I want to share a secret at a very young age I lost two of my sisters one at six months and another at three. I always wonder why God took them and not me. Why am I Still Here? I spent the majority of my life searching for answer.
I wanted to fit in but instead in the oddest most peculiar ways I was chosen to stand out. Instead of being he around the way girl, I took to reading books to escape my sad realities.
My Uncle pulled me out of the hood and introduced me to art galleries, music festivals where he played the flute, to cultural events celebrating my history, and taking me to college classes to speak. He opened me up to being cultured, to seeing life is more than being in the ghetto. He reminded me everyday I was meant to make it. He bought me my first suitcase, came to all of my events when my mother couldn’t. When I cried over losing my first election race, “ Get the hell out of your feelings and be the best damn city secretary V.I.C.A has ever had. You have power just believe it.”
I went to Graphic Communications Arts in the heart of Manhattan and it opened my eyes to want more in my life. I was surrounded around greatness and the ability to discover my passion as a writer. Ms. Javitch class pushed me to write more, read more, and reach my creative level. My barrier was never believing I was good enough.
Here is the truth all that I was exposed to I didn’t understand or know why I was still here. It is the question I lived with for years because life was so hard, the struggle was real and the pain unbearable at times. I thought I wasn't worthy enough to live, pretty enough or strong enough to survive. It is what stagnated my life the fear of thinking God made the wrong choice. So though surrounded by greatness I only saw failure because I believed I was not meant to be here. I let my circumstances shape me versus my god given gift.
My uncle Khalid and Aunt Cookie are the only person I shared my thoughts of being the wrong one chosen to live. He said, “Allah, chose you to live because you have purpose.” I had no clue what purpose was and how important my being here was. I felt like being a dreamer was a curse. Being weird was a punishment and having an imagination was my downfall.
He told me to embrace being a dreamer because it will ultimately be my reason to live. My imagination will create great books. He was right dreaming and having an imagination is what kept me wanting more out of my life, holding on to hope and faith. It is how I can write stories that challenge you to think because in each novel I believe some one will gain something valuable. I will help someone with my words and inspire their heart, mind, and souls.
Every day as a little girl and into my adulthood I needed, searched, and almost went crazy as hell to find my ultimate purpose and did I have it. It is my words I write and the stories I share. In every book their is a message and a purpose for writing a book.
Even though they are no longer here their constant reminder lives within me on
Why I am Still Here. I want this particular book to remind everyone they have purpose on this earth. I hope and pray you find your purpose in life.
Your circumstances, whether you're from the streets, foster homes, homeless shelters, born in prison, or crack houses. Your life has purpose just believe it. God will reveal it to your heart.