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“I TRIED TO CALL BUT no one answered the phone.” Benny stammered when the door opened. “Do you mind if I... can I come in?”
Constella opened the door wider and motioned him in. The old man bobbed his head, took a deep breath and pinched his lips tightly. Stella wondered why he made such an effort to hide the stench of alcohol but worried none about the smell of diesel and untreated sweat. Just inside the foyer Benny removed his stained cap and cast his eyes to the floor.
“Duffy’s not here.” She said abruptly, knowing the messenger probably knew that already. “Did he send you over to have a word with me – to convince me how unreasonable I have been?”
“No ma’am.”
“What do you want then? What have ye come to tell me, Benny?” Stella’s rising temper suddenly dropped to subzero. “Is it bad news?”
“The worst.” He mumbled squeezing his cap and rubbing it against his face, “It’s... I don’t know how to tell you... I ain’t ever... ”
Stella studied the man now standing in her living room as if seeing him for the first time. Seeing past the smells she had always used to define him, past the jealousy of his time with Duffy and beyond the narrow opinion she had of him. Although he kept his face down, she understood his leathery expression was one of grief and that he would be the bearer of horrific news.
“For the love of God man just say it.” She pleaded, her heart and mind racing, “Is it Duffy? Is he hurt? What hospital?”
“It’s bad ma’am.”
“I’ll get Cici and you can take me to him.” She did not question if Benny was sober enough to drive – she had never seen him sober and it certainly did not matter now.
“Oh Stella, I mean Miss Constella he loved you more than anything in this world, you and little Cecilia...Cici. You are all he ever talked about.” The man sobbed, glancing up briefly.
“Bloody hell Benny! What are you trying to say? Has he been injured? Oh lord; he has left me hasn’t he? Who is she? I’ll kill her! I will kill the both of them.”
Benny thought for a moment how she looked like a caged animal, flapping about wildly as she hurried from wall to wall, to the window and then back to settle in front of him. He grabbed her and held her shoulders sternly.
“Stop it! Don’t say anything more you are sure to regret.” He mustered what courage he had and forced himself to stare into her eyes. Her pupils constricted and covered in a dull haze. “He’s gone. He’s left us all Stella... he’s dead.” The man blurted, with his last bit of nerve. Constella crumpled to the floor under the weight of his words. “He didn’t suffer if that is any consolation and his last words were of you and your baby girl and...” Benny paused as if to understand what he himself was saying, “the vase... he wants you to give it to his sister.”
“I feel- oh Jesus I think I’m—” Constella's words were disrupted by a heave. Benny ignored the partially digested potatoes that landed atop his greasy boots. The second heave landed hot brown liquid on his pant legs but he knelt, quietly patting her back until the retching stopped. Without permission, he made his way to the bathroom and returned with a wet cloth.
“Here you go, ma’am. Wash your face and pull yourself together. When you’re ready I’ll take you to identify the um... We’ll have to go to the ... you know the—”
“My last words to him...” she murmured, “I was so cruel.”
“He knew you’d be feeling a heap of guilt. He said to tell you he never took it to heart, none of it.” His voice broke in breathless puffs as he kneeled beside her.
“I can’t.” she shook her head sweeping the rag over her neck, “I won’t. I won’t do it! You’ll have to handle it.”
“They’ll want next of kin to sign the papers; they won’t let a friend make witness. It’s for legal purposes, you understand? And you’re his wife.”
“No.” she insisted shaking her head frantically.
“I’ll be right beside you.”
“I have told you no, please don’t ask me again! I can’t. He has a sister. Now let that be the end this conversation!” Stella didn’t tell the man she had never legally married Duffy, that the travel permit listed her name is Constella Fetmore and that same permit had expired months ago. “It would be best you notify the sister and never mention me or Cecilia.”
“Meaning no disrespect but that don’t make sense ma’am.”
“Tell them to check his wallet; her telephone number will be behind his driver’s license. There is no other kin.”
“I know you’re upset Mrs. Mac—I mean Stella. Let’s just pause a minute and think this through.” Benny jumped to his feet and followed the woman as she hurried toward the kitchen and grabbed the crying child. “She is every bit as beautiful as Duff said she was.”
“That’s my Da.” The girl smiled, twisting her thumb inside her jaw.
“I know he was and he loved you so much.”
“Benny please!” Stella’s stare choked the breath from him. The invisible noose was so tight it left him speechless. “You can go now.” Her voice came in a low growl and without question or comment, he politely took his leave.