Chapter 14

By the time Purge finished their first set Joe was on his fifth keg stand. Not that I was counting or anything. Okay, maybe I was, but I had a good reason. Joe wasn’t exactly known for his self-control. When it came to drinking, he didn’t know when to stop.

While I kept an eye on Joe, I couldn’t help noticing Scott and Ruthie in the corner. Then again it was kind of hard to miss them, considering they were practically stripping each other’s clothes off in my living room. The saying “get a room” couldn’t possibly have been any more relevant. I didn’t want to look. I’m sure nobody wanted to look, but it was like when you’re watching the monkeys at the zoo picking bugs off each other. It’s disgusting and you don’t want to look, but you can’t seem to turn away.

“Do you think he’s trying to lick her insides dry?” Zach said, his breath hot against my ear. I couldn’t stop the giggle that slipped out.

“I was debating if he was trying to crawl inside her mouth, or if he’s getting sucked in against his will.” I raised my eyes to his and caught the amusement tugging at his lips. He still had his sense of humor. Thank God for that. It was one of his best qualities.

“I bet he’d go willingly if he could bring his microphone with him.”

We shared in a moment of laughter before I asked, “So where’s Tanya?”

“Oh. Uh, bathroom. What exactly do you girls do in there anyway?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Yes, I would, hence the question.”

“If I told you I would have to kill you.” I said, trying not to laugh.

His eyebrow arched up, his scar rising with it. “Really? You couldn’t come up with something better than that?”

“Too cliché?”

“You think? You’re going stale on me.” He nudged me with his elbow. I tried to come up with something witty and sarcastic in response, but I was out of practice. Sarcasm went over Joe’s head, so I pretty much stayed away from it. Zach was right. I was stale. I couldn’t let him know that though, so I searched my brain for something relatively clever.

“What’d I miss?” Tanya bounced in between me and Zach and wrapped her arm securely around his waist, as if to tell me he was taken for the night. I didn’t need her to remind me. A quick glance to my left helped remind her that I too was taken. Her head turned back to Zach as she swayed in his arms. Obviously she had been hitting the vino, my vino, a little too hard.

“Nothing. Lizzi . . . uh, Liz was just helping me pass the time until you got back,” he said, tucking her curls behind her ear.

My heart all out stopped. That was . . . he only . . . that was our thing.

“Well I’m back,” she said cheerily.

“Really? I didn’t notice,” I mumbled.

Tanya took her head off Zach’s chest. “Excuse me, Liz? Did you say something?”

“I was just saying that I didn’t notice Joe waving me over. Excuse me. My boyfriend is waiting.” Before the words finished leaving my mouth, Tanya already had her over-glossed lips pressed to Zach’s cheek.

“Hey, what are you guys talking about?” I asked as I approached Joe and Charlie.

“Nothing. I mean, not nothing. Band stuff, you know. Like we always talk about. Not like we talk a lot. Anyways, you know what I mean.” Joe took another swig of his beer, even though from his lack of sentence structure it was obvious he had had enough.

“We were talking about how it might be beneficial to the band if we added a tambourine,” Charlie said, the diamond stud in her nose reflecting in the light.

“Yeah, babe, a tambourine. That would be awesome wouldn’t it?” Joe gave a good attempt at trying not to slur his words but was not successful.

I had two options. Agree, or tell them the truth. A tambourine did not fit in with the music they played. I wasn’t up for sitting there and listening to them try to persuade me that yes, a tambourine was exactly what Purge needed to take it to the next level.

They could add as many tambourines as they wanted, but it still wouldn’t hide the fact that they royally sucked.

“A tambourine would be awesome,” I said instead. If there was anything I’d learned in my short college career, it was that there was no arguing with a drunk. Because regardless of what you said and how wrong they were, you would get nowhere.

As my mom said, choose your battles.

“See. Liz knows what she’s talking about,” Joe said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and putting a little more of his weight on me than I cared for.

“I have to take this new evidence to Scott,” Charlie said. “I’m going in. Wish me luck.” She turned, her fire-engine-red highlights spinning, before she bravely went where no man had gone before: to interrupt Scott while he made out with Ruthie.

“Good luck,” I said. She was going to need it.

