“Insufficient facts always invite danger.”
—Spock

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Tuesday, October 7

I made my announcement quietly at lunch.

“You’re sure?” Jaz asked.

I nodded, then opened my RC notebook and ripped out the list, shredding it into tiny pieces. Jaz and Amy high-fived each other, grinning.

“Finally,” Jaz said, heaving a relieved sigh. She gathered up the torn pieces of paper. “I’m going to burn these as an offering to Cupid. Maybe he’ll take pity on you.”

I snorted.

Amy beamed at me. “I’m so proud of you,” she said. “Now you can focus on true love again.”

“Maybe some day,” I mumbled.

The truth was I loved Dallas, and I wasn’t going to quash those feelings by going out on any more stupid fake dates with anyone else. I couldn’t be with Dallas—not now—but at least I’d be honest with myself. I glanced across the courtyard looking for him like I always did, but I didn’t see him.

Claire approached our lunch table, twisting her hands ner-vously. She shot me an anxious half-smile. “Okay if I sit here?”

Even the art Goths paused their arguing to hear my answer.

“Sure.” I gave her my friendliest smile. I scooted down my bench, making room for her. I knew Jaz and Amy would give me the third degree later, but they welcomed Claire, looping her into a discussion about Fisk Vilhelm, asking Claire if she’d heard he was hiding out at The Lodge.

I knew how hard it must be for her, not wanting to be around Jake. I darted a glance across the courtyard and saw him glaring daggers at us. Screw him; he’d earned this by the way he treated her. I returned his glare, refusing to drop my eyes from his. Loud laughter distracted me, and my eyes shifted to Toff. He caught my eye and grinned. I returned his smile, grateful we were friends again.

“So Claire’s coming to book club next week,” I said, turning back to my friends.

Amy looked surprised but recovered quickly. “Yeah? That’s cool.” Amy turned to Claire. “Are you reading our next book? Even if you can’t finish it before we meet, you should still come to the meeting.”

Claire tossed her long dreads over her shoulder. “I’ll have it finished by then.” She gave me a sad smile. “Not like I’m doing much else, except homework and surf practice.”

Jaz took a long drink from her water bottle and slammed it on the table. “He’s a total douche. When is someone going to kick his ass?”

The art Goths paused to stare at Jaz.

“Who’s a douche?” asked one of the Goth girls.

“Jake Fon—” Jaz began but I put up a hand to silence her. “What?” Jaz snapped. “You’re not going to defend him, are you?”

“Jaz, don’t,” I begged. I didn’t want a scene and I knew Claire didn’t, either.

“So Jake dumped you or something?” The girl asked Claire. “I don’t know if he’s a douche or not, but he’s hot enough I might overlook it.”

Claire grabbed the remains of her lunch and stood up. “I’ll see you later,” she mumbled.

“Claire, wait.” I stood while shooting a death glare at Jaz. Claire had joined us because she needed a safe place; she wasn’t ready to go all vigilante on Jake’s ass.

Claire scurried across the courtyard and I rushed after her.

“Claire!” It was hard to run in the new wedge heels Jaz had convinced me to buy. As I rounded a corner, I wobbled, fell off my heels, and crashed into a tall, solid body. Strong hands grabbed me, saving me from falling on my butt. A familiar scent and a touch I’d felt once before sent my hormones into full charge-the-Alamo mode. I felt my face flush as I raised my eyes. “Thanks.”

Dallas’s green eyes locked onto mine. It felt as if we were frozen wax figures in a museum, locked into a forever pose. I hadn’t been this close to him in weeks, but everything in me responded as if our kiss had just happened. I blinked, breaking our stare, and he dropped his hands from my shoulders. I was vaguely aware that Kylie stood next to him. I took a wobbly step backward, cursing Jaz for talking me into these stupid shoes.

“You okay?”

I’d missed that sexy nerd voice.

Kylie gave me a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah,” I took another step backward. “Just trying to catch up to someone.”

Dallas frowned, then glanced over his shoulder “Claire? She ran by us a minute ago.”

“Yeah.” Of course he’d noticed Claire. The observant McNerd missed nothing.

