‘Has Sam managed to go inside the house again?’
Relieved to be having a day off work, Tina sank into the scullery’s empty office chair.
‘Not beyond the bathroom as far as I’m aware.’ Thea, her hands on her hips, surveyed the freshly whitewashed room. Beyond her table and two chairs, the room was empty and ready to be turned back into a scullery for the Open Day in two days’ time.
Tina sighed. ‘Sam did so well to come into the kitchen with me after the fire. I’d hoped it would trigger something in him and he’d keep trying to come in.’
‘Maybe he has. He could easily come in after everyone has gone home in the evenings. He has a key after all. It would be easier for him without the idea of Mabel watching to see how long it takes for him to bolt to the door.’
‘Perhaps.’
Seeing Tina wasn’t convinced, Thea asked, ‘Have you guys seen much of each other since you went back to your proper job?’
‘Virtually nothing.’ Tina slipped off her shoes. ‘I’ve been working on the other side of the county for the most part and, as you well know, Somerset is huge.’
‘Are you going to see him now?’ Thea thought her friend was lacking her usual glow. ‘Sam really cares for you.’
‘Does he? I haven’t heard from him since I left. I know he doesn’t have a mobile, but there are plenty of phones and laptops he could ask to borrow.’ Tina rubbed at the balls of her feet. ‘I hate having to wear grown up shoes all day again.’
‘That’s weeks working in walking boots and then going back to wearing toe-crunchers.’ Understanding Tina’s desire not to talk about Sam, Thea asked, ‘How about you, hun? You still happy with your job?’
‘I suppose so. I used to love it.’
‘But?’
‘I got used to working with people, being part of something that wasn’t just me on the road liaising between the trustees and landlords. And I got used to being more hands on. It’s hard to give all the advice, but then not be part of implementing it now I’ve had a taste of how rewarding putting the ideas into practice can be.’
‘Makes sense.’ Thea pointed to her desk. ‘Well, if you can face doing some implementing right now, I could do with a hand taking all that paperwork out to the boot of my car.’
‘No problem – but let me slip my boots on first!’
*
Tina had almost told Thea she’d been wary about visiting Mill Grange that afternoon. She would have assumed it was because of being trapped in the mill fire, but it wasn’t.
Her orders from Malcolm to get back to her old job had been so sudden, and she’d had so much to do, that she’d left Mill Grange with more haste than she’d have liked. The night after the fire, and the few wonderful hours she and Sam had spent cuddled together with their friends, already felt like a lifetime away.
As much as Tina would have liked to stay in Sam’s tent with him that night, she’d been boringly sensible and slept in the manor. Her fear of freezing in his tent, combined with sheer exhaustion after the shocks of the day had taken over from any physical desires she may have had. Did have. Still had.
The day after the fire she’d raced around to get her files and laptop from the makeshift office, half-dead after a restless night disturbed by coughing and her imagination reminding her what could have happened if the boys hadn’t found them. As she’d got ready to leave, Tina had found Sam sitting by her car. He’d held his arms out to her, and she’d flown into them without hesitating. After checking she’d had some sleep (very little) and that she’d eaten (a huge bacon sandwich with enough tomato sauce to drown in), Sam had told her he’d email her as soon as he could.
He hadn’t. That had been a month ago.
At first she’d been so busy with work and so nervous about going back into the Taunton office after everything that had happened, that Tina explained away his lack of contact as him being as busy as she was. Then she’d wondered if Sam was waiting until he had time to ask her out… until she realised that dating Sam wouldn’t be like dating other men. They could hardly go to a restaurant or the cinema if Sam couldn’t bring himself to sit inside a building.
With each fresh day of no contact, Tina had been tempted to contact him – except she didn’t have his email address and she didn’t want to ask Thea for it. Especially as she knew Sam had all her contact details because he’d asked for them before she’d left.
On her drive to Mill Grange she’d considered the possibility that Sam may have left Upwich. That she hadn’t heard from him because he’d regretted sharing his secret with her or that he’d found a new job or place to volunteer. After all, she and Thea weren’t the only ones who needed to work beyond Mill Grange’s restoration.
Now, as she followed Thea out to the driveway and her car, Tina felt herself avoiding looking either left or right. She knew she was being silly. She wanted to see Sam; she wanted to make sure he was alright. But the voice telling her he hadn’t been in touch, despite his promise to do so, wouldn’t leave her alone.
