Relationship patterns are a little like fingerprints—we all have them and each is utterly unique. Like it or not, we’re all shaped in one way or another by our families, our childhoods, our upbringing. Here’s a snapshot of where we came from, who we were long before we met, and how we became friends over the years. It may provide some insight into our relationship struggles.
What were you like as a child? I was a curious and inquisitive child with an active imagination. Among close family and friends I was confident, outspoken, and boisterous. My mom called me “Monkey,” as I was always climbing and jumping on things, exploring the outdoors, looking for my next adventure. At home I was assertive and confident, but around new people I was timid and reserved. Being very shy made it difficult to make new friends, and I often felt like an outsider in school. I was also the black sheep in my family: the artistic, sensitive, intuitive child in a family of rational-minded left-brained thinkers.
What memories do you have of your parents? When my mother was pregnant with me, my parents quit their jobs and started a software company together. I grew up with their business. I watched throughout my childhood as their hard work and perseverance paid off. My parents taught us to focus on what we want and go after it. They told us to never settle and never give up. I think this approach has affected my outlook in many areas of life, including dating.
Who were your heroes or role models when you were a child? I always saw my parents as perfect role models whom I should aspire to. They had a successful marriage and a successful business. They had great friends and family and were always great parents to us. But while I admired them, I was also intimidated by them. I sometimes worried if I’d ever live up to their success. I spent a lot of time trying to please and impress them when I was younger.
Were your parents strict? At times when I was younger I felt frustrated by how involved my parents were. I was jealous of my friends who had no after-school commitments or had laid-back parents who set no curfews.
Looking back, I feel lucky I had parents who cared so much. They loved us, looked out for us, and truly wanted the best for us. I think in many ways they just wanted us to have all the experiences and opportunities they couldn’t afford growing up.
What did you want to be when you grew up? When I was very young it was clear my passion was in art. I loved to draw and paint, but I never imagined I could make a career out of it. I always assumed it would be a hobby, and I’d follow in my parents’ footsteps and go into business or sales.
When I was eleven years old, I became obsessed with computers and taught myself how to code websites and to use graphic art software. When I was twelve, one of the websites I created became very popular. I started making money off the site through advertising. I remember opening one of the large checks that came in the mail and thinking it was the greatest thing in the world that I could make money doing something I loved. This success as a child gave me the courage and confidence to pursue a career in design and the arts.
Were you a good student? Yes, I was a bit of a perfectionist in every aspect of life. I was one of those annoying kids obsessed with organizing books and class notes, color-coding folders, and always doing the extra-credit assignment.
Are your parents together? What is their relationship like? My parents found love at a young age and have had a long and happy marriage. So did my grandparents and great-grandparents. They have it all: shared goals and values, love, mutual respect, commitment, and attraction. They are not only lovers, but best friends, and were partners in all aspects of life, including their business. Throughout my childhood, there were almost no fights or major disagreements between them. They always respected each other, listened to each other, and supported each other.
Do you think your parents’ situation directly influences your relationships? Having parents who were perfect models for how a relationship should be has made it hard to settle for anything less. This past year, my mom mentioned that I should be less picky or I might wind up alone. However, I know what I like and what I am looking for, and I’m not sure I’m ready to compromise. I am also aware that while previous generations of my family married young, I live in a very different time than they did. The Internet has popularized casual dating and hookup culture. Most people I know are focusing on careers, and marriage seems to be losing its relevance in modern times. All of this makes me wonder what it is that I really want, outside of the expectations from family and society.
Where did you go to college? My heart led me to the Rhode Island School of Design. I was dating a guy who lived in the area, and he had a big influence on my decision to enroll. While things between us didn’t work out, I’m glad I ended up there. I really grew into myself during this time. I met great friends, gained confidence, and had amazing experiences. I also met my first true love in college. It was the beginning of sophomore year, and I fell for him at first sight. His upbringing was very different from my own: He grew up in a small hippy town in northwestern Washington. I was drawn to his unusually laid-back attitude. He taught me a new perspective on life and was unbelievably kind. From the moment we met, we rarely spent a day apart. We lived together and talked about getting married after school and one day having kids. For the longest time, I truly thought he was “the one.”