“So?” Joe said, and I knew he was waiting for me to praise his drumming skills.

“You were amazing?” I said, more like a question than a statement.

“Yes!” He punched his fist in the air as if he’d just won the biggest contest of his life. “I love you, babe.”

“I love you too.” I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him and would have if the sound of shattering glass hadn’t ricocheted through my ears.

“What the . . .” I turned, pushing through the crowd of people towards the noise. I popped out in front of the kitchen just in time to see red wine dripping down the white wall onto the beige porcelain tile and white grout. Oh my God, our security deposit! I was never going to get those lines clean. My eyes burned with anger as they darted from the floor up the wall until they settled on the culprit.

Evan “E-Rock” Rochler held the jagged neck of the wine bottle. A small group circled around and he was left in the middle like a carnival act. One guy cheered him on, a beer held high in the air. “Do it again.”

Did this guy want to survive the night? Because seriously, if he didn’t shut up, I would kill him. To keep myself from screaming, I took a deep breath and marched over, my fists clenched so tightly my nails dug into my skin.

“I’m so sorry, Liz,” Evan said. “Vicky told me that Zach opened the other bottle by banging it against the wall.” His black thick-framed glasses hung low on his nose. Behind him, Vicky drained her glass.

“She must have failed to tell you that he didn’t bang it against the wall. He banged it against the yellow pages.”

He pushed his glasses back into place. “Oh. She didn’t say that.”

I glanced in Vicky’s direction, and she looked down into her glass. Staring at it wasn’t going to make more wine appear, but she was so focused on the bottom of the glass I honestly thought she believed it would. Either that or she wanted to crawl inside and pretend she didn’t just initiate the biggest possible mess ever in my kitchen. Even my flour fights with Zach back in the day didn’t create such a freaking disaster.

“Whatever. Can everyone please get out so I can clean this?” Vicky was the first out.

“Liz, let me help.” Evan bent down to pick up a piece of glass.

“Stop!” I yelled. “I don’t need you cutting yourself. I got it. Please just go enjoy the party and do me a favor—don’t break anything else.” The last thing I needed was blood winding through the apartment like a crime scene.

“I think I can do that.” He flashed a smile, as if that would help ease the tension that trailed up my neck to my head.

“Good,” I said, watching until he was lost in the crowd. He bumped into some girl and I cringed as liquid splashed over the top of her red Solo cup.

A group of guys in the far corner stacked beer cans and a group formed to hand them more empties. Architects in the making.

Where was Josh when I needed him? Probably hitting on some girl. Seriously, he flirted with anything that walked.

And where was Joe? Probably downing another beer and discussing the pros and cons of adding a tambourine to the band.

I dragged the garbage over to the mess and bent down to pick up the glass. I heard screaming, which only meant one thing—the band was starting round two. God help us all.

“Look at the bright side.” A shadow appeared over me.

“And what would that be?”

Zach bent down beside me. “He could have put a hole through the wall.”

“But then he would have hurt his hand and wouldn’t be able to play.” I turned my attention to the living room for emphasis. “So technically that would have been the bright side.”

He applauded slowly and flashed his big Zach smile. “Welcome back.”

“Happy to be here.” His eyes met mine and I laughed at the absurdity of the situation.

“Go get the bleach before the stains set. I got this.” He pulled the garbage pail closer and began picking up pieces of glass.

I stared at him for a moment and debated asking where Tanya was, but then decided against it. He was being nice. There was no reason to go there.

I got to my feet and said, “Thanks.” I meant it. Since Zach had come back, he always seemed to be around when I needed him, and although I pretended like he was the last person I wanted there, secretly I was happy.

The music grew louder. I hoped that one of them would pass out soon, so I wouldn’t have to be subjected to the screaming atrocity they called music for much longer.

After fifteen minutes on my hands and knees scrubbing the white grout lines, they were finally clean. Zach had finished cleaning up the pieces of glass and returned to Tanya, who was making an impressive attempt at a keg stand. Wine and beer, the perfect combination for a hangover.

This morning, I couldn’t wait to have the party. I’d felt like it was something I had to experience, but I was over it. So over it. Now I secretly wished everyone would go home, so I could sit on my couch with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and veg. As the band introduced their next song, I knew that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

Maybe I could hide out in my room for a few minutes. Just until I got myself together. No, I couldn’t do that. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.

