Introduction: Reading Between the Lions
1. Robert Johnson, Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth (New York: Harper & Row, 1989), 95.
Chapter 1: Why Discuss Sexual Fantasies?
1. “Fantasy,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fantasy?s=t.
2. Neil T. Anderson, The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings, Habitual Sins (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 1993), 137.
3. Be aware that these case studies are composite sketches of many clients combined so that individual identities are protected. Any similarities between these stories and anyone you know are purely coincidental.
4. Pia Mellody is credited with introducing Jarratt Major to this concept.
5. Tina Miracle, Andrew Miracle, and Roy Baumeister, Human Sexuality: Meeting Your Basic Needs (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc., 2003), 349.
6. Robin Norwood, Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1997), March 12.
Chapter 2: The Benefits of Boundaries
1. Tina Miracle, Andrew Miracle, and Roy Baumeister, Human Sexuality: Meeting Your Basic Needs (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc., 2003), 349.
2. Ibid., 351.
3. Ibid., 352.
4. Ibid., 349.
5. “Repression,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/repression?s=t&ld=1031.
6. “Sublimation,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sublimation?s=ts.
7. Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 222.
8. “Autoerotic,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/autoerotic?s=t.
9. “Erotic,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/erotic?s=t.
10. “Illicit,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/illicit?s=t.
11. Found at http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/human-biology/brain-during-orgasm2.htm.
12. Statistics are from Brett Kahr’s Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (New York: Basic Books, 2008), quoted in “The Truth About Sexual Fantasies,” ShoppingLifestyle.com, http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/the-truth-about-sexual-fantasies/911/1.
13. Thanks to Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss for inspiring this idea in their book Private Thoughts: Exploring the Power of Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Charleston, SC: Booksurge, 2008), 193–95.
14. Ibid.
Chapter 3: The Faces Behind Sexual Fantasies
1. “Archetype,” Dictionary.com, http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/archetypes?s=t&ld=1031.
2. Robert Johnson, Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1986), 46.
3. Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988), 2.
4. Johnson, Inner Work, 50.
Chapter 4: Pornography: The Fantasy Factory
1. Elle Emmerson, “Hope for Women Living in a Porn Torn World: A Beautiful Mind,” May 15, 2012, blog post, Shannon Ethridge’s Blog; adapted from http://shannonethridge.wordpress.com/?s=A+Beautiful+Mind.
2. Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle (New York: Nation Books, 2009), 68.
3. Ibid., 82.
4. Ibid., 66.
5. Ibid., 77.
6. Ibid., 59.
7. Ibid., 57.
8. ChristiaNet, Inc., “ChristiaNet Poll Finds that Evangelicals Are Addicted to Porn,” MarketWire.com, August 7, 2006, http://www.marketwire.com/press-release/ChristiaNet-Poll-Finds-That-Evangelicals-Are-Addicted-to-Porn-703951.htm.
9. Dr. Michael J. Bader, Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies (New York: Thomas Dunne Books, 2002), 5.
10. Ibid., 49.
11. Hedges, Empire of Illusion, 57.
12. Dr. Archibald D. Hart, Thrilled to Death: How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure Is Leaving Us Numb (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2007), 129–30, emphasis in original.
13. Ibid., 132.
Chapter 5: Bartering with Our Bodies
1. Leanne Payne, The Broken Image (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1995), 42.
2. Personal e-mail to the author.
3. Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters (New York: Riverhead Books, 2009), xxvi.
4. C. S. Lewis, A Complete Guide to His Life and Works, ed. Walter Hooper (New York: HarperCollins, 1996), 321.
5. “El Shaddai—The Breasted One,” Good News Inc., http://www.goodnewsinc.net/v4gn/shaddai.html.
Chapter 6: When “One Flesh” Isn’t Enough Flesh
1. Statistics are from Brett Kahr’s Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (New York: Basic Books, 2008), quoted in “The Truth About Sexual Fantasies,” ShoppingLifestyle.com, http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/the-truth-about-sexual-fantasies/911/1.
2. Ibid.
3. “What Are Dreams?” NOVA, produced and directed by Charles Coville, aired June 29, 2011, on PBS.
4. Dr. Harry W. Schaumburg, False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1992), 79–80.
5. Benjamin Franklin, Autobiography and Writings (New York: Oxford University Press, 1999), 282.
6. Shanna Freeman, “What Happens in the Brain During an Orgasm?” How Stuff Works, http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/human-biology/brain-during-orgasm2.htm.
7. Ibid.
8. Ibid.
9. Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 218.
10. Ibid., 226, emphasis in original.
Chapter 7: Grappling with Gay and Lesbian Fantasies
1. Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain (London: Bantam Books, 2006), 237–38.
2. Alex Witchel, “Life After ‘Sex,’” New York Times, January 19, 2012, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/22/magazine/cynthia-nixon-wit.html?_r=1.
