Wade washed up in the kitchen sink, with a blue washcloth that was so stiff, it looked like it could stand up by itself. As soon as he got dressed and left the apartment, after kissing me on the cheek like I was an elderly relative, I had myself a good cry. I had never felt so unwanted in my life. I cried so much, my eyes puffed up. Snot oozed out of my nose and dribbled down my face. Spit and other slime that I didn’t even know my mouth could produce glazed my lips and chin like gravy.
I didn’t want to use the same washcloth to wash my face that Wade had used to wash his ass. But since I couldn’t find anything else to clean myself with, I ripped a page out of Nick’s Rolling Stone magazine, and I used that. I closed my eyes and rubbed them until I couldn’t feel them anymore.
I was hungry, but with roaches marching up and down the walls like soldiers, and swarms of gnats descending on the floor like locusts, it didn’t take long for me to lose my appetite.
“Girl, what have you got yourself into this time?” I asked myself out loud, wiping my neck with the wet paper that I’d used to clean my face.
I didn’t think that things could get any worse. I couldn’t talk to my parents, and other than Tina and old Miss Odessa, I didn’t have any real friends that I could fall back on. Since I’d already hit Tina up for a few dollars, I didn’t have the nerve to call her. I had no choice but to call Miss Odessa. I snatched the cordless telephone up off the floor and dialed her number so fast, my fingers cramped.
It was a weekday, and I expected her to be home like she usually was on a weekday. I was wrong. I called every hour on the hour, and she didn’t answer. And, she was one of the few people I knew who didn’t like answering machines, so I couldn’t even leave a message.
I was leaning out the window, trying to get some fresh air, with the telephone still in my hand when Wade came home around four that afternoon. I had heard thunder earlier, but it hadn’t rained yet. The sky outside looked like a gray ceiling. That made everything seem even more gloomy. “You find a place yet?” Wade asked in a gruff voice, not offering any other greeting. He had that look on his face that people got when they saw somebody they didn’t want to see. And, I could tell that he was agitated. He kept letting out loud breaths and looking at me out of the corner of his eye.
“Um, yes and no,” I said. I left the window and set the phone back on the floor where I’d found it, squeezed between a box of Fruit Loops and an empty peanut butter jar.
“Yes, you found a place? No, you didn’t find a place?” Wade’s hair was flat on both sides of his head and sticking up on top like a fan. His lips were dry and cracked. The bottom one had a scab that had not been there that morning. I couldn’t imagine what he’d been doing for his hair and lips to end up looking like that. He looked like he had been mauled. He looked like anything but a movie actor.
“Huh?” As fast as I was living and as much as I thought I knew, I was still a child, and I sounded like one. One stupid thing after another slid out of my mouth like bubbles. “Who me?”
“Yes, you! What the hell is yes and no supposed to mean?” Wade strutted across the floor and stood in front of me. I was already backed up against the wall. And, the way he was looking at me, I wished that I could just disappear into the wall and get it over with. He had made it clear that he wanted me out of his sight. And, because of the way he had been treating me since I’d arrived, I decided I never wanted to see his punk ass again after I got my crazy self out of this mess.
“Um, two landlords told me to call them back,” I lied.
“Uh-huh.” Wade folded his arms. He stood so close to me, our faces almost touched. I had never noticed how big his Adam’s apple was until now. It looked like a rock stuck in the middle of his long neck. “Well, there ain’t no newspapers up in here, and I know you didn’t leave out that door today. How did you find these two landlords?”
I dropped my head. “I’m going home. I don’t have enough money for any apartment, and even if I did, who is going to rent to a girl my age with no job?” I muttered. I looked back up at Wade’s face, and he looked even more annoyed. “I will leave as soon as I get the money from my folks,” I snapped.
I was glad when Wade left to go to his evening job, or wherever he went, a few hours later. As miserable as the apartment was, I felt better in it when I was alone. I called Miss Odessa three more times in less than an hour, and she still didn’t answer her telephone. I knew then that I had to come up with another plan, and there was no other option for me except my parents.
One of my fears was that I would not be able to get help from some other source before Wade ran out of patience with me. But my biggest fear was not Wade kicking me out on the street. I was more concerned about whether or not I could depend on my parents to help me get back home.