CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The sun was high in the sky as the trees around us faded to shrubs, then grasses. Alaric stopped just as we reached the end of the shrubbery.

“I can’t go any farther. This is the end of the Silence.” He looked at me. “If I’m correct, my wings aren’t far. But you will have to go alone.”

Alone, again. Wonderful.

“What do I have to do?”

“If you follow this path for, say, half an hour on foot, you’ll come to a house. It is set back from the path but clearly visible. The last time I was there the walkway to the door was made entirely of white stone. Anyway, there is only one house in these parts. It should be impossible to miss.”

“Then what?”

“You go up to the door and knock. Although it’s anyone’s guess as to whether the dragons will let you in.”

Dragons. Like most in the Mundane, I’d always thought dragons were simply a myth. I swallowed. “What if they… attack?”

“Humans are not their preferred meals,” Alaric said impatiently. “Dragons also love to play games. Though some of their games can be deadly. They don’t really understand the frailty of other creatures.”

“So I should offer to play a game with a house of dragons in exchange for an enchanted box containing your wings,” I said, incredulous.

“Yes,” Alaric replied. “But not right now. They sleep during the day. If you go now, they’ll be cranky and unlikely to be cooperative. We should get some rest. You can go closer to sunset.”

The moment he said it, I realized that I was exhausted. Adrenaline had kept me going through the night as we had navigated the canyons and encountered the ravens. But now my lack of sleep was catching up with me.

Alaric found a copse of trees standing close enough together to provide some shade, and we settled down to wait out the afternoon.

Yet I found it difficult to sleep, despite my exhaustion. After several minutes of trying unsuccessfully to keep my eyes closed, I looked over at Alaric. He was also awake, staring up at the sky.

There was a chance I would not come back from the house of the dragons. The time to ask questions was now. Even though the prospect of getting answers still terrified me. I clasped my hands together, drawing a deep breath. “Why did they do it?” I asked.

Now Alaric did look at me. “Do what?” he said.

“Why did my parents make the bargain with Katen? Why did they risk me?”

“Humans make terrible mistakes sometimes. They made the bargain to save your mother’s life before they knew she was pregnant. I imagine it was easier to give away something that was still… hypothetical. They didn’t realize Katen would put so much magic in you that she’d have to kill you to reclaim it. They never knew about the curse until it was too late.”

So it was true, what my father had told me about the curse. They had done their best. But that didn’t stop me from being angry—furious, even—that they had made that bargain in the first place. No matter what they had been told.

“My mother left us,” I said. “She couldn’t cope with having a cursed daughter.”

Alaric was silent for a long time. “I would be gentler to your parents, if you can find a way to do so,” he said after a while. “Katen did not offer a fair bargain.”

How could I forgive them, after hearing what he’d said? I wanted to scream at them both—to slam doors and stomp my feet and hurt them the way they had hurt me. I had spent my whole life being gentle, being small. But I didn’t want to be gentle anymore. I wanted to be fierce.

“No,” I said. “I suppose I understand why they felt they had no other choice, with Katen. But the lying and the leaving—how can I forgive that?” I let out a soft, mirthless laugh. “Sometimes I wonder whether my parents regretted having me at all. If not for me, there would have been no bargain. No curse.”

My words hung in the air between us. Then Alaric spoke. “For what it’s worth, I do not regret them having you.”

I turned on my side and propped my head up on my elbow to look at him. He turned his head and looked back at me. For a long moment we stared at each other.

In repose, his world-weariness fell away, and his eyes softened. I could imagine the carefree creature he must have been all those years ago. But I was drawn to him as he was now. His anger and desperation mirrored my own. He was the only one in the world who could even come close to understanding how I felt.

He was also the only one who I could touch—and not kill.

My gaze fell to Alaric’s lips, and I wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. Would he kiss me back? Would he thread his fingers through my hair and—Warmth rushed through me at the thought, but I resisted the urge to look away. Before I could second-guess myself, I pushed myself up and closed the gap between us.

I planted my hands on the ground on either side of his face and leaned down, my hair falling over one shoulder. Our breathing fell into sync as we gazed at each other, and I watched color rise on his face. Ever so slowly, I bent my head lower—and kissed him.