When did you move to New York City? After college, I moved to New York City with my boyfriend. I started working at a design studio called Pentagram. It was my dream job, so I threw myself into the work, staying up all night, if necessary. Around this time, things started getting tough between us, and we began fighting more. I think deep down we both realized we wanted different things in life. He’d mention wanting to move back to the West Coast someday soon and start a family and live a simpler life. I was starting to realize that I wasn’t really ready for marriage or kids and wanted to focus on my career. He moved on and eventually met a beautiful woman in Seattle, and they married and now have a kid. We’ve since become good friends. However, I’ve found myself comparing every new guy and every new relationship to what I had with him. It’s been difficult to find someone who measures up to him.
What is difficult about dating in NYC? In a city filled with amazing men, you’d think it would be easy to find a great one. It’s actually the opposite: Everyone here is too busy and thinks they can do better. I can be shy around new people, so I’ve had a hard time meeting guys here. A few years ago I tried online dating, and I did meet some great guys, but it didn’t work out with any of them.
Do you like dating? Dating can be fun if you like the guy. I don’t like to waste my time, or theirs, so I generally only go out with guys I really like, or with whom there’s a real possibility for something more. I hate to sound so calculating, but even in online dating, I’ll vet a guy thoroughly beforehand: Reverse-image searches on Google and Facebook makes that pretty simple these days.
What do you love about being in a relationship? It’s not that I don’t enjoy being single. I do. I just enjoy being in a loving, healthy relationship even more. It’s nice to have someone you can give and receive love and support with. To have someone you can laugh, learn, grow, and explore the world with . . . and cuddle with. Cuddling is the best.
When was your last serious relationship? My last serious relationship started in January 2010 and ended in January 2012. Besides my college boyfriend, it was the most serious relationship that I’ve been in so far. We were very much in love. We lived together, we adopted a dog together, and we talked about plans for our future together. One day I found out he had been lying to me for many months about some serious financial issues. While I tried to let it go, I just couldn’t. I hold honesty above everything else. The relationship deteriorated, and I broke things off shortly after.
How do your relationships usually end? Most of them ended mutually and amicably, although I did break off a few. November 2012 was the first time a guy broke my heart. His name was Parsa. He was beautiful, intelligent, and mysterious, and I jumped into the relationship very quickly. Almost as soon as I fell for him, he broke things off. I was jolted by this; rejection is agonizing and embarrassing.
What are you looking for in your next relationship? After the last heartbreak with Parsa, I’ve also started to question why I wanted a relationship so much, and if I need one at all. Friends tell me I should slow down and enjoy being single, and at times I feel that way as well. But sometimes I feel restless, and something inside me doesn’t want to give up on the search to find someone special. I am not so interested in marriage or kids yet, just someone wonderful and amazing to share life with.
When did you meet Tim? I met Tim five years ago in the design community in New York. It was right around the time I broke up with my college boyfriend. We always bonded over being the singles in a group of friends who were primarily couples. We’d hang out at least once a week or go for drinks. Our conversations were always focused on the crazy drama in our love lives. We’d listen to each other’s stories, often dumbfounded at our polar-opposite views on love and relationships. We started to tease each other about these opposite issues. I’d call him a commitment-phobe; he’d call me a hopeless romantic. We started talking about these behaviors and patterns and started asking each other bigger questions about relationships.
What do you think about Tim’s current dating life? Tim disappears on girls soon after things start to get serious. I don’t think there is anything wrong with him dating around if he is honest about it, but I do think he is leading some of these girls on, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It would be great if he could develop a more mature perspective toward relationships, so that if he does meet a great girl he loves, he doesn’t fuck it up. I do think deep down Tim is looking for someone wonderful.
When did you come up with the idea for the experiment? In December 2012, Tim and I had a trip planned with a bunch of our close friends to go to Art Basel in Miami. The morning of the flight, Tim and I were waiting in line at JFK airport, and we started talking about the most recent developments in our love lives. Parsa had broken up with me a few weeks prior. Tim, on the other hand, was telling me about the “stress” he was having from all the girls he was dating at once.
