“Vulcans never bluff.”
—Spock

CHAPTER EIGHT

Thursday, August 28

I sat next to Iggy in Mr. Yang’s classroom, aka the newspaper “office.” Iggy glanced at me and grinned. He always looked like a magazine model, almost too perfect to be real, plus his unconfirmed bisexuality was intriguing.

“Hi.” I didn’t do the hair toss since I looked stupid when I did it, my curls bouncing like Slinkys growing out of my head.

“Hi, Viv,” he said. “How was summer?” His lilting accent made the most boring questions sound interesting. His dad was from London and his mom was from Japan. They were both involved in the music business. That was as much as I knew, that and they were loaded with cash.

“Okay. Yours?”

He shrugged. “My parents dragged me all over Japan. Apparently I’m cousin to half the population.”

I laughed, relaxing a little. “I’d love to visit Japan some day.”

He nodded. “It’s cool, but I missed my friends. Did I miss any summer drama?”

My face warmed as I thought of Jake. I shook my head. “I mostly worked in the bookstore, so I missed out on a lot of the drama, too.” I paused, racking my brain for gossip. “Char and Rick broke up. Big scene. She lipsticked his car when she found out he was cheating on her.”

Iggy’s eyes brightened with interest. “So I heard.” He leaned closer and spoke in a whisper. “You heard he was having his bit on the side with a guy, right?”

It was a good thing I loved British chick lit or I might’ve misunderstood half of what Iggy said.

“No way!” Then I worried he’d think I was homophobic. “I mean, good for him for figuring it out, but he should’ve waited until after breaking up with Char, you know?”

Iggy leaned back in his chair, studying me. “It’s not that simple, Viv. I’m sure it was complicated, finally being true to himself, not wanting to hurt his girlfriend.” He smirked. “But she’s always been bat-shit crazy. Even if he was straight, he should’ve run away screaming from all that drama.”

I laughed, hoping his joke meant he hadn’t been offended by my awkwardness.

Mr. Yang entered the room, voice booming. “Welcome back, seasoned journalists and seekers of truth. I hope everyone is ready for another banner year of Clarion news-making.”

Iggy rolled his eyes. Mr. Yang was also in charge of the drama club, so everything he said sounded like a grand pronouncement. Sometimes it was funny, but it also got old.

Mr. Yang wrote in bold strokes on the white board with a dry erase marker listing the topics we needed to cover: school news, sports, extracurricular clubs and activities, volunteer stuff, blah blah blah.

Seniors got first choice, then juniors. I got to write the book review column, thanks to my insider knowledge and access to review copies. Iggy reviewed movies and other events around town, so we often edited each other’s columns. His quirky writing style always made me laugh, which was a lot of the reason he’d earned the top spot on my RC list.

“Who wants to interview the new transfer students? We have a grand total of—” Mr. Yang paused to glance at a piece of paper. “Two. A sophomore from Seattle. And a new senior, from Minnesota, I think.”

“Wisconsin,” I piped up, instantly regretting it as everyone turned to stare at me.

“Ah, sounds like you know him already, Vivian. Perfect. Add his interview to your to-do list.” He glanced at Iggy. “You take the sophomore interview, Iggy.”

“What?” I balked. “I mean…uh, shouldn’t the seniors get first dibs on the interviews?”

The three seniors on the newspaper staff glanced at each other, shrugging. Trish, our editor-in-chief, spoke up. “He’s all yours, Viv. We’ve got plenty of other material to cover.” She darted a look at Nathan, the senior who covered sports. “Besides, those interviews are predictable. Johhny is from Wisconsin and loves dogs, homework, and apple pie.”

Everyone but me laughed. I knew I was blushing. Iggy leaned over and whispered, “Want me to do it, Viv? I’m always up for meeting new guys.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Great.

“That’s okay,” I mumbled, digging in my backpack for my RC notebook. I flipped it open and drew a line through Iggy’s name. “I have to work with Dallas anyway. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.”

Iggy shrugged. “Okay, whatever.” He tilted his head. “That’s such a violent phrase. Who would want to kill one bird, let alone two?”

“I don’t know, Ig.” I doodled on the back of my notebook, not wanting to mess up Jaz’s drawings on the front. I slanted him a curious glance. Maybe I could ask him to make positively sure before I moved on to target number two. “So…can I ask you a personal question?”

He angled his body toward me, grinning. “Sure. You know I love to talk about myself.”

I took a deep breath, carefully planning my question so I didn’t offend him or make myself look like an idiot. “Are you…” I paused. “Do you…only like guys? Or have you ever, you know, liked girls?”

