Ms. Pearl was unusually quiet as she read her bible. Jensen sat with his legs cross reading the Cincinnati Herald the oldest African- American newspaper. I tapped Ms. Pearl on her shoulder, her glasses slips off her nose o to her chest.
"What is on your mind?"
"Honey,just spending time with The Lord and meditating on the word. I see you and Jensen are a couple again."
"We are not a couple. We are new friends."
"You like him and he is a looker too."
I looked over at him and he is the only man I know who could make sweat pants sagging look sexy. He licked his thumb and flicks through the paper.
"He is alright in a thuggish kind of way."
"He is gorgeous and I can see that without my bifocals."
Her cell phone buzzed and she fumbled through her purse she pulled it out and her voice softened,
"Child, I'm fine and when I get home we need to discuss the truth. The truth about the baby." I listened in and she turned her body.
"I think I met your son today. He looks just like you. Child except for those grey eyes. I know he is the baby that nurse sent the picture of to me. You lied and told me you had an abortion. I know that is my grandson."
I looked over at Brick and Ms. Pearl. She hung up the phone and smiled.
"That daughter of mine nagging me about taking the bus. I hate them airplanes too many people die in them. I trust good ole Greyhound. "
She was describing Brick to her daughter. It was why he was staring at the pictures.
"Is Brick your grandson? I overheard your conversation and he doesn’t know doesn’t know." I whispered.
Her eyes widen and she covered her mouth.
"No. Please don't tell him. I am not sure but he looks like my daughter and she told me the baby died. "
I took a deep breath because there I was again in the middle of a situation. Jensen looked over at us, nodded his head and then went back to reading the paper.
"You have to tell him." I whispered.
"No, my daughter has to tell him the truth. I thought he was dead it what she told me. I didn't know the truth until about three years ago. A long time ago someone sent me a picture and on the back of it said your grandson and when i questioned Janae she denied it. I searched and searched for him and then I talked to this detective who gave me an address and when I got there no one was there. The house was abandoned. It why I took the bus but God works in mysterious ways and I knew he'd bring us together. " She wiped her forehead and her eyes.
"He deserves to know. I can't judge you but think about letting him know. He really likes you as a person and the one thing I know about is how a lie ruins a relationship for a lifetime."
She look at her bible and pressed her hand down on it.
"You're right as soon as we get in L.A. I promise to tell him. I thought you didn't like him."
"I kinda sorta like him he is growing on me but as just as apossible friend."
"Hmm, that is going to be your husband. I see it and God doesn't put nothing past my eyes and heart."
Jensen walked over and sat next to me and he smirked.
"What are you smiling about?"
"The fact you have changed your clothes and blood is still leaking on your shirt. Let me clean you up before you get an infection."
“Now your doctor?”
He pulled out a first aid kit, pulled my sleeve back, he made a face. The lines were oozing. He took the plastic gloves out and put them on. He opened the alcohol wipes, and wiped it across the cuts. I winced, squinted my lips and took a deep breath. He blew on it and fan his hand over it.
“You a G don’t act like this hurts all the attitude and shit you talk.”
“Whatever it burns. How you learn how to do this?
“The woman who raised me was a nurse and taught me basic skills.”
He took the large band-aid and placed it across the opened wounds.”
“Thank you.”
“No need didn’t want you leaking your blood on my clothes.”
He slid down on the chair and lay his head on my shoulder,
I felt a warmth in my heart, his slanted eyes looked me over and he finally said,
"Those cuts didn't happen by themselves and I am determine to know how they got there before we get to L.A. "
“Why?”
“It won’t let me rest and you're too pretty to be marked up like a Harlem subway. Whatever dude did that should have his ass whooped.”
He had the nerve to look so innocent with his puppy dog eyes and turn his his lips up and his hands in his sweats. I mush his head and rolled my eyes.
"If I share will you tell me about your murderer?"
"I'll think about it."
No, seriously Brick will you? We have a long bus ride and I need to release this pain and not get high. I need to talk and I need help not stuff blow up my nose."
He unfolded his arms, stretched out his legs, crossed his arms, and looked at the flourescent lights.