I shrugged an embarrassed smile at them, then took off toward the parking lot, walking fast instead of running, but Claire had disappeared.

Frustrated, I headed back toward the courtyard, but out of nowhere, hands gripped my shoulders and spun me around.

Jake.

I told myself not to panic and made myself stand taller. “What do you want?”

He tossed his hair out of his eyes. “I want you and your freaky little posse to stop talking shit about me.”

My mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? You’re the one who’s talking about me! Telling people that we…we…”

His lips curled in a sneer. “That we what, Viv? Did what I know you wanted to do, if you hadn’t chickened out?”

Panic and anger shot through me, making me shake. “I didn’t...I never…”

“Oh, I know you never,” he snarled. “That part was obvious.”

My hand had a mind of its own, reaching up to slap him, but his reflexes were fast. He caught my hand, gripping it so tightly I winced. “Don’t even think about it, Viv.” He twisted my wrist and I almost whimpered.

“Let go of me.” My voice shook as I looked around desperately for help, but the chimes had rung and everyone had gone back to class.

He didn’t let go. “You stop whining to your bodyguard Toff about me. And tell Jaz to shut up, too.”

What had Toff done? He must’ve said something to Jake. Stupid Flipper playing big brother. And Jaz—her big mouth was going to wreak havoc for all of us.

I made myself look him in the eye. “You stop spreading rumors about me, and maybe my friends and I will stop telling people what an asshat you are.”

This time he twisted my wrist so hard that tears sprang to my eyes. I wondered if I should yell for help. But no one would hear us out in the parking lot. He’d timed it perfectly because he was sneaky. Slithery. A total snake.

I considered kneeing him in the groin but worried he might retaliate and hurt me. Shivers racked my body as my panic increased. “Please,” I begged, hating the whine in my voice. “Just let go, Jake. I’ll drop it if you will.”

I hated myself for caving in to his bullying, but my fear ratcheted up with every shaky breath.

His grip loosened slightly. He leaned in, and I smelled sweat. “You swear?”

I nodded and jerked my arm out of his loosened grip.

“Good.” He stepped close, eyes dark and threatening. “Call off your dogs, Viv, or you’ll be sorry.”

My legs shook so badly I feared I’d collapse.

He turned and stormed away, and I finally did collapse, sinking onto a nearby bench.

What had just happened? And what could I do about it? If I told anyone, he might really come after me or my friends. I despised him even more now, but maybe for my own safety I needed to lay low.

...

Toff stopped me as I was leaving my locker with Jaz and Amy. “You okay, Flipper? I saw you bolt off after Claire.”

“Are you spying on me, creeper?” I hoped a joke would distract him. I didn’t need him going after Jake again and making things worse.

“Nah. I was just bored with all the rock star babbling.” He grinned at us, and I noticed his gaze lingered on Amy. Her cheeks instantly flushed, highlighting her freckles.

“I hear you know how to bust into The Lodge,” Jaz said. “You wanna take me sometime?”

I shook my head frantically at Toff and Amy giggled.

“No way, freak show,” Toff said. “You’d totally get us arrested.”

Jaz squealed in frustration. “Why does everyone think I’m a stalker?”

“Because you are!” Amy and I exclaimed in unison.

Toff pushed off the wall of lockers, grinning. “Gotta split, psychos.” He flipped us a salute as he sauntered away.

“Soo cute,” Amy whispered, then she bit her lip, obviously mortified she’d said that out loud.

Jaz and I grinned.

“He’s cute,” I agreed, “but his ego’s enormous.”

Amy nodded, watching him leave, laughing with his friends. “Yeah. But so is his heart.”

“Oh, Amy.” I sighed. “You’ve got it bad.”

“I know.” Her voice was so quiet we had to lean in to hear her. “But I can’t help it.” She glanced at me. “You know how it is, even though you’re still pretending you don’t like Dallas.”

“Yeah,” Jaz agreed, shoulder-bumping me as we turned to leave. “Queen of repressed desire, that’s you.”

I stopped to glare at her. “You know, sometimes I want to…to…”

“Strangle me?” she offered helpfully.

“That. And other stuff.”

“Stop it, you two,” Amy admonished us. “I’m not done talking about Toff.”

