“Wow.” Alan stared at the cop, feeling as though he’d been smacked on the head.
“It was so easy, man. Tell me why I couldn’t have done that before? I just wanted to be in my comfort zone. Well, guess what? I haven’t been comfortable since.” He spread his hands wide. “That was thirteen years ago. There’s been no woman who has come close to comparing to Jenna. I wish she could have known how much I appreciated her, how much I treasured her, and that I didn’t take her for granted. She was worth putting forth the same time and energy that I put toward my job—and I told myself that all of the time, but it didn’t matter because I didn’t show her. It’s too late for Jenna and me, but it’s not for you.”
The waitress brought their food, and Alan stared at his steak as he shook salt and pepper on top. His appetite had vanished.
“Starting romantic gestures now doesn’t seem like it’d save our marriage.” Alan grabbed his knife and cut a bite of steak.
“I agree, you should’ve been waterin’ the garden from the beginning. Couples need to fight the urge to withdraw when there are bad things in life and instead come together as soon as it happens. It’s okay to take a few days, but not weeks or months or years. People change, but the key is to change and grow together—not apart. Otherwise, you’ll wake up one day and feel you’re married to a stranger. It’s something ya have to work on day in and day out, no matter how hard—even you guys right now. You haven’t officially lost her to divorce yet, so that means it’s not too late. You’re a Christian man . . . don’t you suppose it’s the enemy that tells couples to put it off for later, and they think they can—but then one day, before they know it, their marriage really is over?”
Alan chewed his steak while he cut another piece, remembering how years ago he had told himself that marriage hadn’t come with an instruction manual. But it had. Lately, when reading his Bible, he was stunned to notice that he hadn’t been following God’s Word of all that a husband should be to his wife. Corinthians had instructed him not to deprive his wife of intimacy. Romans 12:10 stated, “Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another.” John 3:18 said, “Let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions.”
Why had it taken him so long to realize that while he was trying to keep his faith during the storm of losing Chase, and being a good spiritual leader, he had neglected his wife?
Christopher Sparks hadn’t been able to save Chase, but maybe he had saved Alan’s marriage.
“You’re right. I have to get back home to Arianna. Now.”
When Alan walked into the house, he found his wife packing upstairs in their bedroom.
“All right. Let’s do it,” he said as he stood in the doorway. “The marriage conference. And counseling. And reading our Bible together every night. Date nights every month and something romantic every day. That’s right—every day. It’s been ten years. It’s past time. I’m all in.”
Arianna’s face showed straight, angry lines. She rolled her eyes and continued to pack. “You’re just saying that because I’m leaving tomorrow. I’ve suggested those things for years; that’s an insult!”
Alan took a step toward her. “I get it now. I never believed before that the little things by themselves could make a difference, but I think all of them together could help us to have a strong marriage again. I’m really lucky that I haven’t lost you yet, Ari. I think I kept trying to imagine us the way we were before Chase was abducted, and it seemed impossible. But the truth is, nobody has that forever, with or without losing a child. Everyone’s relationship changes and goes through phases. That’s just how it works; it’s impossible to prevent. You don’t go backward, you go forward. You find where you are today, and you work at staying in love. It’s not a passive experience.”
Arianna raised an eyebrow. “Where did you go when you left here? Who are you?”
Alan smiled apologetically and drew his wife to him, taking her hand in his. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you this, but I don’t blame you for Chase’s disappearance. I never have. I want a fresh start with you. From this moment on.”
Alan pressed his lips to those of the only woman he’d ever been in love with. His kisses trailed down her neck and reached her heart before he lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. “I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure this is exactly where your heart always wants to be.”
Alan kept his word. The next five months had been the best of their marriage. Amazingly, even better than their first two years (before Chase was abducted)—because now they appreciated and recognized all that they had missed with each other through the years. It was a miracle that the hardships had not torn apart their marriage. They treated each day as another chance to fall in love. It was a day-to-day priority for both of them to prevent their relationship from ever falling to the wayside again.
They became active participants in church for the first time in ten years, including joining a marriage small group. They held hands, sang, clapped, and gave the Lord their all. It reminded them of the way they’d been back in college, before life had shown them a nasty side. Their hearts had never felt so free and full of elation—it was the best feeling in the world. They went to the national Christian marriage conference in the fall and found it so inspiring that they planned to go back the following year.
“I can’t believe I waited so long. That was one of the most fun weekends I’ve ever had,” Alan told Arianna. She knew she would keep their workbooks and other souvenirs forever.
Every night by the fire, they read their Bible together and, gradually, Arianna realized she was in love with her husband again. No, there was no butterflies-in-the-stomach-adrenaline-rush as she’d experienced back in college, but she was still smitten.
Before the Christmas musical started, she ran to purchase a drink at the concession stand, and when she returned to her husband, she smiled at how cute he still was to her after fourteen years of knowing him. He needed a haircut, but she couldn’t wait to run her fingers through his hair later at home. Arianna had no way to explain how they had let down their walls to be completely intimate again—other than to give all glory to God—and they had made a promise to sleep in the same bed every night. It made her sick to think that over the summer she had almost given all of this up when the best had been yet to come.
It hadn’t been a lie, after all, that they would have the deepest of intimacy in the bedroom. It just hadn’t come right away. It had taken awhile, but once they bridged the gap during their day-to-day routines, it was like uncovering a side of themselves they never knew existed. They both enjoyed intimacy more at thirty-four years of age and after twelve years of marriage than ever before.