He raised his eyebrows and fingered the small silver ring at the edge of his right eyebrow.

“Is that new?” I looked pointedly at the piercing, which made me think of tattoos, which made me think of Dallas and his perfectly toned body that, somewhere, housed a secret tattoo.

“Focus, Vivian.” Spock’s scolding was like cold water on my Dallas tattoo fantasy.

“This? Yeah. Got it in Tokyo. My mom flipped. Dad thinks it’s brilliant.” He narrowed his eyes, watching me closely. “I’ll answer your question because I like you and I trust you. But first I want to know why you asked.”

I swallowed nervously. It was a fair question since I’d asked him something incredibly personal. “Can I trust you to keep a secret?”

He nodded vigorously, leaning closer. “I hoard them like those crazy people on TV.”

I fiddled with the spine of my notebook. “Okay. So, here’s the deal. I’m trying to…to um, get over a bad breakup, and I, um, have a list. Of replacements.”

Iggy leaned even closer. I could smell his peppermint gum as he shot me rapid-fire questions. “So you did have summer drama! What happened? Wait, what do you mean you have a list? Like a hit list of guys you fancy?”

The senior trio glanced at us and Trish frowned in disapproval.

“We’re talking book plots. Movie arcs. Clarion business,” Iggy said loudly. “Pay no attention to the lowly juniors in the corner.” Nathan rolled his eyes and resumed typing on his laptop, smirking.

Iggy refocused on me. “Spill, girl. What wanker was idiotic enough to dump you?”

“Thanks for trying to make me feel better.”

He frowned. “I’m not. It’s factual information. You’re the bee’s knees, Viv. Smart, funny….cute, in sort of a nerdy way. I can’t figure out why more guys don’t follow you around like dogs in heat.”

Wow. I’d heard of backhanded compliments, but I wasn’t sure what the heck this was.

Iggy ran a hand through his hair. “That came out all wrong. I’m trying to say you’re awesome and the straight guys here are tossers.”

“Yeah, well.” I shrugged, regretting ever starting this insane conversation.

“Who was he?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is my new approach. I’m going to be logical about the next guy I get involved with.”

Iggy fiddled with his eyebrow ring. “Logical? About love? That’s bonkers, Viv.”

I huffed a frustrated sigh. Why did everyone find this concept so alien? “Everyone thinks I’m crazy but I know I’m not.”

Iggy ran a hand across his beautiful, kissable face. I would not be that cliché who fell in love with her gay friend.

“So,” I plunged ahead, “the reason I asked about your orientation is…um, I put you on the top of my list. As a potential replacement.”

Iggy blushed. “You did? That’s so sweet, Viv.” He reached over to squeeze my hand. “And if I had even one bi bone in my body, I’d be all over you. But I don’t.” He shrugged. “Sorry. I don’t know where that rumor got started.”

“Ninth grade. Tara told everyone what an amazing kisser you are.”

Iggy cringed. “Oh God. That’s why?” He shook his head. “I was trying to figure out if I was absolutely positively one hundred percent gay, you know? Everyone said she was the hottest girl in our class, so…” He shrugged.

“Wow.” I leaned in. “So no sparks? At all?”

He shook his head. “Zilch.” His lips quirked up. “I’m so flattered I’m on your list. And number one? Wow.” He shifted in his chair. “So who’s number two?”

I hunched my shoulders over my notebook. “Henry Harper,” I whispered.

“Henry?” He shook his head “No, no, no. We need to fix this list, and fast.” His eyes darted around the room, pausing to stare at Nathan. He inclined his head. “What about him? Smokin’ body. Smart. Sportsy, if you’re into that.”

It was my turn to blush as we both studied Nathan with his warm brown skin and dreads almost as long as Claire’s. “Yeah,” I whispered, “except he hardly knows I exist.” I took a breath. “You might think I’m, uh, dateable or whatever, Iggy, but you’re one of the few.”

“I’m not going to get into one of those girlie arguments where you pretend you’re hideous and deformed and I tell you how fabulous you are.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “This isn’t some movie cliché where I’m the sassy GBF who gives you a slutty makeover. Besides, you don’t need one. That cute book nerd thing works for you.”

“Gee, thanks, I guess.”

“It’s true.” He shrugged. “Anyway, back to your list. Why not put Nathan on it?”

I couldn’t believe I was about to confess my criteria and let one more person know about my mission. But Iggy might be able to help me in a way Amy and Jaz couldn’t. I opened my notebook and slid it across the table, pointing toward the criteria list.