We stared at her, shocked, then burst into laughter.

“Talk away, sister,” Jaz said. “At least you aren’t squashing your feelings like some people.”

We argued amiably all the way to the bike racks and Jaz even let Amy get in a few more dreamy sighs and starry-eyed observations about Toff. Cocooned between my friends I let myself relax, telling myself Jake had just been spouting off, that he wouldn’t really do anything.

I had to believe it.

...

Mom sat at the computer, glaring, when I arrived at the store for my shift.

“Hi.” I snapped open a can of soda and plopped into the chair next to her. Dallas’s chair.

If I closed my eyes, I could still feel his hands on my shoulders when he’d stopped me from falling and see his intense eyes on me, full of unspoken questions. Or maybe I’d imagined that part.

Mom muttered under her breath, still glaring at the computer.

“You’re free to go kill people,” I said. “The second shift has arrived.”

“Hm?” Mom didn’t seem to hear me. She whacked the monitor, swearing.

“Whoa,” I said. “That doesn’t work, Mom.”

“I know. That’s why I called him.”

Goose bumps rose on my arms. “Called who?”

Mom turned the chair, finally focusing on me. “Dallas, of course. I think I broke something. I can’t get the reports to run.”

“Let me try.” The last thing I wanted was Dallas turning up here to play rescue hero.

Mom stood up. “Go for it, but I’ve tried everything.”

I moved into Mom’s vacated chair and stared at the screen where Dallas’s custom error message blinked on the monitor: “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a coder. Try again and make sure to follow all the steps.”

Hilarious, Dallas. I closed the error message and followed all the steps from his cheat sheet, which I’d memorized. The stupid error message popped up again.

“See?” Mom said, hovering over me. “I think it might be my fault. I added some new books today but I was sort of distracted, and I’m not sure I did it right.”

I groaned in frustration. “Mom, you’re supposed to leave that stuff for me.”

She looked guilty. “I know. I was trying to distract myself. I’m struggling with a plot issue and sometimes it helps if I focus on something else.”

I sighed heavily. Mom’s phone pinged with a text. I held my breath as I waited for her to tell me what I already knew.

“Dallas says he can come by later. He asked if someone’s available after the store closes tonight.”

I felt her eyes on me. Frickety frak.

“Can you meet him here, hon? I’m on a crazy deadline, and it’s probably better if it’s you, anyway. You two worked together on the software and you speak his language.”

I whirled around to face her. “No, I don’t.”

“You know what I mean. Please, Vivvy. We need to fix this. I don’t know what happened between you and Dallas but—”

“Nothing happened,” I snapped.

Silence pressed down on us until I finally caved. It wasn’t like I had a choice. I sighed extra long and loud so she’d know how unhappy I was. “Fine. Tell him I’ll be here.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” Her fingers tapped on her ancient phone. “Maybe this will give you two a chance to—”

“Mom, don’t. Just don’t.” I felt her mind-reading stare, but I put up an imaginary force field to keep her out.

She gathered her papers and tea cup. “I could order a pizza for you guys.”

Ugh. Not that again. The last time we’d shared a pizza it had ended in that world-rocking kiss. And him telling me goodbye, permanently.

“He can eat popcorn,” I said grumpily.

“Vivvy. What’s wrong with you? You two got along so well.”

I ignored her and shut down the computer, hoping a restart would fix the problem so Dallas wouldn’t have to come, after all.

She left the store, calling over her shoulder, “Let me know if Dallas is hungry, and I’ll order food.”

“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath.

Once the computer restarted I tried to run Mom’s reports but got the stupid error message again.

Hiddles wandered over, weaving between my legs. “You feeling okay, cat? I’m not him, you know.” He glanced up at me and meowed, then jumped into Dallas’s chair. “Yeah, today’s your lucky day. You can grab some lap time when he gets here.”

As soon as I said the words, I imagined myself sitting on Dallas’s lap, re-enacting one of my favorite kissing scenes from my ninja hero book. I needed to get a grip. Hiddles rolled over on the chair, lying on his back and exposing his fat stomach. I reached down to pet him but he batted at me, claws out as usual.