“We are Purge! Thanks for coming out tonight!” Scott screamed as if every person was there to see them, and not for the free beer. Sometimes he was completely delusional. But red Solo cups flew up in the air and the crowd matched him scream for scream.

“Great party.” I turned to find Josh standing beside me for the first time since I left him in the kitchen.

“And where have we been?” I asked, eyeing the Mardi Gras beads around his neck. I had no desire to find out where or how he got them.

“Checking out the new produce,” he said and scanned the girls in the room.

“You did not just refer to girls as produce.” He flashed a big-toothed grin in response.

The music had stopped momentarily and I glanced up to spot Joe, legs kicked up in the air, one hand on the keg as he chugged away. Thank God he wasn’t driving. The last thing I wanted at the end of the night was to play a game of give-me-your-keys.

“Is that . . . ?” He narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, it is. Catch you later,” and just like that my brother ran after the next girl. Some things never changed.

The band started up again. With nothing to clean up and everyone else lip-locked, I sat on the couch and played the groupie girlfriend, cheering Joe on. I was blowing his ego up, but hey, if that’s what made him happy, I was glad to oblige.

Scott screamed. Evan jumped. Charlie swayed. And Joe banged. It was the same constant rotation for another excruciating twenty-three minutes and fifty-two seconds. I would never get that time back.

I just had to get through this party, then on Monday I would finally be able to turn in my v-card and take my relationship with Joe to the next level. What that level actually was I had no idea, but I felt like I was ready for it. I was ready for anything other than this.

Maybe if I had sex with Joe I’d become his first priority and I wouldn’t have to compete with the band anymore. Maybe he was frustrated. I would be. I’m sure blue balls weren’t exactly the most pleasant feeling. It was time I followed through and showed him I was all in.

Monday could not come fast enough.

When Joe brought his arms down one final time and Evan planted his feet on the ground, I jumped from my spot on the couch, my hands smacking together. And not because they were amazing. It was over. Finally! My ears welcomed the obnoxious sounds of drunks. Anything but the agonizing racket of Purge.

“We freaking rock!” Joe said as he walked over triumphantly. I nodded, afraid if I opened my mouth, I would let him know how I really felt. I pressed my lips to his in hopes that if we kept the talking to a minimum, he wouldn’t ask me what my favorite song was, because honestly, I’d zoned out three minutes into their first set.

“Joe, you killed it!” Joe removed his lips from mine and we turned to see Chris from the beach clean-up committee. He was either deaf or really drunk. By the way he swayed, I’d bet my favorite pair of skinny jeans on the latter.

Joe turned to me with puppy-dog eyes, and I could tell he was drunkenly pleading with me to let him go hang out with his newfound groupies.

“Go ahead,” I said, a fake smile setting on my face.

“Aw, you’re the best, babe.” I stood on my tiptoes to give him a peck, but was left kissing air. By the time I returned to flat feet he held another beer and was talking with his new groupies. So much for that.

I scanned the crowd for Sadie, who’d been MIA since she’d dragged me into the bathroom. Maybe she and Matt had finally hooked up. I could only hope. There was more sexual tension between them than two rabbits in heat.

I discovered Vicky with her tongue down Evan’s throat. Who knew she’d find his bottle-shattering trick appealing?

Across the room Josh was surrounded by several girls as he told one of his baseball stories. All their overly mascaraed eyes hung on his every gesture and expression. Gag me.

I walked past them to the kitchen only to find Tanya sitting on Zach’s lap. He glanced up at me, but Tanya grabbed his face and turned his attention back to her. She said something, but no matter how hard I tried to make it out, I couldn’t hear over the guys cheering Joe on to “Chug! Chug! Chug!”

Tanya’s eyes were narrowed and dark with intensity. Not the look of a girl who was at a party having a good time. Oh no, this was the look of a girl who was not happy. At all.

With a flick of her hand, she sent her red curls bouncing over her shoulder. A defiant move. The universal girl move that means “I’m annoyed.”

“You know you’re beautiful.” Zach’s words were loud and clear.

