I have this little problem
When I sit on the dunny:
My tummy just won’t work—
And no, it’s not funny!
I asked the medics what to do:
“You could try standing on your head
Or taking these green pills.”
“But nothing works,” I said.
And the medics just stood and murmured
And collectively shook their heads.
“There’s nothing we can do for you—
You’ll just have to burst,” they said.
I thought upon my growing belly
And how to get rid of it all;
The creative juices finally won
As I sat in the toilet stall.
I stick a running hose up my bum
And rush to the dunny real quick;
“Just don’t get in my way—
I’m moving at a double-quick run.”
When friends talk about number twos,
I think of my little hose,
How I do my business my way—
Exactly how, nobody knows.