I was in his room. It was a normal boy’s room, complete with football posters and a desk and chair in one corner.
The door swung closed in a whisper as he came in behind me. I could see his reflection in the window. There was a little bit of greenery where little birds would come to rest in the small shrubs. They were beautiful little things, those birds. I tried to capture their images in my mind so that I could paint them.
Removing the graduation gown, I dropped it on the side chair near his bed.
John moved about, picking up items out of place. He looked nervous, but I felt the same. I was trembling a little; I could feel him do the same. His timid smile found me as he dropped clothing into a small basket in the corner. He took my gown after removing his and tossed them into the closet.
He stood there for a moment, staring at me, not knowing what to do with his hands. I didn’t understand why a person like him would be so timid. John had been with women before, but I hadn’t been with anyone.
His eyes darted over at me with that single thought. His cheeks turned a rosy color.
It’s different, Miss Belle. It’s you, his mind answered me.
I slid my hands up and down the white sundress I wore, fiddling with the hem where the fabric revealed my legs. I’m not sure if I was trying to smooth it or to prepare myself for what was going to happen.
“What’s wrong?” he asked with his brow deeply furrowed.
A mixture of emotions was racing inside me. I was confused. I was nervous. I was anxious.
John didn’t wait for my answer before striding across the room to stand before me.
“Nothing is wrong,” I answered.
John still looked worried, so I reached out and touched his face. He leaned into my palm, laying his own hand over it. I thought I was familiar with his hands, but now that I looked at my small palm clutched in his, my breath stopped and warmth I’d been denying flared to life in my stomach.
Suddenly, he stiffened and I bit my lip. His face softened as I felt my emotions settling into desire for him. He looked at me, his brow creased in confusion. I reached forward with my other hand and cupped his face, trying to smooth the lines away.
“I’ve been wanting to be alone with you for a long time,” I said.
I could feel it in the back of my mind, his longing. The first time I had felt his desire for me in my mind, it had been overwhelming, frightening even. John knew what it was like to have a woman under him. I had no idea what it was to have a man over me.
The color returned to his cheeks. The little flame in my chest grew brighter and I slid closer.
“I want to be with you too.” He licked his lips. “Are you sure?”
“I am.”
John kissed me. His mouth was warm against mine. I’d kissed him like this before, a slight parting of lips, soft presses over and over. I gasped as he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue passed my lips. It was rougher than I imagined.
I turned my face away. “I’m sorry, can we go a little slower?”
He blushed and a gasp escaped his lips. “Right … you’ve never done this before.” He walked to the other side of the room, stopping near the window.
I could see the red flush on his neck. “I don’t want to embarrass you,” I apologized and started fiddling with the hem of my dress again. I was just as nervous as he was. Far more so, because I didn’t know what to expect from my first time.
“No, I … uh … um, it’s just been a while since it was my first time and … I think all the women I’ve been with were experienced.” John turned to look at me and rubbed a tense hand along the back of his neck. He bit his lip. He regretted his words, and he was nervous.
It was my turn to blush. I supposed I should have expected that. John was good looking and probably never had a problem finding women who wanted to sleep with him. My heart pounded.
John looked at me in silence for a moment. That’s not what I meant.
It’s okay, I replied. I wanted to be intimate with him, not lay him completely bare.
He turned away, staring at the bed. I stared, too. We’d snuggled, but now we were going to put the bed to a completely different use … I hoped so, anyway.
I walked over to him and ran my hand up his back.
He shivered. He was still wearing what he’d left the house in earlier, a blue suit and dress pants. He removed the jacket and dropped it on the bed.
I pressed myself close to his back and slid my fingers up his neck and into his hair.
It was strange to have this effect on him. I could feel his heart pounding beneath his skin. We had both been waiting to be alone together. Now that we were, he was afraid I would run away. This was the beginning of something new for both of us.
My equal, his mind whispered.
“Will you teach me?” I asked. “What you like, I mean?”
His heart fluttered. I could feel the energy growing and racing through his body. It shot straight into me.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t … how could you?” I knew what he meant, though. This power between us was growing unpredictably and dangerously. I didn’t know what to expect from coming together like this and I knew he felt the same.
“Fuck, I hope not.” He turned to face me, leaning over to capture my mouth with another kiss.
I was sure my lips would be bruised, but my anticipation for what was about to happen made each kiss pulse throughout my body. I’d resisted this feeling before, but now, I threw myself into it. What would happen when we became one?
John moved his lips to my neck and whispered against my damp skin, “Get on the bed, Claudia.” His voice was filled with excitement and desire.
I followed the order. I wasn’t sure if I should climb all the way up or merely sit on the edge. Should I spread my knees? I opted for pulling my legs all the way up onto the bed, but sat with my legs together to the side.
John blushed, having to hear all my thoughts in his head. He reached for his belt, undoing the buckle and undoing his tie. He pulled it from his neck and tossed it where the suit jacket lay. I could see his member straining against the front of his pants and swallowed.
He winked.
John had never been shirtless in front of me, but this time it was different. My eyes moved over his chest, brushing over each scar. Noticing the tattoo on his arm, I gazed at him. He smiled, and I knew how much he wanted to be with me.
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to. I wanted to absorb the moment. He could feel it, hear it in every single simple thought and feeling coursing through my soul.
I realized that I could touch his scars now, run my hands over each patch of scored skin. I wasn’t giving strength to him this time, I just wanted to explore him.
Explore, my love, he encouraged me and his lips curled upward slightly.
John climbed on the bed beside me and lay down. He opened his arms and I slid into them. We were side by side.
I kissed him, trying a bit of boldness, which he happily met.
His fingers slid into my hair, down my back, down and down until he was clutching my bare legs. His hands felt rough on my smooth skin. He shifted, rolling on top of me.
I let my legs fall to either side of him, feeling the roughness of his slacks chafe the inside of my thighs.
He leaned up on his elbows and looked down at me. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he admitted.
“You could see more of me,” I invited while raising my arms above my head and bumping my hands against the headboard.
John hesitated for a moment, but then slid his hands beneath the sundress and pulled it up over my head. I lay beneath him in just my underwear.
My hands went to his pants, pushing them down. My fingers bumped up against his hipbones.
He stopped me.
I looked up at him, half-worried that he would refuse me.
“What’s wrong?” I could feel desire coursing through his body, so boldly it was electrifying me, sending sharp chills into me.
His desires were rising; he was on fire! His smile looked pained. “I might not be able to control myself,” he admitted, and I knew it was something I felt consuming me also. I want you so bad, but I want to take it slow.
“I trust you,” I said. I sat up, kissing his lips. I reached around behind me and unfastened my bra, letting the straps slide down my shoulders. I took one of his hands and put it to my breast. I wanted him to know I was not the timid girl he’d once chased up the stairwell.
He smiled at the thought in my mind, but it did very little to keep his desires in check as they climbed far higher, making us inhale sharply in anticipation.
I wanted him.
He bit his lips as those words echoed in my mind to merge with his.
Then, I reached down the front of his pants.