"Okay! On some real shit I will tell you but here is the rules and take me serious. No lying about nothing I despise it. I rather hear you say,'I don't want to talk about it then make up a damn story'. Check your attitude at the door because I am not tolerating it and lastly, we don't share shit we speak about to no one. My word is my bond that everything you tell me will never leave my mouth and vice versa."
We shook hands.
"New Friend promise."
"Cool. Our bus is here and I want to help Ms. Pearl get on the bus. Once we settle on we can start talking and oh you are going first."
"Look at you two love birds." He wrapped his arm around hers and the thug had gentlemen qualities. She chuckled, wobbled as she tried to stand. I assisted her and he grabbed the other side of her arm.
"I got it love birds thank you."
“Nah, we are new friends and nothing more.”
She walked and two gentlemen let her get on first. Jensen stood behind her assisting her up the stairs. I walked behind him carrying her bag. I wondered if he knew she was his grandmother. The way he cares for her wasn't because he was the type of man who respected his elders. She sat down in her seat and she held his hand for a moment and I heard her say to him.
"You have a beautiful soul, Jensen."
He blushed and walk back to show the attendant his ticket. She punched it and I was already sitting in the middle seat across from Ms. Pearl. Jensen put his bag overhead in the compartment and sat down. I pulled out my pad and I decided to doodle his name in bubble letters. I color it with my pencils in his favorite color grey, red and black. I hand it to him and he nods his head.
"This is hot. Where did you learn how to draw like this?"
" I learn at this art center on Lotus street. My mom sent me there to get out of her hair. So I started with bubble letters, cartoon characters, still life and then portraits. I’ve paint abstract objects, I learned how to do ceramics, woodwork and some jewelry making. I like photography too."
"You are real good. I can see you making some real green with your paintings."
"I don't know I tried that and I rarely made any money. I am a starving artist. What do you like to do?"
"I love reading. I always wanted to write a book about my life growing up. I love learning. I also wanted to run my own security firm."
"I can see you doing that you're bossy and you watch every one and everything."
“Lifestyle and living in foster homes teach you to always watch your surroundings.”
We looked over at at Ms. Pearl and she is conversing with the woman sitting next to her. Jensen looked back at me I stare out the window and the sun is strong and makes the snow sparkle. Jensen removed his sweatshirt and the two women behind him are admiring his body. Two blondes with big hair and a lot of make-up.
"So talk to me."
"Those girls sitting behind us want to jump your bones. I bet you they are just your type." He looked back and the one is with buck teeth waved at him and he nodded his head. The other one giggled and purposely took off her sweater to show her big breasts.
"Nah, I don't fuck with white women. No disrespect to them but I love my black women."
The blonde mouth gap open and she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, so what do you want me to start with?"
"The shit popping off with you and old boy. The marks on your arm."
At first I am hesitate about telling this man I knew all of six hours about my life.
" I met him at an art show case and in the beginning I didn't know he was married. He commissioned me to paint a portrait of him. He started calling me and we'd talk for hours and he’d invite me out for coffee and lunch. One day I brought the painting to him. He was so excited and then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I was shock because handsome men like him don't like big women and I will admit I loved the attention he was giving me. So one day he-invited me to attend an art exhibit in New York. We stayed at the Peninsula hotel, ate at a five star restaurant and then one thing led to another."
Brick nodded his head and soaked it up. He ran his hands across his chin.
"Did you know he was married?"
No, not until his wife showed up with him at the art fair. She was my friend and she never mention her husband to me. They wore no wedding rings."
"When you found out why didn't you break it off?"
"I did break it off but he kept coming back."
"So all you had to do was close your legs and turn him way. His wife was your friend and the fact of the matter is you hurt her. She has every right to feel some type of way."
"See there you go judging me." I snapped.
"Nah, I'm not judging you I'm just saying the blame ain't all on old boy. You didn't know at first but you let old boy keep coming back so yeah she is salty and your dead ass wrong."
"He was my first. Before him I was a virgin."
"How old are you?"
"I'm twenty five years."
"So how long have you been messing around with him?"
"Eight months . The first time with him and it came with scandal."