And she was beautiful. Porcelain skin with the right amount of freckles to keep her from just being cute, green eyes that I would kill for, and soft red hair that you would never be able to reproduce from a bottle.

So why did hearing him say it bother me so much?

Before they saw me lingering in the doorway, I pushed through the crowd to my bedroom. I had made sure to shut my door before the party started but now it was slightly ajar.

A low moan echoed into the hallway, and I prayed it was one of the floorboards beneath me creaking under my weight.

I pushed my door opened and flipped on the switch.

“Oh, come on guys! On my bed? Really?” Ruthie sat up, adjusting her bra beneath her shirt while Scott shifted ever so slightly, as if I didn’t know he was rearranging himself.

“Sorry, Liz,” Scott said as he passed me on his way out, as if it was just another day and I hadn’t just found him getting ready to do things on my bed that I hadn’t even done.

“Yeah, sorry, Liz,” Ruthie said, smiling too enthusiastically for the situation. Scott had a perfectly good vehicle outside. Why’d they have to wind up on my bed? I made a mental note to strip my sheets when the party was over.

Scratch that. I didn’t want to forget. I closed the door, locked myself in and crumpled my sheets into a ball. Thank God Mom gave me new ones for Christmas or I’d be spending my night in the laundry room.

Once I was a hundred percent positive my bed was body-fluid free, I tossed my other sheets in the hamper, squirted some anti-bacterial gel in my hand and went back to the party.

The scent of Sadie’s lavender air freshener was no longer present, replaced by the smell of pot. How the smoke detector wasn’t going off was beyond me. It went off when I boiled water.

A blonde in the corner was surrounded by a group of guys as she attempted to take a sip from the beer bottle resting between her boobs. Now that was a talent she could put on her resume.

The beer can tower in the corner had grown to a height even the tallest guys couldn’t reach. A guy with my dish towel hanging from the back of his shirt like a cape stood on a chair and added another can to the top.

“Babe,” Joe said as soon as I stepped around a couple grinding on the makeshift dance floor.

“Hey, you,” I said, taking in his bloodshot eyes.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my chest obviously mistaking me for a pillow. “I love you,” he said.

“Love you too.”

“No, I really love you.” His hand slid up my arm, grazed the outside of my boob and stopped on the back of my head.

“And I love you too.” Did he want me to grab the microphone and sing it for everyone to hear?

His breath reeked of cheap beer, so I tried to keep my nose pointed towards his neck where I could faintly smell his cologne.

“Why don’t we go to your room?” He slowly backed me against the wall.

“Not tonight.” There was no way I would cash in my v-card with a party raging outside my door. I wanted it to be just a little more romantic than that.

“Come on, babe.” He trailed sloppy, drunken kisses up my neck. But after the wine bottle fiasco, hearing Zach tell Tanya she was beautiful, and basically walking in on Scott and Ruthie getting it on in my bed, my patience was shot. A drunken boyfriend was the last thing I felt like dealing with.

“Joe, not tonight baby. Come on, get off me. Let’s play a round of beer pong.” It was time for me to rejoin the party and have a few drinks. I pushed his lips away from my neck.

“We can play after. Come on. We’ll be fast.” Sure, because I always imagined my first time as a wham bam thank you ma’am.

“Joe. No!” My resistance prompted him to wrap his arms around me tighter, as if he thought I was playing hard to get.

I took my arms out from under him and pressed my hands to his shoulders.

“Don’t you love me?” he asked, his bloodshot eyes trying to focus on mine.

“Yes! Now get off of me. Come on.” I put a little more pressure on his shoulders and when he tried to move closer I snapped. “Joe, I said NO!” As the words escaped my mouth, I shoved Joe and went to walk away but he grabbed my arm and spun me towards him. I smacked against his chest, momentarily knocking the wind out of myself. I hadn’t meant to yell or attract any attention to us, but I clearly had.

Heads rotated in our direction. I gave a simple smile to assure everyone we were fine and it was just a stupid lover’s quarrel. But there was one person I couldn’t fool with my fake smile.

Zach stepped through the crowd. “Joe, man, why don’t you leave her alone.”

“Zach, I got this,” I said, urging him away with my eyes. The last thing I needed was my ex defending me from my current boyfriend.