Tim mentioned the possibility of doing a project about our dating lives and failures. I immediately thought it was a great idea that would combine our love for design with our personal lives. Once we boarded the flight, we immediately started brainstorming. We talked about our opposite relationship issues and questioned how we could help each other or maybe even meet in the middle. By the time the plane landed in Miami, we had a pretty solid plan set for the experiment.
Why did you want to participate in the experiment? Whether it’s romantic love, a love for my work, or love for my family and friends, it’s that intense feeling of love, of believing in something or someone, that excites me and keeps me going in life. I’ve also never experienced any comedown or hangover that compares to being heartbroken. Yet no matter how much pain it causes, and no matter how many times it has destabilized me or broken me down, the pain eventually subsides, and the cycle starts all over again. Love is like some sort of socially accepted addiction, and I keep falling into its trap.
Someone once said that when you do the same thing over and over, looking for different results each time, it becomes a kind of madness. After some failed relationships, a painful heartbreak, and most recently a year of disastrous dating attempts in New York, where I was both getting rejected and doing the rejecting, I feel a bit lost, and am looking for some answers: Am I fucking up all my relationships, or have I not met the right person? Do I really want another serious relationship? Why do I jump into relationships so quickly? Why can’t I enjoy dating more? How can love be so wonderful, powerful, and yet debilitating?
Of all the emotions or experiences I’ve had on this earth, love is the one I understand the least. The 40 Days experiment seemed like a perfect opportunity to explore some of my questions. I also wanted to challenge myself to face some of my inadequacies and fears in relationships and dating.
Was there an initial attraction between you and Tim? I am drawn to Tim in many ways. He’s a great friend, he is a lot of fun to be around, and I respect him. While he’s not my usual “type,” I do think he is very attractive. Yet I’ve always been turned off by his dating style and track record with relationships. I’ve felt like it might not be worth taking the risk. However, I can’t deny wondering, “What if?”
Were you nervous about the experiment? During our trip to Art Basel in Miami, we were having dinner with our group of friends when we told them about the experiment. They had a very negative reaction to the idea, and they pleaded with us to think about the ramifications. They thought we’d wind up hurting each other or breaking up our group of friends in the process. There was fighting and awkward stares, and the night ended in tears. Tim and I were pretty shocked at this response. The conversation made us stop and think: Was this experiment worth risking our friendship? Was it worth the possibility of splitting up our group of friends?
During the following weeks, Tim and I went back and forth several times about whether we should do the experiment or not. Finally, I sat down and really thought about it. Yes, it was a huge risk. It could be a total failure, it might ruin our friendship, and it would be emotionally difficult. However, I realized the even greater risk was not taking this chance and regretting it later.
I don’t want to play it safe in life. I watch friends take on jobs they find boring only for the money, and I’ve seen friends settle into marriages because they worry they can’t do better. Maybe those people will wind up happier in the end, but for myself, that version of life scares me. I don’t want to wind up on my deathbed full of regrets for not taking crazy chances. I’d rather look back on a life of failures from these experiences than a life led by fear. This experience with Tim is really just a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I couldn’t turn down or walk away from. So on February 20, 2013, we made our final pact to actually go ahead with this crazy idea. On March 20, 2013, we began the experiment.
What were you like as a child? Growing up in Cleveland, Ohio, in a family of modest means, I learned how to be scrappy as a youngster. When I was seven years old I’d spend hours building things with my blocks. Then I’d aggressively tear it all down. When I was ten years old I turned my room into a “game room” where you’d walk through a path of board games I had set up everywhere. Then I’d tear it all down. When I was twelve years old I got into heavy metal. I’d buy tons of music magazines, put the pages up all over my wall in a very curated way, then tear it all down. To me, everything seemed ephemeral; nothing really meant anything. I was fascinated by that. But I’m still doing that: I build up romantic relationships, and then I tear them down.