Iggy frowned as he read. “What’s a zing meter?”

I squirmed. “You know.”

Understanding lit his eyes. “How big is the range? One to five?”

“One to ten, but ten is reserved for famous unattainables. So technically it’s one to nine.”

Iggy chewed his bottom lip. “Why don’t you want someone higher than a five? Don’t you want…you know?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

I shook my head. “I had plenty of zing with the guy who dumped me. I’m not going through that again. It totally clouded my judgment.”

Iggy snorted. “That’s rubbish, Viv.”

I pointed a finger at him. “I mean it. I don’t want to…lose my head again, and make a bad decision.”

He narrowed his eyes, examining me. “Okay. If you want my advice, here it is.” He grabbed my pencil and started scribbling. I groaned when I read his edits.

1. Iggy – Sorry, sweetie; would if I could

2. Henry Nathan

3. Drew – Really?

4. Toff – has potential

5. If you get this far, call me for more names.

“You know what? Let’s just forget it,” I said.

Iggy frowned. “I thought you wanted my expert opinion.”

Mr. Yang looked up again. “I hope you two are accomplishing actual newspaper business.”

“Oh, we are,” Iggy said. “Unbelievably so.”

I jabbed him with my pencil and he yelped.

Nathan shot us a fake scowl, then winked.

Iggy gasped. “I knew it,” he whispered. “He watches us a lot. I noticed it last year, didn’t you? Put him on your list.”

Heat flooded my body. Nathan noticed me? Somehow I’d missed that. I grabbed my pencil and started to erase Nathan’s name, but Iggy’s hand reached out to stop me. “What?” I whispered in frustration.

“Where is Nathan on the zing meter?”

“Um.” I bit my lip.

“Mm hm, that’s what I thought.”

I recaptured my pencil and erased Nathan’s name. “Which is why he’s not staying on the list.” Way too much zing.

Iggy shook his head in disgust. “If you’re not willing to listen to reason, I’m out.”

“But that’s the point,” I sputtered. “I’m trying to only listen to reason. Nothing else.”

“Nathan,” Iggy called out. “Could you come here for a minute? We need your opinion on something.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “You’re insane, Iggy.”

Nathan glanced up, eyeing us warily.

I jumped up, grabbing my backpack. “I need to go,” I said to Mr. Yang. “My mom just texted me. There’s, um, an emergency at the store.”

Iggy snorted. “Right. A bookstore emergency.”

Mr. Yang lumbered toward us, hands on his hips. “All right, you two. Maybe you need to work separately in the future. Your chattering distracts the serious journalists.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It won’t happen again.” I shot Iggy the evil eye.

Mr. Yang gave me a crisp salute. “Good. Don’t forget the new guy interview. And a book review. Hit or Miss, your choice.”

My newspaper column was called Hit or Miss. I didn’t review many misses because my goal was to get people to fall in love with books, but once in a while I published a miss so people knew I was serious about my reviews. I had to keep it PG-13, reviewing books suitable for freshmen, saving the sexier books for my blog.

I tugged on my hoodie, not looking at Iggy or Nathan.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” Iggy whispered.

“It better be.” I turned and hurried out of the room, mortified.

Iggy jumped up and followed me. As soon as we got in the hallway, he put a hand on my shoulder. “Vivian, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I didn’t mean to. Honestly, I’m so flattered you put me on the list, I want to help. You deserve a good guy. A great guy. Maybe I can help you find one.” He paused. “Toff’s your best bet. He’s always flapping his gums at you.”

I frowned. “Toff’s a friend. Just a friend, but Jaz made me put him on the list. Our parents have been dating so long he’s basically my brother.” I sighed. “I don’t know, Ig. I’m starting to think this idea is stupid, after all. Maybe I should—”

“It’s not a bad idea. I support you trying to get over the breakup. Just don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire.”

“And you made fun of two birds with one stone?” I bit back a smile. I couldn’t stay mad at him.

“I know, right?” He leaned in and gave me a hug. A platonic, non-zingy hug.

“I’m going to help. I’ll peruse my giant mental database of straight guys who I think are good enough for you.”

“Please don’t.” I glanced into the classroom and met Nathan’s curious gaze. Had he heard Iggy? I shook my head. “Your help terrifies me.”

He laughed and I backed away, crossing my eyes at him.

I rode home quickly and hid out in my bedroom, grateful to be surrounded by fictional boyfriends instead of real ones.