The door swung open, letting in a swarm of tourists. I put on my best fake smile and sent a prayer request for strength to whoever watched over pathetic weirdoes like me.

...

I’d just flipped the open sign to closed when Dallas’s Vespa pulled up in front of the store. I wondered if I could escape or if he’d already spotted me. Where would I hide, anyway, under the desk with the cat?

He approached the door, running his fingers through his crazy spiky hair, helmet dangling from his hand. My hormones stormed like an out of control riot, flooding my body with adrenaline and giddy anticipation.

“Shut it, girls,” I whispered as I unlocked the door.

“Hi.” He didn’t look happy as he brushed past me, smelling of soap and awesomeness. His hair was damp and I realized he’d just taken a shower. I wondered why and decided not to think about it, especially when Kylie’s face popped to mind.

He stashed his helmet under the desk and dropped his backpack in the corner. I smiled as he reached down to pet Hiddles, then I reminded myself that nothing was like it used to be.

Determined to ignore him, I turned away, wandering over to my “Pick Your Hero” display and straightened the books. I avoided the McNerd book, since the guy’s glasses reminded me of Dallas.

Dallas cleared his throat. “Um, Vivian? Can you please come here?”

Had I really thought I could avoid him all night? Taking a deep breath and hoping not to fall off my wobbly shoes, I approached the desk but didn’t sit down. He raised his head, locking eyes with me.

He blinked behind his glasses and reached up to tug his hair. “Um, can you please sit down and show me what you did?”

Still standing, I said, “My mom tried to run some reports and got your error message. I tried and got the same error.”

He nodded and unzipped his hoodie. His T-shirt had a picture of Spock saying “I find your lack of logic disturbing.”

“Nice shirt,” I said, narrowing my eyes. Was he mocking me with his wardrobe choice?

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “Do you know if she added any new data today?”

I nodded. “She did. She said she probably messed up. She was distracted.” I shrugged and forced a smile. “Distracted by poisons.”

His lips quirked. “Ah, of course.” He glanced at the screen and sighed. “This might take a while.”

I glanced at the clock. Almost 7:30. I remembered Mom’s offer, and so did my stomach. “Did you, um…are you hungry?”

He looked up, and I watched his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. “Maybe some popcorn?”

Grateful, I escaped to the kitchen and nuked two bags. I grabbed sodas, remembering all the other times I’d done this for us. “Calm yourself, Vivian,” Spock said. “This doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like you and Dallas were a thing.”

Now Spock was talking like Jake? Had I completely lost my mind?

I sat next to Dallas, careful not to reach for popcorn at the same time he did.

He frowned and rubbed his chin as he stared at lines of code, absently reaching into the bowl for popcorn. I pulled my history textbook out of my backpack and started reading.

“Do you have a lot of homework tonight?” He snapped open his soda can.

I shook my head, not looking at him. “Not much.”

“Can you scoot your chair over here? I need to show you something.”

I shot him a glance from the corner of my eye, then scooted my chair over a tiny bit. He sighed next to me. Through my hyper-aware peripheral vision, I saw him tug at his hair. I knew he was frustrated. But with me or the software? Maybe both.

“So when you add new books, you have to be sure to hit the submit button or it won’t save to the database.”

“I know that, Dallas.” I winced at the defensiveness in my voice.

He raised an eyebrow. “Okay, so maybe you need to remind your mom?”

I nodded.

“Also, if you don’t enter anything in the author field, the book doesn’t show up on the report. That’s a bug, unfortunately. But I can fix it so you’ll at least see the titles on the report. Then you’ll know to add the author names later.”

I nodded again. I didn’t want to say anything that sounded whiney or defensive. I scooted my chair away and pretended to study.

We sat in silence for awhile, Dallas’s fingers flying over the keys, pausing occasionally to grab a handful of popcorn. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him now since he’d taste like butter.

Suddenly I remembered his Star Trek bible. The book was a giant brick, but I’d been carrying it around with me for reasons I chose not to analyze. I retrieved it from my messenger bag and set it on the desk.

“You don’t want it anymore?” He flipped it open, paging through it like he’d discovered a long-lost friend.

“No.”

