15 April 1912
Buck was frantic. One minute Ava was in his arms and the next she’d disappeared.
His efforts to get information had been for naught. No one knew anything. Even the steward believed the ship’s engines would start up again and they’d be on their way.
Worse yet, Ava was gone. Not even a wisp of her long red hair anywhere in sight.
He felt as if he were living a dream and any minute he’d see her pretty face, her lovely green eyes teasing him with questions he wanted to answer and desires he hungered to fulfill.
Where did she go?
He swore she was right behind him… then she wasn’t.
She was gone.
Buck looked up and down the corridor on D Deck. She was nowhere to be seen. Not finding her was driving him crazy. Was she looking for him? Searching every face, penetrating a man’s soul with her wonder of it all?
Did she believe he had abandoned her?
His mouth tightened. He’d never abandon her, never.
And now he’d lost her.
Buck sighed inwardly. He swore he’d heard her call out to him, but he didn’t see her in the crowd of steerage passengers surging up the stairs.
How could he? Chaos reigned everywhere. People running from one cabin to another, looking for lifebelts.
Lifebelts be damned, it was lifeboats this ship needed. He was one of the few on board who knew there weren’t enough boats to save everyone.
Women and children first.
It was his duty to get Ava and the countess into a lifeboat. Surely the Titanic had sent out a distress call to other liners in the area. Another ship, maybe two were on their way and would arrive presently.
He shuddered. What if they didn’t? No man would last long in that freezing cold water.
Buck raced back toward the stairs leading to E Deck. Every reasonable argument told him getting out of this alive wasn’t in the cards.
This was one hand he would lose.
‘Best not go that way, guv’nor,’ he heard a seaman say as the bare-armed stoker pushed by him, his face and upper body smudged with black soot and a lifebelt under his arm. ‘Them foreigners is all riled up. Poor bastards.’
‘What happened?’ Buck asked, his heart pounding. All he could think about was Ava caught up in the melee.
‘Bloody steward locked the gate leading up to D Deck. No telling what them blighters will do now.’
Buck panicked, mind-numbing thoughts racing through his brain. Every instinct told him Ava was down there, waiting for him.
He jammed back down the broad stairs like a madman, never breaking his stride.
He wouldn’t rest until he found her.
‘Hurry up and open that gate,’ Buck ordered the steward trying desperately to get out of his grasp. He’d grabbed the man, nearly crushing his arm when he saw him rattling a ring of keys.
‘Unhand me, sir, if you don’t wish any unpleasantness,’ the steward said. ‘Or I shall report you to the steamship company.’
Buck smirked. No doubt he was accustomed to dealing with the ruffians in third class. The man kept his official demeanor in spite of his obvious discomfort.
Not Buck. His whole body was tense, his pulse racing. Steerage passengers hovered behind the gate, clinging to their steamer trunks, their suitcases, mulling about, mumbling in a variety of languages and not understanding what was going on. Once the gate was locked, most had scattered, looking for other ways to get up on deck. He heard one man shout about a passageway leading to the top in the other direction, his enthusiasm spurring several passengers to scramble after him.
Only a few stragglers lagged.
Then he saw Ava, banging on the iron-latticed gate, waving at him and calling out his name. Relief filled him.
He let the man go.
‘Unlock that gate,’ he repeated, louder now. He kept glancing toward Ava, making sure she didn’t disappear again.
‘I most certainly will not,’ came the insistent reply from the steward, a bespectacled man with droopy brows and a persnickety attitude.
‘If you don’t open that gate and let that girl with the red hair through, I’ll blast a hole through that pretty white uniform of yours,’ Buck said in a hoarse whisper loud enough for only the steward to hear.
‘And who the bloody hell are you, sir?’ He spun around on his heel, his manner indignant.
‘It doesn’t matter who I am,’ Buck said carefully, then eased the pistol out of his pocket and poked the steward in the gut with the barrel of his gun. ‘Just do what I say.’
His eyes popped out. ‘Yes, sir.’
