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Maverick
“YOU’RE REALLY HERE,” Lo’s voice fluttered over my face and I cracked an eye open.
“I’m here.”
She stared at me through sleepy eyes as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “You really came.”
“I really came.”
Did she think I wouldn’t? If I hadn’t been mid-practice, I would have gotten in my car and come back as soon as Kyle texted me.
Lo’s gaze dropped as she ran her fingers up and down my chest. “I didn’t expect you to come.”
I slid my fingers under her jaw and tilted her face back to me. “You don’t know me very well then.”
It stung she thought that. But I got it. Things had been hectic, and, in a way, she was right. The more time I spent with Zac, with the team, the more I found myself pulled into his world. Into college life. But I made sure to call Lo daily and I texted her as much as I could. I kept telling myself we were okay. Because the idea we weren’t wasn’t an option.
But then Kyle had texted to say he’d heard Lo had skipped class and my world spun. Lo didn’t cut class. Ever. So if she did it was because something was wrong.
Very wrong.
“I just meant...” her voice trailed off as she swallowed over whatever words were too hard to say. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I’d found her asleep among a pile of old photographs, so it didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out what had set her off, but I didn’t want to push her either. Not about this.
“Miss Tamson thinks I’m scared to move forward with my life because I think it means leaving them behind.”
“What do you think?”
Lo blinked back the tears pooling in her eyes. “I think she has a point.”
“But?” There was a but. I saw it in her conflicted gaze.
“I think it’s more than that.” Her eyes darted away again. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to tell me. And if she didn’t want to tell me it was because I wasn’t going to like whatever she said.
My chest tightened, but I managed to choke out, “Lo, I finished a two-hour practice, got in my car and drove here, for you. Because I love you. If you’re hurting, I want to be the one to comfort you.”
“Sometimes,” she sighed finally giving me her eyes again. “It’s like you know exactly what I need to hear.”
“That’s my job.” I drew her closer, tucking her against my chest but Lo’s hands slid between us breaking the connection.
“Wait. I need to explain. I need to get this out, Maverick. This is not easy for me because I know you’re not going to like what I have to say.”
There it was.
My jaw clenched as I nodded. Waiting.
“I told Miss Tamson I didn’t want to apply for college.”
Fuck.
I’d known Lo was uncertain about applying to SU. I hadn’t known she really didn’t want to be with me.
“Maverick,” she said. “Say something. Please.”
“I...” I swallowed hard.
Nope. I had nothing. Come this time next year, I didn’t want Lo anywhere but at SU. With me.
Us.
Together.
It was that simple.
At least, it was for me.
It was one of the only things getting me through the days. Knowing that every day we spent apart was a day closer to us being together. Permanently.
“You don’t want to be with me?”
The color drained from her face as her eyes bugged. “W- what? Of course I want to be with you. I love you. I love you so much.”
“But you don’t want to come to SU? You don’t want us to be together?”
“I do.” Panic flashed behind her wide gaze. “But not for the right reasons.”
I pushed back the covers and sat up. My head was spinning at her admission. My thoughts shooting off in a hundred different directions trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
“Maverick, please, look at me.”
I tugged at my hair, trying to shake off the frustration rippling through me. But Lo climbed off the bed and came around to kneel in front of me. “Maverick...”
Our eyes collided, and I felt grounded. Her faith in me, in us, was right there, plastered all over her face. Lo loved me. Maybe almost as much as I loved her.
So why the fuck did I feel like she was about to shred my heart clean in two?
“I want a future with you, Maverick. So much it terrifies me. Because somewhere along the way, you fixed me.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I didn’t get it. She said I’d fixed her. That was a good thing, wasn’t it?
“You fixed me, Maverick. You.”
“You’re going to have to spell it out for me, London. Because I feel lost right now.”
“You fixed me when I needed to fix myself first.” The words jack-hammered in my chest as the truth slammed into me.
I’d fixed her.
I’d pieced her back together after she lost everything.
Me.
Then I’d left her. Moved to college and found myself tangled up in a dangerous game with Zac Lowell, all while Lo stayed here in Wicked Bay, worrying about me. Thinking the worst.
Waiting to lose me.
Because experience told her, circumstances would rip the people she loved from her.
And if she lost me... she wouldn’t just be right back where she started, she’d be ruined.
“You are not going to lose me,” I ground out. “That is not going to happen.”
“But if I come to SU and something does happen... and I haven’t dealt with my past—the accident—I won’t survive it, Maverick. I know I won’t. My dad had to move me halfway across the world because he was scared that one day he’d find me overdosed or worse. I can’t be that person again.”