3. M. Pollak, “Male Homosexuality,” in Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times, ed. Philippe Aries and Andre Bejin, trans. Anthony Forster (New York: B. Blackwell, 1985),40–61, cited by Joseph Nicolosi in Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality (Northvale. NJ: Jason Aronson, 1991), 124, 125, found at http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02#edn7.
4. David H. Demo et al., eds., Handbook of Family Diversity (New York: Oxford University Press, 2000), 73. Found at http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02#edn7.
5. “Gay Rights: Facts About Homosexuality,” FaithFacts.org, http://www.faithfacts.org/christ-and-the-culture/gay-rights#ravages.
6. “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence,” U.S. Department of Justice: Office of Justice Programs, 30; “Intimate Partner Violence,” Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report, 11, found at http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02#edn7.
7. A. P. Bell and M. S. Weinberg, Homosexualities: A Study of Diversity Among Men and Women (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978), 308, 309; see also A. P. Bell, M. S. Weinberg, and S. K. Hammersmith, Sexual Preference (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1981), found at http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02#edn7.
8. “Lesbian Bed Death,” Wikipedia.com, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian_bed_death.
9. Kevin Caruso, “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Suicide,” Suicide.org, http://www.suicide.org/gay-and-lesbian-suicide.html.
10. “Gay Rights,” FaithFacts.org.
Chapter 8: Our Fascination with Pleasure, Pain, and Power
1. Carol Thurston, The Romance Revolution (Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 1987), 78; Michael Castleman, “Women’s Rape Fantasies: How Common? What Do They Mean?” PsychologyToday.com, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201001/womens-rape-fantasies-how-common-what-do-they-mean.
2. Dr. Michael J. Bader, Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies (New York: Thomas Dunne Books, 2002), 126–27.
3. Ibid., 127.
4. Robert Johnson, Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1986), 71.
5. Bader, Arousal, 130.
6. Etty Hillesum, Etty: The Letters and Diaries of Etty Hillesum, 1941–1943 (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2002), 529.
7. Statistics are from Brett Kahr’s Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies (New York: Basic Books, 2008), quoted in “The Truth About Sexual Fantasies,” ShoppingLifestyle.com, http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/love/the-truth-about-sexual-fantasies/911/1.
8. Shanna Freeman, “What Happens in the Brain During an Orgasm?” How Stuff Works, http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/human-biology/brain-during-orgasm2.htm.
9. Bader, Arousal, 113.
10. Personal e-mail to the author.
11. Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle (New York: Nation Books, 2009), 74, 86, 87.
12. Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988), 9–10.
Chapter 9: Putting Fantasy in Its Place
1. Leanne Payne, The Broken Image (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1995), 30.
2. Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2010), 216–17.
Conclusion: The Rest of the Story
1. I wrote about the concept of embracing your role as the bride of Christ in my book, Completely His: Loving Jesus Without Limits (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2007).
Appendix 2: Curing the Sexual Abuse Epidemic
1. Lynda S. Doll, Linda J. Koenig, and David W. Purcell, “Child Sexual Abuse and Adult Sexual Risk: Where Are We Now?” in From Child Sexual Abuse to Adult Sexual Risk, ed. Lynda S. Doll et al. (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2004), 3–10; Shanta R. Dube et al., “Long-Term Consequences of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Gender of Victim,” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 28, no. 5 (2005): 430–38; David M. Fergusson, L. John Horwood, and Michael T. Lynskey, “Childhood Sexual Abuse, Adolescent Sexual Behavior, and Sexual Revictimization,” Child Abuse & Neglect 21 (August 1997): 789–803; David Finkelhor and Jennifer Dziuba-Leatherman, “Children as Victims of Violence: A National Survey,” Pediatrics 94 (October 1994): 413–20; Jim Hooper, Child Abuse: Statistics, Research, Resources (Boston: Boston University School of Medicine, 1998); Cynthia Simpson, Rebecca K. Odor, and Saba Masho, Childhood Sexual Assault Victimization in Virginia (Richmond, VA: Center for Injury and Violence Prevention, Virginia Department of Health, 2004).
2. Gene G. Abel and Nora Harlow, Stop Child Molestation Book (published by the authors, 2001); Dean G. Kilpatrick, Benjamin E. Saunders, and Daniel W. Smith, Youth Victimization: Prevalence and Implications, (Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, 2003); Howard N. Snyder, Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics (Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2000).
3. Michele Elliott, Kevin Browne, and Jennifer Kilcoyne, “Child Sexual Abuse Prevention: What Offenders Tell Us,” Child Abuse & Neglect 5 (May 1995), 579–94; Abel and Harlow, Stop Child Molestation Book; Kilpatrick, Saunders, and Smith, Youth Victimization.
4. Andrea J. Sedlak et al., Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect (NIS-4), Report to Congress (Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, 2010), 3–9.
5. Gene G. Abel et al., “Self-Reported Sex Crimes on Nonincarcerated Paraphiliacs,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 2 (March 1987): 3–25; Kilpatrick, Saunders, and Smith, Youth Victimization.
6. Abel et al., ibid.
Appendix 4: Twelve Steps to Recovery
1. John Baker, adapted from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1998).