For one eternal instant the world stood still. Then Alaric’s arms wrapped around me, drawing me against him as he deepened the kiss, and I felt both lost and safe at once, consumed by heat. This was too much—and yet this was not enough—

He broke away suddenly, scrambling to his feet as I fell back against the ground.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened. I—it was my mistake.” He gestured at the forest behind him. “I’m going to—to take a walk. I’ll be back soon.”

Embarrassment churned in my stomach as he walked quickly away. Had I done it wrong? I’d seen people kiss before, but perhaps I had made a mistake. What if I had misread him completely?

Only a few days ago the greatest gift that could ever have been given to me was the ability to touch another person. I’d never considered that someone else could call that gift a mistake. And yet, I could still feel the hot flush of my own cheeks, the feel of his lips on mine. If the kiss had been a mistake, it hadn’t been his. I had kissed him. Because I could. Because I had wanted to. And I was almost certain that he had wanted it too. Why else would he have kissed me back like that?

I didn’t care what excuse he had made—I wanted that closeness again. It was as if that one kiss had awakened something powerful and wild within me, and I thought I might fly apart if I didn’t release it. It was a selfish thing perhaps, to want this. But didn’t I deserve a little selfishness? I’d spent my entire life putting other people’s safety before my own. And I didn’t know what was waiting around the next bend, or if I’d ever have another chance to be with someone in this way.

Besides, I wasn’t a child. I knew what went on between people of consenting age and inclination. I just had never dreamed of it for myself. And now that it was possible, truly within my reach…

I got to my feet and ran after Alaric.

I found him sitting in a clearing not too far away, his head in his hands. He looked up as I approached, his expression unreadable.

“Lena…”

“Let me speak,” I said, still a bit breathless. “It wasn’t a mistake. I want you.”

Alaric looked down. When he looked at me again, his eyes were dark with desire. But there was caution there too. “You don’t know what you’re asking,” he said.

“I’m not asking anything,” I replied. “I’m stating a fact. You kissed me back—I know you’re attracted to me just as I am to you. This doesn’t have to mean anything. It can just be—this.”

“It would complicate things,” he said softly. “You might find yourself… attached.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “If I’m going to die facing the dragons or when I meet Katen—something you’ve admitted is possible, even likely—then this is what I want. I want you. In my”—I paused and waved a hand sheepishly—“bed,” I finished.

His lips twisted into a wry smile—and then he leaned back and laughed, a full-throated, melodic laugh. “Wouldn’t that be an exceptional mess,” he said, almost to himself. “I want to, gods help me. But Lena—it’s a terrible idea.”

“You’re only saying that because you didn’t think of it,” I countered. I walked toward him, trying to look alluring. Undeniable. “There is so little I have control over right now. But I have control over this. I want this. If you will have me.”

“I would,” Alaric whispered. In a flash he was standing before me, his hands framing my cheeks, speaking so, so softly. “I would, Lena. But I fear you won’t forgive me for it later.”

“I don’t care about later,” I said. I stood on tiptoe and leaned into him, meeting his lips with my own.

He needed no further encouragement. He pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me shivering as he stumbled out of his own clothing. I had never fathomed I would ever be unclothed in front of someone else. I felt oddly exposed, fighting the urge to cross my arms in front of my chest until he put his arms around me once more. I glanced down at him and a new rush of heat filled my body. Suddenly I was very aware of the difference between reading about something in books and actually experiencing it.

Alaric’s fingertips grazed the top of my trousers, then tugged them down along with my undergarments, and we were finally naked before each other. Our fingers laced together as he pulled me down with him into the grass.

We rolled over so that I lay half on top of him, stretched out across his body. After a lifetime without touch, now I was drowning in it. Every place our bodies met was on fire, and I couldn’t bear to stop.

Alaric’s lips met my neck as his hands wandered lower, and then—

I closed my eyes, and stars danced behind my lids. I’d never felt so seen, or so wanted. In this moment, everything felt possible.

Wetness pricked the corners of my eyes, and I realized I was crying.

“Lena,” Alaric said softly. “Are you all right?”

He reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I opened my eyes and saw an immense tenderness reflected back in his—so different from the sharpness that had characterized him since the moment we met. I realized I didn’t know him at all, not really. That there was so much more to him than I understood. But in this moment, I didn’t care.

“I’m happy,” I whispered.

He smiled at me, and that smile was like a lightning strike.

“Come here,” he said, and I did.