“You’re not.” I framed her face in my hands. “You won’t become that girl again. You’re strong, Lo. I see it. Your dad sees it. My family too. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
She’d survived a living nightmare and come out the other side.
“I’m a good actress. I show people what they want to see. Tell them what they want to hear. I use us—you, Maverick—as a crutch. I hide behind us telling myself nothing can touch me here. But what if there is no us? What happens then?”
Vibrations rumbled deep in my chest as I fought back the urge to roar. Because while I wanted her to be wrong, while I wanted to argue with everything she said, the truth of the matter was, I couldn’t. This wasn’t about me.
It was about the broken girl in front of me and how she felt. Her view of the world. Of us.
Of me.
I loved Lo with everything, and I would fight my way through anyone and everything that ever tried to hurt her, but she didn’t want a knight-in-shining-armor to save her. She wanted to save herself.
And I couldn’t argue with that.
I leaned in, touching my head to hers, breathing her in.
“You say I’m your crutch, Lo, but that makes you my oxygen. Because I can’t live without you. I can’t do this without you.” I drew in a ragged breath. “Take all the time you need to figure things out. If you want space, I’ll give you space. If you need time, I’ll give you time. And if you decide that college isn’t in your future then we’ll figure something out. But don’t tell me you don’t feel this.” I took her hand in mine and rested it on my heart. “It beats for you, Lo. Always.”
“Maverick, I—”
I crushed my mouth to hers, unwilling to hear any more doubt in her voice, her words. I could live with her being confused and needing time to find herself or whatever, but I couldn’t live with the idea that she doubted us.
Doubted what we meant to one another.
She owned me.
Had ever since that first night we met at the beach.
I didn’t believe in God or fate or any of that bullshit, but I did believe Lo saved me that night. Although it took another year for her to come back into my life, I never forgot the brown-eyed beauty who saw beyond the bad boy with bloodied knuckles. So I could give her space and time, but I couldn’t give her up. I needed her too damn much.
Loved her too damn much.
Tears rolled down her face, anointing our kiss, our lips. She sniffled, pulling away, pressing a final kiss to my lips. “This isn’t an us issue, Maverick,” she said with more conviction. “This is a me issue.” Lo rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm and gave me a weak smile. “I just need to find myself again.”
I nodded, unable to reply over the giant lump in my throat. I wanted to beg her to come to SU. To make her promise that when—if—she found herself again nothing would change between us. That everything would be fine. But now she’d said the words, now that I knew the truth, I knew things couldn’t go back. We could only go forward.
I just hoped when the dust settled, Lo still wanted me.
~
“YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT,” Kyle slid into the booth and dropped his wallet and keys on the table.
“Thanks for coming.”
“You rang, I came. Nothing changes.” He smirked, but I wasn’t in the mood. “So how is she?”
“Honestly?” I dragged a hand down my face. “I don’t know.”
“But you guys are okay, right? I mean, yeah shit’s hard right now but when she’s with you next year it won’t be—” My mouth pulled into a flat line and he mumbled, “Oh, shit.”
“I knew she wasn’t into the idea of applying to SU, but I thought she had cold feet, like Laurie.”
“And now?”
“She thinks she uses me as a crutch.”
Kyle’s brows pinched. “You two do have that whole special bond working for you.”
“Special bond?” I scoffed. “She lost everything, Kyle. I was just there to pick up the pieces.” And I was a bastard to her in those first few months. “What if she thinks this, us, isn’t good for her? She kept talking about finding herself... what does that even mean?” My eyes dropped to the napkin in my hands. The thing looked like it had been shredded by Wolverine.
“Nah, man. Lo loves you. I know she’s struggling. You’re gone. Uncle Rob moved Stella and Beth in without so much as a conversation. Plus the pressure of senior year is on. It’s a lot.”
“What if it’s too much?” My head snapped up and Kyle shook his head.
“It isn’t. Okay, so she needs time to find herself or whatever; it’s not like you’re here to crowd her. She has time and space. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Check in with her. Let her know you’re not going anywhere. Just be there. When she figures it out, she’ll realize she doesn’t just love you because you saved her... she loves you because you guys make sense.”
Silence crackled between us.
“I don’t know, Stone. Watching her stand there this morning as I pulled off her drive sure felt a lot like goodbye.” It had almost killed me.
“Did she say she wants to take a break?”
I shook my head.
“Did she say she doesn’t want to be with you?”
“No.”
“So you need to play it cool. I don’t think Lo even knows what she needs right now. She’s confused. I should have been keeping a closer eye on her. But you know how she gets.”
“I can’t lose her,” I ground out, feeling a vise tighten around my heart.
“You won’t.”
I wanted to believe him. But the tight knot in my stomach wasn’t so sure.