“Dude, she’s my fucking girlfriend.” Joe pushed off the wall and stared at Zach. He swayed to the left, then to the right before leaning his shoulder against the wall. I wanted to curl into a ball and hide.

“Yeah, and you should treat her with a little respect,” Zach said. “Give her the space she asked for.” The veins in his neck were becoming visible as he spoke.

Joe pushed himself off the wall, trying to stand tall. “Why? So you can get in her pants? We all know you didn’t succeed last time.”

Before Joe’s words could fully register, Zach’s fist flew past me and made contact with Joe’s face.

Joe stumbled backwards, smacked into the wall and slid down it into a crumpled ball on the floor. Blood spewed from his nose.

“Oh my God! Joe!” I screamed and dropped to my knees beside him before turning back to Zach. “Why would you do that?” My eyes burned with anger as he stared back at me.

He flung his hands out in front of him. “Did you not hear him?!”

“He’s drunk!” Joe would never intentionally hurt me or force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. He wasn’t in his right frame of mind right now. Besides, I could handle myself. It wasn’t the first time that Joe’s drinking had caused him to come on to me strongly. And I was always able to get him under control without decking him.

“I don’t care if he’s drunk, stoned, or stupid, he had no right to—”

“Get out!” I pointed towards the door.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Get out.” Before I could reiterate, Josh broke through the crowd. Thank God. He would get Zach out of here. There was one thing Josh did not tolerate, and that was violence.

He leaned over, said something in Zach’s ear and gave him a friendly pat on the back. What the hell? Zach nodded and as he walked through the crowd, it parted as if he were Moses at the Red Sea. Tanya followed him out.

Josh headed towards me. He stopped at Joe’s feet and gave him one furious look before saying, “Get him the fuck out! Right now!”

“No!” My hands flew to my hips indignantly. Was Josh kidding me? Why would he take Zach’s side? Besides, this was my place. He didn’t make the rules. I did. Or Sadie. Where the hell was she?

“Liz, if you don’t get him out of here I will pick him up and throw him the fuck out.” Josh and I stared at each other for a few long seconds. The intensity in his usually kind eyes told me he wasn’t budging.

He wasn’t on my team anymore. My brother had jumped ship and was siding with the enemy.

“I hate you,” I mumbled as I helped Joe to his feet.

“You’ll get over it,” he spat back.

“Where’s Scott?” I yelled out to no one in particular. “If he’s in my bedroom, I will castrate him!”

“He’s putting the rest of the band’s stuff away,” someone in the crowd called out.

“Could you get him for me please?” Joe slumped against the wall and slid back down.

Scott appeared moments later. He didn’t seem surprised to see his best friend bleeding on the floor. He knelt down, threw Joe’s arm around his shoulder and stood up.

“Come on, you lush,” Scott said, shaking his head.

I took my position on Joe’s other side and helped Scott get him outside.

“Oh my God! You’re bleeding!” Charlie screeched. She ran over and began dabbing at Joe’s nose with a tissue. You’d think he would wince at her touch, but he must have been too drunk to feel a thing. I could have dropped him face first on the asphalt in the parking lot, and he would’ve curled up and gone to sleep. There had been no reason for Zach to punch him. It was a cheap shot—Joe couldn’t have even fought back if he’d wanted to.

“Shoot, my car is blocked in,” I said, taking in the line of cars behind mine. “How the hell am I supposed to get him home?”

“I’ll take him,” Charlie volunteered.

“Are you sure? I don’t want him to bleed on your seats,” I said, taking in the droplets of blood on the ground.

“It’s okay, I have tissues. Besides I’m parked on the street. It’s your party, Liz, you should stay. I got it.” Charlie took my position under Joe’s arm.

“Really?” I asked, feeling guilty about staying while she had to deal with the mess that was my boyfriend.

“Can someone make a decision? He’s not exactly light.” Scott braced himself as Joe leaned into him.

“I’m sure. Come on Scott, help me get him in,” Charlie said. I followed them, feeling like I should be helping in some way.

When Joe was securely in the passenger seat, seatbelt secured and head resting against the headrest, I kissed him on his forehead, thanked Charlie, and shut the door. Scott disappeared back into the building, but I stood in the street watching the car vanish into the darkness.