AUTHOR’S NOTE
Middle school was tough for me. While I got good grades, I struggled to connect with my classmates socially. Like Ellen, I had a best-and-only friend, a classmate who didn’t seem fazed by what made me different.
This friend was a lifeline at school, someone who helped me navigate confusing social rules that my classmates naturally understood. And when we were alone, we watched movies, talked about our favorite book series, and had many fun sleepovers.
Then my family relocated from Minnesota to Georgia, and I had to start over. My new school felt like a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language. Without my best-and-only friend, I had no one to help me fit in.
In reality, my relationship with my friend had started to change long before my family moved away. Over the years, her circle of friends expanded. Although she continued to include me, I struggled to understand how I fit into her new, more complex social life.
My interests changed, too. As figure skating became increasingly important to me, I saw my friend less and less.
It wasn’t until years after I finished school that I learned I am autistic. Suddenly, my struggles to fit in and my hypersensitivity to sensory input like lights, noise, and touch made sense.
Autism is known as a “spectrum” condition because there is a wide variety of challenges that autistic people may experience, such as innate difficulties understanding the way neurotypical individuals socially interact and communicate, and hyper- or hyposensitivity to sensory input. Some autistic individuals engage in repetitive behaviors like rocking and hand flapping to manage or express their emotions. Autistic people can be verbal, or nonverbal. Some nonverbal autistic individuals communicate in writing or by other methods. Ellen’s experiences with autism are unique to her and not intended to be viewed as the only autistic experience.
Like Ellen (and myself), many autistic people find comfort in set schedules. Even slight changes to a routine can be distressing and make our world feel like it is spinning off-axis. Canceled plans or last-minute changes can be very stressful.
My family’s relocation forced me to adjust and make new friends, just like Ellen’s class trip required that she get to know other classmates. Without my best friend around to be my guide, I had to learn to navigate on my own. I stumbled at first. Made mistakes. But eventually, like Ellen, I found friends who accepted me.
If you have questions or would like more information about what it’s like to be autistic, I encourage you to check out some wonderful, reputable online resources like Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN—autisticadvocacy.org), Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN—awnnetwork.org), and Identity-First Autistic (identityfirstautistic.org). Reading and researching other narratives—novels, nonfiction, and blogs—can also be a great way to understand and empathize with the autistic community.