Tina’s contrary thoughts were thwarted as soon as they hit the afternoon air. Two men Tina vaguely recognised were getting out of a van parked about one hundred metres down the driveway.
‘Thea, aren’t those blokes on Shaun’s TV show?’ As Tina asked the question, they saw Shaun stride across the garden, his hand outstretched towards the visitors in greeting.
‘It certainly looks like it.’
‘I take it from your tone that you didn’t know Shaun had friends coming.’
‘No I didn’t.’ Thea dropped her armful of files into the open car boot. ‘It doesn’t have the appearance of friends who just happen to be passing through, does it? In fact, the concept of “just passing” doesn’t apply around here.’
Sam had joined Shaun now. He was looking far less surprised than the women had been to see two of the Landscape Treasures crew at Mill Grange.
‘I’ve just remembered who those guys are.’ Thea’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘That’s Andy and Ajay.’
‘The geophysics team? The ones Shaun refers to as “the AA” when he’s onscreen?’
‘The very same.’
As Shaun saw Thea and Tina coming towards him, he flushed with pleasure. He appeared far too excited for someone who was greeting work colleagues he’d seen only a few weeks ago.
‘Thea, Tina, let me introduce you to the show’s geo-fizz team. Andy and Ajay, this is the unstoppable Thea Thomas, chief restorer here at Mill Grange and the equally amazing Tina Martin.’
‘Pleased to meet you both.’ Thea shook their outstretched hands. ‘Forgive me, I’d have been here to meet you, but I didn’t know you were coming.’
‘Last-minute decision.’ Shaun answered for them. ‘The lads are going down to the place in Cornwall to do some more readings.’
Ajay’s enthusiasm was contagious as he said, ‘Shaun went on so much about how great this place is, we thought we’d come and take a peep before it’s closed to visitors.’
Tina sensed Sam’s gaze on her, but had yet to glimpse in his direction. She wasn’t convinced. Her friend’s expression told her Thea wasn’t either, although she said nothing beyond inviting their guests into the manor for a tour.
‘After all, I need to practise giving tours. I’ve pretty much worked out what I’m going to say when the guests come in, but a trial run would be a good idea; I’m a bit nervous. I wanted to go to the archivist’s office in Taunton and get more information about the place, but somehow that never happened.’
‘You’ll be fantastic.’ Shaun beamed proudly. ‘I’m sure the AA won’t mind being guinea pigs.’
*
‘Although I’m sure Thea did want to have a practice run of her tour, I can’t help thinking Shaun and Thea have steered his friends away so that we could be alone.’ Sam spoke quietly as he regarded Tina.
‘Probably.’ She flicked her pigtails over her shoulders.
‘After all, Thea knows I won’t follow them, doesn’t she?’
There wasn’t a trace of self-pity in Sam’s voice but Tina thought she detected something else. Annoyance? Anger?
‘How have you been?’ It wasn’t a particularly dynamic sentence, but the silence that had fallen between them seemed to be filling up every inch of the summer air between them.
‘I’ve been good.’ Sam waved his words away as soon as they’d been spoken. ‘Cancel that. What I should have said is I’ve been rather pathetic and I’m ashamed of myself.’
Tina wasn’t sure what to say. She felt awkward and didn’t know where to put her hands.
‘You want to know why I didn’t email.’ It was spoken as a statement, not a question.
‘Yes.’ Not able to stay still any longer, Tina pointed towards the walled garden. ‘Let’s visit the chickens. I’d like to say goodbye to Gertrude and Tony and the gang. I can’t imagine I’ll have time again between now and Open Day.’
Falling in step with Tina, Sam said, ‘The new owner is keeping them, so at least Thea doesn’t have to worry about re-homing them as well.’
‘That’s good.’ Not wanting to say anything else until Sam had explained himself, Tina lapsed back into silence.
Gertrude was sitting in the doorway of the coop. Her backside was spread out so much it blocked the door to all the others.
‘Not the best parking, Gertrude old girl.’ Sam rested his forearms on the fenced enclosure. ‘She’s got so much character, don’t you think?’
‘I miss her.’ Tina kept her eyes on the hen, watching as she rearranged her feathers with a quick shake, before settling down again. ‘I miss all of them.’
‘I miss you.’
Resisting the temptation to turn around and forgive him instantly without waiting for an explanation, Tina said, ‘You were going to tell me why you didn’t send the promised email.’