Were your parents strict? For a long time, when I was really little, it was just my mother and me. She would let me watch stuff like Rambo, Eddie Murphy stand-up, and Cheech and Chong. At eight years old I could literally recite all of Eddie Murphy Raw. That might sound troubling to some, but my mom really turned me on to pop culture, and I think it’s had a big influence on my work, not to mention helping me have a good sense of humor about things. I also ate too many sweets, like Lucky Charms, on most mornings. For fun, I would egg cars, steal from stores, and generally convince my friends to get in trouble with me. When I was an adolescent my older cousin, who was probably seventeen at the time, would spike my Coca-Cola at Thanksgiving. It was so much fun. But my poor mom. Jeez, I can’t believe I came out relatively normal! No addictions, weird fetishes, or jail sentences.
Who were your heroes or role models when you were a child? My heroes were characters like Ferris Bueller and Zack Morris, and I reveled in the idea of pulling a fast one on people in authority. I really looked up to rebellious characters, as well as to pro athletes, and rock and rap stars. My three uncles on my mom’s side were around and became my role models. For good or bad, they gave me some of the tools I needed to gain confidence in my life. While it was a bit hard to process while I was going through it as a child, looking back I’m thankful for them, partly because they were so eccentric and diverse. One of them was a mechanic. Another was a lieutenant general in the army. The third one was like a big brother to me. He’s six-foot-six, and back then he had an awesome dog and a talking bird, and he was always single and lived in a different city. Finally, my wonderful and unusually hip grandparents have been a stable thread throughout my entire life.
Were you a good student? I was a really horrible high school student; I barely graduated. That’s how my graphic design career started: In high school, I would steal hall passes, replicate them in Microsoft Word, and print out whole packs of them. Later, I forged teachers’ signatures. I was a cheater. At one point, I skipped Spanish class twenty-eight days in a row and had a 0.7 GPA. I was all about partying, and I had no focus. I regularly smoked weed throughout my junior and senior years. I even got suspended on the last day of my high school career. I took it all in stride; actually, I thought it was funny. When all my friends went to college, though, losing them depressed me. It was a reality check, and I began to look at my life in new ways and ask myself different kinds of questions.
What did you want to be when you grew up? It’s funny, I don’t remember wanting to be anything in particular. There was an old man in my neighborhood, back when I was growing up, who would call me Dead End Kid, a reference to the characters played by teenage actors in the Broadway play Dead End in 1935. They were newsboys who smoked cigarettes and their faces were always covered in dirt. I was sort of a 1980s version of that. I do remember, for a brief moment, wanting to be a police officer. And I remember really liking the label “cop.” My friends and I would play around in the neighborhood—hopping fences, running through backyards, climbing up on garage roofs—and in the movies, cops would do this kind of activity as they were chasing the bad guys. I really liked the idea of that. Not catching bad guys, but hopping fences and running through backyards. I was a dust kicker.
Where did you go to college? After barely graduating high school, I started working for a guy named Dave who ran a painting and home improvement company. He was my first great mentor and is still like a father to me to this day. In the beginning, I was a laborer, hauling buckets of wallpaper glue up ladders for twelve to fifteen hours a day. That taught me a strong work ethic. It also has helped me appreciate how fortunate I am to be doing what I love, and how lucky to be doing it in New York. I try not to take anything for granted. I think one reason I acted out so much as a kid was because I was missing that kind of father figure in my life, so it was a really profound experience to have Dave fill that void. Over the next four years, he taught me fundamental skills like painting, tiling, and drywalling during the day, while I took interior design classes at Cuyahoga Community College at night. I had to take a lot of different classes for my major, but my drawing teacher, Nancy Halbrooks, was especially supportive. She encouraged me to keep drawing, which then led me to study design with a teacher named Jacqueline Friedman. She was very demanding, and that gave me confidence at what I was doing, and I soon realized that I wanted to get out of Cleveland and move to a bigger city.
When did you move to New York City? I moved here when I was twenty-three to go to the School of Visual Arts. Being older, I kind of treated it like a job. I felt that I had this one shot to make something of myself, or else I would have to move back to Cleveland with all of these loans and start painting houses again.