Rattling his big ring of keys, the steward opened the gate just wide enough so Ava could squeeze through and then slammed it shut. She rushed into his arms.
‘Buck, oh, Buck!’ she cried out, holding on to him.
Then the steward closed it again.
‘What about other steerage passengers?’ Buck couldn’t believe the man wouldn’t let anyone else through.
‘Just her. No one else. I have my orders,’ he insisted. ‘We can’t have them overrunning the ship. Immigration laws, you know.’
‘Damn your bloody laws!’ Buck yelled. ‘This ship is sinking, you fool. Open that gate!’
The steward weighed his options. He didn’t believe the Titanic was in any danger and folded his hands over his chest. ‘No. It’s against regulations.’
‘We can’t leave those people down there, Buck,’ Ava cried out. ‘We can’t! Peggy and her sister will drown if we don’t help them. These women don’t have a gentleman’s protection like your first cabin ladies,’ she said. ‘They’re on their own. I won’t leave them down there to die, I won’t!’
She ran away before he could stop her. The two Irish girls were nowhere to be seen as Buck went after her and pulled her back, picking her up in his arms. Most likely they were looking for another way up on deck. Ava beat her fists against his chest, but he paid her no mind, carrying her easily.
‘Put me down, Buck!’ she pleaded.
‘Sorry, my love. You leave me no choice but to kidnap you.’ A sadder note sat on the edge of his mind. She was right about the two Irish girls. They had no one to fight for them.
He wouldn’t let Ava down. He promised her as soon as he got her and the countess into a lifeboat, he’d come back for the two Irish girls.
He never broke a promise.
He kissed her.
Holding her tight against his chest, he took in the salty smell of seawater on her and for a moment it reminded him of the danger they were in. Obsessed as he was over getting her into a lifeboat, she was so lovely, he didn’t want to end the kiss.
He couldn’t get enough of her.
She clung to him, her hands tight around his neck, returning his kiss with a hunger, almost a desperation, as if she knew it could be their last.
Ava still felt the danger rattling her bones as she held onto Buck’s hand. They moved quickly down the corridor on C Deck, but to her surprise, he called out to an elegant gentleman heading off in the opposite direction.
‘Have you assessed the damage to the ship, Mr Andrews?’ Buck asked, never letting go of her hand.
Ava’s eyes widened. The ship’s designer. She’d heard Buck mention him a few times.
Mr Andrews pulled on his collar, his mood pensive, but even before he spoke, she saw the truth in his eyes. Ava had a moment of paralyzing fear that choked the breath out of her. The firm grip of Buck’s hand holding hers gave her strength.
‘The Titanic has another hour, maybe two,’ Mr Andrews told them, ‘before the end comes. Six compartments have already been flooded.’
God help us all, she prayed silently.
He straightened his jacket, pulled on his cuffs. ‘I’m headed to the bridge to do what I can. Get the lady to a lifeboat quickly, then save yourself. Good luck.’
Then with a half-smile and a nod, he was off.
Ava knew he suspected she wasn’t a first-class passenger, but he’d given her that respect and she’d always cherish that. But she couldn’t forget Mr Andrews’ chilling warning, making their mission all the more urgent to get to the countess.
The jealousy engraved on the countess’s soul gave way to a warm welcome when she saw Ava, making the girl weep at the joy of it. She’d been sick at heart at the news that Ava languished in a cabin on the lower decks and would be sent back to Ireland.
Ava’s heart beat rapidly. The countess was worried about her?
It was true. Long, dark lashes brushed back misty tears. The countess blamed herself for the girl’s ordeal.
Ava begged her ladyship to shed her guilt and felt a powerful pull toward the woman and wanted things to be right between them again.
‘It was my own fault for not trusting you with the truth,’ Ava continued, feeling a bittersweet tug at her heart.
Her ladyship brightened at her words. ‘Thank you, Ava. I could never forgive myself if anything had happened to you because of my selfishness.’
‘Your eyes speak more than words ever could, your ladyship.’
‘Call me Fiona… please.’