He glanced up, frowning slightly. “I thought you liked it.”

I swallowed. “I do. I mean, I did. It’s great…it’s just…” I shrugged. “I’m sort of done with Star Trek.”

His eyebrows shot up. “How is that possible? That’s like saying you’re done with chocolate and peanut butter.” His glance strayed to the candy dish which overflowed with Reese’s peanut butter cups.

I bit back a smile. I couldn’t do this with him. Not when he was with Kylie and I was with…no one.

“Cold turkey,” I said. “It’s the best way to stop bad habits.” Or obsessions you can’t control.

He reached for his soda and took a long drink. Then he crossed his arms over his stupid shirt and narrowed his eyes. “Speaking of bad habits, how’s everything going with your replacement mission? Any luck?”

Why was he doing this? Nervous energy flooded my body. I thought of the shredded RC list and the guilt I still felt about Henry. I took a shaky breath. “It’s over.”

Dallas’s eyes widened behind his glasses. “So…mission accomplished? Target acquired?”

I almost smiled at his battle lingo. God, I’d missed this. Missed him. “No.” I kept my eyes on his. “Mission fail.”

He took another handful of popcorn and chewed slowly, watching me. I forced myself to maintain eye contact until he finally spoke. “I always thought you picked the wrong target.”

I felt a blush flood my cheeks with warmth. Of course I’d picked the wrong target, but I couldn’t admit it. As far as I knew, Dallas was still with Kylie. I wasn’t going to be a home wrecker. Or crush wrecker. Whatever. I’d done enough damage already.

“So, no Surfer Ball date?” He brushed his hands together, sending white crumbs flying. He frowned, looking around for a vacuum probably. I bit back a smile watching his neat-freakiness in action.

“Nope,” I said. “Unless you count the hunkalicious hero I need to read about and review.”

The corner of his mouth curved into a sexy smile. “What type? Castle Craving? Power Rangers?”

No way was I confessing to reading about a McNerd hero. “I have a stack of ARCs I need to pick from. I haven’t decided yet.”

He ran a hand through his hair, and I remembered how it had felt when I ran my own hands through his hair the night we kissed. Heat bloomed everywhere in my body.

“You should go anyway,” he said. “Go with your friends. You don’t need a date. It’s not the fifties.”

He was right, of course, but I couldn’t tell him the main reason I’d decided not to go was I didn’t want to see him and Kylie wrapped around each other all night. That would kill me.

Instead, Claire would spend the night at my house watching movies, since Jaz and Amy were going to the dance. They kept trying to convince us to join them, but Claire felt like I did, not wanting to see Jake entwined with anyone else.

“I’m sure I’ll get a full report on my phone,” I said. “Pictures of all the perfect couples. Whatever.” I reached toward the popcorn bowl and he pushed it toward me. I took a big handful, grateful for something to keep me from babbling.

“Maybe if you…” he began, then stopped. He turned away, his jaw tight.

“Just don’t worry about me, okay?” I snapped, suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions tidal-waving through me. I couldn’t have this conversation with him. It hurt too much. “Your replacement mission obviously worked out better than mine,” I said through a clenched jaw. “I’m sure you and the perfect Kylie will have a perfect Surfer Ball experience.”

He faced me, his eyes narrowed. “Whoa. Why are you mad at me? I’m not the one who decided to act like a Spock robot and not date people I was attracted to.”

I wanted to throw my popcorn at him. “Why do you care anyway, Dallas? It’s not like we…” I let my voice trail away, hearing Jake’s voice in my mind. “It’s not like we were a thing.”

He leaned back in his chair like I’d slapped him, then spoke through gritted teeth. “Look, I know that night we…that you and I…” His voice trailed away. “Things weren’t the same between us after that.”

“No kidding. One minute you kissed me like…like you meant it, but then you stormed off. Then next thing I know you’re dating Kylie.” I was appalled at the raw emotion in my voice. I hoped he’d only hear the anger, not the desperate regret underneath.

His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. “You’re giving me grief? You, who had a whole list of replacement boyfriends you wanted to take out for a test run? Who said you didn’t care about chemistry or connection? Who basically told me to get lost after we kissed?” His face reminded me of the Hulk before he blew up into the green monster. “I thought…” His green eyes flashed like a storm burned inside of him.