What memories do you have of your parents? My mother taught me how to love and respect people, which is why I have so many meaningful and lasting friendships. She struggled at times, but she was strong. It was good for me to be around that. When I was twenty-one she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and I watched her overcome that. I learned that a woman doesn’t need money to be strong, she just has to have love and faith. When I was twelve years old I vividly recall my mother hiding a roll of money with a rubber band around it in my sock drawer. It was about two thousand dollars, and it was all the money she had to her name. She did this because things started going bad between her and my stepfather, and she was worried about the future. This formed the basis of my relationship with money: I wouldn’t say I’m cheap, but no matter how much money I make, saving is important to me. When money is tight, all you have is the idea of the way things could be. This made me crave success, I think.
Are your parents together? What is their relationship like? When my mother was three months pregnant with me, my father (her then boyfriend) told her she had to make a choice between him and me. Thankfully, she chose me. We didn’t have any money, and we lived on the second floor of a duplex house. Someone told me that when I was a baby she had been on welfare and worked at a gas station. When I was five years old she married a man and they had two sons, giving me awesome brothers. When I was thirteen she divorced him, and when I was sixteen she married a really great guy, and they’ve been together ever since. I’m glad she finally found someone.
Do you think your parents’ situation directly influences your relationships? Had I grown up in a more traditional family structure, I might have approached things differently. However, I wouldn’t be who I am today without my mom, my grandparents, and the mentors and male influences in my life—and for that, I wouldn’t trade anything in the world.
Why can’t you commit? I’m a big fan of Winnie-the-Pooh. There’s a quote where Owl says, “A girl sees what she likes, a boy likes what he sees.” I guess I’m a little like a kid in a candy shop, liking what I see. I don’t believe I can’t commit; I just haven’t met the right person. In many situations, commitment sadly translates to compromise.
What do you love most about being single? Freedom. The other day a friend of mine called me an “accidental player.” She meant that I don’t have an agenda when I get involved with women or have a need to add another notch on my belt. I just love meeting new people, and I love the company of women. But I admit I do find myself in these situations where I’m leading the woman on. I’m not trying to, but I realize I should hold myself back sometimes and exercise more restraint. When I become infatuated with someone in the beginning, I just love that dynamic, and it’s hard to turn it off even though I may already be aware I’m not going to fall for that person.
Do you like dating? Yes. I’m very comfortable around all types of women, and I love the thrill of it all. The other day I watched a guy walk up to a woman he didn’t know and strike up a conversation with her. He didn’t meet her on the Internet; this was in the middle of the day in a public place. Yet he built up the courage to talk to her. Walking up to a stranger is a big risk. That’s a lost art these days, but when you can work up the nerve to do it, the experience can be truly magical.
What is difficult about dating in NYC? I think the dating life here is only difficult if you’re looking to settle down. If you’re looking to date, it can be perfect. Everyone is so career hungry, and it’s hard for some men to stay focused when there are beautiful and interesting women everywhere. That said, I think there’s a similar problem for women. I have many female friends who are in the “I’m single and I don’t need a man” phase, refusing to recognize a great guy in their life.
When was your last serious relationship? About two years ago. Since then I’ve been on cruise control. I’ve had several long-term relationships (three years was the longest), been in love, and lived with women. But now that I’m a bit older, I feel like I’m much more in tune with my tastes. I think everybody reaches a peak in their life when everything aligns: confidence, age, success, and an ease about the opposite sex. Right now I feel like I’m close to, or at, the peak. Perhaps I fear commitment because I’m afraid it would compromise my place at the peak. Thing is, I am not anti-relationship; I just think I haven’t met the right person yet. In the meantime, I might as well have some fun.
When did you meet Jessie? We met on email in October 2008. Jessie worked for Print magazine in NYC, and they were featuring my work in the magazine. She emailed me to get some images. After an informal conversation on email, I Googled her and thought she was really pretty, so I tried to stir up more casual conversation via email. I found out Jessie went to RISD, and I remember saying, “You seem so lovely and fun—I thought only self-deprecating people went there!?” I like to think that she was charmed, but probably not. From there, we started talking and hanging out more, but it was always just a friendship.