Ava grinned wide.
‘No more time for dawdling, ladies,’ Buck said, interrupting them as he grabbed two lifebelts from the top of the wardrobe. ‘Put on your lifebelts.’ The countess made a face. ‘It’s only a precaution, Fiona,’ he said, helping her put the lifebelt on over her head. ‘You’ll be back in your stateroom in no time.’
Ava glared at him, keeping her emotions under control so the countess didn’t see her hard stare. Would they? With the lower decks filling with seawater?
She looked from Buck to the countess then back again with a gaze both curious and disturbing. Why was he being so stubborn about telling her ladyship the truth?
She shook her head in dismay when she saw the countess give him an adoring smile, believing his further untruth about the ship being safe.
Ava thought about challenging him. How could she?
He kept up a running conversation about how the Titanic was as steady as a rock, while Fiona jostled about trying to decide what color scarf to wear. He avoided looking at Ava, instead devoting his attention to the countess and securely fastening the ties so her lifebelt fit snug on her.
When Buck was finished, she looked at her boxy shape rather dourly in the mirror. He assured her she looked charming, then asked her to retrieve her black cloche hat and veil to conceal Ava’s identity.
Why is he treating the woman like a child? Ava wondered. She had a right to know the truth.
The ship was sinking.
Ava turned her eyes to the porthole, but all she could see was darkness. They had so little time left to escape. It was a chilling and horrifying thought and it made her all the more fearful about the safety of Peggy and her sister Hannah. Buck had promised her he’d not let them drown.
First, they must get the countess into a lifeboat.
‘You’re going, too, Ava,’ Buck insisted.
‘No, I want to stay with you.’
She didn’t want to stir up an argument by being obstinate, but she had to try. Though the sea was dead calm, they both knew the ship was doomed.
‘Fiona needs you, Ava.’
He knew exactly how to manipulate her.
‘By the blessed saints,’ Ava said, ‘I’ll not leave the countess’s side until she’s safe in a lifeboat and lowered away from this sinking ship.’ She paused, then said in a low voice, ‘I’ll not go myself without you.’
Buck looked perturbed. ‘You try a man’s soul, Ava, with your wild ways and total disregard for authority.’ He strapped the lifebelt on her in spite of her protests. ‘I must insist you obey my orders. It’s for your own good.’
‘Don’t ask that of me, Buck,’ she said. ‘I’m not afraid. A sinner I am, but I’m no coward.’ She heaved a deep sigh. ‘Never before in my born days did I believe I would find a good, kind gentleman like you.’
‘Ava, you’re such an innocent. I’m not as noble as you think I am,’ he admitted.
‘I don’t care. I – I love you, Captain Lord Blackthorn.’
There, she’d said what was in her heart and she wasn’t ashamed of it.
He seemed perplexed by her rash admission.
The air sizzled between them with words unsaid, desires so fervent Ava could barely stop from reaching out and pulling him to her.
‘You and the countess must hurry to the lifeboats, Ava. I’ll follow you later. You must go with Fiona,’ he said, grabbing her arms and holding her so tightly it hurt. Not a whimper came out of her. ‘We both know this ship doesn’t have much time left before she sinks.’
You’ve met your match, Ava O’Reilly. His lordship isn’t fooled by your scandalous games and saintly remarks.
‘What about Mr Brady?’ she wanted to know.
‘Trey will help load the women and children while I go belowdecks and bring up the Irish girls and put them into a lifeboat.’
Ava knew she must let him go or risk the lives of Peggy and her sister.
A swish of silk and the scent of lavender caught her attention. The countess cleared her throat. ‘I’ve brought the hat and veil for Ava, Buck.’
How long she’d been standing there, ready to go up on deck in her long black coat, red lace shawl over her arm and a pale ivory silk scarf covering her hair, Ava didn’t know. A new seriousness had settled upon her features.
Fiona had heard every word.
She was very much aware of the danger.
Ava stared at her, then Buck, knowing once they joined the other passengers up on top, the world as they knew it would never be the same again.