Arianna was thankful every day that she hadn’t contaminated her marriage by taking Austin up on his offer. She still saw him around, but she no longer felt an attraction to him. Alan made her heart flutter these days, and there wasn’t room for anyone else. Austin seemed to understand; he had found someone else after the Fourth of July.
“Can I make another request?” Alan asked one night with an arm wrapped around his wife’s body.
“Please.”
With his free arm, he picked up the beat-up looking brown bear that was stuffed between the mattress and headboard. Only one eye remained on its face. “Will you stop sleeping with this thing?”
Arianna studied the bear and allowed her body to settle into her husband’s embrace. His arms felt strong and protective around her. It was her favorite place to be. No walls stood between them anymore—a bulldozer had knocked a large one of hers down when Alan had finally said the words she’d always longed to hear: I don’t blame you. Chase’s abduction wasn’t your fault. She didn’t need the bear for comfort anymore.
“You’re right. I should have put it away a long time ago.”
She had recognized and apologized to Alan for her role in their loss of intimacy. Her daydreams about love as a teenager may have been a little on the extraordinary side, and as an adult she had often expected from her husband what she could have only received from Jesus Christ. Alan was human; he would continue to let her down as he had on Valentine’s Day—but that was a good thing, because otherwise she might forget to keep her worship toward God. He was the only One who would never let her down.
If Alan was going to compromise and do things for her that didn’t come naturally to him, then she could accept the man that God had made him to be and focus on what they did have together rather than what they didn’t. Just knowing that they were both trying, and that they both cared, made the most difference. She had never felt so close to Alan as she did now. It was a much better home for Chase to return to.
The Tates had arranged for CeCe to go home with a friend after the musical ended. Strolling to their SUV after the program, Arianna found herself looking forward to both Alan and CeCe’s two-week winter break. Each year, their Christmas traditions included making homemade ornaments, baking a birthday cake for Jesus, reading the Christmas story together, driving around to look at lights in the various neighborhoods, and—if there was snow outside—creating a fort and snow angels. As Alan held the door for her, Arianna slid into her seat and allowed her mind to wander through memories of Christmases past.
“There’s something I’d like us to do tomorrow,” Alan said as he climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
“What’s that?” Arianna turned the vents toward her to warm up from the freezing temperature outside.
“Go get a tree. A real one. A Fraser fir.”
“You’ve always said you didn’t want to. Too much money, too much work.”
“I guess I changed my mind. Well, I mean, not every year . . .”
Arianna laughed—the same giggle that she’d had when she and Alan first met.
“That would be wonderful.”
Spring 2014
Giant raindrops slammed into Arianna’s windshield as she drove to the shelter, where she worked full-time now. She could hardly see in front of her and was glad that she had only a few more miles to go. The car was silent while she concentrated on the roads. CeCe was in the passenger seat, on spring break from school.
Arianna’s daughter was fifteen now with maroon polish on her nails and matching lipstick. She was still as spunky as ever, but Arianna was proud of the teenage girl that CeCe had become. Her boldness, determination, and ambition had led to her being a great leader in her youth group and within the church. She had shown an interest in volunteering when she was only twelve years old. Every year since then, whenever possible, Arianna had brought the younger girl with her to the shelter. At school, CeCe’s favorite subject was math. She hoped to follow in her mother’s footsteps to become the financial analyst that Arianna had originally aspired to be.
They both relaxed once the car was parked safely in the lot. CeCe grabbed the umbrella in the backseat while her mom checked her reflection in the rearview mirror. Arianna was forty-four now. Her hair was cut to her chin with strands of gray. She wondered if she had more wrinkles than she would have if she hadn’t lost Chase.
It had been nineteen years and three months since she’d seen her son. Her website was still active, and every year she spoke with her special agent at the DCI, but nobody knew what had become of Chase.
On the bright side, Alan had gone on and gotten his doctorate. They still made time for monthly date weekends, and (almost) every day did something romantic for each other—whether it was waking up to find a note on the mirror listing reasons why Alan liked Arianna, or one of their thinking of you gifts, such as a jar filled of Reese’s Pieces with a note on front that said I Love You To Pieces. The foot rubs, which had returned after a long absence, were appreciated most of all.
Meanwhile, Arianna’s relationship with her brother was still strong, and CeCe was close to her three cousins.
“All right, you’re working the food pantry today,” Arianna told her daughter once they’d arrived inside of the building and set the drenched umbrella on the floor by the coat rack. “I’ll meet you back there in a half an hour—first, I need to talk to Paula in the office.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll see ya in a few.” After CeCe hung up her coat, she went down one hall, while Arianna went down the other.
It turned out to be forty minutes, so Arianna was walking swiftly as she passed the lobby again and collided with a child.
“Oh my! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t expecting such a little . . . boy . . .” her voice trailed off as her gaze focused on the toddler. The curly blond hair, the light skin, the big blue eyes. She blinked. Chase? She blinked again. The child was still there, staring at her, assessing whether he should start crying or not.
What is going on?
People who were walking by looked at her curiously.
For the first couple of years after her son’s disappearance, Arianna had numerous anxiety attacks, thinking that she saw Chase on every street corner. She was well aware that her son would be twenty-one now, so this little boy obviously wasn’t him . . . but he was the spitting image! She’d never seen anything like it in her life. Her breathing became shallow, and the room spun.
Standing in front of Arianna was her son from two decades before!