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“This is so much easier with you around,” Colin says as he throws Rosie’s dirty diaper into the trash and follows me to her room. “We should do this together more often. You know, for convenience’s sake. We’re friends, so it’s fun.”
A pang runs through me. Friends, nothing more. “Yeah, doing stuff with a friend is always more fun, right?”
“Exactly.”
I’m happy to spend time with him, but it also hurts a bit because I secretly pine for him, and I’ll never be able to make him mine. He doesn’t need to know I feel that way, of course. Our friendship perfectly works the way it is—no use making a fool of myself by trying to get us out of the friend zone.
I gently put Rosie back in bed and turn on her music mobile. We spend a few minutes watching her. She’s so adorable, and I can’t get enough. Her eyes start to flutter, and before we’re out of her room, she’s already snoring lightly.
We tiptoe into the living room and fall onto the couch. The place looks like a battlefield. Baby wipes, an empty bottle, toys, blankies, clean diapers, pacifiers... everything is scattered around. I honestly don’t know how Emma and Stuart do it. Work, look after Rosie, have an amazing marriage... It seems like a lot, but they still pull it off.
“We should clean up before Emma and Stuart get home, right?” I ask Colin.
He groans. “Ugh, I know. My god, kids are a handful. Cute and adorable, but also a lot of work.”
I pick up some toys and put them in their designated spot. “Do you want kids of your own?”
Colin nods. “Yeah. Only, it’s difficult.”
“Something wrong with your swimmers?”
He laughs and gives me a friendly slap on the arm. “Fuck, no. My swimmers are in top shape. It’s just that you need someone else if you want kids, you know. I’m a single guy. It’s not going to happen until I settle down with my soulmate. When I start a family, I want it to be with the right woman. If that’s not possible, I’ll stay kid-free.”
Merely thinking about his hypothetical soulmate makes my blood boil. Don’t get me wrong, I want Colin to be happy. I just wished I could make him happy, not some random girl. I grab another handful of Rosie’s toys and channel my annoyance into them.
“Wow, Felicity, relax. What did these toys ever do to you?”
Colin appears beside me and takes a wooden train from my hands. He puts his hands on my shoulders and angles me toward him, a worried look on his face. “Are you okay?”
Now is the time I should tell him that I’m not okay. That I want to have his babies. That I love being his friend but would do anything to be his lover.
Right?
I want to say all those words to him, but the only thing that comes out of my stupid mouth is: “Sorry, I guess I’m tired.”
His eyes bore into mine. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”
I nod. “Yeah. This past week has been exhausting.”
I spot a box stuffed underneath the coffee table and take the opportunity to escape this awkward situation. “How about a game of Scrabble?” I pull the box out of its hiding place and put it on the table.
He arches an eyebrow. “You want to play Scrabble with me?”
“Why the weird look? It’s fun.”
“I don’t like—” He stops short. “You know what? You’re right. A game of Scrabble could be fun. How about I fix us some drinks, and you get the game ready?”
“Great. Prepare to get your ass beaten.”
He smirks. “Is that a promise?”
My hand trembles. Is he flirting with me, or am I finally losing it?
He shakes his head and laughs. “Relax, I was just kidding.”
Oh. Just kidding, huh? I’m losing my mind, then.
He disappears into the kitchen, and I give myself a stern talking-to. I need to stop fantasizing about him. He doesn’t like me in a romantic way, so it’s time to stop torturing myself by thinking we could become more than friends. Why can’t I get it together and forget about him? Just enjoy our friendship?
I unfold the Scrabble board and remove the bag with the letters. Right when I’ve set everything up, Colin steps into the room with a bowl of chips and two glasses of wine.
“Wine? Fancy,” I tell him.
“Do you think it’s okay for us to have one glass of wine?”
“Why wouldn’t it be okay?”
He shrugs. “Because we’re babysitting?”
I shake my head. “Colin, come on. It’s one glass of wine. We’re not going to jug it in one go and get drunk.”
His face relaxes and he slides into the chair opposite mine. “You’re right, as always. I love Rosie so much. I don’t want anything to happen to her.”
“That’s sweet. You’re the best uncle she could’ve asked for, and you’ll make a great dad one day.”
“You too.”
“Am I that masculine?” I joke. “Is it my big thighs that gave me away?”
His eyes grow darker. “You’re a beautiful woman, Felicity. Never forget that. And just for the record: your thighs are fucking hot.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, unsure what to say. Is he kidding, or is he serious about finding me attractive?
“Mind if I start?” he asks, holding a few Scrabble tiles in his hand as if he didn’t just tell me my thighs are fucking hot.
“Go ahead,” I mumble.
He slowly places the tiles down one by one. “These should net me some nice bonus points.”
I tilt my head sideways to read the word he’s creating. S.E.X.Y.
He leans back with a smirk. “Your turn.”
“Okay.”
My voice is shaky. The letters swim in front of me, but I will myself to concentrate. I pick up four tiles and place them on the board, connecting with Colin’s Y.
Y.U.M.M.Y.
He whistles. “Nice.”
This innocent board game has suddenly taken an unexpected turn. I still don’t know what he’s trying to achieve, but I’m gladly going along.
He places another word down. Then me.
M.O.A.N.
A.S.S.
B.R.E.A.S.T.
B.R.A.
We keep going without speaking. The air is hot and charged with the kind of electricity that can kill. Who knew Scrabble could be this fun and exhilarating?
Colin puts his hand in the bag to take out more letters. He considers them with knitted eyebrows, then nods. “I’ve got a great one.”
“Show me.”
It’s the first words we’ve spoken in over five excruciating minutes.
“I don’t know if you can handle this,” he says, his voice low.
“Come on, stop teasing me and put the tiles down.”
He shrugs. “If you insist.”
I take a sip of my wine while he makes the word. I can’t bring myself to watch, but I’m an adult, so I have to. How bad could it be?