It was the first time I ever spent the whole night in bed with a dude. I knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, but I never expected it to happen in my own house, with my parents just a few feet away. And, I never thought that it would be with Wade.
Wade and I had been holed up in my room ever since he had come to our apartment that morning. Other than to run to the bathroom or to the kitchen to get some snacks, we stayed in my bedroom.
One of the few things that I was proud of was my room. It was clean, and everything was where it was supposed to be. Even though the bed was older than I was, and the curtains were so stiff, they could stand up by themselves, I was proud of what I had. I was happy to entertain Wade in my room. And, it was not just about sex, even though it was mind-boggling. I enjoyed talking to Wade.
“I just hope you don’t forget me when you hit it really big down there in Hollywood,” I told him, gently jabbing him in the side with my elbow.
“I ain’t forgot about you yet, girl. Like I told Tina, you about the only sister I’d ever think about settling down with,” he admitted.
A muffled sound distracted me. I lifted my head and looked toward the door. “Shhhhh,” I said, my finger pressed against my lips. “My folks just came home from church!”
“Oh, shit!” Wade tumbled out of my bed and started hopping around the room like a man with one leg. “I thought you said they wouldn’t be home for hours!” he hissed, scrambling around for his clothes.
“That’s right. I did say that. But, baby, we’ve been in here for hours,” I reminded, trying not to laugh. “But you don’t have to worry about my folks coming in here. They don’t care what I do,” I told him, looking away because I didn’t want him to see the sadness in my eyes.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but your mama and your daddy is kind of strange. I noticed that a long time ago,” Wade said, returning to the bed.
“Well, I noticed it a long time ago myself,” I replied. He propped himself up with two pillows and looked at me with curiosity. “What’s up? Don’t y’all get along?”
“Oh, we get along all right. I go my way; they go theirs.” I sighed. “In some ways, I am used to my parents’ indifference. In some ways, I’m not. I feel like a puppy that nobody wants.”
“If it’ll make you feel any better, I’m the kid that always got stuck with the puppies that nobody else wanted,” Wade said, with a dry laugh.
I shrugged. “Anyway, every now and then, and I do mean every now and then, one of my parents looks at me like they care. But it’s always during one of their rare weak moments. Like a few months ago, when Daddy was laid up with some kind of intestinal infection so severe, it almost killed him. I hugged him, and for the first and only time, he hugged me back. And, now that I look back on that moment, I think he only did it because he thought he was dying. The only other times they show me some love is when … is when they think I’m asleep. One of them will creep into my room in the dark, pull the covers up to my neck, and either rub my cheek or kiss me on it.”
Wade gave me a thoughtful look and caressed his chin. “Well, that’s better than them showing you no love at all. Look at it this way, they kept you. Some folks throw their babies in the trash as soon as they are born or kill them before they are born. You got a place to sleep, food, clothes. A lot of kids would love to trade places with you,” Wade said, making a sweeping gesture with his hand as he looked around my neatly arranged room.
“I wish my mama was more like yours,” I said, getting misty-eyed.
“No, you don’t,” Wade said in a low voice. He looked away when I glanced at him, talking, with his eyes on the floor. “My mama thinks I’m some kind of prince that can’t do no wrong. You don’t know what I have to do for her to keep on thinking that way.” Then the strangest look appeared on his face. It was a look that I rarely saw on a man. For about five seconds, he looked unbearably sad. “Do you mind if I take a nap now?”
Wade didn’t wait for me to reply. He curled up and turned his back to me. And, he stayed that way for the rest of the night.
I got slightly depressed when Wade tiptoed out of the apartment the next morning, a few minutes before my folks got up to get ready for work. I didn’t even bother to go to school that morning, but later in the day, I wished I had. At least I would have been distracted. At home by myself, all I could think about was Wade and how I couldn’t wait to see him again.
After two days had gone by and he had not called or come back to the apartment, I took it upon myself to go to his house. I armed myself with a crisp ten-dollar bill in case I encountered Miss Louise. I got there just in time to see Wade crawling into a cab with his two battered suitcases and his backpack. His mama was hanging on to his arm like he was going to the moon. He was halfway into the cab when she pulled him back out.
I stumbled over a dog stretched out on the sidewalk as I ran up to Wade and started tugging on the sleeve of his jacket. “Wade, are you leaving?” I asked, feeling stupid because it was so obvious that that was exactly what he was doing.
Just thinking about how he had made love to me in my bed made me tingle all over. He had learned a lot over the years about how to please a woman, so it had been a totally different experience from our first encounter. And, after all the boys I had been involved with since Wade had helped himself to my virginity, my body had adjusted to all that poking and pumping, so sex wasn’t so painful anymore. I wanted to throw myself to the ground and take Wade down with me and fuck his brains out. And if Miss Louise and that cabdriver hadn’t been in the way, that’s probably just what I would have done.
“Oh, Christine,” he muttered. I didn’t know how to interpret the look on his face. He was either annoyed or surprised. “I been meaning to call you,” he said, his arm around his weeping mama. “My agent called me last night. I need to get back down to L.A. to read for two very important parts,” he said, glowing like a firefly.
“They are just commercials, but that’s better than nothing,” Wade’s mama said through her tears. From the look on Wade’s face, I knew that this was a piece of information that he was not that excited about sharing.
“Can I call you sometime?” I said as fast as I could, his mama and I playing tug-of-war with his body. She had a hand clamped around one of his arms, I had my hand clamped around the other, and we were both pulling him in the opposite direction.
“Yeah, yeah, sure you can. That’s cool,” Wade said, looking embarrassed and talking fast. He gently pulled away from me and his mama. “Uh, I am going to miss you, and I really wish that you could come with me.” He gave me a brief hug and a cold, quick peck on the cheek. Then he slid into the backseat of the cab and slammed the door shut. He didn’t even look back, but I stood there until the cab was out of sight.
I didn’t realize Miss Louise was still standing there, too, until I heard her voice.
“How come you ain’t in school today?” she asked in a gruff voice. She blew her nose into a piece of tissue and looked at me with red, swollen eyes.
“I wasn’t feeling too good,” I lied, adding a fake cough. But now that I knew Wade was leaving, I did feel sick. A knot had formed in my stomach, and I was more confused than ever. Not just about Wade and the way he seemed to slide in and out of my life. I was also confused about what I wanted to do with my life from this point on. “Miss Louise, can you give me Wade’s address so I can write him a letter sometime?”
“Just a fan letter, I hope,” Miss Louise said, with a smirk.
“Huh? Oh yeah. I just want to write him a fan letter.”
“Good. The boy just getting started, and he don’t need a lot of distractions in his life right now.”
“I know. I won’t distract him,” I insisted, nodding my head for emphasis. “I’d appreciate it if you’d give me his, uh, phone number, too.”
“I guess I could,” Miss Louise said, looking puzzled. “But you are the only girl I’m giving it to. My baby already got too many girls on his back, riding him like he some kind of mule.”
I followed Miss Louise into her house, where she scribbled the information I’d requested on the back of a TV Guide. Then I left her house, running.
That night, as soon as I heard Daddy snoring, I eased out of my room and tiptoed out the front door. I hung out at Tina’s house until the next Greyhound bus was ready to leave for L.A. I climbed aboard that bus, with Wade’s address on the back of a matchbook in my backpack.