“You thought what, Dallas?”

He turned away, his whole body tightened with anger. “I thought after we…” His shoulders heaved with a heavy sigh. “Maybe it meant more to me than it did to you.” He met my gaze again, but the angry storm in his eyes had been replaced by wariness, telegraphing a question I didn’t want to answer.

I couldn’t do this with him. I jumped up and hurried to the kitchen, closing the door behind me. This sucked, to infinity and beyond. I swiped at the tears on my cheeks. Screw it. I was going home. Mom could deal with Dallas.

A knock sounded softly on the door. I pretended not to hear it as I stepped onto the back porch; but before I could escape, Dallas’s voice stopped me.

“Vivian. Please don’t go.”

I didn’t turn around, standing frozen on the dark porch, praying he’d apologize but also wanting to run for the house. His footsteps echoed on the kitchen tile, then he stood directly behind me. I smelled his clean scent and heard his deep sigh.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was low, and strained. “Please turn around. Look at me.”

I shook my head, staring toward our house where a lone lamp shone out of Mom’s attic office. Everything looked blurry through my tears.

His hands settled on my shoulders and I flinched. Why was he touching me? His voice was almost a whisper. “I don’t know…I just…God, you make me crazy, Vivian. The last thing I want is to hurt you.”

My skin burned under his touch. I stepped out of his grip and spun around.

“You’re wrong, Dallas. When I kissed you, it did mean something to me.” So much I can’t even tell you. I took a shaky breath “I don’t know if—if maybe you heard something about Jake and me, and that’s why you think…” I couldn’t say any more about those lies. “You know what? Forget it. I’m going home. Just text my mom when you’re done.”

“Viv, wait—”

But I didn’t wait; I left quickly, not daring to look back.

...

It was almost eleven when I heard the whine of Dallas’s Vespa fade away into the night. Mom had gone to the store after I’d stormed into the house. I’d refused to tell her what we’d fought about, but she’d returned a short time later and knocked on my bedroom door.

“Dallas is as close-lipped as you are. But he’s staying until he fixes the software. He said he’d finish tonight.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled into my pillow. Of course he’d finish tonight; he didn’t want to spend any more time with psycho Vivian. I flopped over onto my back. “Isn’t he special?”

She sighed so loudly it seemed to float under my door and right into my heart. “Vivvy, I don’t know what is going on with you two. My guess is a lovers’ quarrel.” She paused. “A very intense one. I hope you two can work it out.”

Lovers’ quarrel? No wonder she wrote mysteries instead of romances.

“We hate each other,” I called through the door. “So I guess it’s a haters’ quarrel.” I paused. “Whatever you do, don’t break the computer again. I’ll quit if he has to come back and fix anything else.”

She laughed softly on the other side of the door, and I threw my pillow across the room. Then I picked up my cell and scrolled through the messages Dallas had sent while I’d pouted in my room. Three apologies. Four pleas to return to the store. Five stupid emoticons: sad faces, goofy faces, even a stupid Spock face.

It killed me that he might have heard I’d slept with Jake, and now assumed that kissing him hadn’t meant anything to me, when the opposite was true. The unfairness of it overwhelmed me.

I pulled up Jake’s number and typed a new text message quickly, before memories of his threats stopped me. “You said you’d back off. Stop telling lies about me. You’d better not tell any lies about Claire, either. I’m sorry I ever let you touch me.”

I stared at the unsent text. I wasn’t going to let him keep causing trouble for me. No matter what Dallas or anyone else believed, what mattered was the truth.

Maybe I was just a nerdy bookstore girl, but didn’t I matter as much as anyone else? Didn’t Claire? Didn’t we deserve to be treated decently if someone dumped us? Or even if we broke up with them?

I was tired of worrying about Jake and his lies, but I was even more tired of scurrying around like a scared rabbit, hiding from him on campus, too afraid to tell my friends about his threats. I took a deep breath and hit send.

Then I scrolled through Dallas’s apology texts one last time before deleting them, wishing I could delete my feelings for him, too.