Was there initial attraction? Yes, for me there was. I’ve always been very attracted to and curious about Jessie and her mysterious ways. But I always really respected Jessie and her work, and she’s one of my best friends. I didn’t want to risk screwing that up. There was a healthy curiosity and an attraction before we started the 40 Days experiment; otherwise we probably wouldn’t have agreed to do this together. She’s the complete opposite of me—much more reserved and pragmatic—but we also have major things in common. Many people thought Jessie was participating in this experiment as an excuse to date me, and that I was doing this because I wanted to sleep with her, which is ridiculous, because if that were the case, I would have already tried to sleep with her! I’m not saying I would have been successful, but I definitely would have tried.
What do you think about Jessica’s current dating life? Jessie broke up with a longtime boyfriend in late 2012. Since then, she’s been juggling the dating scene and the single life. Ultimately, she just really wants to be in love. I don’t quite understand her rush, but it’s important for her. I’ve tried to encourage her to have some fun, date around, and let go of the expectations.
When did you come up with the idea for the experiment? It was an early Friday morning on December 7, 2012. We were waiting in line for egg sandwiches at JFK airport on our way to Art Basel in Miami with a group of friends. Jessie was telling me how heartbroken she was about a guy who called it quits a few days earlier. She had only been dating him for a month, yet she already had very strong feelings for him. After a few minutes, the conversation quickly turned to me and my own dating problems. I was dating several girls at the same time and was feeling kind of stressed about it.
Why did you participate in this experiment? On one hand, I’m having the time of my life being single. On the other hand, my inability to commit does concern me. I think this project is crazy and wonderful and risky, and Jessie is the only person I know who’s as crazy and risky as I am. Furthermore, we’ve been the only single individuals in our group of friends for a while, which has allowed us to bond over our shortcomings. And, naturally, like everyone, I’m obsessed by the idea of love. It affects every human being and has for all time. For starters, the Bible is full of verses and passages about love. In Roman mythology, Venus, the goddess of love, is the mother of the Roman people. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet has become a synonym for love. Gone with the Wind earned more money than any other film in box office history. And Phil Collins has sold over 100 million albums singing about love and heartbreak!
Were you nervous about this experiment? A bit nervous, a bit excited, a good splash of curiosity. It felt to me like we were playing with fire. We’re playing with a good friendship. It took weeks for us to build up the courage to do this. And through the same technology that many of us spend much of our lives using, and that many of us brush off as a detriment to modern dating, we wanted to throw ourselves into an experience that was very traditional. We wanted to make ourselves vulnerable but in a situation that is familiar to us all. We wanted to explore what it means to search for love, for what you want in a partner, the consequences of successful or failed relationships, and, hopefully, through this bizarre experiment, give ourselves the chance to change our “bad habits” in love.
SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT, 7 YEARS OLD
SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT, 6 YEARS OLD
The assumption that we should fall in love before getting married is a relatively recent notion. Throughout most of history, up until the nineteenth century, marriage was seen as little more than a practical union, a contract between families to secure power and money that was set up by the parents. Dating, as we know it today, was virtually unknown until around the 1920s, the Jazz Age, when traditional mores began to loosen. Things opened up even more in the 1940s (post-WWII) and the 1950s. Ever since, dating protocol has continued to evolve dramatically. In the early days of dating, we met through family, friends, and our local communities. The digital age in general, but especially the Internet, has had profound effects on how we get together and communicate our feelings. We’re convinced that 40 Days of Dating could never have happened without our cell phones, computers, and social media. But let’s go all the way back to the beginning, starting with the very first couple, Adam and Eve.
WAY BACK
God creates Adam from dust and places him in the Garden of Eden. God places a tree in the Garden of Eden that he prohibits Adam from eating. Then Eve comes along, and the rest, as they say, is history.
ANCIENT TIMES
In ancient times, many of the first marriages were by capture, not choice. When there was a scarcity of nubile women, men raided other villages for wives.
1491 BC
The first recorded marriage is in ancient Egypt in around 1491 BC between Thutmose II and Hatshepsut. They were between the ages of twelve and fifteen.
270 AD
On February 14, 270 AD, Valentinus, later to become St. Valentine, is beheaded. Legend has it that before his execution he wrote a note to the daughter of a jailer and signed it “from your Valentine” as a farewell.