We both sat in silence for a moment and I thought about Robert. I don't know why he crept into my thoughts and my heart felt heavy. I leaned my head against the window and I attempt to hold back the tears. Jensen begins to speak,
"I was fourteen years old when I lost my virginity. The girl was fifteen a fast ass chick with a body like a woman. I was staying with her family and back then I was big for my age in all areas. She follow me in the bathroom and watch me piss. I was this quiet kid who went to school, read books and minded my business. So one day we were alone in the room and she said, 'take your pants off I want to suck your dick'. I'm like nah. She was like,"if you don't I tell my mother and father you tried to rape me. I know this is like your third foster home and you are my guest do as I say."
He paused , shifted and close his eyes, his adam's apple bobbed up and down. He continued,
"I didn't want to move again and be shuffled through the system with them finding me a home, staying at another damn group home. At least these people were nice. So I took down my pants and underwear she walked up to me started kissing me and push me down on the bed. Her hand was first masturbating me and then she put her mouth on it. I was hard as hell and the next thing I know she put on a condom and started humping on me. I was big down there so she could only get part of me inside her. Five minutes and it was over. "
"Did you hate her afterwards? She raped you"
He took off his hat and he had waves all over his Caesar cut. He ran his hand over his head and cleared his throat.
"I guess it was rape and yeah I hated her not because of the sex but because of how she held it over my head I could be put out of her home. She reminded me I was just a guest."
Ms. Pearl looked over and she was listening her face was filled with sadness. She turned away from me because our stories was heart wrenching.
"How long had you been in foster care?"
"Since I was ten until I turn eighteen and then I was aged out."
"Do you know what happen to your mother?"
"It's obvious she didn't want me. My murderer gave me up." He sucked his teeth and looked over Ms. Pearl. She covered her mouth and coughed.
"I don't understand, Jensen. How is she your murderer?"
"Let it go, Janae."
He put on his headphones and blasted Tupac Shakur's Hail Mary. I tap him on the shoulder and he removed his headphones.
"What?"
" I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you upset."
"You didn't I just don't feel like talking about it right now."
He put on back on his headphones and closed his eyes. Ms. Pearl was asleep and I decided to draw anything to clear my head. I tapped him on the shoulder agAin and he sucked his teeth.
"What Janae?"
"The cuts on my arms are there because I did it to myself."
He looked at me and sat up. I turned away and wish I didn't tell him my secret. I closed my eyes and he shook me.
"Why?"
It was my turn to dismiss him and hold back.
"I don't feel like talking about it. "
He folded his arms and his elbow nudge me in the side. I pulled at my hair and felt like I made the biggest mistake telling him my dark secret. I wanted to hide and cut again to erase my ugly. To erase the sadness and being vulnerable me who trusted the wrong people. The misfit.
"Excuse me I need to use the bathroom. "
He hesitated before standing and my sleeve rose showing the bandage on my wrist. He sat back down and blocked my path.
"Jensen, stop playing I have to go to the bathroom."
"I don't believe you."
"Tsk. I have to go I will crawl over your lap. I have to go, please." I bounced on my leg because the lie was now the truth. I had to pee pee and I was about to let go.
"Leave your purse and let me check your pockets the you can go."
"Here is my purse."
I pull out my pockets, lift up my shirt and shake. My boobs in front of him. He stood up and I slide past him and walk to the bathroom. I squat and pee. I put hand sanitizer on my hand and rub it in. I walked back out and he stood up. I slide past him and sit down.
"My murderer is my mother. She tried to abort me at 26 weeks and it was a botched abortion so I survived. They left me in a dark room on a table to die. Grace the Nurse who first took care of me saved my life. She called my mother to let her know I was still alive and she told them to let me die. So in my mind she is my murderer because I don’t think I’ve ever lived and just existing on this earth."
Ms. Pearl had tears in her eyes, she held her cross to her heart and she began to sob. Jensen took a deep breath and I took his hand and held it. I waited for him to cry because I was and he just stare at the sky. I waited for him to let go of my hand but he didn't . Ms. Pearl knew at that moment he was her grandson. I knew he was talking about the woman in the picture because thinking back to it he had her slanted eyes, her cheekbones and smile. I never heard of a baby surviving an abortion and there I was with a man who survived.