job, but there’s more to life than that.
“Yes.” I nod. “And I stand by it. Just let go, Tink. Let go.”
She looks up at me slowly. “That’s easier said than done.”
“I know.” I give her hand a squeeze. I told her we should be friends. I don’t know if I’m capable of that, not with this burning attraction I’m feeling.
We stand on the edge a few more moments, and then we walk back toward the elevator area. I can see she’s shaking. “Come here.” I wrap my arms around her, and I feel her fast heartbeat. “You okay?” I don’t even know if I’m okay right now. What was I thinking? That I could take her out for a fun day on the town and it would mean nothing?
“I just think it’s the adrenaline from standing out there.”
“Yeah. It’s pretty intense. You hungry?” I ask, even though I’d be happy to stand here all day if it meant I could hold her.
“I can’t think of food right now. Ask me when we get to ground level.”
I smile, and we head down the elevator. When I look over to her, she doesn’t seem nervous like before. She seems to be breathing easier. I wonder if it’s the whole idea of facing your fears in order to conquer them. I bet that’s the case. My fear is coming clean to Flynn and losing her all over again. I decide I’m not ready to take a walk on that Ledge just yet.