‘Cowardice.’
‘I frighten you?’
‘No.’ Sam paused, gripping the fence so hard it looked as if he was physically holding it up. ‘After the fire I took you inside the manor. It was a big deal for me as I explained.’
‘But you did it.’
‘Because you were frightened and no way was I going to let you go anywhere alone.’
‘Someone else could have escorted me inside.’
Sam abruptly swung around and faced Tina properly for the first time since she’d arrived at the manor. ‘I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be the one who helped you.’
Hoping that now Sam was talking, he’d keep going, Tina gave an encouraging dip of her head.
‘After that evening I swore to myself that I would email you and that I would do it from inside the manor. I’d gone in beyond the bathroom once and nothing bad had happened, so I could do it again.’
‘Go on.’
‘I tried. Every day I thought I’d go in, but…’ Sam threw his hands up in exasperation. ‘You deserve more than a man who can’t even walk into a large airy kitchen to tell you he wants to ask you out.’
‘You don’t need to be inside for that.’ Tina wrapped her arms around him. ‘I think I should tell you that I’ve always enjoyed camping and I love picnics.’
*
‘If this was my house I’d have a bench just here.’ Tina stretched her legs out in front of her as she sat next to Sam on the grass, their backs resting on the garden wall.
‘It’s a perfect suntrap.’ Sam waved a hand at the dilapidated greenhouse. ‘If I was the owner, I’d save that. I can’t stop picturing it full of oranges, lemons and grapevines.’
Tina paused before she asked, ‘Do you think you’d be alright in a greenhouse? The glass is so open and light.’
‘Less enclosed you mean?’ Sam shrugged. ‘I suspect so, especially if there was a door each end which could be left open.’
He was so still and quiet that Tina held her breath.
‘I got help at first. Lots of help. Everyone was so kind. It wasn’t a case of another soldier being ignored in the grips of PTSD. I was looked after, but it felt so pointless. There were so many others that deserved help more than I did.’
‘You deserved help too.’
‘I did not.’ Sam suddenly reached out to take her hand, and then pulled it back again. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. My friends lost limbs and their minds. They need help. I have no worries by comparison.
‘I left the counselling centre and started my own self-treatment plan. Staying outside and working hard for worthwhile causes.’
‘Hence coming here.’
‘Yes.’ Sam risked placing a palm on Tina’s leg. When she didn’t object he added, ‘I hadn’t expected to stay here this long. Usually, after a few days, people start asking questions about why I won’t go inside or label me a weirdo. I’m always moving on.’
Hardly daring to ask, Tina whispered, ‘And this time? Where will you go next?’
‘That’s just it. I don’t want to go this time. Somehow, against the odds, everyone has accepted that I don’t go indoors and not asked questions.’
‘You fit in here.’
‘Yes.’ Sam blinked. ‘And I’m having trouble getting used to that too, although I’m not complaining about it.’
After a few seconds of sitting in silence, Tina said, ‘If I asked you what had happened, could you tell me?’
Sam held her hand tighter as he cleared his throat. ‘There’s much I can’t tell you, because the nature of my work then remains confidential.’
‘Understood.’
‘You’ll have guessed I was trapped in a building in frightening circumstances.’
Sam’s free hand scratched at his thigh up and down so fast Tina thought he might make a hole in his jeans, so she reached over and took it firmly in her hand. ‘If you aren’t ready to tell me, I can wait.’
‘I’m okay. Especially now you’re here.’ Sam held her gaze. ‘You are here, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’ Tina knew she meant it, but until she heard her words out loud, she hadn’t realised how fervently.
‘There was a fire in a house. I can’t say where I was, but there’s a lot of sand there.’
Tina understood, and fear for what might have happened to the gentle man beside her clutched at her heart. He was peacekeeping.
‘Four of my mates were inside trying to get locals out. I saw the fire go up. I’m not sure how the blaze started, but there was a strong smell of petrol. I went in to help and we got all the locals out, but then the ceiling of one of the rooms collapsed. One of my friends…’ His voice cracked. ‘Dale. He was trapped under rubble and the others ran back to get him out. I was pulling a local woman to safety. By the time I ran back in to help the others it was too late. I couldn’t battle through the flames.
‘The next thing I knew, the building was falling in. I was yanked free as I was nearest the door, but the others… I never saw them again.’