496 AD
In 496 AD, St. Pope Gelasius I declares February 14 “Valentine’s Day.”
EARLY 500s
King Arthur, Lancelot, and Guinivere make the love triangle stylish. Arthur and his Round Table of knights create the template for courtly love and chivalrous behavior.
Christian churches begin to take a more active role in the marriage process. In the centuries prior to 1000 AD, marriage is a good way to ensure your family’s safety.
12th CENTURY
The union between a man and a woman is described in the sacred texts of most religions. The Catholic Church in Europe becomes more involved, performing ceremonies and dictating who can get married.
1228 AD
Women first gain the right to propose marriage in Scotland, a legal right that then slowly spreads through Europe.
18th CENTURY
The first personal ads, like this one, appear in papers. “To the ladies: Any young Lady, between the Age of Eighteen and Twenty-three, of a middling Stature; brown Hair; regular Features, and with a lively brisk Eye; of good Morals, and not tinctur’d with any Thing that may sully so distinguishable a Form; possessed of 3 or 400l., entirely at her own Disposal, and where there will be no necessity of going thro’ the tiresome Talk of addressing Parents or Guardians for their Consent...”
1837–1901
During the Victorian Era, romantic love is viewed as the primary requirement for marriage, and courtship becomes even more formal, almost an art form, among the upper classes.
1882
In 1882, England passes the Married Women’s Property Acts, which allows women to keep money they earn during marriage and to inherit property under certain circumstances.
MAY 28, 1927
Rotary dial service begins and men start calling women on the phone.
SEPT. 12, 1944
Barry White is born. He goes on to make hit songs like “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe.” More babies are conceived.
1950s
With the rise of the automobile, dating becomes enormously popular.
1960
The Pill is released in the U.S.
DEC. 1965
The first dating show on TV, The Dating Game, airs on ABC.
1960s–1970s
The rise of second-wave feminism and the sexual revolution in the 1960s and 1970s brings an end to the cult of domesticity: More and more women begin to work outside the home. The flood of women into the workforce never stops.
Stonewall Riots, start of the gay rights movement.
1993
The euphemism “hooking up” first appears in the New York Times; it can be used to describe anything from kissing to sex.
1998
Titanic released!
1998
Speed dating is invented by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo.
1999
Texts can finally be exchanged between different networks, which increases its usefulness. by 2000, the average number of text messages sent in the U.s. increases to 35 a month per person.
MARCH 5, 2004
OkCupid is launched.
MAY 2007
Tim graduates from the School of Visual Arts in New York City in graphic design.
MAY 2008
Jessie graduates from the Rhode Island School of Design in Providence in graphic design.
OCT. 22, 2008
Tim and Jessie meet via email. Jessie works for Print magazine in New York, and they are featuring Tim’s work in the magazine. She emails him to get some images. To date, they have shared over 5,000 emails.
NOV. 6, 2008
They start an informal conversation on email. Tim finds out Jessie went to RISD, and says, “You seem so lovely and fun—I thought only self-deprecating people went there!”
Tim stops by Print to pick up the magazine issue and they meet for the first time in person.
DEC. 7, 2009
Jessie leaves Print magazine to work for Stefan Sagmeister.
2010
Tim leaves COLLINS to work for Apple, Inc. in San Francisco.
March 9, 2010
Tim breaks up with a girlfriend he really cares about, wonders if it was the right decision.
JAN. 4, 2012
Tim moves back to NYC to work for himself.
JAN. 28, 2012
Jessie breaks up with her boyfriend of two and a half years who was living with her.
JUNE 2, 2012
Jessie partners with Stefan to form Sagmeister & Walsh.
DEC. 7, 2012
Tim and Jessie fly to Miami for Art Basel with a group of friends. Jessie’s heart has just been broken by a guy she really liked. Tim is casually seeing three different women and feels bad about it. Together they come up with the idea of dating each other for 40 days.
MARCH 20, 2013
Day 1. The 40 Days experiment begins.
APRIL 28, 2013
Day 40. The experiment ends.
JULY 10, 2013
Jessie and Tim launch the 40 Days of Dating website to the world.
